by Olivia Chase
She bites her lip and finally agrees. “Okay. Thank you, Levi.”
“I’m glad to help.” I turn around to face the guys, who wave me off with an understanding nod. “I’ll be back in a few.”
I walk Morgan home, and it’s so hard to not linger at their house. It takes all my strength to turn around and go after telling her to lock up behind her. I also gave her my cell phone number in case she ever needed to reach me.
I get back to the shop and sit down at my office chair.
I can’t deny my feelings. I love Alexa. I want to protect her. I want to be the one she turns to. I want her to know she’s safe with me. But of course she doesn’t feel safe.
I took her gift of love and caring and I threw it in her face. I told her I didn’t want it. That it wasn’t welcome.
I have to fix this somehow.
Alexa
I sip my coffee and look across the kitchen table at Aunt Marianne. Funny how so much can change in one evening. I arrived here yesterday tense and fearful. I’m leaving hopeful and secure in our financial future.
She looks at me, a little sadness in her eyes. “You’re so much like your dad in your smile. He had the best smile—all teeth, so happy and carefree. When he smiled, he made me want to smile too.”
My heart squeezes at the wonderful compliment. “Thank you. I hope I can be a little like him.”
“You already are. I’m so proud of you for how you’re trying to help your sisters.”
Last night, over dinner, she and my uncle and I talked. We laughed over memories of Dad and how he was with us kids when we were babies. We cried over memories of the funeral. Our sadness over why Mom would have taken their lives.
Aunt Marianne shared some things about Mom that I didn’t know. How she’d struggled with depression, her mood swings, things I’d never really witnessed. And yet, I remember nights when Mom would close herself off in her room, not emerging until the next afternoon.
How she’d send me and my sisters off to play out back for hours while she sat inside, just staring out the window into the sky.
Pieces, snippets, flashes of images that start to put together the puzzle of my mother, of her breakdown. I’ll still never understand why. But I need to remember her humanity, too.
“More coffee?” my aunt asks.
I shake my head. “I should get going. I told the girls I’d be back by lunchtime.” I stand and take my mug to the sink, rinsing it out. When I turn around, she’s standing behind me, a gentle smile on her face. “Thank you,” I say. The words are simple, but heartfelt.
“I know it’s gonna be a long road for us both,” she tells me, “but we’ll get there. Keep in touch, okay?”
“I promise.” I hug her tightly, press a kiss to her soft cheek, then grab my purse and head for my car.
The whole drive home, my brain won’t stop running. I debated for a second going to visit my parents’ grave before heading out to Rock Bridge. But I’m not ready for that yet. I want my sisters beside me. They need that closure too.
I’ll bring them here—our aunt offered us a place to stay any time we want to come back and visit. I think she needs us in her life, needs to feel a piece of Dad still lives in his children.
The air outside is cold—fall has hit us hard in Michigan. Leaves are turning brilliant shades of yellow, red, and brown, and many have already begun to fall. It’s a gorgeous drive home.
Dad always loved fall best.
Thinking about him doesn’t make my heart hurt as much. Maybe I’m starting to accept he’s gone. Starting to come to terms with it. I like to think he’d be happy. I don’t know what Mom would think about everything. I’m not ready to face the complications of loving her and hating her at the same time. But a therapist can help me and my sisters with that, I know.
We’ll take the journey one step at a time.
Finally, I hit the outskirts of Rock Bridge. When I pass the familiar sights, my heart warms. I’m home. This is where I belong.
I drive past the diner, and a sadness fills my chest. God, I miss Levi. I miss him and I’m angry at him, and why hasn’t he called? It’s been a week. Does he hate me? Did I really push too hard? Was he right?
It felt like love to me. Like caring. Like concern. But he took it as me trying to control him. Am I wrong in this, or is he? I just don’t know. Maybe my perception is all fucked up. Maybe what I thought was me being loving didn’t come across that way.
I think about the people in our old town before I moved who told me I needed to keep my chin up, or go to church and pray, or to keep smiling. I hated their advice. I hated that they felt they could tell me how to move past my grief.
And a wave of shame and guilt hits me.
I’m no better than them, really.
Levi wanted to be accepted for who he is. My intention was good, innocent, and yet ultimately it didn’t work out. He wasn’t ready to be there, and I kept trying to push it.
Am I to blame for where we were? Was it so wrong for me to care this deeply about him, to want the best for him? Or was I wrong for being so angry at the people in my former town who thought they were trying to help me?
No easy answers.
But I do know that I wasn’t going to be happy with Levi, always feeling like I never saw the full scope of him. Right or wrong, I needed more. I needed more, but my heart hurts because I have nothing at all now.
I pull into the driveway and then head inside the house. My sisters are sitting on the couch beside each other, quietly talking. When they see me, Morgan jumps up and gives me a big hug.
I’m so stunned, I can’t move at first. Then I wrap her in my arms. “Hey, everything okay?”
“You were right about Dylan,” she says against my shoulder. I can hear fresh tears in her voice. “He was an asshole. This morning I broke up with him like I told you, and he threatened me.”
Anger flies through me, fast and sharp. I pull back and look her over, checking to make sure she’s okay. “Did he touch you? Hit you? I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. Should I call the police?” Shit. I didn’t know she was going to do it while I was gone. I feel like an ass for not being here. God, this parenting stuff is so fucking hard.
“No, no, I’m fine,” she quickly soothes. She steps back and gives me a shy smile. “Levi helped me.”
“What?” I reel back, stunned.
Morgan fills me in on what happened. How she told Dylan they were done, that he was bad for her and she didn’t want to be involved with him anymore or his loser friends. How he threatened her…. So she ran to the motorcycle shop, and Levi made him aware in no uncertain terms that he was to stay away from her.
From all of us.
I just stand there in stunned silence.
Levi protected my sisters.
Despite what happened between he and I, our devastating breakup, he stepped up when I was gone and made sure they felt safe. There was no reason for him to be so kind, yet he was.
My eyes fill with tears. “Wow,” I finally say. I bite my lower lip.
“I don’t want to pry…but what happened with you guys?” Morgan asked. “Because I got a sense that you two weren’t seeing each other anymore. Is that why you quit working there? Because you guys broke up? Is it okay that I saw him today? I didn’t know what else to do.”
I cup her cheek. “It’s fine. You did the right thing. He’s a good man.” As I say the words, I know they’re true.
I have to go thank him. Let him know I’m grateful for his help.
I can’t fix the damage between us, but I can be a grownup and stop running from him. The very thing I told him he needed to stop doing. The irony of that isn’t lost on me.
Time to put on my big girl panties and face him.
“I’m gonna go over there and talk to him,” I say.
Jenna nods her approval. “He’s a nice guy,” she offers. “He gave us his number in case we ever needed anything. I think you should give him another chance.”
I know m
y smile is sad. “It’s not as easy as that. But I’m glad he was here for you guys.” I pause, then say, “I talked to Aunt Marianne. She’s going to release her claim on the life insurance.”
Morgan and Jenna both gasp and clap.
“Oh God, really?” Morgan says. “So we can move out of this place?”
I laugh, a real laugh, a heartfelt laugh. “Yes, we can leave this shithole house and find a new one. A home of our own that we’ll own, so we can decorate it how we want. And you can each have your room.”
“And maybe a dog or a cat?” Jenna asks quietly.
I’d give her a zoo full of animals if it would help her be happy. Animals would probably be good for Jenna in her healing. She always wanted one, but Dad was allergic to pet dander, so we never had anything other than fish. “Absolutely. As soon as the money comes in, we’ll start looking for a house. And for a dog.”
They hug me. Our relief is palpable. Things are going to get better.
I kiss both their foreheads and tell them to lock the door behind me, just in case. Then I walk across the street toward the motorcycle shop.
My heart is hammering a drum-like beat with every step I take. I’m nervous. Trembling. A million thoughts are circling my brain. What does this mean, that he protected us this way? Am I reading something into it? Was it just being polite?
Or was he trying to tell me something?
I don’t know. I can’t assume. But I can make sure he knows I’m grateful.
I hear the familiar ding of the front door when I open it and smile. The main room is empty, rock music cranked from the back. Standing in here makes me feel homesick. I missed this place more than I knew. Missed the smells, the energy. Missed Tommy and Cade.
And Levi. God, I missed Levi.
And there he is, walking from the back room, his eyes wide when he sees me. He’s so damn beautiful, his blue eyes and dark hair and his T-shirt streaked with grease and tattooed arms. I just stare and stare, imprinting him in my memory, my heart aching for him so badly that I could cry.
He walks right up to me and stops when he’s about a foot away.
Neither of us speaks.
I open my mouth to tell him thank you, but then he’s closed the gap between us and his mouth is on mine, and he’s kissing me like I’m his source of oxygen. My body responds instantly, a desert land starved for rain, and I cling to his shoulders as he deepens the kiss. The wound in my heart starts to seal; for the first time in a week, I feel whole again.
He rains kisses all over my face as he cups my cheeks. He’s murmuring soft words, but I can’t quite understand what he’s saying at first. Then he pulls back and looks at me, right in the eyes.
Something is different.
The wall that used to be between us is gone. I can see everything he’s feeling, right there in his gaze.
“God, I fucking missed you,” he says, rubbing his thumb along my lower lip. “I need to…I have to explain.” His eyes turn serious. “I was wrong. I was so wrong. I pushed you away and you deserved better than that. But…” He pauses, grabs my hand, and leads me toward his office.
He sits me on the chair and perches on the edge of his desk. Draws in a slow breath. “There are things I haven’t told you. Things I never talked about with anyone.”
I stare at him, my heart still hammering in my chest. “It’s okay, Levi,” I say. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable—“
He shakes his head. “No, I do. I have to because I need you to know everything.”
I feel shocked, anxious, hopeful, all at once. “Okay,” I say softly. I look at him and wait.
Levi begins. “When I was ten, my mom killed herself. I found her body—she’d shot herself in the head in our kitchen. I was out playing and didn’t know.”
My whole body freezes. Oh God. I clap a hand over my mouth and stare at him in horror. No wonder. No wonder he’s so scared to open up. He knows the trauma I’ve been through. He lived through it too.
My heart lurches as I think about the pain of being ten and finding your mom that way.
“I’m so sorry,” I manage to whisper past a tight throat.
“My dad left when I was young, so I didn’t have anyone. I was sent off to live with my Uncle Jack.” His lips thin, and he looks over my shoulder. “He was a cold man. Difficult. He didn’t want me—made it clear that I was a burden in his life.”
I reach over and take his hand. I need to touch him. I’m starved for his affection, and that kiss we shared left me breathless and aching. My whole body is pulsing for him.
He keeps talking as if this is penance, as if he owes this to me. Or maybe to himself. “When I was seventeen, I left my uncle’s home and went out on my own. Cade was my family, really. He helped me get the shop up and running. I’ve been building it up since.” He looks down at me, and I see things in his eyes I haven’t seen before. “I fucking missed you,” he smiles, finally. His voice is deep and throaty.
“I missed you too,” I choke out, standing to move between his legs. I cup his cheeks. “I…I was coming here to thank you for helping my sister.”
“Anything for you,” he says simply.
I just stare at him, confused and dumfounded by the change in him. He feels different to me. “What happened?” I ask.
He leans forward and presses a kiss to my jaw. “I’m facing my past and letting it go,” he whispers. “Now that I found you, I’m ready to move on and become the man I know I can be.”
I can’t speak. Can’t move. Just stand here, wondering if this is really happening. I’m almost scared to believe it might be real. “I don’t understand,” I say.
He pulls back and looks at me. His eyes are brilliant, magnetic. “I should never have let you go before, but I was weak—I treated you terribly. But ever since that day, I’ve been thinking about my mistakes, Alexa. And when you walked through the door just now, that look in your eyes, I knew I had a chance to make things right.”
“What look?”
He smiles, and my heart melts at the sight. “The look like you couldn’t wait to see me.”
I glance down. Shit. I never was good at hiding my emotions.
“Oh, no you don’t. No more hiding.” He tilts my chin up. “I’m glad, because it let me know I still had a chance. It gave me hope.”
“I missed you too,” I admit.
“I don’t want to let you go ever again,” he tells me, and then we’re kissing again, and my pulse is slamming in my throat, roaring in my ears. “I need you,” he murmurs, pressing wet kisses to my jaw. “I crave you.” His mouth slides down my throat, and he sucks my collarbone. “I love you. I love you, Alexa. And if you still want me, I’ll spend every moment I can proving to you that I’ll be a good man for you.”
A hot flush sweeps through me. I swallow. “You love me?”
Levi pulls back and rests his forehead against mine. “You’ve changed me. You’ve made me realize that I don’t need to live like this. That I can be free. Be happy. With you.”
My greedy fingers run across his shoulders, his neck, up into his hair. “I love you too,” I say, and then I can’t speak anymore because our mouths are occupied with each other again. He’s owning me, possessing me, and I give him everything I’m feeling.
“Let me take you to my place,” he growls against my mouth.
“Yes, please,” I say. I’m desperate for him. My body is throbbing, my pussy clenched and wet.
The drive to his place goes fast—Levi’s probably breaking ten laws with how fast he navigates us to his apartment. He also keeps one hand fastened firmly on my jean-clad thigh, like he’s afraid if he lets go, I might vanish.
The gesture squeezes my heart.
He loves me. Levi loves me.
Am I dreaming this all?
When we get to his apartment, I’m shaking with my need, with the full weight of my emotions. The last week was so terrible, so lonely. And now everything has changed. Levi loves me. He dropped his
guard and told me about his traumatic past. He trusts me.
Once we’re inside, he grabs my fingers and leads me right back to his bedroom, no pausing. Strips my clothes off without saying a word, his mouth covering my exposed flesh with kisses.
I’m filled with so much aching for him. I need him inside me. Wordlessly I grip him, begging him to take me. To make me his.
Levi lays me on the blanket, stroking my hair. His eyes and his hands and his mouth are telling me what he feels. How much he missed me. The depth of his love for me. I’m fucking blown away by his vulnerability right now. He hasn’t stopped staring at me.
When he rolls a condom on, I’m ready for him. One hand cups my breast and the other goes behind my neck as he pushes into me, and we both gasp in unison. Oh God, I needed this more than I realized.
Our breaths mingle as he moves in and out of me, his dick stroking my channel and making my pelvis throb. I clench him, grip his back, needing him as close as we can be.
“I love you,” he says to me, over and over, as he makes love to me. His hand moves from my breast to my clit, and he fondles the swollen nub.
Arousal spikes through me, hot and fast. I groan.
“God, yes, I fucking want that orgasm,” he breathes. His eyes are locked on mine, and he’s so achingly beautiful and he’s all mine.
“I love you too,” I whisper, and then I’m gone, over the edge, plunging headfirst into my orgasm, my skin vibrating white-hot.
His orgasm comes swiftly after mine, and he groans with his mouth pressed to the tender flesh of my throat, his teeth biting me, his body shuddering. I dig my nails into his skin and keep him locked against me.
As our orgasm ebbs, we relax, and he withdraws with a small laugh. “That went…much faster than I wanted it to.”
I stroke his hair as he wraps me in his arms and lays against my chest. “I guess we both needed that.”
“Give me ten minutes and we’ll do it again.” He gives a breathy chuckle.
We’re quiet for a couple of minutes, basking in the warmth of our sex, our fingers mindlessly stroking each other’s flesh.
He reaches up and cups my breast, his thumb stroking my nipple. My core clenches in reaction, and I feel my pussy getting wet again for him. God, he drives me crazy. Makes me hungry, desperate.