“What?” I didn’t trust my brain without the coffee and was afraid I heard him wrong.
“I have this week off. We can move you within the next couple of days. It’s not like you have that much to pack.” He swept the room with a quick glance.
“What are you talking about? Why would I move in with you all of a sudden?” Maybe, it was he who needed some strong coffee?
“Kitty, don’t you see? We are perfect together. You are the best partner and companion I could ever have. I was an idiot not to appreciate it enough before, but I swear I’ll never take you for granted again.”
“Oh my God . . .” I ran my fingers through my tangled hair, willing my thoughts into focus. “You want to get back together again?”
“I want us to get married.” He produced a small leather box from his pants pocket. “I want you to be my wife, Kitty.” He placed the opened box in front of me on the counter.
“What?” I repeated stupidly and stared at the diamond ring. The thought crossed my mind that even a month ago the sight of the ring would have filled me with delight. Now, confusion was the biggest emotion inside me. “Derek, why on earth would you want to marry me? You broke up with me for a reason . . .”
Even if the reason was never clear to me, it was obviously important enough to him to part from me.
“It was a mistake. And I’m so sorry that it happened. We can have a beautiful life together, Kitty. You’ve always believed in my work. And I may not have shown it as often as I should have, but I treasure your unwavering support.”
Somehow it sounded more like a campaign speech than a marriage proposal at this point.
“Being good work partners is not nearly enough for a successful marriage.” I combed my fingers through the mess of my hair again. “You shouldn’t feel responsible for anything that happened to me. You’re a good man, Derek, but I don’t think getting married out of some sense of responsibility or misplaced guilt would solve whatever problems you thought we had to break up with me in the first place.”
“We can work out any problems, Kitty,” he insisted. “There are some excellent couples counseling programs we can do—”
“We’re not even married, and we already should go to counseling?”
“If that’s what it takes, I’m willing to work for it—”
“Being together shouldn’t be hard work,” I said. Someone else’s words echoed in my mind, bringing the intimate conversation in the restaurant back to mind. “When you’re with the right person, it is harder to stay away from them than to be together.”
The full meaning of this resonated through my heart, and I felt exactly what Ivarr meant when he said this.
Derek didn’t seem to get it, though, or at least he didn’t accept it. Leaning in, he took my hand in his.
“Don’t you see what really is important here, Kitty?” His voice rang with conviction. His clear green eyes implored me to understand. “We are a perfect fit. I’m so lucky to have found you. You are the best wife a man like me could ever have. I need a life partner who understands me and my work as well as you do. That’s what marriage is all about. Not having someone you feel like ripping her clothes off and ravaging her against the wall or something. The mutual trust and respect—”
“Is that what it was?” I whispered, as understanding exploded in my chest with painful clarity. “Was that why you broke up with me?”
“What do you mean?” He leaned back, his eyes shifted from mine.
“You don’t find me attractive enough?” I withdrew my hand from his and fought the urge to smooth my hair once again, hating the insecurity that washed over me.
‘It’s not what you look like, it’s what you do,’ my aunt used to say. And I grew up perfectly comfortable with my appearance. I wasn’t a beauty queen, but I wasn’t a hideous monster, either—I was me.
The fact that Derek made me feel this self-conscious was irritating and sad.
“You didn’t think I was sexy enough to be your girlfriend. Now, you think you can work it out and make me your wife?”
Come to think of it, our sex life was rather lukewarm and monotonous for a young couple supposedly in love. I had too little experience to compare it with anything and didn't see a problem before.
Now that I knew exactly what it was like to be with someone who completely and utterly enjoyed every inch of me, I realized how little physical attraction Derek and I had really shared.
“It would never work.” I shook my head, sliding the box with the ring his way.
“Kitty.” He sighed, looking deflated. “I can change. I want to make you happy. We could have a good life together, a solid future.”
“You really can’t promise me that, can you? You left me once—you could very well leave me again. Guilt is not a solid foundation for marriage, Derek. And deep inside I’m sure you know it, too.”
His shoulders hunched, he dropped his head.
“I’ve never felt more of a failure than I do right now,” he muttered.
His crestfallen expression triggered the unreasonable urge to comfort him in me, and I didn’t fight it. Leaning in, I gave him a quick, friendly hug.
“It’s not your failure, Derek. You can’t force yourself to feel a certain way, even if it seems like the right thing to do. The most you can do is to be honest with me and with yourself. I’m sure the perfect woman is out there for you. Also, just to be clear.” I smiled. “If I ever do get married, I fully expect my husband to rip my clothes off and ravage me against the wall. And other surfaces.”
He stared at me, eyes wide as I finally went to get my coffee.
Chapter 27
NO ONE CAME TO QUESTION me later in the morning. Derek got a call from the police about them re-opening my case only to promptly close it again as solved. They assured him that I was in no danger. An official statement had also been released, confirming the mistake in DNA analysis that resulted in the false positive identification in my “dead body” weeks ago.
Hearing this information from Derek only confirmed Delilah’s claim of The Priory’s far reach. Not only were they able to make me disappear from the face of the Earth, they literally “resurrected” me within hours, too.
I spent the rest of the day—and a large chunk of the following one—filing paperwork to get my life back.
Derek still insisted on sleeping on the couch in my apartment every night, refusing to leave me on my own at least until he was fully convinced in my safety. I agreed to him staying with me, vowing to choose a more or less viable cover-up story with Delilah on Monday, to be able to give some answers to him to put his mind at ease.
Going to bed on Sunday night, I paused in front of the mirror over the dresser in my bedroom.
A familiar face stared back at me. Pale skin. Eyes of non-identifiable color—blue, grey, and green mixed together without any dramatic effect. Brown hair, the shade more ash than auburn. Freckles.
Definitely not a beauty queen.
I slid my hands down the sides of a body that lacked any luscious curves.
Obviously, Derek didn’t find this appealing.
I blinked, tearing my gaze away from my reflection. I hated that his opinion—or rather his lack of attraction to me—had this effect on my perception of myself, however fleeting.
‘Looks are not much deeper than the clothes we wear.’
Ivarr’s words rose to the surface of my mind. He saw much deeper, didn’t he? Ivarr could see every single emotion inside me plainly, in light and colour, and he seemed to like what he saw.
I sat on the bed. The faint glint of gold from behind the half-open door of the closet caught my eye.
Ultimately, it was not about what either one of them, Derek or Ivarr, thought about me.
It mattered how I felt about myself.
And that night, dancing in my golden shoes, I felt beautiful, strong, and confident. For one night, I became the whole focus of a man’s undivided attention. I might not have been able to see the colourful palet
te of my emotions the way Ivarr did, but that night I experienced a full range of them.
I felt alive.
And I enjoyed it all.
From the moment of my return home, the weeks of my abduction had moved into the distance in my mind, becoming a blur, sitting there, waiting to be brought into the light during the upcoming therapy sessions. Some of it the muddy cloud of a nightmare, some, like Ivarr, the light of a warm dream.
That was what the night with him was supposed to be, wasn’t it? A beautiful dream, the memory of which warmed my heart with tenderness and a little sadness.
The intense longing I felt at the memory of his arms around me would ease with time. It had to. Nothing more could ever be between us. I knew it, even when I offered to feed him.
Now, I had to focus on moving on and learning how to live a normal life once again.
Chapter 28
“HOW IS IT? BEING BACK?” Delilah asked me after her greeting, as I climbed into the back of the limo and sat next to her.
“Fine. Thank you.” I smoothed the skirt over my knees and sat my purse down then glanced around. “A limo?”
“Well, we need to talk. In private.” She gestured at the partition dividing us from the driver then gave me a penetrating stare. “It’s been only a few days, but you seem to be doing remarkably well.”
Stable. Keller’s assessment came to mind.
“I deal well with stress.” I shrugged.
“Or hide it well.” Delilah narrowed her eyes at me, and I could no longer hold her stare. “Just a note of warning, Kitty.” Her voice softened. “The more you hold it in, the more it hurts once it finds its way out. I hope Doctor Yung turns out to be a good fit for you, but if not, please, let me know right away. We’ll get you someone else. You need to be able to trust them enough to open up.” She leaned in to cover my hand with hers.
“Thank you.” I swallowed the faint tickle at the back of my throat. The genuine concern in her words touched me.
She nodded and took out a thick folder from the briefcase at her feet.
I caught the glimpse of her teardrop pendant in the opening of her blouse. That she would’ve possibly developed a habit of wearing it all the time, maybe out of some sentimental value it held to her as the family heirloom, did not surprise me.
Why I myself still wore the heart-shaped amulet, though, I couldn't really explain.
Could it be out of the lingering fear of demons snatching me in the middle of the night, despite all the assurances that I was safe? Or was it out of desire to hold on to the memories of that night, because the slight weight of the amulet around my neck and the sensation of its smooth warmth between my breasts reminded me of the one who gave it to me?
“So.” Delilah cleared her throat and opened the file folder. “We have a cult here.”
“What?” I blinked, needing a second to catch up.
“A semi-religious cult whose members kidnap or lure young women to use as wives or servants. Whatever you prefer.”
“Okay.” I realized she was going through the scenarios of the cover-up stories with me.
“The cult has now been discovered—its leaders arrested, and all women returned back to their homes. This one is good because we can use the same story for several women at once. You won’t be the only one. But there may be some publicity involved.”
“Publicity?”
“Possibly some news coverage and maybe a talk show interview? You can decline them all. The case will still gain some publicity, which may send reporters and cameras your way.”
“No.” I shook my head.
I could accept a small white lie to calm my friends and co-workers for the sake of their peace. This, however, sounded like it might require some more elaborate lies, with a number of details.
“I’m not a very good liar. Besides, it wouldn’t be easy to convince my friends that I could be that easily brainwashed into anything.”
“An abusive relationship?” Delilah offered the next scenario. “You met someone, went on a date with him, and ended up abducted. The amount of publicity can be greatly reduced if we imply you left voluntarily. Generally, adult women running away attract far less public attention than kidnappings.”
“It’d be way too out of my character for anyone to believe.” I was known as a practical, sensible person. Expecting people to believe I would fall head over heels for someone and run away without telling a soul would only be asking for more questions.
“Hmmm.” Delilah leafed through the papers in her folder, muttering under her breath as she turned each page. “Medical emergency? Amnesia? Or lost in the woods? Would it be too late to convince everyone you spent the time lost in the wilderness in northern Canada?”
“God, Delilah.” I sighed. “All of these read like a plot for a soap opera.”
“Don’t forget.” She pinned me with her stern gaze. “What we’re trying to keep a secret is much more incredible than any of these. I’m just trying to make the transition smooth for you, so you won’t have to deal with questions you can’t answer without risking to be put in an institution.”
“Fine.” I rubbed my forehead. “How about amnesia, then?”
This sounded less complicated than the rest. If I didn’t remember anything, there was less risk of getting caught in my own lie, wasn’t there?
“This has the potential of fewer questions,” Delilah confirmed my unspoken assumption. “We can get medical reports to establish the head trauma that caused it, as well as to assure your full mental competency to return to work. How nosy are your co-workers?”
“They’ll give me side glances for a while, but it should be fine eventually.”
“Friends?”
Pat and Coco, my two closest girlfriends, didn’t even know about my return yet. After being unable to answer Derek’s questions, I decided to postpone calling them until this afternoon, after my meeting with Delilah. There was not a chance that Derek would have told them either. Since our breakup both Pat and Coco completely refused to talk to him.
“My friends will have questions, for sure. I’ll need to be able to give them some solid answers.”
“How about your boyfriend?”
“Ex,” I corrected automatically. “Ex-boyfriend. We’re just friends now. Derek will be the hardest to satisfy. He can be relentless in his search for truth, especially, if there is something as silly as an amnesia story involved.”
“Amnesia may be rare, but it is real, Kitty. Every case of it is unique, and many could be considered bizarre.”
“Okay, but I don’t think this would be enough to convince Derek. Besides, he has a number of reliable sources throughout the city to verify any story you throw at him.”
“You could tell him to mind his own business.” Delilah’s mouth pressed into a firm line.
“I could,” I agreed. “But he simply won’t stop digging if something doesn't sit well with him.”
“Fine.” Delilah took a pen out and started taking notes on the paper in her folder. “We’ll make sure to feed the information to his sources, then. Anyone else?” She lifted her gaze at me.
“Nope.” I bit my lip. “I’ve no one else.”
She shuffled through her papers for a few moments, putting everything away, as I watched the streets of Seattle pass by through the tinted windows of the limo.
We stopped in front of a midsize building with a wrought-iron railing around the entrance stairs.
“Here we are, Kitty,” Delilah said softly. “Do you want me to come in with you?”
“No.” It was bad enough that Derek hovered over me day and night. I didn’t need Delilah to lead me to the therapist by my hand. “Thank you. I’ll be fine.”
“You can be completely honest with Doctor Yung, Kitty. She’s been recruited by The Priory and is fully aware of the situation. You won’t be her only patient from the Incubi Base. I’m picking up two more women at the border next week. They went through the initial counseling in Canada but will be completin
g the program here with her.”
“Okay.” I put a hand on the door handle.
“I’ll call you right after you’re done here, to see how it went and to give you the details of your amnesia story.”
“Okay,” I repeated, squeezing the handle tighter but not opening the door. “Delilah.” I couldn’t meet her inquiring gaze, but I had to know. “Are you able to have any contact with the base at all? Through The Priory, I mean?”
“Oh, Kitty.” She leaned against the back of the seat. “Don’t do this to yourself. Let it go.”
“I wish I could,” I exhaled. “I mean I will. I absolutely will. But I need to know how he is.”
She looked away, folding her arms across her chest, unyielding.
“Please. Remember how I left him? Lying in the middle of the road like that? With possibly every bone in his body broken . . .” I felt my chin tremble and stopped before my voice broke.
“Incubi heal perfectly fine, without any medical intervention.”
“But they feel pain, just like we do, don’t they? Please, I just need to know what’s going to happen to him. He broke their laws. Will he be punished?”
“Most likely.” She pursed her lips. “Kitty, for demons there are no happy endings. In fact, for them, there are no endings. Period. They just go through life, feeding and following the rules. Or not following, and then they get banished. Once they serve their time, they get out and start the cycle all over again. There is no end.”
“There could be,” I argued. “Didn’t you say one of them found his forgiveness with a woman?”
“Do you want to be that woman for Ivarr?”
“No. I couldn’t. But I do wish him well. Please,” I repeated stubbornly. “I just need to know what happened to him, to be able to let go.”
I held my breath, watching the severe expression on her face finally ease somewhat.
“Fine.” She drummed her fingers on her arm. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you.” I was able to release the air pressing inside my chest.
The Forgotten (Demons Book 2) Page 15