I turned around and standing there with a huge smile on his face was Basil.
“You don’t look so bad to me. You look damn good. Are you ready to go home?”
I smiled at him and said, “Yes, I’m ready.”
Epilogue
__________________
I Won’t Last a Day Without You
THE CARPENTERS
It was Oscar night and you’d think that I’d been invited to the main event at the Kodak Theatre instead of a dinner party that Kai was throwing in my honor. I was looking delectable in a stunning black sleeveless cocktail dress with oversized sequins lining the bottom and I had on a new pair of Jimmy Choo’s. My hair was whipped into an elegant bun and I was wearing a pair of diamond studs and a beautiful diamond necklace that was in one of the many boxes Davis had sent but I had refused to open.
Finally, I decided I deserved the gifts after all I’d been through in the last three months. Not that things had been all bad. I had Justine back as my best friend and I was actually getting excited about being a bridesmaid in her upcoming June wedding. We’d always planned to be in each other’s weddings.
Justine was still spending a great deal of time at church but I think my letter touched her and she realized that God wanted her surrounded by people who loved her. I had even ventured back for Sunday services and a Monday night Bible study. I felt comforted when I walked into the church and could understand what Justine said when she told me that giving her life to God was the first time she felt she had a love that would never leave her. I told her I wanted the same thing but with the exception of my family and friends, love for me was like waiting for stars that never come.
I spent the first half of the party chatting with some of the people Kai wanted me to meet who she thought might be interested in investing in my new magazine, Urban Soul, which was closer to becoming a reality since Davis unexpectedly released me from my non-compete clause. In a personal letter sent by messenger, Davis had even offered me my job back or start-up money for my new venture. I politely declined both in a short note. I had learned an invaluable life lesson and knew only I could make my dreams come true, with my brains and not my body.
I stepped into the library of Kai’s beautiful home, where several people were watching the Oscars as waiters circled with champagne on silver trays and distributed mock Oscar ballots that doubled as coasters. The well-dressed guests were selected from Kai’s powerful social address book.
I looked around the room hoping to see Hayden or Justine, who had promised to drop by with Deacon after church services. I had come to like Deacon because I could tell he really loved Justine.
I didn’t see Justine, but I spotted Hayden in the hallway talking with a tall, black man with an Afro who had obviously been bitten by the Hayden bug. I could tell by the way he was smiling. I noticed him take Hayden’s glass and disappear and I darted over to Hayden and pinched his back and whispered, “Looks like he’s all up in your Kool-Aid.”
Hayden turned around and gave me a big hug and kiss and said, “I hope you’re right, honey, because my pitcher is ready.”
“Nice party, huh?”
“I know you didn’t expect anything less,” Hayden said. He was wearing leather pants with a “Free Winona” T-shirt and a black silk jacket.
“Not at all. This is Kai we’re talking about,” I said.
“Step back, let me see. You look amazing. That dress is the truth!” Hayden said.
“This ole thing? If I told you how long it took me to get ready you wouldn’t believe it. I bet I took longer than Halle Berry. Did you see Halle and Eric walk the red carpet? If they aren’t the best-looking couple in Hollywood then I don’t know who is.”
“You think she’s going to win?” Hayden asked.
“I don’t know. I hope so, but this is her first time and everybody’s talking about Sissy Spacek.”
“What about Denzel?”
“I just hope one of them wins,” I said.
Hayden’s new friend returned and I decided to get a drink. I picked up a glass of champagne off one of the trays and walked out to the terrace where a few couples were drinking and smoking. I started to walk back inside because I didn’t want to smell like smoke, but the night air felt wonderful and I decided to enjoy a few sips of champagne.
I glanced up at the dark blue canopy of sky filled with stars and it looked like magic. Suddenly I heard someone call my name. I turned, and standing a few inches from me was Jabar. I blinked to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me, because while the face and easy smile were Jabar’s, somehow he looked different.
He was dressed in a tux with blue enamel cuff links and matching studs and there was a gentlemanly look of elegance about him.
“Jabar, what are you doing here?” I asked.
“I knew you’d look beautiful in the necklace,” Jabar said as I noticed him gazing at my necklace.
I touched it nervously and looked away.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I said.
“I’m an invited guest,” he said.
“I didn’t know you knew Kai,” I said.
“I don’t,” Jabar said.
Just as I was getting ready to ask another question Kai came to the terrace door and announced that the buffet was ready and that they were getting ready to announce the Best Supporting Actress Oscar.
The other couples picked up their glasses and rushed through the door. But I couldn’t move as I noticed Jabar’s eyes dance flirtatiously over me.
“You look beautiful, yo,” Jabar said.
“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself,” I said.
“Didn’t know I could clean up so well, did you?” Jabar asked.
“You still didn’t tell me how you know Kai,” I said.
Jabar explained to me that his mother’s company had catered several parties for one of Kai’s socialite friends and the two of them had become friendly. Kai’s friend had secured the invitation for his mother and Jabar was filling in for his dad.
“So your mother’s here?” I asked.
“Yep, she’s somewhere glued to the television. She’s always loved award shows, but tonight she’s beside herself with excitement.”
“What have you been doing?”
“Since you kicked me to the curb?” Jabar asked, laughing.
I was trying to think of an appropriate reply when I heard Justine call my name. I was so happy she and Deacon had decided to come. I gave them both hugs as Jabar looked on.
“How are you doing?” Justine asked as she looked at me with a sly smile and then at Jabar.
“Good. How was church?”
“Wonderful but empty. I think this is one of those nights when a lot of people, especially black people, are sitting in front of the television,” Justine said. “I was glad when the minister announced he was going to make his sermon short just in case the good Lord wanted to make some history tonight.”
“Wouldn’t that be wonderful,” I said as I eyed Jabar who had a gentle smile on his face.
“Hello, I’m Justine Rice and this is my fiancée Deacon Fisher,” Justine said as she extended her hand toward Jabar. I realized I had been rude by not introducing them.
“I’m William Jabar Lewis,” he said.
I looked at him and rolled my eyes not in annoyance but surprise. I never knew Jabar’s first name was William.
“Nice meeting you, William,” Deacon said.
“Call me Jabar. That’s what my peeps call me,” he said, sounding for the first time tonight like the Jabar I knew.
“Let’s go get some food and watch the awards,” I said.
“Sounds like a plan,” Jabar said as he gently touched the small of my back to guide me inside. He was acting like a real gentleman allowing Justine and me to walk through the door first. He even waited for Deacon before following us into the large dining room, where guests were loading their plates with chicken, ham and several different pastas, vegetables and lots of cavia
r.
We found seats at a brass-rimmed table in front of a giant-screen television and watched the Oscars and chatted about the dresses and speeches.
Several hours later, I was sleepy but stunned as I was once again reminded how life can be filled with such wonderful moments. When Halle won best actress I cried like I had won. I was trying to compose myself when Julia Roberts announced with unbridled joy that Denzel Washington was the best actor. Then the tears began again.
Jabar got up from his chair to retrieve some tissue for me and I excused myself for a few minutes to touch up my makeup. When I returned, the crowd had thinned and I noticed Jabar talking to an attractive middle-aged woman who I assumed was his mother. I said goodbye to Justine and Deacon and then checked with Kai to see if I could help her clean up.
Kai told me the staff would take care of everything but asked me to join her for a toast to Sidney Poitier, who had received an honorary Oscar, Halle and Denzel. We moved to the terrace and talked about what an amazing night it had been. Kai asked me if I had noticed how all the African Americans at the party had gone wild when Halle and Denzel won, and how some of her guests, even those wanting the pair to win, didn’t quite understand the excitement.
“I thought I was the only one who noticed,” I said.
“Sometimes the world takes a step forward and then back. I hope I live to the day when we really are one,” Kai said.
I was getting ready to tell Kai how much I agreed with her when I heard Jabar call my name. I turned and there he was, looking so handsome.
“Come here, I have someone I want you to meet,” he said.
Jabar introduced me to his mother and then disappeared, saying he was going to get the car.
We spent about ten minutes talking about the Oscars, and how this was an evening that wouldn’t be forgotten for a long time. I was surprised that Christine, Jabar’s mother, knew that I had run a magazine and that Jabar talked about me all the time. I guess I was wrong assuming Jabar viewed me only as a weekly booty call.
“He does?”
“Does that surprise you?”
“Yes,” I said. I couldn’t believe that I had responded so honestly, but Christine’s warm smile made me feel comfortable.
“He was really disappointed when you broke things off with him. Even I was surprised when you didn’t respond to the gifts and flowers. I told Jabar classy ladies like nice things.”
“What gifts?”
“You didn’t get all the little gifts from Tiffany’s and the flowers?”
“Yes, but I didn’t open them until recently, and even then I didn’t read the cards. I thought they were . . . ,” and then stopped myself. “I had no idea they were from Jabar. How could he afford such nice things?” I said as I touched the diamond necklace.
“The boy lives at home and he trains people about nine hours a day. You know how popular he is and what he charges per hour. That might change now that he’s at the academy,” Christine said.
“The academy?”
“I guess he didn’t tell you. He’s training to be a fireman,” Christine said proudly.
“No, he mentioned he was thinking about it,” I said.
“Zola, I know you’re a smart girl, but sometimes being so focused on your career and protecting your heart you miss some of the wonderful gifts God has planned for you. My son is a gift,” she said.
I started to tell Christine that I was beginning to know that when Jabar came up and asked what we were talking about.
“You, my sweet son,” Christine said as she touched his cheek and then kissed him. I felt tears forming again.
“Mama, the car’s out front. I want to say good night to Zola,” he said.
“Zola, it was so nice meeting you. I hope the next time I see you will be in my kitchen. I would love to cook you a meal and continue our conversation,” Christine said.
“I would love that,” I said as I took both of Chistine’s hands.
She gave me a kiss on the cheeks and then looked at Jabar and said, “Son, I can drive myself home. Why don’t you catch the train?”
“Are you sure? I don’t want Dad upset with me. I promised to look after you,” Jabar said.
“And you did. I’ll be fine. You make sure this beautiful young lady gets home safely.”
Jabar walked his mother to the car. I went to retrieve my wrap and say good night and thanks to Kai.
“That Jabar is a real cutie. Now I see why you were keeping him on lock-down,” Kai teased.
“He seems different tonight. I can’t figure it out, but I like it,” I said.
Jabar returned and we rode the elevator, acting nervous like we were on a first date. Jabar did mention he was surprised when he didn’t even get a thank-you note for all the flowers and gifts he had sent. When I explained I thought they were from someone else he scolded me for underestimating him. I told him I was willing to accept my punishment if he would accept my apology.
As we stood at the front door of Kai’s building waiting for the doorman to hail a taxi, Jabar reached for me and pulled me close to him and whispered, “I’ve missed you, Zola. I’ve missed you bad.”
Then Jabar kissed me like never before, flushing my body with love and not lust. I was happy that I remembered the difference. When the doorman interrupted our kiss I couldn’t help but notice that the sky was filled with stars. I also realized that it was Monday morning.
Sidney, Halle and Denzel were probably somewhere in Hollywood celebrating their historic victories with family and friends and the golden man called Oscar. Being with Jabar, I felt like I was the biggest winner of the evening, and I got to take my prize home too. Life, thank God, was still surprising and wonderful. And love, like stars, always returned.
Afterword
__________________
“How are you feeling, Raymond?” Dr. Few asked.
I thought about it for a minute, then looked at her and smiled. “I feel great. Life is good.”
“I guess your family and friends were worried for a little while,” Dr. Few said.
“Yep, it’s not the way I would recommend spending Christmas and the New Year. But I came through with God’s grace and I’m ready to move on. I’m looking forward to the rest of my life,” I said.
“Have you decided what you’re going to do?”
“About what?”
“Your career. Life?”
“No, I haven’t. I’m still taking things one day at a time. I realize now how important each day is,” I said.
This was my first visit to Dr. Few since the shooting. I had talked to her a few times by phone after I had completed my rehabilitation and speech therapy. I hadn’t decided if I was going to continue seeing her, but I had so much going on in my head that I thought it would be good to talk it out with someone objective.
I was eager to tell Dr. Few how wonderful Basil had been, taking care of me and allowing me to stay at his apartment. He was still going back and forth between New York and Atlanta, but when he was in New York he gave me the majority of his attention.
I reported how Rosa had turned down Basil’s marriage proposal but had forged a positive relationship so they could raise Talley in a loving environment.
When I asked Basil if he was disappointed, he said he was relieved. Basil told me that his proposal led to an honest conversation where he and Rosa admitted that the love they felt for each other wasn’t romantic. I think it was noble of Basil to want to do the right thing by his daughter.
“How do you feel about Basil?”
“I love him,” I said calmly.
“Does he know that?”
“Oh yeah, he knows, and I must say this time he’s handling it pretty well. I’m proud of him,” I said, smiling.
“Did you tell Basil you loved him?”
“Yes. I also admitted to him that I might have loved him for a long time but was too afraid of the heartbreak. Now I’m willing to take more chances. Good thing I did, because Basil said he loved me and suffe
red the same fears.”
“What about Trent? You told me he came to New York after you were shot.”
“If anything, I feel sorry for Trent. He’s called a couple of times to check on me,” I said.
“Why do you feel sorry for him?”
I thought for a moment before answering. “Because even though he’s almost forty he still feels the need to please the world. I know he loves his children and they will bring him a lot of joy as he gets older, but I don’t hold out much hope for his marriage.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Once when Trent called, he told me how much he loved me and how he had made a big mistake.”
“What did you say to him?”
“I told him I appreciated his honesty and for not making me feel like I had done something to deserve his treatment. But I let him know that I was moving on with my life. Did I tell you that Basil met Trent at the hospital? Basil told him he could head back to Seattle because he was going to take care of me,” I said, smiling.
“How did that make you feel?”
“Loved.”
“So are you going to pursue a relationship with Basil?”
“I love it the way it is now. Sex sometimes complicates matters,” I said.
When Dr. Few asked me to explain, I told her how Basil for the last several months had made sure I never wanted for anything. He’d cooked for me, gave me massages and held me tightly every night he was in the city. I told her we hadn’t made love yet and Dr. Few gave me a what-are-you-waiting-for look. Maybe she wanted to hear about some hot male-on- male sex.
“I want it to be perfect. I want Basil to understand what I expect from a relationship. He’s making progress and I think we’re pretty close,” I said.
“What happened to the woman who shot you?”
“Ava is one of the reasons I’m still in New York. Her trial is coming up next week and I have to testify against her. It’ll be interesting being on the other side in the courtroom,” I said.
“How do you feel about her?”
I didn’t have any real feelings for Ava Middlebrooks. I told Dr. Few I thought it was so sad that a mother and daughter held such contempt for each other. I wondered if black families were now becoming as dysfunctional as the white families I saw on television.
A Love of My Own Page 32