by Renard, Loki
“What have you learned today, Kitty?”
“That I’m a fucking monster?”
“We’re all monsters,” he says. “That’s not the answer I’m looking for.”
“I’ve learned that you win,” I say. “I learned that I’m fucked. I’ve learned that at least one person tried to kill me today, and that they will probably keep trying. I’ve learned that I’m not even that good at being a courier, so what’s even the point. I’ve learned…”
“Enough!” Vicious interrupts me. “The lesson I was hoping you might have gotten around to learning was it’s best to obey me without question.”
I think about that for a second. “Well, er. I mean. You sent me off to get caught by the cops, so…”
“You weren’t paying attention. That wasn’t my doing. You could have avoided the police.”
“They were right outside the door!”
“Because the front door is the only way to make a delivery? You’re a courier, not a bloody postman,” he snaps at me. “You should be more inventive than that.”
He’s right. I could have found another approach. I could have gone in through an adjoining building, or maybe found a way up to the roof. But I was distracted, thinking about him.
“Sorry,” I mumble. “You’re right.”
He looks surprised. “Well,” he says. “If you accept responsibility, punishment may not be necessary.”
“You were going to punish me… again?” I swallow. “You already did that.”
“You’ve been punished for walking away from me. There was still the punishment for failing today. As you said, you were distracted. You didn’t pay attention to your surroundings. If someone intending to harm you was out there, you wouldn’t be here right now.”
I nod humbly. Then a thought occurs to me. It was lucky I was surrounded by cops and not criminals. It was so lucky it couldn’t have been luck.
“So that job today was a training run?”
“Yes,” Vicious says, finishing his whiskey.
“So the man I was delivering to… the delivery itself… none of it was real?”
“Correct.”
“So… how did you get cops to hang out and wait for me?”
“That’s not something you need to worry about.”
“I mean, cops don’t do criminals favors. They don’t hang around helping people practice breaking the law more effectively… are you a cop?”
His smirk grows broad. “No, Kitty. I’m not a cop.”
“You’re more than just a criminal, that’s for sure.”
“Let’s say the NYPD owes me a few favors and leave It at that.”
I’m curious, but I’m not in the mood to push him. My pride is wounded. My ego is absolutely shattered.
“Is it really true? About the toxin?”
He gives a curt nod. “I’m half surprised you didn’t put two and two together at the time. It was in the news, right down to the location.”
“I don’t watch the news. It’s depressing and hysterical.”
Vicious smirks, his eyes glinting with amusement as he tips his glass at me. “Now there, little Kitty, we can agree.”
I sit down on the couch. I haven’t been invited to, but neither have I been dismissed from the room, and standing there is starting to make me feel even more nervous than I already am. Vicious makes me feel like I’ve been called before the principal to answer for my sins. In a way, I guess I have.
I really don’t know what he has planned for me. I don’t know what the future holds. I am sure he will find a use for me. He has to, really. Can’t have some girl sitting around taking up space which is probably usually occupied by the glamorous, lithe sirens who strut the better venues of New York. We both know I’m not in his league.
He’s been sexual with me, but he has avoided anything really intimate. Sex has been wielded like a weapon, used to break me down and make me capitulate. I should hate him for that, and yet I crave something more from him. A tender look or touch. Something, anything to make me feel like I matter.
There it is again, that old ego. He saved my life. Isn’t that enough? Does he have to fall head over heels in love with me too? Just how much am I expecting from this guy? He’s been the devil from the outset, but in my head he’s becoming so much more than that.
“Penny for your thoughts,” he drawls. “You stare so prettily.”
“I was wondering what you’re going to use me for.”
A smirk dimples his cheek. “You have so very many… uses, Kitty. But don’t worry, you’ll have work, and soon.”
“Am I going to stay here, or…”
“I intend to keep you close until I’m sure you’re well broken in,” he says. “You’re frightened tonight. You may change your mind tomorrow. You agreed to work for me and then disagreed, then agreed, then disagreed, so now you’re back to agreeing, forgive me if I don’t find that particularly believable.”
“I didn’t know I was an accessory to murder then. I didn’t know I wasn’t safe in my own home anymore. I didn’t know anything.”
“No, but the shock of knowing will wear off soon enough. You’ll find whatever chaotic equilibrium which makes you think you know best and you will give me cause to whip some tender part of you until you cry out your apology. It’s inevitable, Kitty. It’s how you are.”
“I am capable of learning.”
“Maybe, but slowly.”
“Are you calling me stupid?”
“Are you taking that tone with me?” His question shuts mine down cold.
I can’t meet those eyes anymore. I lower my head and stare intently at the rug. Blaze would love to be rolled up in this damn rug. Thinking of her make me smile. She’d know what to do. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Things have changed. Vicious isn’t really my captor now. He’s my protector - but still he’s the same hard-ass ruthless motherfucker he’s always been.
Vicious
Poor little thing. It’s very late and she’s mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. I woke her from sleep to save her life and tear her world to shreds at the same time. It worked, but I’m far from done. She thinks I want to use her, but she has no idea just how much I want from her.
The truth is, from the moment I picked Kitty up, I’ve been at war with myself. I knew I was attracted to her. I knew I wanted to fuck her. I didn’t know I’d fall for her.
I told myself that I let her walk away today just so I could teach her a lesson later. That was part of it. The other part is that I let her walk away because, for a moment, I realized how much better she deserved than what I have done to her, and what I will yet do.
I could take her to bed now and make her scream my name, ravage her tender body. I could wrap myself around her and sink inside her and use her until my rough desires are sated. It’s what I want to do. It’s what I’d usually do to a damsel in distress. But with her, I don’t. I hold back. I stay standing tall above her, because I sense this is what she needs. Someone solid to hold on to.
Kitty’s in danger. And that means she doesn’t need a man who loves her. She needs a man who can control her. They might be the same thing, but so often they’re not. When a man loves a woman, he gets soft on her. He lets her get away with things he knows she shouldn’t. I know where that path leads, and I won’t go down it again.
“Go to bed.” I make the order clipped and stern. I see her face fall, but she does as she’s told. She can be a good girl when she wants to be.
“Vicious?”
“Yes?”
“Will you come with me? In case…”
She trails off, but I know what she’s getting at. In case the people who want to hurt her come back. She no longer feels safe in bed, and that will not do. The only person anyone in my circle should ever be afraid of is me.
11
Vicious
“Please… don’t…”
In daylight, Shadow is a bug. A pale, wan exoskeleton of a man.
He’s fift
y years old and he looks every bit of it. He’s as depraved as he is decrepit. His breath rattles through his cigarette ravaged throat. I should really quit smoking.
His ribs tent his skin as he takes panicked breaths, bound to an old wheel and cog system I found in the industrial district. It used to be used for crushing metal, now the cogs are poised to recycle him.
I gave this man fair warning. I let him know what would happen if he crossed me. He chose not to listen, and he forced my hand.
Last night I watched Kitty twitch awake time after time trying to avoid going to sleep, worrying about what would come for her. When she finally went down, I caught a few hours myself and I went out hunting. It didn’t take much to find Shadow. I always know where he is. The darkest, filthiest corner of the city hides him every time. I pulled him out of his hole and I’ve brought him into the light. Now he squirms below the sun’s unpleasant rays, as naked as the day he was spawned.
“I told you to leave her alone.”
“She has to die. She deserves to die,” he gibbers.
He’s panicking. He’s right to.
“Maybe she does. And maybe she doesn’t,” I say. “But I told you to stay away from her, and you sent a man to kill her. So we have a problem, old man. I won’t look over my shoulder every second of every day. I won’t have her be afraid to fucking sleep!” I clench my fist and punch the wall beside his head, emphasizing the last word. The flimsy iron booms and rattles and he shrieks with fear.
This warehouse has served me well over time, but this might be the most deserved use yet. I’ve opened up the skylights and the sun is beating down. That alone is punishment for a man so sensitive to light he never sets foot in it. Already, his skin is beginning to react to the rays, red blotches appearing across his chest, legs and crotch.
“It was going to be clean! Quick! Before you got more attached to her! She wouldn’t have ever known!”
I let out a low, humorless laugh. “That’s nice, Shadow, but it’s not my philosophy.” I put my hand to the lever which turns the cog which will drive the matching metal machinery into the spaces where he is tied. Feet first, of course. I lean over him and speak loud enough for him to hear me over the grinding of the metal. “When I kill people, they feel it.”
“Stop! Stop! Okay! Please! I won’t touch her! I promise!” Big wet tears start to run down his cheeks, over the paper thin skin wrinkled with age.
It’s no fun seeing an old man cry, and I don’t relish the idea of hurting Shadow. He’s a sick fucker, but I owe him a lot. Right now, I keep the pressure on. The pain hasn’t started yet, but I want him to know damn well that I will do this to him if he so much as sneezes in Kitty’s direction again. I have no trouble getting inventive. He knows that.
CLANG!
The gears disengage as I spare his little piggies from being crushed.
“You give me your word? You’ll leave her be?”
“Yes! God! Yes! I was trying to do you a favor!”
“I don’t need your favors right now, Shadow. I just need you to leave my girl alone.”
“I will!”
He sounds just about desperate enough to mean it. Looks like Shadow won’t be mincemeat today. Killing him is a last resort, but he has to know I’ll do it. He has to remember this for a very, very long time.
“I’m going to let your guys know where you are. They can come and get you. Enjoy the sunbathing until then.”
I leave his naked body stretched on the cog wheel and walk away. It’s a cold way to treat a friend, but we both know he’s getting off extremely lightly. No broken bones. No concussions. No missing pieces. I’m half worried he’s going to think I am losing my edge.
“Vicious!”
He calls out after me, his voice weak.
“Yeah?” I look back over my shoulder.
“One day, you will have to deal with her. When it’s time, you call me. I’ll do it.”
He has balls to think that, let alone say it.
“I can still come back and bring that lever down if you need it,” I say, casually.
“Do what you want with the lever. Just don’t let a woman bring you down,” he rasps. “They’re never worth it.”
I keep walking and don’t reply.
Kitty is worth it.
12
Kitty
After a horror of an evening I sleep late, and oh, so well. Vicious’ scent suffuses the sheets. I bury my face in them and breathe him in, feeling safe and secure. Eventually I am hungry enough to get up, though it’s midday by the time I drag myself out of bed.
When I emerge from the bedroom, Vicious is sitting in an armchair swiping his finger lazily across a tablet. He nods to me.
“Morning, or should I say, afternoon?”
“Hi, sorry.”
“I’m not keeping you here to sleep, you know.”
“Sorry,” I mumble again. He could have woken me up if he wanted to. He let me sleep. We both have to know that.
“Get some breakfast,” he says. “I want to talk to you.”
“I don’t think I can eat if you’re going to talk,” I say, air-quoting the word, ‘talk’.
“If I was going to beat you, I’d just beat you,” he drawls. “I wouldn’t bother with euphemisms.”
That’s true. I perch on the edge of the couch and look at him.
“What’s up?”
“I just want you to know,” he says very sternly and seriously, “that I am going to keep you safe. No matter what.”
He’s an asshole, but he’s a protective one. “Thank you,” I mumble. “Last night was… that was fucked up. I’ve never seen anything like that before. I don’t want to see it again.”
“It was,” he agrees. “And I’ve taken steps to ensure it doesn’t happen again. That doesn’t mean others won’t try. Unfortunately, you’re linked to a number of people it is better not to be linked to, and now that others are dead, you remain notably alive. I can’t promise nobody else will come for you, but I can promise, if you do as you are told, and let me protect you, you will survive.”
“Thank you,” I repeat, fiddling with the piping on the edge of the couch. “I mean, I know I don’t deserve it. I don’t… I don’t know why you’re doing this for me, but I am glad you are.”
“Can a hero ever resist a damsel in distress?”
This man who kidnapped me, bound me, whipped me, spanked me… this man who intends to keep me. He’s calling himself a damn hero.
Before I laugh, I think. He has done all those things, that is true. But he’s also the man who saved my life, maybe more than once. The man who has persevered in saving me even though I threw his offers in his face every time. The man who plans to give me purpose now that my future plans lie wrecked.
Maybe he is a hero. Not to others, but to me.
He lets out a laugh. “I have never seen you look so confused. Go get some breakfast. Then get dressed. Wear something subdued. We’ll get your hair restyled today and…”
I let his words wash over me. This is my life now, an existence prescribed and ordered by Vicious. Will I ever have a choice again? Or will he overrun my will, turn me into his puppet? I suppose I’ll find out.
“Kitty.” He’s standing next to me, his hand beneath my chin, his eyes locked on mine. “This is going to be an adventure. I promise you that. Now I want something before you have your breakfast.”
“What’s that?”
“I want you on your knees, girl.”
When I fail to move immediately, he guides me off the edge of the couch and puts me on the floor. My bare knees and shins find the soft rug below.
“This is where you’ll go when we are at rest. This is where you belong.”
“At your feet?”
“Mhm.” He raises a brow. “Problem?”
“Vicious, this isn’t…”
“Isn’t what?”
“Normal. It’s not normal.”
“What is, Kitty?” He runs his fingertips through my hair a
nd I feel little shivers running down my spine. They’re pleasant. His touch is tender. I yearned for this yesterday and did not receive it, now I welcome it. His voice is soft in tone, but rough in content. “I have much to offer you. You have less to offer me, but I ask for all of it. Your obedience. Your body. Perhaps, one day, even more.”
“More?”
His green eyes sear into mine, his hand sliding down to my neck, caressing that little spot behind my ear.
“So much more,” he murmurs, dipping down in a low, almost courtly bow to press a kiss to my lips. “Now, get up and get ready, little Kitty. You have a new life to live.”
The End.
VICIOUS LIES
1
Kitty
“Tell. Me. Everything.”
I’m being interrogated. The demand is made in iron tones and I know that refusing to answer will end in pain. I want to give in. I need to give in. But telling everything is a lot. Far too much to be possible.
“I can’t tell you everything. I don’t even remember everything,” I tell my interrogator.
“I have to know!”
“You know most of it already,” I try to evade the questioning, but it is futile.
“No, I don’t. You told me the gist, but I know you’re hiding the best parts. You always do. I have to drag it out of you every time. Do I need to get the thumbscrews?”
Dark eyes glower at me. I am not pleasing this demanding interlocutor at all.
“Listen, you seriously do know most of it. You were there for some of it. You saw!”
“You’re avoiding telling me what I want to know.”
I sigh. I don’t know why I even bothered trying to fob my best friend off in the first place. After days of enforced separation, Blaze has tracked me down for a debriefing. We’d usually do this at a coffee shop or a club, but my lord and master, in his mind at least, has decreed that I am not allowed to leave the apartment without supervision, so we’re sitting on the bed like a couple of teen girls and she’s quizzing me with a level of intensity usually reserved for people in black sites.