by Bellus, HJ
“Sorry, but it was funny.” She shrugs then adds, “Daddy.”
“Yeah, Daddy,” Cole chimes in, causing Birdy to laugh harder.
“You two numbnuts are going to put me in an early grave,” Dax growls.
“You know you love us.” Cole sits up and smiles back at his brother.
“That I do, but when you two butt-munches get together, you wear me out.”
Birdy slaps Dax in the shoulder. “Hey, that’s my word, butt-munch, and I want chocolate cake right now.”
“Okay, princess.” Dax leans over and places a light kiss on Birdy’s forehead.
Pills and booze numb Cole’s pain and help him forget for a bit, but being here with his family makes him feel again. Feel everything that’s right in the world.
Dax brings the Hummer to a stop in front of a bakery and jumps out, but Cole gets to Birdy’s side first and helps her out.
“Congrats, Momma.”
“Thanks, Cole.” She wraps him up in a long hug.
Cole’s head continues to pound, but for now he can mask the pain. He needs this moment with his family. Birdy bounds off into the bakery, followed by Dax and Cole.
“Dax.”
“Yeah.”
“I need help.”
“You got it, brother.”
Chapter 8
Dax wasn’t lying about helping. He’s been by Cole’s side the last two days and is even with him while they wait for the results from his blood workup. He made a doctor’s appointment for Cole the day after his massive headache. Cole hasn’t touched Oxy in two days, but Dax did let him drink his Jack.
“Cole, nice to see you again.” The doctor steps in the room and takes a seat on the opposite side from the two men.
“Yeah.” Cole sits up a little straighter in his seat, pissed that Dax has pushed this issue.
“Well, I don’t know how to say this, but your headaches and shakes are more than just the side effects of using.” He pauses and pulls some papers from his folder. “Your bloodwork indicates something else is going on. We’d like to run some more tests.” The doctor continues talking about brain tumors and blood counts, but Cole checks out of the conversation.
Dax’s voice breaks into Cole’s trance. “Thanks, we’ll schedule up front.”
The door shuts behind the doctor, and Cole looks up to his brother.
“We’ll get through this. It might be nothing.”
Cole just nods and heads straight for the door; he needs fresh air right now. He walks quickly through the halls. He knows Dax has to race to the other side of the hospital to meet Birdy for her appointment. Cole’s shoes pound the floor, causing a deafening echo to resound in his head. The faster he walks, the louder it gets.
Tears prick, but he refuses to give in to them. This cannot be happening right now. He throws open the door and lets the fresh air hit him. Cole takes in a few deep breaths to settle his racing heart and terrible thoughts. He places his hands on his hips, tilts his head back, and feels the urge to scream.
“Cole.”
He looks down and spots Jax sitting on a bench in the sun with her legs crossed and a worried look on her face. He raises his glasses to the top of his head, letting a few wet drops escape from his eyes.
“I don’t need you here, Jax.”
“I want to be here.” She grips the side of the bench until her knuckles turn white.
“Well, some people don’t get everything they want.”
“You got bad news, didn’t you?”
“Would that make you happy, Jax?”
She stands and takes a step closer to Cole. “You’re the one who broke my heart, and then when I forgave you and wanted you back in my life, it was you again who rejected me.” Jax takes a step closer and pokes Cole in the chest with each word she speaks. She doesn’t hold back her tears. “I loved you, Cole Sterling. I still love you.”
“What does your soon to be husband think of all of this?” He holds up both arms.
“What?”
“You damn well knew I was in Denver, and you marched your happy ass here with your fiancé to get married, even putting Dax and Birdy in the middle of all of this.”
Jax slaps Cole in the face. “I’m not getting married, asshole. My best friend from high school is, and I’m in the wedding party.”
Cole steps back, reeling from her words. “I tried calling you, and a man answered your phone. You were in the shower.”
“Yeah, at work, you asshole, and I tried calling you back, but you never answered. That day , when you called , it turned my world upside down and gave me the slightest hope of us again.” Jax steps back until she’s near the bench and sits down. “And you can bet your sweet ass if I knew I’d run into you or any of your family, I would’ve declined the offer.”
Cole watches as streams of tears run from her eyes. Jax isn’t the emotional type, and seeing her in this fragile state threatens to knock the last shred of humanity from him.
“Jax.”
“Cole, just fucking walk away. It’s what you’re good at. I never should’ve come here.”
“I’m scared.”
Jax looks up at him with her puffy eyes. “Of what?”
“Dying and never having the chance to be with the one woman I’ve ever loved.” He takes a step closer to her and drops to his knees, burying his face in her lap.
“What did they say, Cole?”
He lets go as she rubs small circles on his back and runs her hands through his hair.
“They are running more tests,” Cole says between his tears. “But the doctor thinks it’s a possible brain tumor from the blood results and symptoms. Cancer, fuck, I don’t know.”
“Shhhh, stop, Cole. Don’t panic until they run more tests. Calm down.” Jax runs both of her hands up to his shoulders and back down.
“I’m fucking scared, Jax.” He sit back up. “I fucked up with you, and fucked up so much more. I walked away because I’m not good enough for you.”
Jax cups his face and tugs him forward as she leans down. “Funny thing is you don’t get to decide that.”
She places her lips on his, and it’s like a magical spark fires off between them. Jax begins moving her lips slowly against his, licking the outline of his lips while lightly moaning.
Cole pulls back and grips onto her forearms. “I’ve been with another woman and several men since you.”
“Okay,” she responds.
“Okay? You can’t just say okay, Jax. Fucking talk to me.”
She stands, leaving Cole bent down on his knees. “You want me to talk to you? I don’t fucking care who you’ve been with, or how many men, or anything else. I’m staring down at the only man I’ve ever loved. The one man who made me feel and was loyal and trustworthy when he gave me his whole heart.” She pauses, clearing her throat and wiping away miscellaneous tears. “And now I’m looking into this man’s eyes who won’t accept my love and know he may be dying. What do you want me to say?”
“Stay with me tonight, Jax. I need you.”
A long pause comes between the two. “I can’t go there again, Cole. It’s either all or nothing. You choose me or your lifestyle.”
He stands up to face her and places his hand on the back of her head, pulling Jax into his lips. This time he drives the kiss, soaking up her taste and relishing her feel on him. He darts his tongue along the seam of her lips, waiting for her to open up to him, and when she does, Cole attacks.
They hear someone clear their throat, and they turn to see Dax and Birdy standing behind them. Birdy’s eyes are puffy, and it’s clear her doctor appointment went about as well as his did. Cole immediately leaves Jax and goes over to Birdy, wrapping her up in a strong hug.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She wipes a rolling tear from her cheek. “What did the doctor say to you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Cole tries to smile.
“Fair enough.”
“Let’s get the fuck out of here for tonight.”
All three sets of eyes flash over to the giant.
“Everything is set for the wedding, so let’s just get away for a bit.”
“Sounds good to me,” Cole responds.
Birdy shrugs in agreement, leaving all eyes on Jax.
“Go ahead, I’ll catch a cab back to the hotel.”
Cole grabs her hand, tugging her toward him. “You’re going with us.”
Dax and Birdy take off toward Made To Sin’s large company SUV. Cole begins to walk, with Jax hesitantly following behind. “What are we doing?”
“It’s just a night.” Cole opens the door for her.
“It’s not just a night. It’s my heart that’s at stake.”
Chapter 9
Jax keeps fidgeting with her phone in the back seat of the SUV, and Cole finally snatches it from her hands and sends it sailing into the front seat.
“Dax, lock that bitch up.”
“Cole.” Jax slaps his shoulder.
He scoots over to sit right next to her. “Did you let your friend know you’ll be back by lunch tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“Then you don’t need that damn thing.”
“Cole, I’m nervous.”
He presses his mouth up to her ear. “Me too, Doc.”
She elbows him hard in the ribs. “Don’t fuck with me, Cole.”
“Oh my god, my head.” He clutches it with both hands. “Oh.”
“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Jax leans forward, trying to see Cole’s face.
He rises slowly. “Gotcha, Doc.”
“You motherfucker,” Jax yells, but is barely heard over the roar of laughter coming from Dax and Cole. Even Birdy giggles.
“What did I get myself into?” Jax pats Cole’s thigh.
“Is there really any other place you’d rather be?” Cole kisses her forehead.
“Sadly, no.”
“Settle in, kids, we have about a three hour drive until we get to our little getaway.” Dax turns up the music while pulling down his shades.
“Where are we going?” Birdy asks.
“To a cabin.”
“Let me know if I need to stop, baby.” Birdy nods at Dax, and Cole picks up on something between them. And it’s not good; in fact, his gut tells him something is very wrong.
“You tired, Cole?”
He looks down to Jax, who is nestled up against the door. “I am.”
She lightly pats her thighs, gesturing for him to lie down. He follows her orders and is out within minutes.
Blood is strewn everywhere, coating his hands, while mangled limbs lie lifelessly about. Cole struggles to find a familiar face in the sea of unknown ones. His heart stops and he gasps for air, then he tries to beat his chest, and feels his heart start again.
A piece of paper floats into his hand. Red writing fills the empty white space.
If only you’d taken the time to love me.
The simple words cause him to shiver, and that’s when he sees her body lying on the top of pile. He runs to Jax and grabs the paper from her hand.
Just love me, Cole.
He checks for a heartbeat, but she’s cold to the touch, with blood oozing from her slashed throat. He feels his head pound again, and then the lightning pain settles in and he drops to his knees. Liquid runs down the side of his face, and he wipes it off and notices blood covering his fingers.
“Cole.” He feels his shoulder shake, but doesn’t take his eyes off a tall, dark shadow standing before him.
“Wake up.” This time he feels a blow to his gut that causes him to gasp for air.
“Dax.” Jax slaps him in the back of the head. Then Cole notices Jax has turned pale.
“Are you okay? Are you in pain?” Jax wipes the sweat of from his forehead.
“Just a bad dream.”
“Oh my god, you were holding your head, yelping in what sounded like pain.”
“I’m going to check in.” Dax turns and walks away from the back door.
“Damn, who punched me?”
“Who do you think?” Jax asks, rolling her eyes.
“Where’s Birdy?” Cole sits up slowly.
Jax points to the front seat where Cole spots a sleeping Birdy. Instinctively, he sits forward and places a kiss on her cheek.
“I think something is really wrong with her.”
“Why?” Cole quickly turns back to Jax.
She places a finger over her lips, hushing him. “Because Dax was overprotective of her.”
“That’s normal,” Cole interrupts.
“If you’d let me finish. We had to stop three times for her. The third time, I went into the bathroom even though she insisted I didn’t. She was bleeding everywhere and crying hysterically.”
“Fuck.” Cole looks for something to pound in the cab. “She’s pregnant.”
Jax’s eyes flash with a warning that’s nothing but negative.
“Can it? I mean can she still be…”
Jax gently shakes her head. Dax pulls open the passenger door. “Okay, see that big ass cabin over there? That’s us. Cole, help Jax pack stuff in.”
“What stuff?”
Jax points to the back of the SUV, and Cole spots several grocery bags.
“Where did that come from?”
“We stopped and bought a few things, Sleeping Beauty.”
“You left me in the car.” Cole feigns shock.
“Yeah, we even left a free sign, take at your own risk, on the back window.” Jax giggles at her own joke.
“You would.” Cole grabs her hand before she slides from the back seat. “Jax, I want forever with you, but I have to work through some shit. I’m never walking away from you again.”
She hops down to the gravel lot and quirks an eyebrow up at him. “That nightmare must’ve been pretty scary, huh?”
“Not compared to the last months without you in my life.” He slides down to his feet, wedging himself between the SUV and Jax, and then places his hands on her cheeks. “Let me back in.”
“Cole.” Jax wraps her arms around his neck. “You never left my heart.”
He bends down and kisses the tip of her nose. “But we have some very serious conversations ahead of us.”
“Deal, but tonight I think we need to be here for your brother and Birdy.”
“Agreed.” Cole places his lips on Jax’s. “We can play later.”
She pushes off his chest and whips her long braid around as she turns for the trunk. “Maybe, Cole.”
He follows her along the decorated path leading to the expansive cabin and up several steps before they reach the front door. Both of their arms are loaded with bags full of shit. The foyer of the cabin is astonishing. It’s like something from a movie with high ceilings and an ornate chandelier, and stuffed wildlife everywhere.
“I’m going to lay Birdy down.” Dax stands in the living room looking down at his sleeping Birdy perched on the couch.
“Dax, may I?” Jax sets her bags down on a large pine table. “It might help her not feel so guilty. I know how hard this can be.”
“She’s going to hate me for this.”
“No, she won’t, Dax. Neither of you had any control over this.”
“I flipped when I found out she was pregnant. I mean really flipped out, and now this.”
“Let me help her.”
Dax throws his hands to the back of his head, running them up and down. “Fine.”
Cole sets down his bags and begins unpacking shit to avoid the whole emotional mess and to suppress his own tears. Several bags are filled with clothes, while the other half are filled with drinks and snack food. He finds a six-pack of Dax’s favorite beer and turns back to Jax, who is waking Birdy with Dax hovering over her.
“Dax.” He holds up the six-pack.
He nods and they both make their way out to the back porch. It’s dark out, but the fresh mountain air is soothing.
“Man, I’m a di
ck. I had no idea what you two were going through.”
“Yeah, you’re a dick, all right.” Dax cracks his bottle open and begins drinking.
An awkward silence takes over between the brothers. Neither of them has ever gone through something like this. It’s times like these when Cole would give anything for his old man to be here to help Dax process this.
Dax sends his beer sailing over the rail of the porch. The shattered glass echoes as it lands on the rocks below.
“We lost the baby.” He pauses, cracking open another beer. “The fuckers have to schedule her for DNC. She’s carrying my dead baby.”
Dax loses it, breaking down in tears, and it’s a rare sight for Cole.
“What’s a DNC?”
“Where they take the baby out.”
“Do they know what happened or…” Cole feels like an ass for asking these questions, but he doesn’t know what else to do.
Dax just shrugs and finishes his second beer and sends it sailing as well. “She doesn’t have a fucking medical history because of her crazy mom. I know it’s all my fucking karma catching up with me. I’ve cursed her.”
“Stop. It’s life. Shit happens. No one is at fault.” Cole turns toward his brother. “What do we do when we get hurt? We hurt ourselves and others even more. I’m the fucking poster child. I’m probably walking around with a fucking time bomb in my skull and regret every day of the last five months.” Cole grabs his first beer and cracks it open. “Don’t go down this road with the slippery slope, man. Don’t waste a fucking single second with that woman.”
“Cole, I’m feeling something I’ve never felt before.” Dax pauses. “I’m sad, genuinely heart-broken and sad. I’ve never felt this.”
Dax breaks down into loud sobs, and Cole has no other words for his brother. He does the only thing he can. He hugs him and lets his brother grieve over the child he’ll never have the chance to raise. Cole even finds his own tears rolling down his cheeks for the nephew or niece he’ll never meet or get the chance to spoil the shit out of. And no doubt both brothers cry for Birdy’s broken heart.
Chapter 10
Cole feels the bed dip and turns to see an exhausted Jax.
“Everything okay?”