by Selena Kitt
“I said it’s not here.” He lowered his voice, trying to make it a little softer and less threatening. She probably thought he was here to kill her—and with good reason. Her fellow Paladins had done considerable damage and shot several of Boone’s crew before they’d been able to take them out. The murdering bastards were all dead now—all but the pilot who had gotten away and this one, standing naked and shaky before him.
“Where did you put it? Give it to me—now.” Her demanding tone was at odds with the way she was shivering.
Boone smirked. “I don’t think you’re in any position to be making demands, darlin’.”
“What have you done with it? And what did you do to me?” She nodded down at her inner right thigh and the row of black stitches it had taken him almost half an hour to place.
Boone frowned. “Had to cut it off you in order to stitch you up. And that’s all I did,” he added, seeing the look on her face. “I’m a physician, not a damn pervert.”
“You cut it? You cut my suit?” The expression on her face was neutral but the tone of her voice was the same as though he’d announced he’d had to amputate one of her arms for her own good.
Boone took a step toward her, hands outstretched in what he hoped was a nonthreatening gesture. The table was still between them and he wanted to get closer in case she fell. “Take it easy, I didn’t destroy it—it’s just going to be out of commission for a little bit while it regenerates.”
“Where is it?”
“Some place safe. You’ll get it back later if you cooperate. Look, I had to cut it. You’d nicked your femoral artery and I had to get to it fast or you would have bled out.”
“So you did this?” She nodded down at the stitches again. “Not a mechanoid?”
He nodded. “Yeah, not my neatest work, I’ll admit, but you littles are so damn tiny and like I said, I was in a hurry.” Then her words sank in. “Where the hell would I find a mechanoid that could do such a delicate procedure?”
“We have them.” Her voice was faint. “On Athena. The mechanoids there do everything.”
“Must be nice.” Boone took another step toward her. “Now look, darlin’, you need to sit down. You’ve lost a lot of blood and—”
“Stay back, don’t touch me!” She seemed to be keeping herself on a tight leash but Boone could see a thin ring of white all around the edges of her black-on-black eyes, betraying her panic. Well, so much for Paladins being emotionless. You’re scaring the shit out of her, Boone—great going.
“Look, I’m not gonna hurt you,” he tried to reassure her. “But you’re pretty damn shaky and you need to sit down.”
“Just tell me how long it took to put them in. How long were we in... in physical c-contact?” She seemed to be having a hard time getting the words out and not just because her teeth had started chattering.
“What does it matter?” Boone took another step toward her.
“Stay back!” She tried to back away and fell.
“Shit!” K heard him say. He ran to where she lay on the cold metal floor jittering like a broken thing, her muscles seizing and locking. Her stomach rolled and her eyes blurred. Her vision had narrowed down to a pinpoint.
“Christ, what the hell is going on with you? Hang on.” His voice sounded concerned instead of angry but K didn’t care anymore—couldn’t care. She was too busy shaking herself apart.
She heard him rummaging around in one of the cabinets and then something sharp stabbed her in her upper arm. The pain was unexpected but she locked her jaw against it, refusing to cry out. I fear nothing, I feel nothing. I fear nothing, I feel nothing. She chanted the Paladin’s code over and over in her head, trying to get control of her mutinous body. She guessed he must have given her a drug to stop whatever was happening to her but so far it wasn’t working.
“Damn it, what the hell’s wrong?” she heard him muttering. “Those are the strongest anti-seizure meds I’ve got. They should have worked.”
“What’s going on? What’s wrong with her?” The new voice in the room barely registered. Through her new tunnel vision K saw a pair of dainty white and gold boots, much smaller than the huge black clodhoppers the giant was wearing. They were just at eyelevel and right in front of her or she couldn’t have seen them at all.
“She’s seizing. You didn’t tell me removing the suit would fuck her up this badly.”
“I didn’t know. I’ve never seen this kind of reaction before. It’s almost like...”
“Like what?”
“No, that wouldn’t make any sense. Never mind, just get her up—on the table.”
Huge hands bigger than K’s head reached out for her. Bare hands. And she was still as naked as the day she’d come from the artificial womb. No! She cried out weakly and tried to roll away but there was no place to go.
“Hold still, I’m not gonna hurt you.” The giant’s voice was exasperated and oddly gentle, as though he was talking to a hurt animal which was basically what she had been reduced to. As his hands touched her bare flesh K felt as though every muscle in her body was contracting at once. Contaminated, her mind babbled. Purity help me, contaminated!
But the strangest thing happened. Around her shoulders and back and under her knees where she could feel his hands and arms, the muscles began to unclench. Wherever he touched her the horrible seizing pain suddenly stopped. It didn’t matter though—K preferred the pain. Would rather have it a thousand times worse than it was now than to have his hands on her for even a micron.
“Don’t touch me!” she gasped as the giant lifted her. “Don’t... contaminated.”
“What the hell is she talking about?” the giant rumbled.
“They don’t like to be touched without their suits. Or with them, come to that,” the second voice answered.
“That must be why she kept asking if I’d touched her or not. Take it easy, darlin’. I’m putting you down.”
K felt the cold metal of the table against her back again but then the second voice said, “Wait.”
“What, Loki? I don’t have time for this. I need you to hold her while I try a different drug.”
“You don’t need any other drug. Look—she’s getting better. She’s not jerking as much. See?”
Two faces leaned over her. The giant’s and another that was much smaller. K couldn’t tell if it was male or female but the eyes were a brilliant green with gold rings around the outer edge of the irises. They were set in a sharp, cat-like face and surrounded by a halo of dark red hair. Both of them studied her intently and dispassionately as she struggled to keep hold of herself and remember her training. She had to be strong, had to survive. But Purity help me, he’s touching me. Then, mercifully, the giant’s hands were withdrawn, leaving her alone on the cold metal table.
At once her muscles began contracting again and she thrashed helplessly, nearly falling off the narrow surface.
“Shit! She’s at it again. Hold her while I get a shot of—”
“No shots, Boone,” the one called Loki said. “Just touch her.”
“What? You said she didn’t want to be touched,” the giant protested. “Besides what she needs is—”
“What she needs is to be touched. Do it, now.”
“May I remind you that I’m the physician here, Loki and you’re the fucking pilot,” the giant grumbled but then K felt his hands on her again, pressing down on her shoulders and knees to keep her from thrashing off the table and onto the floor.
“No!” she gasped weakly. “No.” Despite her protests, she felt the pain easing where he touched. Her stomach was still tied in knots and her vision was blurred but she no longer felt like her body was turning itself inside out.
K didn’t care. She wanted the pain back and his hands off.
“You may be the Goddess damned physician, Boone, but I’m the one from Eros.” Loki sounded smug. “I know touch deprivation when I see it and she’s got the worst case I’ve ever seen.”
“Touch deprivation? Thought
only you Erians got that,” the giant, whose name was apparently Boone protested. “She’s a Purist.”
“Purist or not, she’s got it all right. Got it bad. Look, she’s still having a hard time. It’ll be better if you take off your shirt and hold her.”
“What?” Boone sounded shocked—almost as unwilling to touch her as K was to be touched.
“Skin-to-skin contact is the only thing that eases it. You don’t do it, she could die.”
“Why me though?” The hands left her for a minute and K heard a rustling sound. She turned her head to see a broad, muscular expanse of tan skin being revealed as Boone removed the dark red shirt he’d been wearing. Bare skin. More bare skin than she’d ever seen in her life. K felt like she was going to die. Wished she could die.
The one called Loki shrugged—an effeminate, almost cat-like gesture. “You touched her first. She’s imprinted on you.”
“Imprinted on me? Oh great—this just gets better and better.” But despite his protests, Boone scooped her up again. Before K could try to get away he was cradling her in his arms, her entire right side pressed against his bare chest.
“No, please. Purity help me, please no.” Her voice was little more than a whisper and to her horror, she actually felt a lump in her throat. She hadn’t been subject to such strong emotions since before she had first been fitted for her skinsuit. Somehow she choked the unwanted feelings down and tried to make her voice dispassionate. “Let me go.”
“Can’t, darlin’. Much as I hate to admit it, seems like Loki’s right about this. You do better when I’m touching you.” Boone peered down at her, his blue-green eyes filled with a mixture of irritation and concern. “Don’t worry that I’m getting off on it, though. I don’t want to be near you anymore than you want to be near me.”
“Put me... put me down.” K struggled weakly against him. The wall of his chest was solid and warm and his scent was like nothing she had ever smelled—spicy and ineffably masculine somehow. It was very different from the bland smell of her own suit-cleaned skin. Vital. Alive. Bare. Contaminated. Contaminated beyond hope of cleansing. They’ll have to purge me. I should purge myself.
The thought penetrated her brain with a finality that made her stop struggling and go limp. Her head dropped against Boone’s chest and she heard a slow, steady drumming in her ear. At first she couldn’t think what it was and then K realized it must be his heart. A random thought skittered across her brain. Never been close enough to anyone to hear their heartbeat.
No, and she had never wanted to be either. The very thought of this much skin-to-skin contact was alien to her. Unthinkable. Deplorable. And yet it was happening and there was no way she could stop it. She, Commander K, who had always been so strong and in control of herself was suddenly too weak and sick to avoid contamination.
A wave of self-loathing rolled over her and then she was disgusted with herself for feeling any emotion at all. But without the suit she couldn’t seem to help it—the feelings just came and there was no way to push them away. Any more than she could push away the giant who was holding her.
Gradually her disgust and horror faded and K just felt numb. The pain was completely gone but there was no hope for her now. The stitches in her thigh were nothing compared to this... this full body contact. She would have to die. She was already dead.
Boone was relieved when she finally stopped fighting him. “That’s good, darlin’,” he murmured, cradling her against his chest. “That’s right, just relax.”
“Well she’s not much to look at, that’s for certain,” Loki sniffed. He was a full blooded Erian and very concerned with physical appearances.
Boone made a noise in his throat. “Like you ever look at anything female. What would you know?”
“I’m speaking from a purely aesthetic point of view. Look at her.” Loki gestured at the Paladin lying limp in Boone’s arms. “She’s completely flat—she looks like a little girl that somehow grew to massive proportions.”
“Massive?” Boone snorted. “She’s tiny. Just because she’s not quite as itty-bitty as the rest of you littles doesn’t make her huge.”
The girl struggled briefly, as though she might want to protest his statement but then settled down again.
You want to sit down?” Loki asked him. “She’s all muscle, she must be heavy.”
“Nah, I could hold her all day. She’s light as a feather.” Boone shifted slightly and looked down at her. “Do you want a blanket? You getting cold?”
She started to shake her head and then apparently changed her mind. “Y-yes. I’d like a blanket.” She sounded as listless as she looked. Boone couldn’t believe he’d ever seen her as a threat.
“I’ll get one.” Loki turned to go.
“Do that,” Boone said. “And tell Mom to sim her something hot to drink. Some coffee or hot tea or something. She looks like she needs it.”
“She needs more than that.” Loki threw the girl an unfriendly glance as the silver door whooshed shut behind him.
It was obvious the Erian already hated her and Boone couldn’t say that he blamed the man. Loki’s touch partner, Chall, had been one of the first to die when the Paladins had come in with guns blazing. Loki and Chall hadn’t been life bonded and had fought like cats and dogs most of the time but there had been genuine affection between them. And without the other man Loki was crippled. I’ll have to keep an eye on him. Wouldn’t put it past Loki to try and get some kind of revenge. Nothing fatal—he knew what Boone needed the Paladin for. But still, Erians could be tricky.
The girl stirred weakly against Boone’s chest and he looked down at her. “You okay, darlin’?”
“My squad... where are they? Are you holding them in other rooms?”
“Your crew is dead.” Boone said, more harshly than he’d intended. “Don’t worry though, they took a few of us with them. That should make you feel better.”
Her strange eyes flashed. “No, what would make me feel better is to purge the whole lot of you.”
“That’s what you were coming to do, wasn’t it?” He shook his head. “You know, when we bought this Erian ship at the scrappers to use for bait, I didn’t think it would work. I didn’t really believe you’d attack us just because we were different.”
“Erians are depraved.” Her voice was cold and impersonal, as though she was reciting dogma she’d been taught from an early age. “They deserve to be purged. Other races can be subjugated but the Erian ways—”
“What do you know about our ways, Purist?” Loki had returned. In one hand he held a white thermal blanket and in the other, a mug full of steaming liquid.
The girl glanced at him dispassionately. “I know that you touch each other all the time—your whole planet is contaminated. And you...” She swallowed hard as though fighting down revulsion. “You reproduce sexually. Disgusting.”
Boone stared down at her in disbelief. “You think they should be wiped out because they have sex? How the hell do your people reproduce? The whole damn planet can’t be abstinent or you’d have died out cycles ago.”
Loki answered for her. “Purists are genetically engineered and grown in artificial wombs. These huge fucking grow-tanks that hold something like a hundred and fifty babies at once.”
“The upper limit of fetus distribution is fifty-five and that is only for workers,” the girl said, frowning at him. “There are never more than thirty for my own kind—Paladins. How do you know so much about my world anyway?”
“Because I escaped from one of your genetics labs after being captured in the Pan wars. So I know exactly what you’re capable of.” Loki threw down the thermal blanket and slapped the mug on the table with a thunk. Steaming brown liquid sloshed over the side and onto the floor. “There.” He glared first at the girl, then at Boone. “Get Mom to help you with her. I’ve had enough. Murdering Purist bitch.”
Boone blamed himself for what happened next. The Paladin had been quiet and limp against his chest for so long that Boone ha
d loosened his grip. She seemed so fragile without the suit—like a bird that might break its own wings trying to get free of him if he wasn’t careful. But now she demonstrated that all the rumors he’d heard about the Paladins’ training were true.
Suddenly she launched herself from his arms and lunged for Loki. In one smooth move she plucked the ceremonial gogi dagger from the sheath he kept at the back of his belt and aimed it for her own heart. She thumbed it on and a faint popping and crackling broke the sudden silence of the room as a blue energy field enveloped the dagger’s copper blade. The blade was razor sharp, Boone knew, but it didn’t really have to be. The energy field would melt through flesh as though it was snow. The Paladin was going to kill herself and if she died, his last hope would die with her.