by Rada, J. R.
“I feel that if the things I have seen come to pass, the crops will not matter,” Adam told her after a moment.
He imagined what the world would look like if the dark kachinas were free. He shook at the image of the pale-skinned Bow Clan overrunning his beloved Fourth World.
Adam sat down on the small stool next to the basin and held his head in his hands. Sarah stood at his side stroking his hair.
“Are you all right, Grandfather? Should I get Peter?” Sarah asked.
She started to move away, but Adam grabbed her arm and motioned for her to stay.
“I’ve already seen Peter in the kiva. He can’t help me.”
“Then tell me why you are so afraid. What has driven you away from the fields and into the kiva?” Sarah told him.
“I cannot.”
Sarah turned. “Then I’ll find Peter.”
Adam held up his hand. “Wait. Don’t go to Peter. He already thinks I am crazy.”
Sarah crossed her arms over her chest. “He’s not the only one.”
“Then you’ve heard the talk, too?” Sarah nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It would have only added to the sorrows that you’re holding inside yourself. But you don’t need to hold your sorrows inside. I’m not my grandmother, but I love you too. I would share your sorrows with you to lighten the burden you carry.” Sarah pressed her grandfather’s hand against her cheek.
So compassionate. It was odd, thought Adam, that his own daughter, Patricia, who had been a full-blooded Hopi, looked and acted less like Connie, than his granddaughter, who was half-white, and had her mother’s dark skin and straight black hair and her father’s blue eyes and narrower face. Even though she was only half-Hopi by birth, in many ways, Sarah was more Hopi than Patricia had ever been or ever would be.
Adam motioned to the chair by the window. “Sit, and we will talk of visions and beliefs and which is correct.”
Sarah sat down on the wooden chair and waited for her grandfather to begin.
CHAPTER 3
Darkness.
It was dark, so dark.
Why did it have to be dark? David hated the dark. Ever since he was a kid and learned the dangers that could hide in the dark.
It swirled around him rolling like a wave. He could feel it moving between his legs and over his chest, chilling his body like cold water. It poured into his mouth and nostrils choking him until he swallowed. He reached out his hand for nothing in particular and touched the darkness. It passed through his fingers like water.
He shivered not from the chill of the darkness, but from his fear of the darkness. This was ultimate darkness. To David, it meant danger. His mind would not tell him why it was dangerous, only that he should fear it.
This was all he could remember and all he could see. Where was he? How long had it been since he had seen the light?
A flash of light. A clap of thunder.
For a moment, David saw a pale-skinned man lying in front of him. The man wore a yellow-and-black robe, but most of it was missing. Most of the center of the man’s body was nothing more than a charred, black hole.
Was this a dream? Some sort of disjointed nightmare trying to destroy his sleep. He couldn’t be sure, but it had to be a dream.
Didn’t it?
Had he fallen asleep or passed out? Time must be passing, but he couldn’t be sure. There was no way to tell. He couldn’t even see the luminous hands on his watch when he held it up close to his face and he had no idea where his cell phone was. There was no trace of light, not even a lighter area among the pitch-black darkness.
Something unseen grabbed his ankles and yanked his legs. David screamed. Although it was his legs that burned, he felt the pain sear his entire body. It felt as if someone had lit his legs on fire, but he saw no light to mark that a fire was near.
Something hard and ridged covered his mouth and muffled his scream. David jerked his head back and forth, but the covering moved with him. It loosened itself briefly, and something that tasted like gritty pudding was pushed inside his mouth. David tried to spit out the foul-tasting mix, but two fingers pinched his nose shut and a hand covered his mouth shut until he swallowed the gritty pudding. Almost immediately the pain in his body subsided. His head buzzed, but it did not ache.
David relaxed. He knew he was in danger, but his body felt so light. He thought he would float away to the top of the darkness and into the light where it was safe.
When David became aware again, he was running as fast as he could, but he wasn’t moving forward. He thrust his arms out in front of him to feel his way along the passage. It was only when his fingertips grazed the rough surface of the walls that he realized he was moving forward. His legs pumped up and down, and his breath came in ragged gasps, which tore at his throat.
What was he running from?
He stopped to catch his breath. Leaning forward, he placed his forearms on his thighs, and inhaled deeply. His legs ached, but not because of the running. This was a deeper pain, one that seemed to reside in the core of his legs. He massaged them, but the pain did not subside.
How long had he been running?
Why was it so dark? He wanted to see the light. It didn’t have to be much light, just something that would...
Would what?
Protect you.
The thought was spoken in his head but not in his voice. The monotone voice he heard spoke with an unnatural precision. Did the conscience have a different voice than the body?
There was a slightly musty smell in the air. He wished he could see where he was, but he could see nothing except the total darkness that surrounded him. How was he able to run in the darkness without continually running into walls? Was he on an immense, dark plain?
David glanced over his shoulder out of habit. He didn’t know what he expected to see behind him. A monster, glowing in the dark, closing the gap between them, perhaps?
There was only the black darkness. Never had he seen a darkness so black.
No. That wasn’t right.
There had been another time. Long ago. He couldn’t remember it clearly, but he knew that this was not the first time he had been in such an utter darkness. He tried unsuccessfully not to tremble. How could such darkness swallow up all the light?
David guessed he was in a tunnel, but even in a tunnel there was always some light that his eyes could adjust to using. Even the starlite goggles his Army Reserves platoon used on maneuvers wouldn’t be able to find enough ambient light to illuminate this area.
Whatever was behind him was getting closer. He didn’t know what it was or how it could see him in the darkness. Even animals with eyes that were adapted to night couldn’t see in total darkness. He wasn’t even sure how he knew whatever was out there in the unknown darkness was coming for him, but he did.
Although he was tired, he started jogging again.
How long had he been running?
He couldn’t remember.
Where was he running to?
He couldn’t remember.
He couldn’t remember anything, could he? What was wrong with him? He tried to tell himself there was nothing behind him, but he wasn’t totally convinced. Something had to have started him running in the first place. So what had it been?
And where was he?
David glanced behind himself again, wondering if he was moving. Whatever he thought was behind him had moved even closer. Somehow he could sense it. If only he could see it. Maybe it was nothing more dangerous than a bat.
No, it wasn’t a bat, it was...
He couldn’t remember.
He screamed at having to tell himself those three words again.
As he ran faster, his legs cried out in pain. Though he couldn’t remember how long he had been running, he knew it had been too long. His thighs and calves burned and shook, and his pace began to slow.
He was too tired.
He should stop and rest again. There was nothing behind him. He was sure of it. So
why was he so afraid to stop running?
Disembodied voices spoke all around him. He couldn’t understand their words, but he could tell there was more than one voice. One of the voices was higher pitched than others. Another one spoke faster than the other two.
They had found him again.
Again?
He couldn’t remember ever hearing these voices before, so why did he think he was hearing them again?
He couldn’t even understand what they were saying. They spoke in mumbles amongst themselves, but he was sure they were talking about him.
Had he died? Had whatever he was running from caught up with him and killed him? Was he hearing the voices of angels coming to lead him to God?
He twisted his head to the side to see if any of the voices had a body, but he couldn’t see anything in the darkness.
To his left, a voice said, “He’s coming out of it.”
English. The voice spoke English! Someone had found him and rescued him. He would be safe.
Off to his right, another voice mumbled its response. The voice was low and distorted, but he was sure it was female. It was not deep enough to be a male voice.
Ahead of him, he heard someone walking away from him. Whoever was making the sounds moved away fast. Had he scared them off? Were these voices what he had felt following him? Had he been running from the help he had been looking for?
Suddenly, he felt the need to reach out and touch the body that belonged to one of the voices. Did angels have human bodies? The one voice he had understood had certainly sounded human. He stretched out his left hand toward the voice that he had understood. He just wanted to touch the person to know that it had a body and he wasn’t alone in the darkness.
A pair of hands pushed him back against a wall made of something soft. But they had been hands! Human hands. He was not alone. David tried to move forward, but the hands kept him pressed tightly against the wall.
“His pulse is thready,” a voice on his left said.
He wanted to tell them he was friendly. He didn’t want to cause them any trouble. He just wanted to find his way out of the darkness because he would die without the light. He wanted to wake up in his bed and discover he had dreamed everything. He wanted to tell them all of this but when he opened his mouth to speak to them, nothing came out. He knew the words he wanted to say, but he couldn’t form them. It was as if he had forgotten how to speak.
He tried to move forward again, but the hands still held him back. A screeching whistle sounded above his head. Why didn’t someone turn it off? The noise hurt his ears. He tried to clap his hands over his ears, but he couldn’t move his arms. They lay numb at his side.
There was a sharp pain in his right arm near the elbow. He tried to scream and this time the sound did come out. He could hear himself screaming even above the noise of the whistle. Then his scream began to fade. As it did, the whistle stopped and the mumbling voices faded, too.
All that was left was the darkness.
Always the darkness.
The light appeared slowly like a sunrise taking place over a number of hours instead of a few minutes. It had been so long since he had seen any light, David did not recognize it at first. When he did, he cried with joy. He moved toward the light wanting to be immersed in its brightness. He never seemed to get any closer to it, though. It always stayed just beyond his reach. He stretched his arms out toward it wanting to grab it, hold it, embrace it.
It wasn’t really a light, but more of a haze with no real color or boundaries. What had once been black slowly turned to gray, and the gray just as slowly increased in intensity. Still, he had never seen anything quite so beautiful. He didn’t know how long he watched the light appear, but there was nothing else he could do or wanted to do. Even so, there was not enough light from the spreading gray area to reveal where he was. Maybe it would come later.
A darker blob of gray moved into his line of vision from the right side, eclipsing his newfound light. The hazy lines marking the edge of the blob changed, giving it a defined form. The blob was a man. David looked at his face as if he had never seen another person before. The man had brown hair and a brown beard and mustache. He wore glasses with circular lenses. David thought the man’s face looked young, but his eyes were much older. They were tired and sad, and filled with doubt and triumph at the same time.
Tears ran down David’s cheeks. He could feel their moist trail on his cheeks. He didn’t want the darkness to return. He wanted the light. Please, let the light return. If this man could keep the darkness from returning, David would be forever in his debt.
David smelled onions. Onions and steak with an antiseptic smell lingering behind the scents. His stomach rumbled at the thought of food. How long had it been since he had eaten? He couldn’t remember.
A blinding light flashed across his eyes as the man flicked a small penlight across his eyes. He wanted to laugh at the bright light. This man had found him. He had saved David from the darkness.
“David? Mr. Purcell? Can you hear me?” the man asked.
David. That was his name. How long had it been since he had heard it spoken?
Too long.
David nodded his response to the question. His neck was stiff and it hurt him to make even the slightest nod. It was worth the pain, though. Someone was speaking to him.
“David?” the man asked, “Can you speak?”
David’s gaze turned toward the woman who stood facing the brown-haired man. He hadn’t noticed her at first, but his field of vision seemed to be widening. At that moment, she was the most-beautiful woman he had ever seen. Perhaps he would think her plain later on, but for now he was happy to stare at her as if she were Venus incarnate.
“David, can you say something?” the man said again.
David tried to say “yes”, but it only came out as a hoarse rasp more like a cough. He was surprised his mouth was so dry. It felt like someone had stuffed a handful of cotton into it.
The woman pressed a cool glass against his lips. Cool water spilled over David’s lips and inside his mouth. He savored the cool moistness it brought. The cottony feeling faded, and he swallowed the water with a loud gulp.
“More,” David whispered.
The woman took the glass away. Her fingertips brushed against his chin as she moved the cup. How long had it been since he felt the touch of another person?
“Later,” she said. She had a lovely voice that reminded David of silk rubbing against his skin.
“But I’m thirsty,” David pleaded.
“I know you are, but too much, too soon, might make you vomit. I don’t want your system shaken up any more than necessary.” Her voice made even the unpleasant words sound melodic.
“Am I in a hospital?” David asked, suddenly placing the antiseptic smell behind the steak and onions.
The man spoke. “Yes, this is Blanding Community Hospital. I’m Dr. Haskell, your doctor for the time being.” David noticed for the first time that both the man and the woman were wearing white outfits. The angels he had thought he heard.
“What happened to me?”
There was a break in the conversation that lasted forever. Now that David finally had someone to talk to, he missed the sound of Dr. Haskell’s voice when he was quiet. He wanted the doctor to talk to him. David wanted to keep talking forever.
Just when he thought the doctor wasn’t going to answer him, the bearded man said, “What do you remember?”
Now it was David’s turn to break the flow of conversation as he tried to remember what might have happened that would have caused him to be in the hospital. At first, when he tried to remember, all he saw was the blackness that he had seen in his dreams. At least he thought they had been dreams. They had to have been.
What had happened before the dreams?
“I fell into a deep hole,” David said, his voice only sounding like a whisper. Why couldn’t he speak in a normal tone?
“And?” the doctor urged him.
“That’s all I remember. Did I pass out?” David answered.
“Nothing else?”
“What’s the matter? Did I break my legs, too?” He remembered the pain he had felt in his legs during one of his dreams and how he had been afraid he would break a bone when he fell.
“No. Do your legs hurt?” Dr. Haskell asked.
The doctor ran his hands along David’s legs, pressing occasionally to check for any deformity that might mark a broken bone.
David shook his head even though it didn’t want to move. His neck felt like an old hinge that had rusted shut and was being forced open. He even thought he could hear popping and creaking sounds from his neck when he shook his head.
“David, you didn’t just fall into a hole. You fell into a cavern. A very large cavern if the newspaper stories are right. The sheriff had an emergency rescue team looking for you down there.”
“Why?” David asked. “I couldn’t have been too difficult to find. I didn’t move...I don’t think.” When he tried to remember what had happened after the fall, all he saw was the darkness, in which case, he would rather not think about it. Maybe the darkness hadn’t been a bad dream.
Dr. Haskell was silent as if he didn’t know what to say next. David could hear his shoes squeaking against the floor as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. What was he afraid to say?
“David, you were missing in the cavern for five weeks.”
CHAPTER 4
“Five weeks!” David shouted. His voice rose to a normal pitch, which, in his condition, was his equivalent to a scream, then fell back to a whisper. “No way! I’ve been out of town for three days.” He tried to hold up three fingers to emphasize the point, but his arm felt stiff and achey. “I just got back in last night, but my car broke down on Highway 191. I was hitchhiking to Blanding and fell into that stupid hole. I probably knocked myself out for five hours, not five weeks.”
With an exhausting effort, David pushed himself up in bed, but Dr. Haskell put his hands on David’s shoulders to push him back down. David remembered how the hands in his dreams had held him against a soft wall, and he realized it hadn’t been a dream--at least not that part of it. The hands in his dream hadn’t been holding him against a wall. They had been pushing him down onto a bed. David tried to knock Dr. Haskell’s hands off his shoulders, but his arms were as weak as a child’s arms.