This girl is under my skin. And I have no fucking idea what the hell I am going to do about it.
Chapter Twelve
Lo
“Welcome to Allure.” I say, leaning against the door frame of the front office where Dax appears to have every client folder in front of him, clearly trying to familiarize himself with all of club's clientele.
“Hey. Yeah thanks.” He says, barely glancing up from the paperwork in front of him.
“I just wanted to thank you for last night and apologize. I can't imagine that is how you wanted to spend your evening.” I say, still having trouble piecing together exactly what happened after I decided to down more shots than I should have even attempted at the bar.
I do however, know what didn't happen. He didn't try anything with me. I woke up on my couch, tucked in with a blanket and completely untouched. Not many guys would have the decency not to take advantage of a girl in my situation. Especially a girl like me. Or at least, not many that I’ve met.
“Yeah, no problem. Don't mention it.” Again he doesn't look up at me as he speaks. I wish I could say that him blowing me off doesn't bother me, but the truth is, it more than bothers me, it infuriates me.
“Okay. Well I guess I will see you around.” I say, pushing away from the door when all he does is nod and continue reading.
What the fuck is his problem? I mean, I get that last night was probably a less than ideal situation but does it really justify him acting like I am the last person he wants to talk to right now? I was actually looking forward to seeing him today and now, well I will be okay if I don't have to see him again for quite some time.
“Get a grip Lo.” I shake my head, making my way back towards my dressing room. Since when do I get all worked up over a guy blowing me off? Fuck that.
Pushing my way inside of my small dressing area, I immediately flop down on my cushioned vanity chair and turn to look at myself in the mirror. My eyes look tired and there are dark bags underneath them. Stupid man. Stupid shots. Stupid me.
I drop my elbows to the top of the vanity and sink my head into my hands. If I could just sleep for a few more hours, maybe I would feel more like myself. I hear a knock on my door, followed by the creak of the wood as it is pushed open.
Glancing up, I catch sight of Anna just as she steps inside and closes the door behind her. “Hey.” She says, smiling widely at me.
Turning to face her, I try my best to push my issues to the back of my mind and take a deep breath. “Hey. What are you doing here?” I ask. “And what is that?” I tack on, pointing at what appears to be a long piece of paper hanging loosely between her fingers.
“We had a doctors appointment this afternoon and then Bentley took me out to dinner. He needed to stop by and check in on Dax before we could head home so I thought I would come say hi.” She smiles before continuing. “That, and I thought you would want to know....” She pauses, holding the paper out to me.
Hitting her with a confused look, I grab it, realizing immediately that it's an ultrasound photograph. Well, four actually. Four pictures all printed together into one long strip of photographs. “Oh my god Anna, is this the baby?” I gasp, looking at its tiny hands and feet that are clearly visible in the pictures.
“It is.” She smiles wider, rocking back on her heels like she is waiting for me to notice something else.
Looking back down at the pictures, I take a closer look, trying to focus on every detail. My eyes scan the black and white photos for what feels like forever before realization finally dawns on me. There's a leg, and then another, and then what kind of looks like a turtle with his head poking out.
“Oh my God!” I squeal, jumping to my feet. “Is that a........?”
“A penis.” She laughs, nodding her head. “It is.”
“You're having a boy?” I look up to meet her teary eyed gaze and then look back down at the precious little baby in the photo.
“We're having a boy.” She half sobs, half laughs, before pulling me in for a hug. “Can you believe it?” She laughs into my hair before pulling back to meet my eyes again. “A little boy.” She beams from ear to ear.
“I'm so happy for you.” I can't contain the smile that stretches across my face, nearly matching hers. “Is Bentley excited it's a boy?” I ask, handing the photographs back to her, her eyes immediately falling to the pictures of her baby before coming back up to meet my gaze.
“Are you kidding? He's over the moon.” She beams. “We already have a named picked out.” She laughs at my shocked expression.
“Already?” I gape at her.
“Lucas Joseph Reed.” She smiles. “Lucas after Bentley's dad and Joseph after mine. But we are going to call him Luke.”
“Luke.” I try the name out. “I like it.”
“Knock, knock.” Bentley's voice sounds from outside the door but he makes no attempt to push his way inside, clearly not sure what he might be walking into. I am notorious for leaving my dressing room unlocked and what's worse, I am generally not what you would refer to as decent most of time.
“Come in.” I laugh, when he pokes his head inside, his eyes finding Anna immediately.
“I knew I would find you in here.” He smiles, pushing the rest of the way into the room.
“I was just sharing the news with Lo.” She leans into his embrace when he wraps an arm around her shoulder and secures her to his body.
“Congratulations by the way.” I add, smiling up at Bentley's handsome face.
“Thank you.” He smiles a dimple filled smile at me before dropping his gaze to his wife. “You about ready?” He asks, kissing her temple.
“Yes.” She smiles up at him all dreamy eyed, laughing when she catches the disgusted look on my face.
“You two make me sick.” I laugh. “Now get out of my room. I need to get ready.” They both laugh when I start shooing them out with my hands.
“Love you Lo.” Anna laughs, turning around to give me a small wave.
“Love you.” I say back, pushing my door closed the second the two are gone.
Collapsing back down into the chair, my mind immediately flips back to Dax. Trying to shake off the lingering uneasiness caused by our earlier encounter, I slip my boots off and kick them to the side. I am not scheduled to go on stage for another hour but I am set to work the floor in about twenty minutes, which is really just an easy way of saying I have to go into the main room of the club and socialize with the members.
Slipping off my skinny jeans and long sweater, I quickly trade them in for a peach colored form fitting camisole and skimpy matching panties. Pulling my hair from its messy bun, I let it fall down my back as I try to work some of the knots out with my fingers.
Sliding on my black heels, I exit the room just fifteen minutes later, determined not to let my mind drift to Dax Riley for the rest of the night. Only problem is, my mind has not left Dax Riley since yesterday and try as I may, I can't stop him from creeping back in.
Over and over it happens. When I'm on stage. When I am talking to members. When I am dancing a private for Sam, one of my regulars. Everywhere I turn I see his face. I smell his scent. I see that damn infuriating half cocked smile that he always throws my way. But not once do I actually see him. Not once during my entire shift does he even make an appearance.
I try not to let the thought bother me. He's in a new city. New job. New apartment. I know he has a lot going on. But a part of me really hoped he meant what he said about us being friends. Honestly, with everyone around me getting married or in love, I kind of feel like I am the odd one out in our little circle of friends. But with his behavior towards me today, I'm just not sure he's up for it anymore.
****
The next two days are much of the same. Dax hides out in the front office while I walk around acting like I don't care. By the end of my shift Sunday, I have almost even convinced myself that I really don't care..... Almost.
I think it's just the curiosity that is eating at me. How does someon
e go from hot to cold so quickly and what in the hell did I do to cause such a dramatic change in his demeanor towards me?
Trying not to dwell, I push my way outside and cross the few short feet to my small red Jetta parked in the front corner of the lot. Digging into my bag for my keys, I turn when I hear the heavy back door of the club open and close behind me.
Spinning, I immediately spot Dax. He doesn't see me at first. Zipping up his jacket, he shoves his hands into his front pockets before looking up, finally realizing that I am standing just feet from him.
“Lo.” He says, clearly startled by my appearance. “I didn't know you were still here.” He says, his eyes looking anywhere but at my face.
“Yeah. I just finished up.” I say, unlocking my car and peeling the door open, tossing my bag into the passenger seat before facing him again. “How was your first weekend?” I ask, not really sure what else to say.
“Productive.” He nods, his face barely visible under the dim parking lot lighting.
“That's good.” I let out a sigh, feeling the heavy tension settle over us. “Look.” I tack on, waiting until he finally meets my gaze before continuing. “I don't know what I did to upset you but whatever it is, I'm sorry.” I say. It's not in my nature to tip toe around things and I can't start now.
“I don't know what you mean.” He says, his voice suddenly tight.
“I think you know exactly what I mean.” My tone turns sharp. “Look, if you changed your mind about being my friend, that's cool. But at least be man enough to just say so and not avoid me like we are in high school.”
“I'm not avoiding you Lo. I've just been really busy is all. Some of us have actual responsibilities here.” He says, his voice clipped.
“Opposed to what I do?” I ask, trying not to let the insult I feel show through in my words.
“I didn't mean it like that.” He starts, just as I turn away from him and slide into my car.
“I think you meant it exactly like that.” I snap, looking up at him from the open car door. “Just remember, you were the one that suggested we be friends, not me. No sweat off my back.” I snap, shutting the door and jamming my key into the ignition.
He is still standing just feet from my car when I throw it into drive and peel out of the parking lot, not bothering to look in his direction again. I am so mad, furious even. And yet, I really don't know why. Why do I care so much? Why am I so offended by his choice of words when far greater insults from others have not even phased me?
My confusion over the anger I feel only makes me that much angrier and I find myself whipping through the empty city streets much faster than I normally would. The more distance I put between me and that man, the better.
Chapter Thirteen
Dax
“Fuck.” I collapse down on my black leather couch and look around my new apartment. I have been moving in over the course of the last two days and finally just carried my last load of boxes up.
Now that everything is actually up here, I just need to find the time to sort through it all and put it away. Boxes line every corner of the main living area and my bedroom is even worse. If I don't get in there and work on getting some of that shit put away, it's likely I won't be able to even get to my bed to sleep in it tonight.
I take a long drink of my beer and then rest the cold bottle across my sweaty forehead. Letting out a slow exhale, I lower the bottle and drop my head onto the back of the couch, just needing to close my eyes for a moment. The second I do, my mind immediately drifts to Lo.
I thought it would be easier, pushing her away. I knew I couldn't trust myself around her when I had to physically force myself to walk out of her apartment rather than stay and watch her sleep. What the fuck is wrong with me? Who wants to watch a woman sleep? It is the most ridiculous thing to me and yet, it's exactly what I wanted to do.
I found myself thinking about her way more than I fucking liked. Even the feeling of another woman wrapped tightly around me didn't have the power to wipe her from my mind. The harder I fucked the girl, the more I wished she was Lo. I fucking hated myself after that. I hate how I've treated her since then even more. I just don't see another way. I just need a little distance, a little time to get my shit straight before I make any effort to apologize.
It's just...... I made myself a promise a long time ago. A promise that I can't break for anyone. Lo stirs something deep inside of me. I can't explain it, but when I look at her, when she smiles, something in me just shifts. I feel things I didn't know I could feel anymore and the thought sends a tight panic running through my chest.
I can't go back to the person I used to be. Fucking pussy whipped and blinded by a woman that I loved so much, I didn't even see the shit going on all around me. It was there, screaming at me and yet, I ignored it.
I loved Christy. I loved her way too fucking much..... I loved her, and it was with that love, that she gained absolute power over me.
I handed her the power to destroy me.
I let her break me.....
I won't make that mistake again.
Chapter Fourteen
Lo
“Fuck, you're so hot.” Mike breathes, sliding his tongue between my lips and teasing my mouth.
“What can I say? You have good taste in women.” I purr, smiling against his lips.
I met Mike at Rips a couple of months ago. He lives somewhere nearby as well so we run into each other there from time to time, given it's the only bar within walking distance. We've flirted a few times in the past but I never saw myself bringing him back to my apartment, until tonight that is.
Home visits really aren't my style. I am more of a bathroom, alley, storage closet kind of girl. I have only had sex in a bed once in the last year and that was with my too hot for his own good boss who has decided that he wants to avoid me like the plague. Well I say, fuck him.
Pushing softly against Mike's firm chest, I pull away from his mouth just long enough to hit the elevator button. The moment it lights up, he pulls me back into his arms and drops his lips to my neck. Mike is a good looking enough guy. A little shorter than I prefer but still taller than me, which is a requirement. His blonde hair is short and styled to perfection on top of his head. Totally metro. He has deep blue eyes that have a softness to them and a light dusting of facial hair across his chin.
I have never been one for facial hair, typically preferring a clean shaved man over a hairy one. But here recently, I have a new found love for a man that sports just the right amount of scruff. I wish I could say that Dax had nothing to do with it but truth be told, he absolutely does.
The elevator pings open just as Mike drops his face lower, nipping at my collarbone, causing me to laugh out. I push against his frame, amused by his eagerness to explore my body. “Up we go.” He says smiling, kissing me one last time before turning towards the open elevator doors.
I laugh and turn at the same time, but immediately freeze when I see Dax exiting the elevator car, a look I can't quite pinpoint tightening the features of his entire face. I knew he had moved into this building. I knew he was living here. I don't know why I'm so unprepared to see him here, but I am.
“Sorry dude.” Mike laughs, grabbing my hand and pulling me past him. As Dax steps out of the elevator, we step on, but he makes no attempt to speak to me. Then again, I make no attempt to speak to him either.
My stomach twists tightly when I turn back and lock eyes with Dax just as the door slides closed between us. I take a shaky inhale, not prepared for the way his iced over glare pierces right through me.
“Where were we?” Mike nips at my earlobe and then spins me back around to face him, before shoving his tongue into my mouth once more and pushing me roughly against the elevator wall.
Suddenly I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be here with Mike. I want someone else entirely. Someone I can never have again. Suddenly everything comes back. The way his eyes burned my flesh. The way his hands slid down my body. The way he moved inside of me
so tame and yet so wild at the same time. I try to convince myself it's the wine talking but I know that is not entirely true. I have thought about sleeping with Dax again more times than I care to admit.
I have never really had the desire to sleep with someone a second time but with Dax, I just can't stop thinking about how much more I want to experience with him, explore. The thought sends my panic skyrocketing and I immediately pull Mike flush with my body.
“Right about here.” I moan against his lips, sliding my hand inside his pants to grip his rock hard erection. He lets out a deep groan and then kisses me harder.
This is what I need. Uncomplicated, meaningless sex. This is who I am.
Or at least, that's what I tell myself as I pull Mike into my apartment and let him fuck me like an animal for the next twenty minutes. I try to focus on the feeling of him sliding in and out of me, on his labored breathing and the pleasure that I know my body is giving him, but it's not enough. It's not enough to shake the cloud that has settled over me and it certainly is not enough to even get me close to getting off.
Mike groans loudly and then collapses his weight down on top of me the moment he finds his release. I can smell the alcohol on his breath as he drops his lips to mine. I shift under his weight, just wanting him to get off of me already. I don't know why I am so agitated right now. He's a sweet enough guy, so why am I so eager to get away from him?
“You want to go grab a bite to eat or something? There's an all night diner not far from here.” Mike asks, rolling to his side and removing the used condom from his softening erection.
“No. I'm good.” I say, sitting up and slipping my sweater back over my head. “I have an early day tomorrow.” I lie. Grabbing my panties from the floor next to me, I shimmy them up my legs and then stand to pull them the rest of the way up.
Taming Lo: A You and I Novel Page 6