He could see the terror in her eyes, and knew exactly what she was thinking. "Nothing here can hurt you on its own Angela," he whispered softly, hoping she could find it in her heart to trust him.
His words made her relax a little, but not enough that she could truly not think about what he did to people down here. "But you want to hurt me here?" She couldn't combine the man she knew with the devious looking devices that surrounded her in this room. The thought of him wanting to torture her made her physically sick and she cringed visibly.
"I know it's hard to understand Angela, but everything down here can be used for pleasure, it doesn't have to be painful." He read the disbelief in her eyes, and wondered if he shouldn't just take her back upstairs. But what would that mean to them, he pondered. This was part of who he was and he wasn't sure he could just walk away from it, not even knowing how much he loved her.
She wanted to scream at him that he didn't need any of this stuff, but she could see by the longing on his face that this was something he truly enjoyed. It terrified her she admitted to herself, but what frightened her more was the thought of losing him because she couldn't at least try to understand why he needed these things. "Tell me what you do with all of this." It took every ounce of courage she had to keep her words calm.
He gave a relieved sigh that she wasn't running away, and gently took her hand in his, pleased that she wasn't pulling away. He explained that he didn't enjoy causing pain, but increasing the stimulation of passion and showed her how each prop worked and what he would do to her if she agreed to let him introduce her to his lifestyle.
He explained to her about safe words, and how she would always be in control of any experience they ever shared down here, and was pleased that her breathing, which had been rather erratic, seemed to calm.
"So you're telling me that if at anytime I use one of those words you would stop immediately?" The idea of being a willing participant in these strange sexual games was overwhelming to her, but knowing she could stop anything if it were too much gave her a little more courage.
"Absolutely Ang, anything we would do here would be consensual." She was so beautiful he thought as her eyes gazed around his dungeon, curious and frightened at the same time. There were so many pleasures he wanted to share with her, he could only hope someday she'd trust him enough to allow him that honor.
So many things began to make sense to her as she studied his domain. The way he enjoyed taking control, and the guilt that had forced him to run away because he was afraid she couldn't handle the darker side of his desires. "Nolan, do you truly love me," she whispered softly?
"For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I know what love is Angela, and yes more than anything else in this world I love you." He had never felt this way before about any woman, and his broken little angel standing here in the middle of his deranged twisted dungeon of needs willingly, made him realize that he would never feel about another woman they way he felt about her.
She smiled sadly at his words, knowing that if this is what he needed then there was no way she could deny him. "I love you enough to do this for you," lifting up on her tiptoes, she kissed him gently on the lips.
Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly, understanding that she was giving him a gift she'd never given any other man in her life, her trust. "I'll never let you regret this Angela, I promise." He thought of all the ways he could pleasure her body in this room, and vowed that she would never regret the decision to allow him to share his deviant world with her.
"Show me," she whispered softly, aching to love him even if she was afraid of all the strange toys that surrounded her.
Her words startled him for a moment, dawning recognition of what she was willing to do for him settled in. For the first time in his adult life he was afraid to take control. "Some other time," pulling her into his arms, he held her tightly. Just knowing she didn't see him as some freak and was willing to trust him enough to even consider this dark part of him, for now it was enough.
It shocked her that she was a little disappointed that he was refusing to initiate her into his world when only moments ago she'd been terrified to have his darker side revealed. "Nolan I don't want you to run from me again, if this is part of who you are then I want to love that part of you as well."
Could this woman be any more amazing, he asked himself? She had been abused, left on her own, and even with all that pain in her background, she was still willing to allow him to walk her into his fucked up world of deviance. "For now Ang, all I want to do is love you." Giving her no time to question his motives, he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her gently.
Lifting her into his arms, he carried her easily back upstairs and then to his bedroom. There would come a time when the need to be in control would overwhelm him again, but at this moment all he could think about was making love to this incredible angel who'd given him a reason to hope again.
With tenderness he undressed her and smiled as she slid into his bed and looked up at him with trusting eyes. The beauty of her non-judgmental expression made him feel more whole than he had ever felt before in his life. Discarding his own clothes he joined her and their bodies pressed against each other, everything in their past dissolving away leaving only two broken people attempting to heal the only way they knew how.
Each stroke of his tender hands over her heated flesh made her ache to fulfill him, there was no selfishness as they kissed, embraced and finally joined together. This was more than just about gratification for both of them. When he paused, embedded deeply inside of her, she stared up into his warm gaze and smiled.
"I want you to know sweetheart, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make myself worthy of your love." He began to ride her with restrained patience, enjoying each stroke within her clenching, velvety folds.
Her legs wrapped around his waist, aching for fulfillment but enjoying this tender side of him that showed her more than words could ever express how much he truly cared for her. "You already have Nolan," pulling his head down to hers, she kissed him as he continued to love her body as if he had an eternity to pleasure them both.
Restraining himself until she cried out her release, he still didn't give in to his own need to rush the moment of ecstasy, but continued with slow, long thrusts until he lost himself inside of her. Making love to her was a gift that he determined to always respect and in her arms he found a solace that he'd never thought possible.
Long after their lovemaking was over, he held her, almost afraid to let go. The demon was still hiding somewhere in his mind, but with her he almost felt like he had a chance to be normal again. The soft caress of her hand over his chest made his heart ache with the possibilities that he didn't need to control her to cover up his past any longer.
18 On the Road Again
The next week was like a dream for Angela. Nolan had taken the entire week off and insisted she do the same, it was hard to argue with your boss when he gave you a vacation. Rachel had started working at one of the Vegas clubs as head bartender, so she didn't feel guilty for spending most of her time with Nolan. Today she had to face her stepfather's trial, but even that didn't put a cloud in her feelings.
The dark dungeon that Nolan had finally given in to exploring with her had been an experience she couldn't regret at all. Maybe if he'd been the man he was before they'd met it would have been different, but all she saw from him there was a tender lover bent on showing her all the different ways passion could be found. He'd even allowed her to be in control there and it had done more for her self-confidence in the desire department than anything else he could have done for her.
Dressed for the court date, she waited patiently as Nolan adjusted his tie for the tenth time. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to be nervous," she grinned, walked over and fixed the knot that seemed to be giving him fits.
"Definitely not allowed, I'm here to protect you now and anyone who attempts to hurt what is mine will suffer." He managed to smile t
o diminish the violence he felt toward the man that had hurt the woman he loved, but he was brimming with anger inside.
Shaking her head, she lifted up on her tip toes and kissed him quickly. "With you by my side Nolan, nothing frightens me anymore." It was a beautiful but strange feeling knowing this incredible man had managed to take away years of fear and anger with his love.
Her words made him feel like a God and he relaxed in the knowledge that she trusted him to take care of her. "Marry me," he demanded, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her off her feet, crushing her to him.
This was the last thing she'd expected him to say in his current mood, but the joy that filled her heart brought tears to her eyes. "Yes," she felt his lips on hers and knew that there was nowhere else in this entire world that she would rather be but here in his arms.
When he lowered her to her feet again, he grinned widely. "I guess I should have bought a ring first." She agreed, and he couldn't even begin to explain the euphoria that filled his soul knowing she was willing to spend the rest of her life with someone as undeserving as him.
Laughing softly, her hand reached up to caress his chiseled cheek. "Why do things the traditional way when we can make up the rules as we go." It was one of the many things she loved about this incredible man, nothing was ever expected.
"I will put a ring on that finger and the entire world will know you belong to me." Lifting her hand he kissed the spot where a ring would go, "for now I'll mark you with a kiss." Winking at her, he grabbed her hand and they walked downstairs.
They were both laughing as they got into the waiting limousine, and she couldn't remember at time when her heart had ever felt so light. The good feeling lasted until they pulled up in front of the courthouse and she tensed.
He could see her change in attitude instantly, and pulled her close to his side as they made their way out of the car and through the barrage of reporters. "No matter what happens in here today, that man will never have the ability to hurt you again." At her small nod, his rage at the monster they were about to face surfaced again.
Angela knew she would have to testify against the man that had destroyed her life for so many years, and part of her was terrified as she saw him again. The woman that she had become refused to allow him to destroy the happiness she had found with Nolan though, and she decided it was time to free the memories that had made her a victim for so long.
When she was called to the stand to discuss the breaking and entering and assault charge, she did something she had thought to never have the courage to reveal. She told her story of all the things the man had done to her in her young years, leaving not one detail out. Focusing her attention on Nolan, she relieved those horrible memories and by the time she had given her statement, the entire courtroom was completely silent.
One objection had been made from the defense, but the Judge had silenced it immediately and for the first time in her life she felt free from the past. He couldn't hurt her anymore, or hide the secrets of what he'd done to her. No matter how he tried to deny the accusations she'd thrown against him, she was finally free from the secrets that had shaped her entire life.
When the case was over, he had been tried and convicted of breaking and entering and assault, and the Judge encouraged her to file a case against him for rape. As he was taken away it felt like for the first time in her life someone had actually heard her cries and she knew it was enough that her story was out. Walking into Nolan's arms she felt like the burden of suffering she'd carried with her for so long could finally be released.
"I'm so proud of you Ang," he knew that telling her story was the hardest thing she'd ever do in this life, and if she could admit her past then he wouldn't be much of a man if he couldn't do the same.
When they met the reporters outside, for the first time he told his story to the public. Angela held his hand, and stood proudly by him as he allowed his own past to be revealed. He knew that admitting the truth had given him his own way of destroying the demons that had hung over his head for so many years.
They left the courtroom behind and he took her shopping for an engagement ring. All the misery of their pasts was spirited away as he dropped to his knees in the store and again asked her to be his wife. A group of people had gathered around them, and neither of them minded that their special moment was witnessed by strangers. The public which he had always shown his mocking side too got to see a different man as he wrapped the woman of his dreams in his arms, promising to love her for the rest of his life.
The security team was in frenzy by the time they'd finally gotten them back to the limo. Lenny had worried that something horrible would happen with them being so public, but for the first time in his long career he had a new found respect for the people. Love was obviously enough to keep even the fans respectable for a brief moment, he thought with a smile as he slid in the passenger side beside the driver.
The stories flooded the newspapers and talk shows the next day about their reveal from the past. Both of them were pleasantly shocked that even the reporters showed compassion for what they had suffered. They spent the day inside, enjoying each other's company, needing a little time together before they answered questions about their history.
"I'm giving Rachel the cabin," Angela said as she snuggled next to him on the oversized couch.
"So you're moving in with me now," he waggled his eyebrows hoping she'd say yes, the thought of being without her even a night would drive him crazy.
"Mr. Fitzgerald that would hardly be proper," she giggled thinking nothing they did would probably be proper.
"Well it's not like you'll have time to go home anyway," he gave a trademark smirk and then grinned.
"And what do you plan on doing to keep me busy, Mr. Fitzgerald? You do have a company to run, I might remind you." She loved having him all to herself but she knew he couldn't take time off indefinitely.
"I could think of several things," he nuzzled his lips against her lip, "but I was thinking of touring with this gorgeous diva."
He was going to go on tour with her, throwing herself into his arms she laughed and kissed him, and then laughed again. "There is only room for one Diva in your life Mr. Fitzgerald, and don't forget it."
"Bossy little thing aren't you," he chuckled and pulled her into his lap. "There's only one lady I'd want to share the stage with sweetheart." He kissed her deeply and smiled, having already talked to Sanders about running the recording studio while he was on tour. Never would he have thought he'd perform again, but she gave him the desire to dream.
19 Epilogue
The tour was a huge success, selling out all venues across the United States. To the delight of their fans, they got married during one of their concerts after the last encore of the night. They'd become the presses sweethearts of the year, and it was rare not see their picture planted across the tabloids.
Back at a hotel that she couldn't even remember what city was in, she stripped off all the stage clothes, and stared at the incredible man waiting in bed for her. "Do you think you'll still love me when I'm fat?" Glancing in the mirror, she didn't see any changes in her body yet, but she knew it was just a matter of time.
"I think I'd love you if you were a beached whale gorgeous girl, but I don't think you have to worry about that anytime soon." Climbing out of bed he joined her at the mirror, and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"It may be sooner than you think," turning in his arms she looked up into his beautiful face and smiled, "we're going to have a baby." The thought of being pregnant with his child thrilled and terrified her at the same time, but it was his thoughts that concerned her at the moment.
His hands lowered to her flat stomach and his eyes filled with awe. "Just when I thought life couldn't be any better, you give me the greatest gift of all." Tears filled his eyes and he pulled her into his arms gently, terrified he would hurt their unborn child.
Relief flooded her mind, knowing he was okay with this. They'd never talked about havi
ng children, so she had no idea how he was going to react to the news. It had taken everything she had in her to sneak away from him long enough to visit a physician, since he rarely let her out of his sight these days.
"When are we expecting?" This woman was amazing and he was beyond blessed to have found someone so incredible who was willing to share his life. Holy hell, he was going to be a father, he thought in amazement.
A soft laugh escaped her lips, feeling more love in her life in that moment than she ever thought would be possible. "I just found out so we'll have to get a due date when we get back home."
"We should cancel the last two shows," he couldn't let her perform now, what if something happened.
"Mr. Fitzgerald we are not going to disappoint our fans, we have a long time to worry about the little person making his debut." Giggling at the look of panic in his eyes, she wrapped her arms around him thankful to have someone so incredible to share this little life with.
"Okay we'll finish the tour, but you need extra rest, and when this tour is over we are taking off until, well until we decide how to raise a baby on the road." There was no way in hell his son or daughter was going to be without mom or dad and raised like those other little hellions by nannies. "We're going to need a bigger bus, or maybe a camper and we need to start researching how kids are affected by being raised while traveling."
She couldn't stop laughing at his frantic thoughts, and knew there was only one way to calm him down. "We have plenty of time for that, now would you stop worrying and love me."
Angela's Salvation Page 19