Shouldn’t Have Gone

by Mara Lynne

  “Hi, miss!” An old man in gray plaid shirt calls her attention. He is standing by the huge trees. “Are you new here?”

  Technically, she is.

  “Yes. I’m just looking around,” she replies.

  The old man drags his paddle toward his wooden boat pulled over a makeshift landing. It’s easy to identify the man as a fisherman with the fishnets and half-filled buckets of fish on his boat. The man is short, but his muscular back and bulky arms and legs prove that he could carry a filled bucket without breaking a sweat. There’s also another man in a mint green raincoat who is pushing the boat out to the water with his bare hands. She could not make out whether he is the fisherman’s son or another elderly due to his heavy clothing. Nonetheless, with such power and strength to push the boat out of the moving water, he must be younger.

  “I live in town. I just dropped by here to meet a friend. The sea was very friendly today, and I had plenty of harvest.”

  “Well, sir, I would like to thank you for the fish you gave my father,” she says with a dainty smile on her lips.

  “You are George’s daughter?” Surprise creeps into his face. “He talks about you endlessly. It’s good to finally meet you, Ms. Mohr!” The man offers his hand.

  Angel unreluctantly shakes his hand in return.

  “You’ve been very generous to my family. I don’t think a simple thank you is enough to return your kindness, sir…”

  “Call me Fabio. Your father loves my salmon and tuna, and I take it that Sarah does too. She said it makes George healthier.”

  “It really does,” she replies, cocking her head to the side. Angel could not stop looking past Fabio’s shoulder to check on the strange man who is now boarding the boat, sitting on the edge with his back to her. He seems to foster no care at all in meeting new people. “Well, it’s nice meeting you, Fabio. It looks like your friend awaits you.”

  Fabio turns around and smirks.

  “Some old man has to work,” he utters, grinning and making the money-sign with his fingers.

  ***

  The moon’s brightness spreads throughout the midnight sky. The air is amazingly cold, but there’s no storm coming. Her parents should be asleep by now, but the lights outside are still burning. So, Angel goes downstairs to check on it, only to find George sitting on the porch with his gaze drifting away to the farthest distance.

  “I thought you’d be asleep by now, dad.” She walks toward him with her arms across her chest. “It’s almost ten.”

  “I’ll be in bed soon, sweetheart,” he replies quickly, moving his head from side to side. “My joints are aching.”

  “Are you keeping your low-purine diet? You know your condition, dad.” Though he’s got a new kidney, it does not mean he’s free to abuse his body.

  “I am. I am,” he says, nodding. “Come here, sweetie, take a seat.” He taps the empty space beside him.

  As soon as Angel has occupied the space, she rests her head on her dad’s shoulder, thinking about how she misses this kind of moments. When she was little, George would not leave her bedroom until she falls asleep listening to his bedtime stories. Sometimes, when she could not sleep at all, her father would sing to her or make her a cup of warm milk. This is just like those good old times.

  “You know what, sweetie? I’m happy that you are happy,” George says, smiling. He reaches for her daughter’s hand and squeezes it tightly. “I only live to see you happy. Now, I think my mission is done.”

  “Dad!”

  “I don’t want to cry on your big day, sweetie.”

  She turns to face him and wipes the tears from his eyes.

  “Hunter’s a great man, and he loves you,” he adds. “I know it. When I spoke to him, he always talks of you and the future you will have with fervent passion. I know a man in love when I see one.”

  “But he said you were very difficult to read and you were silent most of the time.”

  His eyes light up. “I was shocked. All these came to me as a surprise. I got no words to say to him.”

  “Hunter was very nervous.” She leans her head back against his shoulder and tucks her hands in his arms. “He said he felt his heart beat so loudly. His knees were shaking! He was more nervous talking to you than talking to the President of the United States.”

  “Well, he should! He’s talking to the father of the woman he’ll marry!” George exclaims. “Oh God, sweetie, I didn’t know this day will have to come so soon. I was expecting you’d marry in your thirties!”

  Well, she was not even expecting she’d marry at all. At least George was kind enough to consider her marriageable.

  “Me too, Dad,” she replies. “I only wanted a good job, you know.”

  “And you were never good with boys.”

  She lets out a laugh.

  “I know. They hated me.”

  “They hated you because you were too smart for them. Boys don’t like to be overshadowed.”

  The sky is bright because the stars have woken up from their long, deep sleep. Last night, they were off-duty because of the storm. Now, they glimmer like there’s no tomorrow.

  “But there are boys who find smart women attractive,” George continues. “I was attracted to your mother because she’s very articulate and very sharp. She always rendered me speechless. I can’t even argue with her. She always wins! Now it seems that Hunter Stone, a man who is ruthlessly powerful, has found a match in you.”

  “Did Hunter tell you that? About me being smart?” She has always wondered if he finds her as such.

  George looks her in the eyes, and a sudden hint of hesitation surfaces in them.

  “No,” George replies. “But everyone knows you’re smart.”

  “Okay, Daddy.” She heaves out a sigh. “I’m going upstairs now. Hunter hasn’t called yet, but I am expecting he will tomorrow, so I have to be up early. You sleep now, Dad.”

  “I will, sweetie. Good night.” He leaves a soft kiss on her cheeks. “And sweet dreams, honey.”

  Angel trudges back to her room, yawning. Once she’s completely out of sight, and the lights in her room are shut down, George quickly stands to his feet, slides the door close, and grabs the flashlight he has been hiding in his jacket.

  Just before he could leave the porch, he saw something shiny on the ground. When he picks it up, he is taken aback to see it is the necklace with an angel pendant he gave Angel a few months back. It must have accidentally slipped off her neck. With that thought in his mind, he slides it into his pocket and looks back once more in the house. The coast is clear. Everyone’s asleep. Nobody’s going to find out what he’s up to for the night.

  Treading down the poorly lit path walk, he lets the serene waves conceal his steps. No one from the girls knew he was going out for the night—not even Sarah, and now he’s tricked his daughter for the first time.

  “George, is that you?” A hushed but familiar voice comes from the bushes. The rustling sound of dry leaves and twigs points him to where he’d find his visitor. “I thought you’re not coming to meet me.”

  “Have you been hiding in the bushes?” George asks with his eyebrow arched.

  “I had to, or she would have found me.”

  “So you know who kept me occupied. It’s good to see you, boy.”

  The man steps out of the bushes with dried leaves all over his clothes and sand on his shoes.

  “I missed you this morning.” He gives the man a big warm embrace.

  “My flight got delayed because of the storm,” he answers while shaking the leaves off his body. “And Fabio picked me up late. By the time I came, you were gone. I saw her instead.”

  Chapter 30 - Becoming

  “You’re leaving tomorrow, I presume?”

  Damien nods.

  “Why exactly have you come here? You even bought an island. What are you going to do with it for one night? You’re being a wastrel, you know.”

  The island was actually bought for a deeper meaning. He did not come here just
for a meet-and-greet with George. He came because he wanted to tell Angel of what he’d recently discovered.

  Perhaps.

  Maybe.

  Just maybe, he could get her back when she learns the truth.

  But when he found her this morning, so happy and peaceful, he knew he could not dare to break her heart again. She’s obviously happy with Hunter. If there’s one person to tell the truth, it’s not him; it is Hunter.

  “Listen, George. Please look after Angel.”

  “You love her still?”

  Damien does not know if George is looking at him with empathy or just pure pity for his situation. The man has always known how he loves her daughter. He has seen him destroy his life because of her. He’s witnessed all his craziness, and it might have come as a surprise to him as to why he’s retreating.

  “I will always love her,” he answers. “You always know that.”

  “Does she know?”

  “She knows what I feel.”

  “Does she know what you have done?”

  There is a moment of silence.

  “I don’t want to jump the gun, George. It’s over. Angel called it quits.” He does not want to torment her. She deserves happiness with the man of her choosing.

  “Say that to me when you’re totally over her.” He does not sound convinced. “I know you don’t want to leave, let alone let her wed your brother. What is the reason you’re here, Damien? Were you hoping she would change her mind?”

  “Hoping?” The corner of his mouth curves. “Maybe I should put that to rest. It’s not going to do me any good, George. Neither would it benefit her. I should have not come here.”

  “And why did you come? Answer me, Damien.”

  No. He could not tell George his real purpose for coming here. He could not tell them that Hunter is Candice’s baby’s father and not him. He would hate to be the one to break her heart. He’s done that too many times already.

  “I was hoping. You’re right, George. I am still holding on to that little hope that remains.”

  It’s still true, though.

  “Why didn’t you talk to her a while ago… when you saw her?”

  Because I’ve been rejected by her too many times, he wanted to say.

  He was not ready for another rejection. He did not expect he’d see her. He knew he was going to meet George, but it was not George who came to see him. It’s the woman he was not even prepared to see at that moment.

  It pricks his heart to see her so well-adjusted in this life. Oh, how he wishes it is him providing her this comfort and happiness.

  “I learn from my mistakes, George. I promise this will be the last time,” he says to him. “Perhaps seeing her today is the final farewell for me.” He is set to embark on a journey which he decided for himself. At first, he thought he could get away from this by telling Angel about the baby. Now it seems impossible to execute any of his plans. He’s left with the worst choice. He’d father a child who’s not even his—all because he does not want to break Hunter and Angel apart. Candice is clueless about him knowing everything. He better leaves it like that. If she’d learn about it, she might feel threatened. A woman with a mind as unstable and greedy as hers will certainly pick her welfare over her child. Damien could not imagine what she could do to the poor thing. The child is innocent. He’s conceived without the privilege to choose who his parents will be.

  Oh, good God! How could one mistake of leaving Angel be followed by this much bad luck? He wishes he could just laugh at his misfortune.

  “Hunter will protect her,” he adds. “I do not doubt that. That’s my only wish, George… her safety and her happiness. But I want you to know that I will forever be here. I will forever be here for her and your family. You can count on me anytime, any day.”

  “Damien, I don’t know how to thank you,” George replies. “If only there’s a way for me to help you…”

  “I’m sorry we won’t be able to watch the Nets together in your favorite spot.” Damien laughs, then his tone drops low. “Your health is enough, George. I am more than happy that she’s got you whole and healthy back.”

  George taps his shoulder firmly and says, “Thanks for everything, buddy. I wish I could have helped you.”

  “One thing though, George,” he cuts as he remembers something. “Keep our secret a secret. That’s what I only want.”

  He will hate himself if Angel comes back to him because she feels indebted. That is not what he wanted. That is not what love is supposed to be. He’s done crazy things in his life for love, but never did he want it to be reciprocated falsely and unwillingly. If there is one thing he wants, that would be Angel loving him because he’s the Damien Etheridge she knew and not because of what he did.

  “I swear, Damien.”

  “Thank you, George. Until we meet again.” There’s a boat waiting for him at the same spot where Fabio’s boat was pulled over this morning. It’s only a few walks away from where he and George are talking.

  “Damien, there’s one more thing.” Walking closer to him, George pulls something out of his jacket. “This is the time for letting go, isn’t it? I assume I got your point right.”

  Yes. He’s letting her go.

  “Then perhaps it’s also time to return this to you,” George tells Damien, handing over the angel necklace. “It’s pointless to have her keep this now. The purpose of this thing is for Angel to feel you’re there for her. This object signifies that you will return for her. I remember that day when you came to me. You asked me to give this to her because you did not have the courage to face her then. You said that this necklace is going to look after her, that it is you watching over her and protecting her, that no matter what happens you will come back for her. True enough, you came back, but you did not fulfill your promise of making her happy. You failed to make both of you happy. You should have this back.”

  “You’re wrong, George.” He stares at the necklace. He almost forgot it even existed. “Angel will be unhappy with me. As far as my promise is concerned, the only thing I failed to fulfill is to return with her heart still completely mine.”

  “It’s because you prefer to keep secrets. I told you she will understand.”

  He doubted himself. He doubted he is capable of coming back as a whole person for her. He did not know if he was going to be successful in treating himself. The only thing that kept him positive was his undying love for her; that he knew he will never love another person the way he has loved her. He did not want to leave false hopes for her. She would be continuously pained if he allowed George to break the truth about the necklace. Angel would hope and would be utterly heartbroken when he fails to come back.

  “Now tell me if I should give this back to her or you’d have it back.” George’s eyes dig deep into his own, calling his conscience and will to act on what his heart really wants when his mind is telling otherwise. “Letting her keep this, Damien, means you’re not letting her go.”

  It tortures him to think of her wearing his promise when he knows he will never have the chance to act on it.

  “Why are you doing this George?” he asks.

  “Because once you take this away and once that boat of yours leaves the island, you’re giving her up. I know you made yourself believe that it’s over many times, but look at you! You came over. Damn, you are such a liar. You love her, and you’re hoping for something. Now, tonight, when you take this away—” George squeezes Damien’s hand that holds the necklace“—it’s really done.”

  “George…”

  “I always believe in you, Damien.”

  Clenching the necklace with his fist, he replies firmly, “Angel will find no use of this anymore.”

  He’s letting go.

  Finally, he’s letting go.

  Nothing of him remains in her.

  No necklace.

  No hope.

  Only a few good memories which Angel will soon forget and the painful ones that she will continue to relive.


  Damien gazes at the necklace on his palm one more time. Let it go, the voice in his head whispers.

  He aims his gaze to the sea. How can the sea stay calm when his head and chest are all in chaos? Why did the storm happen last night when it should be tonight?

  Damien only wants his disappointment and sadness to be drifted away by the waves just like how they clear the shore off tree barks, pebbles, and corals. How he wishes that it’s as easy as that.

  “Goodbye, George.”

  “Goodbye, Damien.”

  Chapter 31–All is Fair in Love and War

  There she is, flaunting the most satisfied and biggest smile her face could make. Candice’s baby bump is growing bigger, and it screws his innards just looking at how huge it has become in such a short time. Before, no one could even notice that Candice is pregnant. But now, everyone in Mary Paulette’s baby shower for Candice could see for their own eyes the very evidence. They wouldn’t be throwing her a party if she does not look pregnant at all.

  “Hunter Stone!” Mary Paulette, a red-haired socialite, scampers immediately to Candice when she knew the latter was going to marry into the Etheridge family. Hunter could still remember the times when Mary Paulette used to mock Candice for going out with him in night galas in her mismatched accessories. Now, she acts as though they are BFFs. “I didn’t know you’re coming. I am very sure you’re not in the guest list.”

  “I took the liberty. Do you mind my gate crashing, Paulette?”

  She shakes his head, still with her wide smile.

  “Oh no, not at all! You’re after all a family, and I bet you’d want to know the baby’s gender,” Paulette says.

  Hunter struts past Mary Paulette who’s now eyeing an unknown girl’s huge crystal earrings. His legs are heavy, and his chest is bursting with contained emotions. He had no sleep for the last twenty-four hours, searching his head for answers. Now he’s storming into Mary Paulette’s posh abode like some soldier short of protection and battle plan.