by Sophia Shade
There is nothing going on between Erick and me. Erick is just becoming a friend. What’s so wrong about that? Caleb is great. He’s considerate, unlike Erick. He’s funny, unlike Erick. He likes me, unlike Erick.
So why do people keep thinking something is going on between Erick and me?
Do they see something I don’t?
Fifteen
A fireball smacks me in the face, knocking me to the ground. The breath whooshes from me in an audible exhale, and I feel dazed.
“Hey! You awake?” Erick asks as the smoke clears. “You were supposed to block with your hands, not your face.”
Trying not to let my frustration show, I get back to my feet and dust myself off. “Sorry,” I call out. “Try again. I’m ready.”
I don’t tell him that I’m exhausted from being stuck in a storage closet for several hours the night before with Ella. Nor do I tell him I was afraid if I’d gotten caught, I would have been expelled on the spot. He’d just be mad at me for being so foolish. And I certainly don’t tell him it had all been for nothing anyway, because we hadn’t been able to find anything.
Erick shakes his head, trotting across the field toward me. “Why don’t we take a break?” he says, handing me a cup of water. “Your head clearly isn’t in the game. Want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” I say before taking a swig of water. It’s cold, and it cools me from the inside. Playing with fire always makes my skin overheat, especially when I lose control. My own fire might not hurt me, but it can get uncomfortable. Erick’s, on the other hand, can burn me. I have the marks to prove it.
“Something’s bothering you,” he says firmly, his gaze direct. He motions toward the ground, and we both sit. “You haven’t been the same since the faèdahunt. Did something happen?”
So much has happened, I want to say, but hold back. “I guess I’m still upset over learning about my dad. I just didn’t expect to hear that.”
“But you expected to learn he was Fae?” he asks with a chuckle. “Come on, Imogen. This isn’t the first time life has thrown you a curveball.”
“Hmm, touché,” I say. “I’m probably freaking out over nothing. Happens all the time, right? Absent Fae parents leaving kids all over the human realm. No big deal, right?”
“No, it is a big deal.” His face is somber now. “It’s wrong. I think there should be stricter rules and punishments for Fae who parent children in the other realm. But that’s not what’s really bothering you. Is it?”
“Yes, it is,” I lie. I feel the need to elaborate to get him off my back about what’s really on my mind. “I keep going back and forth,” I add. “I mean, I get what you’re saying. But isn’t it a slippery slope? We can’t tell people who they can and can’t love.”
“But we could force the Fae to take responsibility,” he says. “Like in the human realm. There’s child support and stuff, right? My sister’s dad has mentioned it. It is unfair to leave the other parents to support the children fully.”
“Yeah, I remember asking my mom about that when I was younger, if Dad ever sent us money.”
“What did she say?” he asks.
“She just avoided the question, like always.”
He nods. “Yeah. How do you explain that stuff to a kid?”
“I can think of ways…” I mutter, staring down at the cup he gave me as if I’d find answers in its contents. If only it were that easy. “Have you thought about how you plan to tell your sister?”
“Yeah, but I haven’t come up with an answer yet. But I did want to ask you something.”
The hairs on my arms stand up. “Ask me what?”
“Well, next Friday night, I plan to go see her. I babysit her once a month. It gives her dad a chance for a break, lets him get out for a while. I keep hoping he’ll meet a nice woman to fall in love with and marry. One who will be a good stepmom to my sister… She needs a mother figure in her life. God knows my mother will never be there for her the way she should. And I don’t know why I just told you that.”
“That’s fine,” I say. “I think it’s sweet. It has something to do with what you wanted to ask me?”
Erick rubs the back of his neck, uncharacteristic shyness on his face. “Well, yeah, actually. I was wondering if you might want to go with me and meet her. One ashling to another.”
I almost say yes without thinking. I’d love to meet her, and to see her and Erick together. And it would be great if she knew more Fae who would be waiting to greet her on this side when the time comes. But I pause. Is this what people keep talking about? Would this be crossing a line? Would it be considered too personal an outing with a guy who isn’t my boyfriend? What would Caleb think about me spending a night in the human realm with another guy? Getting to know his family, no less. Honestly, I have no idea. Caleb doesn’t seem like the jealous type. And it isn’t like we are “together.” At least not yet. We haven’t had any time to talk and figure things out.
And what did appearances matter, anyway? Erick and I were friends. Was I supposed to avoid a friend just because they are the opposite sex?
Still, something in my gut told me it wouldn’t be right.
“I…I don’t know,” I hedge. “I mean, I want to. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea…”
I should have put more thought into how to turn down his invitation. Now I’m on the spot, and I can’t think of a good way to explain this…whatever this is.
But Erick just tosses his head, and blows it off. “It’s fine. No worries. I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to help her, anyway.” His eyes go dark with what could be disappointment, but his lips curl scornfully.
I set my water down, glaring at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” How can he make me so defensive with just a few words?
“Nothing,” he says. “I’m sure you have plenty of personal shit to work out. I mean, it seems like enough to keep you busy for a long time, with all your baggage.”
“Hey, now,” I say, a little shocked by his attitude. It seems extra dickish. Even for him. Anger swells, and I grab it instead of the underlying emotion that twists up with it, which feels suspiciously like hurt. “Sounds like you need to learn to accept a rejection. You’ll probably be getting a lot of them.”
“Fine. I’m done tutoring you,” he grits out, getting to his feet and starting to storm off. “Not like you’ve been any help to the group, more of a hindrance actually.”
Is he for real right now? I jump to my feet as well. “Oh, I’ve been helping plenty,” I almost shout. “I just haven’t been sharing the information with you because you’re a jerk.”
“Oh yeah?” He turns around and advances on me, his scowl black. “Like what?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know!”
“Yeah, I just said I would!” His face is inches from my own, and although he’s angry, I’m not afraid. As much as he pisses me off, and as immature as he’s being right now, I trust Erick. Maybe not with my discoveries, and definitely not with my heart, but my personal safety? Yes.
I am, however, intimidated by him in other ways. Terrified of the way he makes me feel things I know I’m not supposed to feel. So when he’s this close to me, my mind just shuts down, and it takes everything I have in me to get more words out.
“Well… Well, too bad,” I finally manage to sputter.
He throws his hands up, face drawn in a scowl. “Fine!”
I do the same, though when I do, fires spark unintentionally. “Fine yourself!”
Then I stomp off across the field, putting as much distance between him and myself as possible. When I glance back, he appears to have done the same, his angry strides carrying him quickly away.
How can anyone think there is anything going on between us? No one on earth, or in the Fae realm, has ever gotten under my skin like Erick Greyspark!
That evening at dinner, I make a beeline for Caleb’s table. He’s sitting with several of his friends, but I am determined. He and I are going to talk. Now.
“Hey there,” he replies, the smile that never fails to affect me flashing brightly. “Have a seat.”
There’s only one empty spot, and neither of the boys on either side of him offer me theirs, so I take the seat across from him. I disinterestedly pick at my food while he and his friends keep talking about something going on at the Unseelie Court. Normally, I love the experience of meal time—the idle chitchat, experiencing new foods, and the laissez-faire atmosphere. But tonight, I can’t enjoy myself. I can’t concentrate on the conversations. I barely pick at my lentil tacos and melon berry fruit.
No one else at the table seems to be having the same problem.
“Man, all I know is that if Xendra says yes, we are going to be the best-dressed couple there,” a guy named Lucius says.
Another person at the table—a girl named Catrina—swallows a bite of food, and places the rest of her taco on her plate. “Word is the king is going to formally disinvite Xendra’s dad,” she says. “The queen is still mad at him, and the king has to take her side, of course.”
I don’t know these people too well. They’re Caleb’s friends, not mine. I’ve met them all before, but I haven’t talked to any of them outside of times I was with Caleb. I don’t feel comfortable asking Caleb to come with me to talk, and I’m starting to regret choosing now to come sit with him.
“That was years ago,” Caleb says to his friends. “Do you really think the queen is that petty?”
“You know her better than me.” Catrina shrugs. “You know she is.”
“Disinvited from what?” I finally ask.
All heads swivel toward me, and everyone is quiet for a moment.
“The Winter’s End Ball,” Caleb says. “It’s pretty much the annual event for the Unseelie Court.”
“That sounds awesome,” I say before I think better of it.
Immediately, I feel the heat rising to my cheeks, and I divert my attention back to my food. I wish I hadn’t asked. Now things are going to be really awkward. I don’t want him to feel like he has to invite me. But will it be the end of our relationship before it even begins if he doesn’t? My resolve is shaking, and I just want the floor to open up and swallow me when one of the other guys stands up.
“Well, I got to get to practice.”
“Yeah, I have dance class,” Lucius says.
“I’ll walk with you,” Catrina says, quickly rising to follow. She darts a calculating glance at me before leaving.
One by one, Caleb’s friends make their excuses until we are left alone at the table. We sit in silence for a moment.
“So,” I finally say, just to break the ice. “Is the queen that petty?”
“No way,” he says. “Well, maybe. Probably.”
We both laugh, easing the tension.
“I really had fun at the faèdahunt the other night,” I say.
“Yeah, I did, too,” he agrees. “Sorry you weren’t feeling well and had to leave.”
“Oh, yeah, that. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye.”
“It’s fine,” he says. “Dannika told me what happened. I’m sorry no one told you about your dad before. Full Fae take it for granted that this is our world, and we know how things work. We forget that not everyone grew up here.”
My heart feels warm. He’s actually apologizing for his people even though it isn’t his fault. He cares about my feelings. Which is more than I can say for a certain other Fae. Ugh! Why am I thinking about him when I am here with Caleb, who is being so utterly perfect? I need to find out where Caleb and I stand once and for all, so I can stop struggling with these in-between feelings.
I haven’t the foggiest notion how to go about discussing if a relationship is even a relationship, since I’ve never been in one, so I just blurt out, “So, everyone keeps asking if you and I are…you know, a thing.”
“Oh?” he says, followed by nothing else. His face is totally blank.
Damn it, Caleb! He’s a nice guy, but maybe that’s all it is. He’s too nice to turn me down. Maybe I’m a pity case for him.
“Yeah,” I slowly continue, no longer able to keep the blush from my cheeks. “I keep telling them no, but as everyone keeps reminding me, I don’t know how things work around here, so I just want to be clear.”
“Sure,” he says, suddenly the prince of one-word replies.
“Yeah…so…should I keep telling them no?” The whole sentence comes out almost unintelligibly, and more than anything, I’d like to curl up in a ball and die of embarrassment. Why had I thought this was a good idea?
“Actually, in the Fae realm, the women set the pace of relationships,” he says as he leans forward, putting his arms on the table, a mischievous gleam in his eye.
“Really?” I ask, not sure if he’s telling the truth or if he’s joking with me. He doesn’t seem like one for cruel jokes, though.
“Yeah,” he says, a small smile playing on his lips. “Ask Dannika.”
“I will,” I say. “Later. But I want us to be clear before I leave this table.”
“Then go ahead.” He laughs a little, but it’s not mocking even though he’s clearly amused. “Clarify your intentions with me, Im.”
My stomach turns to jelly, and my mouth goes dry. “I…um…” The words won’t seem to come, and I feel like I’m going to be sick. “I want you to be my boyfriend,” I finally whisper, not even able to look at him. “If that’s a thing around here.”
He laughs full out this time, a deep chuckle that makes my stomach hit my toes, before he answers. “Yeah, okay,” he finally says.
“Yeah, it’s a thing, or yeah, you’ll be my boyfriend?”
“Yes to both,” he says, reaching across and taking my hand. His thumb rubs a soothing pattern on my skin, and I finally feel like I can breathe again.
Oh, gods! I feel like I’m going to combust with relief and pent-up anxiety. I don’t even know what to make of it, because I’m too overloaded with emotions.
My fingers tingle with warmth, and his do, too. We smile at each other for a moment, not saying anything. And that’s okay. We don’t need to. This just feels right.
“Well, I have some things to attend to.” He breaks the silence, rising and letting go of my hand. Instantly, I feel cooler.
“Yeah, that’s fine,” I say. “See you later?”
“Not tonight,” he says. “But why don’t we get breakfast before classes tomorrow?”
“Sure,” I say, jumping up too quickly. Be cool, Flareburn.
He chuckles as he takes his tray. “Later.”
“Later!” I wave goodbye with a wiggle of my fingertips like a dork, and then watch him leave like a lovesick dork.
After he is out of my sight, I look around to make sure no one saw my full idiocy on display. But someone did. Erick. He’s watching me from a table across the room. But as dorky as I was—and I definitely needed to work on that—I hope he saw the whole thing.
I hold my head up high, and walk out of the room with all the fake confidence I can muster.
That evening, I find myself alone in my room, giving me some time to mull over what I’ve learned—and what I haven’t—about the illness and the attacks. Unfortunately, what I don’t know far outweighs the things I do. And the circle of people I can trust with the information or go to for advice is small. I know I should have talked to Erick about this. He is the de facto leader of our band of unofficial investigators. But right now, I can’t talk to him about anything. Not even this.
I take the letter I stole from Ferria back out to examine it again. I run it through my fingers, turn it over, and repeat the gesture. Maybe there is a secret code or a hidden message. I hold it up to the window, hoping the moonlight will reveal something, but nothing’s there. How did I make the words appear on the card I had gotten from Miss Brayerwood?
“How do I read you?” I ask the paper, feeling like an idiot, but deciding it’s worth a shot.
Nothing happens.
I don’t know anything about code breaking. I wouldn’t even know where to begin to decide if each letter represents another one or if each word is actually a letter. Who knows?
I groan and stuff the letter under my pillow, too annoyed to look at it any more. I’m going to have to try to get more information another way. The old-fashioned way.
The human way.
I’m going to break into some rooms.
Sixteen
The next morning, I’m only half-dressed when there’s a knock. Dannika swings opens the door without a warning, leaving me to scramble to cover myself with a blanket. It’s Caleb.
“Hey!” I grumble.
Caleb gives me a strange look. He just continues to stand there with his hands in his pockets, staring at me. “I thought we were going to breakfast.”
“We are,” I manage to get through a suddenly dry throat, pointedly glaring from him to Dannika. “I was getting dressed!”
He looks around the room, but then his eyes widen as what I said finally registers. “Oh! Should I wait outside?”
“Uh, yeah,” I say. What the gods is going on? “I’ll be out in a minute.”
Caleb leaves, and Dannika shuts the door behind him, falling into a fit of giggles on her bed. “Oh, Imogen!”
“What?” I ask, scrambling to get dressed. “Why’d you let him in?”
Her eyes are watering with tears from all the laughter.
“What’s so funny? Dannika!”
“Oh,” she says, still chuckling. “You! Your face when he came in here! Oh, that was priceless.”
She falls apart, guffawing, and I’m starting to get annoyed. I ignore her, throw on the rest of my clothes, run a brush through my hair, and borrow her lip gloss before grabbing my bag.
“I’m going now,” I say.
“Okay,” she gets out, her shoulders shaking with mirth. “See ya!”
When I step outside our room, Caleb is waiting for me.