by Hilary Wilde
"Jinx? Little wildcat, I'd say. You sure did blow up at him. Not many girls do." "I'm not many girls," she said slowly. He leant on the table, his face suddenly grave. "Look, I know he makes one mad at times, but it's just his way." "Is it?" Jan allowed herself to be sarcastic. "I suppose beneath that unpleasant exterior there bums a golden heart." She saw the smile playing round Barry's mouth, but he answered gravely. "Matter of fact, there does. I wouldn't have this good job but for that fact Look, try to see this fishing game from the right angle. When the shark catches the fish, it's over in a few moments. The fish doesn't know he's being chased by a sharkhe simply can't understand why he can't get right away from the boat. Fish don't have brains." "How do we know?" Barry straightened, shook his head, his face a mixture of exasperation and amusement. "He's quite right, my word he is! It's just no good trying to talk sense to you once you get mad. I'm wasting my time. Gome up all the same When you hear us shouting. The fish, poor wee soul. . . ." He grinned. "An unintended pun, for it happens to be a Kahawai fish. Anyhow, the fish'll be dead, so you needn't feel upset. There'll be a battle, a real battle." "I hope he losesand I don't mean the fish," said Jan, turning her head away, but not before she saw the grin on Barry's face. He left her alone and she wished she hadn't said those things. He was probably repeating them to Ludovic and they were both enjoying a good laugh at her expense. She sat on and time crept by. It was dose and hot in the cabin and she longed for the fresh wind on deck. But her pride wouldn't let her go. Then she began to think over what Barry said. She asked 73 herself whether she had been ridiculous to worry about the fish. It could be said that it was a better death to be quickly swallowed by a shark than to lie panting and puffing on deck, waiting for the mercy of a knife. Suddenly she heard someone shout excitedly and before she realised what she was doing, she was up the stairs and on deck clinging to the rail, looking at Ludovic strapped in his chair, leaning forward as the line went screaming off the reel. Jan's eyes followed it and saw the enormous black fish suddenly arch into the air as he leapt and then crashed back into the sea. She gasped, for that enormous body had seemed to shut out the sky as it hung, suspended for a second in the air. Neither of the men seemed to notice her. Barry was putting some canvas harness on Ludovic, then clipping it to the reel. Ludovic was leaning forward, his face intent. She had no idea how long it lasted. She stood quietly, clinging to the railing, watching Ludovic as he tried to reel in the huge fish. Ludovic braced his legs one moment, pulled back into the chair as far as he could, then bent forward, reeling in whatever line he could. The next moment she would hear the screaming of the reel as the fish got away. Some of the excitement of the fight filled Jan's veins. She found her hands clenched, but she managed to stifle the shout of encouragement in her throat. No one talked. There was an air of tension as everyone save the aboriginal at the wheel watched Ludovic at work. His face was set like a mask. No smile. No life. Just set, his mouth a thin line. He looked tired, Jan thought, glancing at her wrist watch and realising with a shock just how long the fight had been going on. The fish seemed to be dashing ahead and, although the engine was running and she knew that the fish wasn't towing them, she realised they had to follow his couise, and a crazy course it was, loops, twisting, 74 turning, zigzags and even figures of eight as if the fish was laughing at them. Then quite suddenly it looked as if Ludovic was winning, for the huge fish stopped racing and moved gently through the water, allowing Ludovic to reel him in and Jan, watching, thought quickly: "So you've won again!" She wasn't sure if she was glad or sorry. Glad or sorry that Ludovic had, as usual, won his battle? But she was sorry that the great gallant fish had been caught. And then everything happened so swiftly that she was never quite able to describe the scene afterwards. The fish must have been playing a diabolically diplomatic game, for without warning from his gentle roll, he suddenly shot forward, rushing off into me opposite direction. The rod was pulled forward and Ludovic with it ... but the fighting harness held him, dragging him with the chair over the side of the boat into the water. Barry and the abos acted fast, but Jan's hands were against her mouth as she stifled a scream and she felt absurdly weak as she saw them haul Ludovic aboard and help him out of the tightly strapped harness. It was then he looked at her. He must have seen her wide frightened eyes, her white face, for he nodded reassuringly. "Everything's okay, Jan. It often happens. He was too clever for me." She swallowed. "I thought... I thought he'd eat you." He laughed. "Take more than a shark to eat me, Jan! Man, am I wet! I'M slip down and put on something dry." He left them while Barry tidied up and occasionally glanced at Jan, who had sat down, her hands clasped, face still white, as she stared into the distance. "He's right, you know," Barry said as he walked past her. "It often happens." 75 "But he could have been killed," she said, the words having to be dragged out of her. "That's one of the chances," Barry said lightly. "We're used to them." "I... I...." Suddenly she knew she was going to be sick. She turned to lean over (he side of the boat, her whole body shuddering. An arm went round her and then a glass was held to her lips. The liquid burned her throat and made her cough, but the warmth inside her seemed to bring her back from the dark abyss into which she had dived for a moment. "Okay?" It was Ludovic's voice. She opened her eyes' and stared at him. He had pulled an old jacket and some shorts, but his hair was wet. "That's no way to behave," he scolded, but gently. She swallowed. "I'm sony, it's just . . . I'm sorry, I'm being a jinx, aren't I? I mean, you lost the fish and . . . and nearly lost your life." "Aren't you glad I lost the shark?" he asked, the gentleness leaving his voice. "You must be delighted that I lost." She swallowed again and shivered. His arm tightened round her and he made her take another drink. "No," she said, "I'm sorry you lost it, but I'm glad the shark got away." He smiled. "So am I. It deserved to, because it put up a good fight, no holds barred. Come on below to the cabin. You need a strong cup of tea and something to eat Coming, Barry?" "Coming, Lud!" Barry shouted. Jan felt absurdly unsteady, but Ludovic helped her down the stairs and the two men fussed over her, making the tea, unpacking the delicious sandwiches, talking to one another, but bringing Jan into the 76 conversation, making her laugh, until the colour returned to her pale cheeks. Later they went on deck as the sun began to go down and the sky was an incredibly beautiful sight. The island appeared out of the mist and, when they moored at the jetty, Barry had all the clobber ready to be carried ashore. As they stopped, his manner changed. When he spoke to Ludovic, he called him 'sir' and he spoke formally to 'Miss Shaw' just as though those hours of friendliness had never been. Jan walked back to the house by Ludovic's side, and mentioned this. "Why is Barry so different out at sea?" she asked, and tried to explain what she had noticed. Ludovic, walking slowly by her side, smiled. "Well, when we're on a project like that we're buddies. Mates. See what I mean? Equals. So I'm 'Lud' to him. Once we land, I'm boss, so I'm 'sir' or the master. Does that make sense? Look at it this way. I get on pretty well with all my staff." He smiled wryly. "Shall I say, most of my staff, that is. Now if we were all on Christian name terms, it does make it a bit muddly. My secretary would come into the room. Hi, Ludovic, she'd say. Mark and Tommy want to talk to you, and the two directors would come in and thank Laetitia for introducing them. See what I mean? It just wouldn't work." "Yes, I do see," she agreed. The light was falling fastthe sun a blaze of red, just about to drop out of sight on the horizon. Ludovic hurried bis pace a little and Jan had almost to run to keep up with him. "You did mind losing that shark, didn't you?" she asked abruptly. Ludovic glanced down. "Of course I did. Any fisherman would." "No, it meant more to you than that. Ludovic, why do you have to dominate everyone?" she asked 77
earnestly. "I mean, when you're around,, all the other men seem to fade away." "They do?" He sounded startled. "Yes. I don't know why, but they all seem to get shorter and to look . . . well, insignificant." She looked up at him. "Were you bullied as a small boy by your big brother, Ludovic? I mean, it could be a sort of inferiority complex, couldn't it?" His shout of laughter seeme
d to echo through the woods and it disturbed hundreds of small creatures, for suddenly the trees were alive with noise and fluttering v/ings. "Mean inferiority complex!" Ludovic was choking with laughter. "One thing about you, Jan," he said, as they came out into the open and the house was before them, a blaze of light, "you do make me laugh." As they went inside, she wondered if that was a compliment. Somehow she didn't think it was. Then she remembered Jarvis and the letter she wanted to write to him. "Ludovic...." She realised her voice had changed, become pleading, but it was too late to alter it. "I'd like to do some shopping. Could I...." "Of course. Barry goes ashore every other day. Just tell him you want to go. I'll be seeing him later today and I'll tell him. You can go as often as you like. You're not a prisoner, you know." They were standing in the tall cool hall and Jan looked up at him. "Aren't I?" He put his hands on her shoulders. "No, you are not. You're perfectly free. You can go back to Sydney whenever you like." She hesitated. "And Jarvis?" Ludovic smiled. "You know very well that Jarvis's future is in your hands." _"Just one more thing," she said quickly. "When will Mrs. Fairlie be here ?" 78
"In her own good time. She got held up. This often happens, you know. You can't hurry her. Are you unhappy here? I got the impression you liked the place. Do you want to go back to your scruffy little flat?" She felt the colour rise in her cheeks. "It wasn't..." she began quickly. He stooped and lightly kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you for making us laugh so much. I'm sure you've done Barry and me more good than all the tonics in the world," he said, and left her. "See you later at dinner." She stood sti'U and watched him go to his room, then turned into her own. After dinner the long empty week would stretch ahead. And then she remembered something and her depression vanished. At least, she could write to Jarvis, and go to the mainland. That evening after dinner they sat outside on the screened verandah, having coffee. "You didn't bring any work with you this time?" Jan asked, as she looked at the gorgeous molten silver of the moonlight on the lagoon. "You're usually so busy." He was stretched out in a long wicker chair. "It struck me that even I need a holiday sometimes. I feel so completely relaxed here. Has it the same effect on you?" Jan straightened the front of her yellow silk frock. She had done up her long dark hair on top of her head elaborately. "Yes. It's a strange, difficult-to-explain feelingat least to me." She glanced at him. There was little lighting, so she could hardly see his face, but the sternness seemed to have gone, at least temporarily. "It's unreal, almost as if it's too good to be true. The outside world no longer matters. I live from day to day, just enjoying each day." 79
"You make it sound like Utopia, but I know what you mean. I think that's what I like about the island. It's so different from the rat race in Sydney." "Lewes, where I come from, is quite small, but even there the traffic is growing all the time and there's such a noise as you walk along the pavements you have to shout and...." "Here it's so quiet you can almost hear yourself breathe," he agreed. "Yes," she said simply, and leant back in her chair, content and strangely happy. Her mind went briefly to George whom she had thought she loved so much. Now she mentally thanked God for having ended that so-called romance, for that was all it had been. It had just been wishful thinking born of loneliness, and the blank left in her life because she no longer loved Frank, her childhood love. Now she was completely relaxed, her head against a deep red pillow, her eyes half closed. And then Ludovic spoke. His voice had changed, sounded amused. "Know something, Jan?" he began casually. "You've rather disappointed me. When I first met you, I was impressed by your sincerity. I knew you would always tell me the truth. Now I realise you're as much of a hypocrite as the rest of us." Jan felt her body stiffen. Her mouth was dry_ and for a moment she found it hard to breathe, wondering if he had found out the truththat she was not Jarvis's beloved but his beloved's sister. She gave a tiny shiver. Well, she had always known that this moment must come, but it had come sooner than she had expected and had caught her unawares. The only thing was to face him, to be truthful and tell him why she had helped Jarvis, because she was grateful to him, because she believed that Ludovic, his uncle, was treating him badly, absurdly for this day and age. Slowly the anger seemed to creep through her veins. Ludovic had no right to be so domineering, so arrogant, so sure he was 80 right when he arranged other people's lives. Jarvis was no child. He was twenty and fully entitled to know who he liked and to be left in peace to pass his exams his own way. Jan _ opened her mouth to start the attack when Ludovic spoke, and what he said silenced her completely, it was so unexpected. "You're a mass of contradictions, Jan. You're not consistent. You eat meat. You eat fish. You've never expressed any distress or even inquisitiveness as to how they die. Yet you create a scene like an hysterically neurotic old maid just because we use live bait." His voice was sarcastic. "Poor little fish, you say, you can't do that to him. What do you think happens before you eat roast chicken? Does the cockerel enjoy being caught and killed? Of course it doesn't." He paused. Jan realised that, looked at that way, of course, he was right. If she really minded about how animals, fish and birds were slaughtered, she should be a vegetarian. "Another strange thing about you, Jan," Ludovic continued, "is, as I said, your inconsistency. You rush below to the cabin because you can't bear the sight, yet the instant I caught the shark you were there, almost screaming away, as excited as we were. You reminded me of a Roman watching the Christians being thrown to the lions, or, perhaps more appropriately, a French revolutionary sitting and knitting as the heads of the hated aristocracy fell. You did enjoy the fight, didn't you?" Jan nodded. She spread out her fingers on her skirt and stared at them. "I guess you're right, Ludovic. It was just i, . . just that I couldn't bear to see the poor fish wriggling in Barry's hand, trying to get free and then . . . then that horrible hook in his mouth...." "In other words, you're squeamish when you actually see things happen, but so long as you don't see, it doesn't matter." 81
Jan jumped to her feet, scraping her chair noisily. "Yes, you're right. But there was a difference in the ... the live fish and the shark. I knew the shark was powerful, much stronger than you, so you didn't have. ..." "All the odds on my side?" he finished for her. "I see. That was a battle, eh?" "It certainly was. You must be terribly strong. Ludovic laughed. "You have to be to survive. That shark was a wily brute. He deserved to escape. By the way, Jan...." His face had altered; now he leaned forward and she saw the way his eyes had narrowed, his eyebrows almost meeting. "I must ask you not to be so insulting in front of my staff." Jan's cheeks burned. "I'm . . . I'm sorry. It was rude of me." "The understatement of the year, I'd say. It was childish, completely uncalled-for. Fortunately it was only Barry with me and he understood. I would point out that you are my guest..." "Unwillingly," she said quickly. He stood up, and she wished she hadn't said that word, for it seemed to have provoked him. He came and stood by her side and as she moved back he followed her, quietly, unostentatiously, but at last she had retreated so much that her back was against the wall of the house and he stood close in front of her. "Unwillingly?" he repeated. "Yet you told me you were happy here, that you loved it. Are you a liar?" It was absurd, but she was afraid. She told herself not to be stupid. Ludovic wasn't the type of man to hurt a woman. But was her assumption correct? "I am happy here ... I wasn't lying," she said breathlessly. "But you must admit you . . . you gave me little choice. I mean, if I hadn't come...." "It would have been tough on Jarvis?" Ludovic's voice sounded amused, now, rather than angry. "Poor delicate Jarvis! How protected he must feel. All you 82 girls rushing to look after him. So you were forced to come here, against your will and, perhaps, your better judgement, simply because you wanted to protect my nephew." "You made it very plain what would happen if I didn't." He stood back and smiled. "I'm glad you had the sense to recognise that One day Jarvis.will thank you." He walked out of the verandah, letting the door swing to behind him. The next day after lunch she wrote to Jarvis. She was not sure if she should be frank with him and say bluntly that she had been morally blackmailed by his uncle and forced to com
e here or else Jarvis would have been affected by it, for she did not put it past Ludovic to have someone keeping an eye on Jarvis's mail. Suppose she wrote that and Ludovic read it? So very carefully she chose her words and hoped Jarvis would be able to read between the lines. 'Dear Jarvis,' she began, 'I find it difficult to believe, but I've been told that since you met me you've stopped working at your studies. Apparently I've distracted you. I'm sure this is pure imagination on your mother's part, but she's afraid you'll fail your Finals if I'm around. She kindly asked me to stay here, but so far she hasn't turned up. I'm very happy here but wanted to let you know why I suddenly disappeared, in case you wondered. Felicity should be coming back soon, but I haven't heard from her although I've written. Good luck with your exams. Yours ... she finished, and signed her name with a flourish. She was sure Jarvis would burst out laughing when he read it and mentally thank her for backing up his crazy scheme, but did he really think he could fool his uncle indefinitely? she wondered. What would happen when Felicity returned and she and Jarvis started going everywhere together? It was also on the cards that Felicity would be invited up here, which could cause complications. 83 Jan addressed the envelope, sealed it and put it in her handbag. She also wrote to Iris telling her how beautiful the island was.In the morning as she 'fossicked' with Rab, she told him about the scene on the boat. He laughed and yet sympathised."I know. I hate live bait, too. Yet I'm inconsistent, because I'm always killing specimens to study them._You know, Jan, life isn't as straightforward as one would like it to be. Was it a good fight with the shark?" "Absolutely super!" Jan had clasped her hands as she remembered. "Ludovic was so strong, so determined, but the shark was just as clever. He had Ludovic fooled." "And you were glad?" She coloured."Yesuntil Ludovic was jerked into the water. Then I was really scared. I thought the shark might eat him." Rab had laughed. "It 'ud take more than a shark to conquer him. I reckon that one day a woman will." "A woman?" Jan was startled. "You think Ludovic would let a woman...." Rab laughed again. "Not eat him." "Rab, you're out of your mind!" Jan had begun to laugh. "Ludovic would never let a woman rule him. Why, he has to be the big noise, the boss...." Rab had stopped working and stood up, taking off the protective gloves, rubbing his hands together. "He has to think he is. Know something, Jan? It's these big strong arrogant men who have the most vulnerable Achilles' heel." "Achilles' heel?" Rab nodded."Yes, each one of us has a weakness. Mine? Tearful sad eyes. Just let anyone gaze at me like a spaniel and I'm sunk. They can call the tune.""I can't see anyone calling the tune to Ludovic. He'd never let them, he'd never accept it. He's just not like that," Jan had told him.Rab had chuckled. "But you see, he won't know."