by Hilary Wilde
She looked up at him and managed another laueh "Not too bad," she said lightly. "Actually you're quite good," she added, her voice flippant. He laughed outright. "Thanks. You'd give me a good reference, then?" "I wouldn't know, honestly." Her voice had changed she realised with dismay. The flippancy had vanished and she was telling the truth. "You see I haven't kissed many men and always it's been when I loved them. That does make a difference." She caught her breath with dismay, remembering the almost brotherly kisses of Frank, and the more sophisticated yet casual kisses of George. Ludovic's kisses had been completely different. So had her reaction to them. Never before had she found herself clinging to a man, her mouth responsive, her whole body trembling. She wondered whether he had noticed. Ludovic moved away a little. "I see." His voice had changed, too. "Yes," he went on, his voice grave now. "You're right, it does make a difference. Goodnight." Before she had time to answer him, he had gone, down (he hall, to his room. There was silence after .the door had clicked shut. Somehow she managed to get to her room. There she stood in the middle of it, hands pressed to her hot face. It couldn't be true! It couldn't be. It mustn't... but it was. At last she crawled into bed, still shivering. Why, of all people, had she to fall in love with a man like Ludovic? Of all the stupid, irrational, humiliating, painful things to do! Jan buried her face in the pillow. She must get away, just as soon as she could... and if Jarvis waslanded in a mess, it wasn't her fault. This was something beyond her control. She awoke to the sunshine and Lucy's hard-tounderstand words as she brought .the breakfast tray. There was a note on it "Have gone fishing with Rab. Guess you must be 107 tired. We'n be back .this afternoon. Rab is staying for dinner. Ludovic." Just as Ludovic dominated his world. "Well," she told herself, wondering why her voice, so quiet, was trembling, "he's not going to dominate me. I'm getting out just as fast as I can. I'll tell him tonight." It was his writingthe first time she had seen it huge sprawling letters that dominated the page. She showered, then put on her bikini and went and swam in the enclosed lagoon behind the house. It was the only safe place to swim, for Ludovic had impressed on her the danger of swimming in ithe other lagoon, unless he or Rab were with her. "There are some nasty fish around," he had said, and added, "Occasionally a shark comes in." Now as she floated on her back, looking up at the cloudless sky, and then at the palm trees on the white sand, she knew how much she was going to miss the island. She felt no desire to return to Lewes and her old life. "You've got spoiled," she told herself severely. "It's time you went." Afterwards she lay on the sand, protected from the sun by a large orange sunshade. She lay still, eyes closed. She must go, of course she must go. What else could she do? Ludovic might find out and then how he would laugh. Just another scalp to hang on his belt, she reminded herself. One of so many. He probably would think she was after his moneyas if she was interested in that! Money was useful, but it wasn't everything. Happiness came first. The warmth of the air relaxed her, she fell asleep and dreamed. When she woke up, she was startled to find she could remember the dream. In her dream she had been walking down the aisle of a church to the sound of music. A bride, wearing a white lace frock with a long train, a veil hiding her face. The groom waited at the altar steps. He turned his head. There was a mask over his face. Both had stared at one another silently, unable 108
to see the face of the other. And then she had turned and run, run down the aisle of the church. She had heard him racing after her, the sound of his shoes on the stone floor were so clear in the stunned silence of the conereEration. She had reached the door of the church and was out in the sunshine, and then he had caught her, holding her close, her whole body shivering as she felt her arms go round his neck. Then he lifted his hands and removed his mask. It was.... She must have awakened at that moment, for no matter how hard she tried, she could not remember the face. Was it, she wondered, her subconscious self trying to marry Ludovic in her dream because she knew she would never marry him in reality? Would never? she asked herself sarcastically, or could never? Somehow it was hard to imagine Ludovic askinoher to be his wife! And if he did... ? She toyed witn the crazy idea for a moment. Would she marry him if he proposed? Of course she wouldn't, she thought angrily. Imagine life marned to an arrogant, domineering, hateful.... A tiny lizard scuttled over the sand, began to climb her bare leg, changed his mind, did a quick turnabout and hurried away over the sand. Something had warned him that he was on alien soil, she thought, finding herself smiling at the thought. Well, wasn't that what she was on ? Alien soil? Where she could only be hurt. Why fool yourself, Jan Shaw? she asked herself sternly. You know very well that if Ludovic asked you to marry him, you'd faint for joy! At least be truthful! She had showered and chosen her white sheath with the gold chain belt and was waiting for the men to come back from fishing when they arrived. Both looked tired and sun-flushed and she braced herself as Ludovic led the way on to the screened verandah. "Had a good day, Jan?" he asked casually. She had dreaded this moment and now it had come. 109
friendly, impersonal. He probably looked on the scene jlrelaxed. Ludovic didn't know! He was just the same 1 Her tense body, braced for this moment of truth, slowly ;i| the previous night as something that happened all the | time. Probably he kissed every girl he met. '!!, Inconsistently, and she realised this but it didn't help : her at all, she was hurt by his casual attitudeyet she knew she would have been even more upset had he made it plain that he knew she loved him! "Fabulous, thanks," she said with a smile. "Gorgeously lazy. I swam in this lagoon, then slept. I dreamt." She looked at him thoughtfully, a big, long-legged man stretched out on the wicker chair. He had just showered and his white shirt was immaculate, his white corded trousers neatly creased. He looked tired yet content, like a cat that has eaten the Sunday joint, Jan told ( herself viciously, momentarily hating him. "Nightmare?" Rab asked. He too had showered and changed. His wet hair looked almost sandy for once. He yawned. "By Jove, it was a fight!" Ludovic linked his hands under his head. "A good fight. Rab caught a thresher shark, Jan. Wish you'd been there to see ita good battle. We'll make a good fisherman of you yet, Rab, for all you're a Pommie!" Ludovic added with a grin. Lucy brought out a tray of drinks and ice. It was very pleasant sitting there. Jan had to admit to herself that she was going to miss it all very much. Occasionally she gave Ludovic a quick glance and was startled at the effect it had on her. Her heart began to pound. Of all the ridiculous crazy nonsense, she scolded herself angrily, this was the craziest. Maybe she had liked being kissed by him, but that didn't mean.... Didn't it? an inner voice asked her. Didn't it show you how much you love him? Face up to it, Jan Shaw. You're madly in love with a man who says you make him laugh. The dinner was delicious, the oval walnut table immaculately laid out, the crystal glass sparkling, the silver shinins'a no
"Esther is a good housekeeper," Rab said as he took a second helping of the delicious cheese souffle. "And that's no lie," Ludovic agreed. It was over their coffee and liqueurs that Jan made up her mind. She sat quietly while the two men discussed their day, going over tlie movements of the cunning shark and their counter-movements, but Jan was not listening. She was preparing the speech she was going to make before she went to bed. In front of Rab, she was going to tell Ludovic that she was leaving. She rehearsed the words silently: 'I've had a lovely holiday, but I must go. My mother needs me.' That was a lie, of course, or was it? Maybe it was true? Maybe her mother did need her? The boutique was flourishing, but Mum was always having staff trouble. Perhaps she did need Jan? It was obvious that Felicity didn't, because she had leapt at the chance of dancing up north. Jan tensed. Ludovic would look startled and then amused, she knew that. In his eyes would be the unspoken threat, unspoken only because Rab was there. But she knew what he would be saying silently to her. "What about Jarvis?" And what should she say? Tell him the truth? That it : was all a mistake and she was not, and never had been, , Jarvis's girl-friend? Or let him go on believing she was : so that he would be glad to see her off on her way back sj to Englandor rather falsely believ
inghis nephew would be safe when she was some ten thousand miles away! I The evening flew by and Rab began to say he must be |, on his way. Jan knew her last chance had come. She I drew a deep breath. 1: "Ludovic" she began. I He turned at once. "Yes?" Then he hit his hands |-together. "Honestly, how stupid of me, Jan. I nearly I' forgot to tell you. Next weekend I'll be bringing Sara E with me." 1; 111
Jan, her words dissolving because of his interruption, stared. "Sara?" Luovic frowned. "Sara, my niece, Jarvis's sister. Surely he's told you about her?" He sounded impatient. "Jarvis! Honestly, that boy! Not an ounce of family feeling in him." Ludovic stood up and filled the glasses, then sat down again, letting his legs hang over the side of the chair. "Well, Sara is being rather difficult. She's just sixteen and has been at a finishing school in Switzerland. I've heard from them and she's flying out. She's been asked to leave." "Expelled?" Jan was startled. Surely at an expensive finishing school, something really dreadful would have to happen before they expelled you? she thought "Well, as good as," Ludovic confessed, rubbing his hand across his face. "They wrote and said they felt they were not helping her as they thought they should. They felt it was the wrong... I think they used the word environment. They asked me to remove her." "But what for? Surely they said why?" Rab asked, leaning forward and obliterating for a moment from Jan's eyes the view of the beautiful crescent moon. "Knowing Sara, I can't see her doing anything dreadful." "You don't know Sara," said Ludovic. He shrugged. "Those two kidsmore trouble than they're worth! Anyhow, she's coming back and maybe you can talk some sense into her, Jan." "Me?" Jan's voice squeaked a little. She had been about to tell him she was leaving and now he was asking her to help him. "I don't know what I can do." "You're her age group. Sixteen isn't far from nineteen, is it?" he asked. A logical question, she told herself, yet it infuriated her. Was that how he classed her? With the teenagers? She didn't feel sixteen. She felt years older. She was no child. 112
Perhaps he read her thoughts, perhaps the flashing eyes and the red cheeks, always Jan's giveaway, mio-ht have told him how she felt, for he went on : 0 "You can remember what you felt like at sixteen, Jan. I can't. Something's upsetting Sara and we can't find out what it is. I'd be grateful if you'd help me." She was even more startled. It did not seem possible that Ludovic could be asking her for a favour. And then she understood. Sara was going to upset the peacefmness of Ludovic's beloved island. She constituted a nuisance, and as such must be dealt with. Like all geniuses who are wise enough to relegate their duties, Ludovic was passing the buck to her! At least, that was how Frank would have put it, for he was always fond of long words and pedantic sentences. "I ... well, I haven't had much to do with sixteenyear-olds ...." she began. Rab leaned forward again. "I think you could help her, Jan. I'll be here, too. Maybe we can sort out some of the poor kid's problems." Poor kid, Jan ithought. She looked quickly at Ludovic and then at Rab. Was there more in this than she knew? "I'll do my best," she said, and stood up. "I think I'll say goodnight. Have a good trip, Ludovic. See you next week," she added as she left them. She walked slowly to her bedroom. Well, that was that she was staying on. She wasn't leaving the island because maybe she could help poor Sara. In her room she let herself weep. It didn't help much, but even a little help was better than nothing. At least now she needn't leave the island and Ludovic. Face the truth, she told herself, you wouldn't have gone anyhow. I would if I had any sense, she replied, and her inner self laughed. "Sense? If you'd any sense you'd never have fallen in love with a man like that. Be honest and face facts. You had no real intention of telling Ludovic you were leaving the island. You'd have found an excuse. You leapt at the chance to stay. Am I right?" "3
But there was no doubt in her mind now that she had accepted the truth. She was going to stay on the island. No matter how much Ludovic hurt her, how much she hated him, she wanted the chance to stay. She was only too painfully conscious of the reason. "As the Aussies said : 'My very word, you're right', "You're a fool," she told herself. "An absolute crazy Jan thought, and gazed in the mirror at her reflection.fool.""4
CHAPTER FIVE
NEXT day when they were out on the coral reef. Tan asked Rab about Sara. "Jarvis never mentioned her to me," she said, puzzled for although she and her sister Felicity shared very few interests they were fond of one another. Yet Jarvis, when he had visited them at Lewes, had never once mentioned Saraor his mother, for that matter, Jan remembered Rab chuckled. "At nsik of having you knock my head off, Jan, I'd say that^only one person exists in Jarvis's world, and that is Jarvis Fairlie." Jan sighed melodramatically. "You're as bad as Ludovic! Always knocking poor Jarvis. Aren't we all selfish when we're young? We grow out of it." Rab put his head back and laughed. "That's right. Granny. We do grow out of it as we grow older, but will Jarvis ever grow older?" "Of course he willone day." Rab foent to scoop up a small crab, turned it over and examined it .thoughtfully, the small magnifying glass to his eye. "I reckon his uncle is treating him foolishly." "I couldn't agree more," Jan said eagerly. "I think Ludovic is positively beastly to him." Carefully, almost tenderly, Rab put the little crab down, watching it scuttle away to safety. Then Rab wiped his hands and looked at Jan. "On the contrary, Jan, I think Ludovic is treating him much too softly. It's time Jarvis grew up. Let him fail his exams, if he's too darned stupid to work at them. He'll be sorry one day. Not that it really matters, because he can still get a job. I'd say to Jarvis if he was my 115 nephew : 'This is your last chance. Pass your Finals and work in the firm or I cut your allowance down to nothing. You're old enough to earn your own living and it'll do you the world of good'!" Jan was shocked. "But Jarvis has a lot of money coming to him." "Precisely. He's being mollycoddled now and will then be rich. What he needs is a bit of reality, to discover that it costs money to have your suit cleaned twice a week, that drinks are expensive, huge sports cars even more so. . That it costs money to buy petrol to run a car, to call long-distance to Paris, and all the things Jarvis does automatically and without any idea of what these .things cost." Jan stared at him. "Aren't you being harsh? It sounds unlike you, Rab." ^ Rab grinned. "I grew up the hard way. Maybe I'm just jealous. I could do with some of Jarvis's money. Seriously, though, Jan, I think Jarvis needs responsibility, to be treated as an adult and not as a delinquent child to be humoured one moment and then punished the next. The poor lad's had a difficult time. When his dad was alive, it wasn't much better and now his mother lets him do just as he likes, and then Ludovic lectures him. Jarvis doesn't know where he is or where he's making for." "You could be right..." Jan said thoughtfully. It was a view she had never thought of. If Jar/is always had all the money he needed, how could he ever appreciate it or know how to handle it? "But tell me about Sara?" "There's not much to tell. I only see her here at holiday times. She comes and helps me, just as you do. She has a pretty miserable time." Later, as they packed Rab's things, Jan tried again. "Why are you sorry for Sara?" Rab scratched his head. "You'll know when you see hera nice kid having a lousy life. No wonder she's a problem child." "Perhaps all sixteen-year-olds are hard to understand," n6
Jan conceded. "I remember my sister was. Mum nearly went out of her mind. Nothing she could do was right." "I think in this case, it goes deeper. See you tomorrow, Jan," said Rab, striding off to his waiting boat, waving his hand. Jan walked slowly through the trees. A burst of song broke the quietness as a cluster of small green parakeets swept up into the air. But she didn't notice them, because she was thinking. After lunch, Jan, having showered beforehand and changed into blue shorts and a bikini top, went to lie under the umbrella on the silvery-sanded beach. She heard the sound of voices, but was half asleep and when a shadow fell over her and an angry voice spoke, Jan sat up abruptly. A girl was standing there, a tall, thin girl with long blonde hair and hard, angry eyes. "What do you think you're doing here?" she demanded. "This is private property. You're trespassing." Half asleep, Jan struggled to her feet. "I most certainly am not," she s'aid indignantly. "I'm f a guest here." ; "A guest?" the girl laughed
. "Whose?" She was wear ing an expensive-looking green suit. ; "Mrs. Fairlie's. Who are you ?" Jan asked. i "Mrs. Fairlie's? A likely story! You're not Ludovic's :: guest, by any chance, are you?" The girl's voice ; changed, became wary. | _ "I am not. I'm Mrs. Fairlie's. Look," Jan was begin-I mng to get annoyed, "just who are you? I might think ^ you were the trespasser." | "I'm Ailsa Gonnaught...." The girl paused dramatir.cally as if certain that that would ring a bell and Jan I: look suitably impressed. But Jan didn't. t "I'm no wiser. Are you a friend of Ludovic's ?" | "A friend?" Ailsa Gonnaught gave an odd laugh. "I liguppose you might call it that, though sometimes I prouder why I ever speak to him," she said bitterly. "So r. 117 Mrs. Fairlie invited you herehow very convenient for| Ludovic. I suppose he flies up at weekends." I "Yes, he does, but..." | Ailsa laughed. She looked beautiful. ^ "He used to bring me here at weekends... it was] great fun. Always plenty of guests. Well, he stopped and | I heard nothing more. I've been away in Brazil and only 5 just got back, so thought I'd look in and see if he was J here. He used to leave on Tuesdays." i "Now he leaves on Mondays." 3 "Oh!" 1 The two giris stared at one another warily, each waiting for .the other to attack. Jan stiffened. She had a feeling this girl could be ; malicious. Was she one of Ludovic's heartbroken girl- friends? Not that Jan could blame Ludovic if he had ' thought himself in love with Ailsa, for sdie was very lovely and probably moved in his class of friends. "Are you in love with Ludovic?" Ailsa asked abruptly. The question took Jan unawares. She caught her breath. This gili mustn't know the truth, whatever happened. "Jarvis is my favourite," she said quickly. Of course it was a^lie. Every bone in her body ached for sight of Ludovic. Where was he now? she wondered. Still in the air, flying high above the clouds? Or was he already in his office, his beloved island forgotten? "Jarvis wants to marry me," Jan added, thinking that if Ailsa saw Ludovic she might tell him that and it would not only protect Jarvis, but hide the truth from Ludovic. "Marry you?" Ailsa put back her head and laughed. Jarvis marry a Pommie? Not on your life! Besides, that's all arranged. His mother's got it all worked out. Jarvis will marry Lucille Lucknow, one of the wealthiest girls^in die country. She's still at school, of course, so Jarvis is being given a chance to sow his wild oats and get that part of his life done before he settles down. Marry you! The Fair-lies have more sense than that. You must be naive," she added scornfully. "The Fairlies don't n8