by Hilary Wilde
"I wish it hadn't to be 'him I'm like...." Sara said slowly. "He has some good qualities, you know," Jan suggested, "as well as bad ones." "I suppose we all have. It's just that... that ever since Dad died. Uncle has taken over and bullied us around. Especially Jarvis... and ... and...." The door swung open and Lucy was there, a big beam on her face, as she carried a itray of glasses, ice and lemonade. "Lovely, Lucy." Sara bounced to her feet like a child. "Just what we needed, eh, Jan?" She waited until Lucy had left them, then turned to Jan. ."Now how has Uncle been practising moral blackmail on you?" she demanded. Jan laughed. "I think I exaggerated." "I'm sure you didn't. Tell me, Jan." Jan hesitated. Then she decided that if Sara was to be her friend, they must be honest with one another. She felt safe with Sara who so obviously hated her uncle that she would never tell him what Jan told her. "It's a long story, Sara, but I'll be as brief as I can." Sara stretched herself out happily in her chair. "Take as long as you like. I can't wait to hear!" Jan began at the beginning, describing briefly their house just outside Lewes, in Sussex, and the boy next door, Frank, whom she had always known and how they had somehow drifted into an engagement. "Then one day I realised Frank was a stranger. I had dreamed up a man and pretended Frank was him. Frank was a dear but oh, so stodgy. Then we met Jarvis. He was over on a course. He and my sister Felicity fell inlove." _ , 4 " "! "Felicity. Pretty name," Sara said. "Is she older than you?" "No, younger. She's seventeen and I'm nineteen." "And I'm sixteen," Sara chimed in. "Do go on." So Jan did, describing Felicity's heartache when Jarvis 130 K returned to Australia, Felicity's chance of a job out here t their mother's wish that Jan went with Felicity. ' _"We took a flat in Kings Cross, you know it?" Jan said, and Sara nodded. "Then Felicity got this wonderful chance of a tour up north. She'd have been mad to refuse it, so off she went. And I fell in love with Georp-e." Sara wriggled excitedly. 0 "How smashing. Was he super?" _ "Yes, in a way. Smooth, sophisticated. I guess I was just lonely, but I fell for him, and then he ditched me...." Sara stopped smiling, her eyes grew wide. "Ditched you?" _ "Yes, it was my own fault, of course." Jan was twisting the tassels on the cushion on her chair. "It was fun being with him, but I think he thought I was getting possessive and thinking it might end in marriage, so he told me frankly that he would marry for money." ^And you haven't any?" Sara said sympathetically. "Only what I earn. Mum has a boutique in Lewes, but she isn't wealthy. Not like Ludo ... like your uncle." "Uncle!" Sara sounded disgusted. "He's stinkingly rich." Her face brightened. "But so will Jarvis be one day. He inherits a lot from Granddad." She paused. "You're not in love with Jarvis, are you?" she added worriedly. "I still don't see how Uncle Ludovic blackl mailed you." Jan sighed. "It's all so involved. Anyhow, to go back, George dropped me like a hot potato and I was... well, upset." "Understatement of the year!" murmured Sara. Jan laughed. "You're right. Oh, being jilted is awful, : Sara, because you seem to be drifting in space. Nothing | matters, yourself least of all. No one loves you, wants you. ; You're just utterly alone. Then Jarvis came to see Felif city and found me crying. He was marvellous. They took ;-, me out; so did he after Felicity went north and he ". taught me to laugh again. Honestly, Sara, he was... well. wonderful." 131
Sara shook her head thoughtfully. "That's a new Jarvis to me. You're sure he isn't in love with you?" "Quite, quite sure. He never stopped talking about Felicity. Well, I decided I couldn't work in the same firm as George, so I gave up my job, and then one day just as I was washing my hair, your uncle walked in and told me he and your mother were concerned about my friendship with Jarvis, and that Jarvis wanted to marry me. I was surprised. In fact, I just didn't believe it. Then I thought maybe Jarvis was using me as a screen." "A screen?" "M'm. You see, so as to hide Felicity. You know how your uncle is, stuffy and pompous ..." Jan stopped, seeing the delight in Sara's eyes, and once again felt guilty because Ludovic wasn't there to defend himself. "Well, anyhow, I thought they might disapprove even more of Felicity, who dances, and I guessed Jarvis had used me to... well, to distract their attention. I thought he was pretending to be in love with me so that..." "Uncle would get to work on you," Sara said triumphantly. "How clever of you to work it out. So you pretended it was true." She chuckled happily. "Poor old Uncle! I .bet he'd be mad if he knew." Jan laughed. "I bet he would. But that's what I mean by moral blackmail. He said Jarvis's mother wanted to meet me so that we could get to know one another. Then when I got here and found ... well, your mother wasn't here and I got a bit worried and said I wanted to go back to Sydney, he laughed. He told me I wasn't a prisoner, that I could go back tomorrow but that Jarvis might not be pleased." Sara leaned forward, her face excited. "What did he threaten to do to Jarvis?" Again Jan hesitated. Was she making a melodrama of this? Had she the right to tell Sara and add to her hatred of her uncle ? "He said he'd halve Jarvis's allowance and ask for his own car back. He told me he'd lent Jarvis a car and I 132
knew how Jarvis'd hate this, and after all, Jarvis had helped me...." "So?" Jan shrugged. "I stayed here. What else could I do? I wrote to Jarvis and managed to go ashore and post it without them seeing the letter, but I've had no answer from Jarvis at all. That's why I hoped he'd talk to you. You see, if Jarvis wouldn't mind what his uncle did to him, I could leave, couldn't I?" Sara ran her hand through her red hair. "Want to leave?" "I can't stay here for ever." A bell tinkled and Sara jumped up. "Time to eat. Tomorrow Rab'll be here?" "Of course. He comes every day." "Good oh! He's a friend of mine," Sara said, leading the way, almost dancing. Jan walked more slowly, following her, feeling guilty because of their talk. How, she wondered, did you manage to both hate and love a man at the same time? 33
CHAPTER SIX
NOW that Sara was on the island, Jan found it even more pleasant than before. It was fun to go fossicking with Rab, for Sara worked hard and got so excited when she found something of interest. In the afternoon the two girls usually swam in the enclosed lagoon and then lay in the hot shade, talking. But though they were good friends, Jan found there was one real obstacle between themSara's mother. Jan longed to know more about the strange woman who had invited her and then forgot all about itbut Sara never mentioned her. Oddly, enough, Sara was quite willing to talk about Jarvis, her Uncle Ludovic, and about her father whom she obviously adored. Then the rain came. It was without warning except that suddenly there was a howling sound and the palm trees were misted by rain, their fronds dancing wildly in the wind and rain. The trees looked crazy, bent nearly double against the wind and the sky thick with dark grey low clouds. "Oh no!" Sara exclaimed in dismay. "Rab won't come." "Maybe he will this afternoon if it doesn't last." But it did last, and the two girls played records and talked, for Sara loved to hear about Jan's life in England and the boutique her mother ran so successfully. "She works so hard," Jan said, "she needs a holiday. I wish she could come out here, because she'd love it. Does your mother like the island?" Jan asked unthinkingly, and then regretted it, for she knew how Sara hated any mention of her mother, but perhaps the 134
long hours they had spent together had reassured Sara for this time she didn't retreat but answered the question. "She hates it, but then she hates anything to do with Uncle Ludovic." "But why?" Sara shrugged. "Well, Jan, it's hard to explain. Youd have to have known Dad really. He was so different from Uncle Ludovic. Dad was a dreamer a happy man, and we had such a lot of fun. He loved'us and... and I know that Uncle Ludovic saved the firm from ruin, but all the same, we hate him for it because... well, because it makes us realise that Dad shouldn't have lost it." Sara fidgeted a little, obviously finding it hard to explain. "Dad couldn't help the way he was made," she went on. "I mean, we're all different. Dad had no sense of... well, he wasn't like Uncle Ludovic or Mother, they're crazy about the importance of money. Dad wasn't. Of course Granddad ran the business, but then he was ill and Dad took over and ... well, the firm faced bankruptcy. Granddad didn't tell Dad or anyone, but he sent for Uncle Ludovic, who came down and started ordering everyone about, pushing Dad right out of everything." Jan listened si
lently, her eyes intent on Sara's face. Poor girl! How she had loved her father, and how she must have suffered for him. No wonder, Jan thought, it made Sara go to the other extreme and hate her uncle for what he was doing when in reality they should have been grateful. "Dad and Mum kept quarrelling. It wasn't right of her, because he couldn't help being himself, could he, Jan? I mean, you're made like what you're bom. You're either mad about making money or it doesn't mean a thing. It doesn't to me," Sara said. "Does it to you?" "No. We need it to live on, but that's all," Jan agreed. "Of course Mum should never have married Dad. I think she was only interested in his money. She was hateful to him. I used to ..." Sara jumped up and went to look 135 at the grey rain-washed world outside the screened windows. "I'm sure that's why he died, Jan. It just broke his heart. No one understood him except me and I couldn't do anything to help him." "You must have missed him terribly," Jan said quietly. Sara swung round, her face tragic. "I had no one, Jan. No one at all to love me. That's why I'm... I'm as I am. If only someone cared!" "Your uncle does. He's very concerned." "Is he really? Or is it all talk?" Sara asked bitterly. "And I'm sure your mother loves you." "Mother!" Sara's voice was bitter again. "After Dad died, everything changed. She was never at home in the holidays, we hardly saw her. She's far too busy doing good in the world to think of us. She doesn't love us." Lucy appeared at that moment with the tea trolley and Jan was glad of the interruption, for what could she say? What was there to say? she wondered, as she let Sara pour out the tea and hand the little cakes to her. "There's Jarvis..." Jan began. "What does he care about anything but having a good time? Does your sister care for you?" Sara asked. Jan frowned. "I... I've always thought so, but... I don't know, Sara. Honestly." "Your mother loves you?" "Yes, she's wonderful. She loves us, but we're free to do what we like. Within reason, of course," Jan added, remembering Felicity's fury when their mother had insisted that Jan went with her to Australia. "You're lucky," Sara said. "I know I am," Jan agreed. Esther came to join them. "No, we've had tea, thanks. Barry wondered if you two would like to come and play canasta tonight?" Her eyes shone as she looked at Jan and nodded meaningly. "I'd love to," Jan said quickly. "You'll come, Sara? Please?" Sara shrugged. "Sure. But Barry always wins." 136
Jan laughed. "This time we won't let him!" It was much later that night, with the rain still thundering on the roof and the palm tree fronds drooping from the weight of water, that Barry, who had, as usual, won, looked at Sara. "Your mother's rung up to say she's arriving tomorrow." "Oh no!" Sara sounded dismayed. "She bringing that ghastly creature?" Barry grinned. "Of course. I wondered if you and Jan would like to come and meet them." "You know I never go to meet them," Sara pouted. He shrugged. "I thought you might feel differently, seeing there's the two of you." "Do you think we ought to, Barry?" Jan asked, a little worried. After all, she was Mrs. Fairlie's guest. "There's no ought about it, but she's sure to be in a funny mood." "She hates it here, but has to put in an appearance now and then, as she's scared it may get sold if she doesn't," Sara said quickly. "Ludovic would never sell it," Jan said firmly. "He loves it." "He'll sell it one daythe day he goes back to his farm," Barry replied. Sara looked startled. "Will heever?" "You bet your sweet life he will," said Barry. "He's just waiting for young Jarvis to be ready to take over and then his uncle will be free." "I can't imagine him as a farmer," Jan said. How changed Barry was, calling her Jan, welcoming her to the Ryders' attractive flat, making her feel one of them, and she liked it, for it showed that Barry had accepted her. _ "What do you think I should do, Barry?" Jan asked him. He smiled. "Want to make a good impression? I get it! I'd advise you to stay put, let her arrive, shower and rest and she'll be a different person. They're coming in the i37 morning, round about eleven, so you two will be with Rab and can come up at lunchtime and meet her then." "Won't she think it rather rude of us?" Jan began, still worried. "She won't think of us," said Sara, jumping up and yawning. "Well, I'm sorry you v/on as usual, Barry." "Male brains!" he said with a grin. The three girls laughed scornfully and Sara, her head on one side like an inquisitive bird's, said: "You're sure you don't cheat, Barry?" "Sara!" Esther exclaimed, shocked, and Jan and Sara left in a cloud of laughter. "I do like them so much," Jan said as they went into their part of the big house. "So do I," Sara agreed. "I don't know how I'd have stood it but for them." "You come here every holiday?" "Of course. Where else is there to go?" Another of Sara's unanswerable questions, Jan thought, as she got ready for bed. Sara's burst of confidence had opened her eyes to a lot of facts. She was seeing Ludovic's position with new eyes and she felt overwhelming sympathy for him, for whatever he did, it could be wrong to them. Ludovic had given up the life and work he loved to rescue the firm and the family money, and in return he was hated because he had done what Sara's father had failed to do. That wasn't Ludovic's fault, Jan thought indignantly. Yet she could see the other side of it, how it must have hurt Sara to have her father called a failure. The next morning they went fossicking, but Jan noticed that Sara was much quieter than usual, and when she had a moment alone with Rab, she told him that Mrs. Fairlie was arriving that morning. "At long last," Jan said, "I'm going to meet my hostess." Rab gave her a strange look. "Is she? I've often wondered if she did invite you." Jan smiled. "So did I wonder until her secretary .." 138
"Amanda Rowson ?" "Yes, she admitted that she had written the invitation." Amanda had also said that no dates had been given, but Jan decided not to mention this. It had puzzled her at the time. It still did. Could the answer be, she wondered, that Mrs. Fairlie had left it to Ludovic to suggest an appropriate date? "I thought from Sara's mood that something was wrong." "She says her mother doesn't love her, Rab." Rab sighed. "You'll see for yourself." At the end of the morning they walked back slowly, almost reluctantly, as if dreading what lay ahead. "It'll spoil everything, and we were having such fun," Sara said as they came in sight of the long white house. "We can still have fun," Jan said, but without belief for she was wondering if Mrs. Fairlie would have a talk with her, then politely say a formal farewell and suggest Barry took her to the mainland. After all, Jan told herself, she had been invited to the island merely to meet Mrs. Fairlie, and once she had done that... well, the invitation was over. The girls slipped in by a side entrance so that they could go to their rooms, shower and dress. They both came out at the same time and walked slowly to the verandah. There was a sudden silence as Jan and Sara stood in the doorway. Jan immediately recognised Amanda Rowson, and thought she looked even more beautiful than before, in her sleek white trews and long blue and yellow embroidered white tunic. "Oh, it's you," said Amanda, her words ending on a flat unfriendly note. "Sara, how nice to see you!" smiled the other woman. Jan stared at Mrs. Fairlie, for she wasn't sure what she had expected to see, but not this classically pretty face with its heavy make-up and carefully curled light brown hair and the long flowing, almost transparent, pale pink negligee. 139
"Hullo, Mother," said Sara, and Mrs. Fairlie's eyes passed on to Jan. "You have a friend with you, Sara?" she asked. "Do introduce us." Amanda spoke, her voice cold. "She's your guest, Mrs. Fairlie, Miss Janet Shav/." "My guest?" Mrs. Fairlie's face looked puzzled. "Did I... I mean, of course, I..." She looked at Amanda for help. Amanda sighed heavily. "You forget everything, Mrs. Fairlie," she said with a smile to cut out the acid note. "You invited Miss Shaw to visit you as you wanted to discuss Jarvis's future." "Jarvis? What has Jarvis to do with..." Mrs. Fairlie looked at Jan and smiled. "Do forgive me, please, I'm .notorious for my bad memory." "And that's no lie," Sara muttered. Her mother looked at her. "What did you say, darling?" "Nothing," said Sara, going to sit down, tucking her legs underneath her. Amanda sighed again. "It was Ludovic's idea, Mrs. Fairlie. He was concerned about Jarvis and said he thought a talk with Miss Shaw might help matters." "Really?" Poor embarrassed Mrs. Fairlie was looking more puzzled than ever. "Oh yes, of course." She smiled at Jan. "Do come and sit down and tell me how my son is. Up to his usual tricks, I suppose." She looked up at Amanda. "I think I would like t
o be alone with Miss Shaw." "Certainly. A pleasure," said Amanda, lifting her long cold drink and walking into the house. Sara got up, but her mother waved her hand. "You're Jarvis's sister, so you can stay^ Amanda will Interfere with my private affairs and it annoys me. This has nothing to do with her at all, so it's best we talk alone." She sipped her drink slowly and looked at Jan, "Well, Miss Shaw, what have we to discuss?" 140
Jan laughed. She had not said a word yet, for somehow there had been no opportunity. "Actually I don't know, except that I think your brother-in-law and you believe that Jarvis wants to marry me." "Jarvis? He wants to get married?" Mrs. Fairlie sounded shocked for a moment. "He's only twenty." And then her face changed, brightened up as she smiled. "But what a wonderful idea!" She looked at Jan. "I take it you're English? Good. Better still. I'm all for mixed new blood into the country." Jan stared at her in amazement. "You don't mind if Jarvis marries?" ^ "Of course not, my dear. Jarvis is old enough to know his own mind and it might do him good. I think it would, responsibilities and becoming a father...." She paused. "Oh dear, not too soon, I hope. I don't feel like a grandmother." "You certainly don't look like one," Jan said, and had to laugh. "I had an idea you'd already chosen Jarvis's future wife." "Chosen her? Good heavens, no! It's his life and he must leam by his own mistakes. Like we all have to." A cloud of sadness seemed to cover her face. She bent forward and patted Jan's hand. "My dear, just let the boy finish his Finals and then we'll discuss the wedding. Your mother will fly out from England, of course, but I'm sure she'd rather leave all the details to me to handle. I believe Amanda is very good at organising weddings and..." Jan felt stunned. Everything seemed to have gone the wrong way, and she wondered how on earth she could get herself out of the mess. "I didn't think you'd approve," she said. Sara was trying not to burst out laughing, one hand pressed against her mouth, as she rested her chin on her knees. Mrs. Fairlie smiled. "My dear girl, I'm delighted. I'm sure it's what Jarvis needsa strong-minded girl who 141 loves him. Of course he's very young, but these days men do marry young. I suppose Ludovic doesn't approve?" "I think he does," Jan admitted. "Teh... if only he would stop fussing! I believe in pushing your children out of the nest as soon as they can stand on their own feet. Don't I, Sara?" Sara nodded silently. Jan wondered if Sara was longing to tell her mother that she had been pushed out too soon, that she would like to be in a nest where there was love and concern? "Ludovic is a real old woman about some things," Mrs. Fairlie went on. "He should marry, hurry up and have children and make them marry as soon as possible and then he'd be happy when they had children in turn. A real old patriarch, that's what he is, fussing all the time! We must our own mistakes when we're young and pay for them." She turned to Sara. "I hear you were asked to leave school." She laughed. "Really, Sara, you do lead your poor uncle a dance. What is he going to do with you now?" "I don't know. I haven't seen him yet." "You haven't seen him?" Mrs. Fairlie sounded annoyed. "Does that mean he'll be coming up soon?" "He usually comes on Friday," Jan told her. "But that's tomorrow!" Mrs. Fairlie sounded dismayed. "Oh dear, I shall have to rush off again." She stood up. "Amanda!" she called, going into the house, calling again, "Amanda!" "Well!" said Sarah, a smile splitting her face. "You have landed yourself in a mess!" "It won't hurt if they think it," Jan pointed out. "In the end, I'll tell your uncle the truth, or make Jarvis." Sara was giggling. "You should have seen your face, Jan! You were flummoxed." "A very good word," Jan had to laugh too, "I felt it. Why must she rush away before your uncle comes?" Stretching her arms, Sara laughed. "To get Amanda away. You see, we all know Amanda 142