Linden stumbled in again, clutching the movies and a bag full of candy.
“I take it you like fish?” I asked as he walked into the kitchen.
“Yeah, I love them,” he called back, flicking the light on. “They’re my boys.”
I smiled at that, watching the fish swim between the plants before I stood up and made my way towards the kitchen.
Linden caught up with me at the table, holding up two empty glasses. “Water or tea?”
I thought about it for a second, then asked, “What kind of tea?”
“I only drink one kind. So Sun tea or water?”
I went with Sun tea and waited while he poured two glasses. I offered to carry the movies and candy since his hands were full. He thanked me as he walked by on his way to the stairs, and again I had to fight not to stare at his arms. I was dying to know what they displayed, but I wouldn’t ask. Not yet.
Linden led me into his room, apologizing for the mess, which was mostly just some clothes discarded on the floor. There were some pillows on the floor as well and boxes still full of books and other items.
“Go ahead and sit where you want,” he said as he put the tea on the nightstand beside his bed. I glanced at the bed and the pillows on the floor as he took the movies from me, choosing the one on top first. I settled for some pillows on the floor, so I sat against the bed, facing the TV on the desk across from me. Linden fiddled with the VCR machine, and I looked out the window at the approaching clouds, which made the sky darker than it usually was at this time. I hoped it wouldn’t rain; I didn’t want to be driven back home due to a stupid headache.
“I assume Meryl really likes you,” Linden commented as he turned on the TV. “I can think of most bosses I’ve had that would never let me out early.”
“She and Rene are pretty good friends,” I replied, “and I think I’ve worked there the longest. Well if you compare Lisa.”
“The brunette?”
I nodded and he made a face when he sat on the bed. “She seems—nice.”
He was being sarcastic, and I laughed when I remembered Lisa’s staring. She was enamored with his looks, I knew that.
“She’s nice when she gets her way,” I admitted.
“But you strive for some peace in the workplace,” he finished for me. I silently agreed, wondering just how well he could read people.
The previews were rolling, and Linden handed me one of the glasses of tea. He opened one of the bags of candy and gave me a handful of Reese’s Pieces. I didn’t eat them immediately; I kept them in my hands, waiting for them to melt a little since they tasted the best like that.
“So how do you like home schooling?” Linden asked as he lay on his side, propping his head up with one hand.
“It’s all right, I can’t really compare it to a public school since I’ve never been in one, but as far as I know, I like it,” I replied, testing out one of the Reese’s. It was still somewhat solid in the middle, so I started warming them again.
“I’d say you’re lucky you’ve never gone. It’s crap,” he replied, popping a few more candies into his mouth.
“How long did you go?” I asked, turning to look at him.
“Mm—only till high school.”
“Only?” I repeated. “That’s ten years more than me, or anyone else I know.”
“Yeah, ten years too many,” he laughed.
“So why’d you drop out?” I wondered if I was starting to pry again, but he went on, not shutting off yet.
“It just wasn’t for me anymore. No one was making me go, so I just stopped. You get fed up with it fast.”
I took that thought into consideration, remembering the one time I’d gone to the junior high school. I’d been on a school kick, one where I was trying to convince Rene I belonged in public school. Of course that day was terrifying, and I had changed my mind immediately though I sometimes wondered what it would have been like. Most likely very awkward; I had never really connected with anyone outside of my home, and they all seemed slightly repelled by any of us who lived there. We were ‘sheltered’ and therefore, we had to be strange.
“What about college?” I asked Linden, ignoring the fact that the movie was actually starting now.
“What about it?”
I tried not to squirm under his intense gaze; I concentrated on the Reese’s again. “You’re old enough to go. Did you ever try it out?”
He laughed quietly before he took a sip of tea. “You’re old enough to go, too. Just because I’m past 20 doesn’t make me special. I don’t know, I have no clue what I want to do, so I don’t want to waste my time.”
That was a valid reason, and I tucked that away in my memory to use on Alysana and Omar later on.
“Are you gonna go?” Linden asked.
I shook my head immediately. “No. I can make it through life without college, plenty of people do.”
Linden didn’t say anything, but I could feel him looking at me. I acted like I didn’t notice and put a few Reese’s in my mouth. The insides were finally melted, and I gently broke the hard candy shell with my tongue, letting the soft inside gush out. It was the best way to eat them.
Linden went quiet after that, and I didn’t ask him any more questions. I kept my focus on the movie—or at least I tried to—while the clouds gradually gathered outside. I could see the occasional flash of lightning in the distance, but so far there was no clue that I might get a headache again. In fact, even though it was barely seven o’ clock, I was getting tired. I don’t know if it was just because I’d been so bored all day, but I was starting to rub my eyes, trying to keep myself from falling asleep. It didn’t help at all, and soon I let my eyes close with the intention of resting them, though I was asleep five minutes later.
LESSONS
I woke suddenly with an unpleasant jolt. For a second I had no idea where I was; I was looking at a white wood floor and some unfamiliar clothes in the corner across from me. My arm was under my head, and my hand was completely asleep.
I lifted my head and looked at the rest of the room, remembering where I was when I saw the blank TV screen and another round fishbowl on the old armoire. There was no sound in the room except the gentle sound of the wind outside.
I sat up slowly, kneading my tingling hand. Looking to the bed, I saw Linden was still lying there though now he was asleep. He was sleeping in a similar position as I had been, though as I looked at him he reminded me of a lion. His hair covered half of his face, and he breathed easily, hugging a pillow to his head with one arm. The other lay in front of his chest, lightly holding the sheets under him.
I got a good look of his arms now in the light of the TV. Tilting my head to look at the tattoos properly, I identified one as a wave design with beautifully vivid hues of blues and white. All of the tattoos were a bright color and they covered almost all of his arms. Most of them were water themed, and I stifled a laugh when I saw two realistic goldfish on the back of his upper arm.
I leaned in closer when I felt braver. He was so deep in sleep, I doubted he would wake at all. I wondered what it all meant to him, especially when I got down to his hand where the black lines came down from his wrist. I was reminded of something vague, though I couldn’t place what. It was like déjà vu, but I couldn’t figure out where I’d seen them before.
Reaching out, I carefully touched the top of his hand, running my fingers over the lines and the faint blue veins. He was such a mystery, and I wish he’d let me know more about him. Hopefully he was moving towards trusting me more, though I already felt we were getting there. Could I call this a friendship? I wasn’t sure how hopeful I could get, and I still wanted to be cautious.
I realized I was still running my fingers along the tattoos, though lightly, and I glanced up to his face. Between the jagged pieces of hair I could see his eyes were open and two bright gold irises were looking at me.
It was as if a shock ran through my body. I pulled my hand away abruptly, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks
in a hot wave. Linden just stared at me for a moment, then smiled tiredly as he pushed his hair away from his face.
“How long was I asleep?” he asked.
I sat back on the pillows I’d originally been laying on, my face still on fire. The real question was how long had he actually been awake?
“I don’t know, I fell asleep, too.”
“It must be these boring days,” he said as he stretched. “It makes everyone tired.”
I nodded mutely, rubbing the Reese’s Pieces stains off my palms. I was beyond embarrassed, and I wasn’t sure I could even look at him yet; my cheeks still felt hot.
“You could have just shook me violently,” Linden said, sitting up on his elbows. “I just happened to be in a light sleep.”
“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” I replied, glancing up at him for a second. “I was just looking at your tattoos.”
It was an awful excuse, but it was the truth. Partially. Linden nodded in understanding, looking down at his hand. I almost physically felt him close up as he muttered something about being cold and got off the bed to rifle through the clothes on the floor. He pulled out a black hoodie and slipped it on, keeping the hood on his head.
“Well so much for movie night,” he laughed. He sat next to me on the bed again and guzzled down his tea. I noticed my glass was still full, but I didn’t touch it, instead checking the clock on his nightstand. The green numbers read 10:15.
“God, I have to go,” I burst out, already on my feet. Rene was going to be upset I hadn’t called, and I’d missed the group lesson.
“I didn’t call Rene or anything.”
“Oh yeah—damn, I must have been tired,” Linden replied when he noticed the time.
I didn’t wait for him as I hurried out of the room and down the stairs. Reaching into my pocket, I struggled to get the keys out, barely hearing Linden on the stairs.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” he said, pushing his hood down.
“It’s fine, I did too,” I replied, going towards the front door. I’d just pushed the screen door open when Linden caught my arm, and I froze, unwilling to look at him. When he didn’t immediately say anything, I hesitantly looked up at him. He opened his mouth like he had something to say, but then shut it again, seeming frustrated.
“I’ll uh—catch up with you later. We’ll do something next time, no sleeping.”
It seemed like an improvised suggestion, but I nodded, agreeing before he let me go. I didn’t look back as I ran to my car, though I knew he was still standing in the doorway.
I drove home as fast as I could on the rugged road, noticing how a pressure was developing in my head as it began to drizzle. By the time I’d pulled up to the house, my head was throbbing steadily with the downpour. There were still a few lights on, including the porch light. I rushed through the rain to the porch and in the front door, closing it behind me quietly. Trying to catch my breath, I slipped off my shoes before Rene emerged from the kitchen. The look on her face told me I was in more trouble than I expected.
“Where have you been?” she asked lowly, her words clipped.
“I’m sorry I missed the lesson, I was—”
“Get in here, now.” She pointed to the living room, and I did as she asked. I sat on the couch and she sat in the wing chair beside it, repeating her first question.
“Where have you been? I gave you two hours after your normal work time before I called Meryl. She told me you got off early. So where the hell have you been for the past few hours?”
She was angrier than I’d seen her in a while. I took a breath and moved my damp hair out of my face.
“I was with Linden.”
“Who?” She looked at me hard, and I had a feeling she already knew the answer.
“He’s the one that lives on the edge of the swamps.”
She sighed and pressed her fingers to her temples, shaking her head. “I thought Meryl might have been mistaken. How do you think I felt worrying where you were, thinking you might be with him, a complete stranger?”
She was yelling now, but I was completely confused. It wasn’t like her to be so wound up about me hanging out with new people, especially people outside of the house. She usually encouraged it.
“Rene, I’ve hung out with him before, he’s not a—”
“Hush, Riley,” she snapped. “I don’t want to hear you’ve been with him again.”
I stared in shock. Was she really forbidding me to see him? It was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard, and I didn’t say anything as I stood and left the room. Rene didn’t stop me, and I hurried up the stairs, not bothering to be quiet. In my confusion, I almost ran into Omar as he stepped out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, stepping out of his way.
“Hey, where’ve you been?” he asked, concerned. “You missed the whole group thing.”
“I’m aware of that,” I shot back, going to my room. I left him in the hall and closed the door behind me, leaving the light off. I crossed the room to my bed and lay down, facing the window. I watched the rain come down in sheets and noticed I still had a headache. It wasn’t as bad as usual, which was a relief, but my current anger didn’t help it. I couldn’t understand why Rene would pull this sort of thing on me … I hoped it was just her worry that made her so angry, and that drove her to blurt out my apparent punishment.
Maybe there were more rumors going around about Linden. I couldn’t imagine what else could be said to make him seem so bad, but the idea of Rene taking it seriously was not her usual way.
I sighed to the darkness of my room just as someone knocked on the door. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so I didn’t say anything. When the door opened anyway, I sat up on my elbows, glaring in that direction. Omar stood there, now in a plain t-shirt and pajama pants, his hair a damp tousle.
“You know, I closed the door for a reason,” I said as he slowly walked in.
“What, I can’t worry about you?” he asked, pausing at the foot of my bed.
“There is nothing to worry about!” I blurted out. “What are you, Rene?”
He just looked at me in surprise. “Wow, I didn’t think you were that pissed off. I think it’s you that’s Rene.”
“Please leave,” I replied, looking back to the window.
“You didn’t get sick again, did you?”
“No, I didn’t, I was just hanging out with someone.”
Omar paused, and I knew what he was thinking before he said it. “That someone being swamp guy?”
“Sure, swamp guy,” I replied, exasperated with correcting people.
“I don’t want to bug, but—”
“Then don’t.”
He sighed and twisted the knob at the end of the bedpost. “He doesn’t seem like the greatest type of person to be hanging out with.”
“And you base your judgment on what? The things you see in public, like him walking around?” I asked, imagining Omar peeking around the bookshelves in the library.
“Yeah, I do,” he replied defensively. “You can tell a lot about a person based on the things they read.”
This was his reason for most things. So-and-so had checked out this certain book, so that must mean that they are into those sorts of things.
“So what kind of stuff has he been checking out?” I asked, mocking intense interest as I sat up and looked at him with wide eyes.
He gave me a hard look before he replied, “Stuff like things we don’t talk about.”
I stared at him vaguely, and then had to hold back a laugh. “Stuff? That we don’t talk about? Thanks for being so specific.”
He lost his patience then. He threw his hands up in defeat and turned away, going towards the door. I didn’t stop him; I took a second to laugh to myself as he slammed the door behind him.
A few days later, I was sitting across from Rene at the kitchen table, struggling through the lesson I had missed earlier. After letting my frustrations die down, I had gotten over the
worst of my anger towards Rene, though I still thought her new rule was stupid; I still wasn’t allowed to see Linden, but who’s to say I’d follow through with that?
“Let’s try this one now,” Rene said after flipping through one of her books for a few minutes. “This will be a bit of a stretch, but it will be good practice.”
She slid the book towards me, and I briefly read over the exercise. It was all about projecting, though it would be a guided projection. I’d had many guided projections before when I was just learning, but this one was supposed to be a little harder since Rene would be mixing up location.
“Sound reasonable?” she asked when I had finished reading.
“Reasonable,” I replied, giving her the book.
“Okay—and we’ll stay here at the table to do it, all right?”
I hesitated at that one. Usually I was in a more comfortable position rather than sitting in a wooden chair in the kitchen. But if she was up to the challenge, then I guess I was, too.
I folded my arms on the tabletop in front of me and tried to slouch down a little more while Rene read over a few things. When I was ready, I rested my head on my arms, taking a deep breath.
“Okay, shoot,” I said.
“All right. Eyes closed?” Rene paused and went on. “I’ll give you a few minutes to do your normal routine, but wait over the house until I give you instruction.”
I was hardly listening anymore as I started. There was a brief feeling of my body relaxing, and then I was above the roof, watching the trees blowing next to the house and waiting to hear something from Rene.
Her voice was like the faintest whisper in my ear, but I heard her when she spoke, and she told me to go in the direction of Meryl’s house. So I started the simple exercise, going through various places in town until Rene instructed me to go to my spot in the swamps.
I went there first, but my focus was decreasing already. I started meandering through the rest of the swamp, doing the normal things I usually did when I was there in person. I settled in the water and coursed along deeper into the swamps. That’s when my original intent was totally forgotten when I saw Linden crouched near the edge of the still waters.
The Evensong Page 7