“Yeah, it’s fine,” I replied, “but what am I—”
“I’ll let you know before you’re alone.”
I know I couldn’t argue this, so I just closed my eyes, breathing deeply. Usually I liked to know what I was doing, but might as well get started.
I made sure I was comfortable before Rene started speaking. It was the usual routine as I imagined ascending, not necessarily going up or down, but when there was a lightness in my arms, my legs and the rest of my body, I knew I had done it right.
It was like projecting, but different since this wasn’t the same plane. When I opened my eyes, I was in a familiar field, completely different from the small grove of trees I’d been sitting in before. It was warmer here too, and I stood slowly, wanting to do nothing but relax. But Rene’s almost inaudible whisper grounded me again.
“Find your guide first and follow her,” she said, just a breath in my ear. “Remember everything you see and note all the signs. Everything will matter for the ceremony.”
As soon as her voice faded I noticed a slight movement at the edge of the trees. There was no reason to be afraid here, and I walked towards it. Beyond the trees my guide was waiting. I didn’t have to say anything before the large bat dropped from the tree branches, flying ahead of me. I followed quickly, though she stopped at a few trees once in a while to wait. We went between the silent tree trunks until I stopped at a small pool, something I’d never seen here before. My guide spared me a short glance before taking off, but I knew to stay put.
I crouched down beside the pool and briefly wondered why I was supposed to stay here. A beetle moved through the grass, passing in front of me as I made myself comfortable. Through all of this calm, I was starting to feel uneasy. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be looking for, and I thought my guide would have stayed longer.
I was about to let my anxiety take over when the surface of the water rippled slightly. There was no wind to blame, and I leaned forward to look closer.
I almost backed away when I looked down. Instead of my reflection there was another face there, slightly blue from the water. Linden looked up at me, moving with any motion I made. Reaching out, I wanted to breach the surface and touch him; he looked solid, not a reflection. As I moved my hand closer, his came nearer too, until his fingertips were right under the surface. The second my fingers touched the water, Linden suddenly started to sink. His skin turned a darker blue as he sunk down deeper and his eyes closed, bubbles erupting from his nose and mouth. My voice didn’t seem to be able to escape my throat, tight as it was, and I plunged my hand into the water as if I could reach him. Something brushed against my palm, and I held it gently, bringing it to the surface. In my hand was a water lily, pale and soft. It had come up with the bubbles, which were breaking quietly.
I was confused, but I held the flower close, looking at the pool hopefully. There was a slight feeling of a need to run at the back of my mind, a signal it was time to go. I didn’t want to leave—not yet—but I didn’t have a choice. My eyelids were getting heavier and heavier as well as my body. I finally gave in and closed my eyes while the world blurred, and I fell to my side as the sounds around me faded into nothing.
When I came to I was shaking. My fingertips were freezing and I stiffly pulled the blanket around me.
“Are you okay?” Rene asked, reaching out to help me up.
“Yeah, just cold,” I replied, blowing into my hands. Even my nose was cold and I tucked my face into my collar. Rene pushed the notebook and pen towards me, and I started to write down every detail of my journey. I hesitated when I began to write about the pool. I couldn’t mention Linden … it would ruin everything. So I casually replaced his name with Omar’s. At least that wouldn’t seem completely weird.
“Okay, that’s it,” I said when I was done. I gave the notebook to Rene and she immediately began to scan it, frowning slightly.
“A beetle … which way was it going? Right to left?” she asked, still staring at the page.
“No, left to right,” I replied.
She nodded. “Good, good. That means transformation, which is perfect for you.” She went quiet again while I shivered and hoped we were almost done. “Yes, this is all good. Everything I hoped to hear. Nothing to worry about, and Omar was in the pool?”
“Yes,” I replied immediately with a little force.
She nodded again, smiling to herself and I wondered what was so great about it. But I didn’t ask; I was more anxious to get back inside where it was warm. First she insisted on giving me a general outline.
“Your guide was a bat this time, which is great for you. She was showing you in that form that this will be your initiation and rebirth. As I said, the beetle is transformation, though I have to be honest, most of the pool confuses me.” She looked down at the page for a moment before going on. “What I can tell you is that Omar seems to be your mirror image, in a sense. He will follow you, or mimic something about you. Since I think the lily came from him, it means he is pure of heart, and that’s definitely a good thing for you these days.”
She didn’t mean this to be offensive, but I still took it that way. I knew she was referring to Linden as being something impure, but I had related everything she just said back to him. Since it was really him in that pool, everything else applied. I said I would think about this for a while, especially before the ceremony itself.
Being somewhat weak from journeying, I was content to sprawl out on the couch with a real breakfast when we went inside. Hunter sat in the armchair, and he just ignored me until he was finished with his cereal. He handed me the remote as he walked by, which was the most contact we’d had in a long time. I was just getting to really relax when Omar walked into the room. I kept my eyes on the screen as he sat on the opposite end of the couch. Even though the urge to leave made me tense, I stayed put.
“Are you going to let me say sorry?” he asked after a long five minutes.
“You just did,” I replied flatly.
He sighed impatiently, angling himself towards me. “Riley … really.”
“It’s fine, forget it.”
“You haven’t forgotten it.”
“Then just pretend it didn’t happen.”
He seemed to think about this for a minute then shook his head slightly. “Okay. Then can I ask you how your journey went?”
I glanced at him, feeling that normalcy was far out of reach for now. “Fine. Nothing extraordinary, I guess.”
“Fun,” he replied. “Well, feel up to going into town?”
“No,” I said instantly. “Sorry, I promised Meryl I’d help out today. Rain check, okay?”
He was obviously disappointed, but he nodded anyway while I stood.
“Thanks for um … talking,” he said.
“You too,” I replied quickly. I hate tension, so getting away was my top priority. Plus, I wondered if Linden was awake yet. Was it too early to call? Was there some common sense policy about waiting three days? Somehow I didn’t care.
I didn’t call since he had said to just come over. I took a quick shower, dressed and surveyed the situation with everyone in the house. Most were eating breakfast, but Alysana was missing, along with one of the cars. I had a sneaking suspicion of where she could be, but I didn’t ask. While I waited for everyone to be occupied, I decided to call Meryl first. She said she wanted a heads up this time.
I didn’t even get around to explaining myself before Meryl interrupted to say she knew exactly what to do.
“Don’t worry honey, I’ve got you covered. If she asks, I’ve got you running errands and working in the orchard. Deal?”
I laughed, unbelievably relieved. “Deal. And thank you so—”
“Don’t sweat it, go have fun with your boy.”
I blushed, but just said goodbye. Just her saying that had me grinning to myself, and I tried to wipe it off my face as I made my way into the hall. I announced to Rene that Meryl wanted my help again, and I intended on just running out
when I saw two people in the front yard. Pausing, I looked out the window, recognizing Alysana but not the guy who was with her, though I already had an idea. This must be Aidan, and I couldn’t believe she had actually taken him here. They were talking and Aly kept on glancing at the house. Aidan didn’t seem to mind, and I saw him take her hand, hidden from other windows behind her car. He was saying something as he smiled, and he pulled her down behind the car, kissing her cheek before he stood again. He went back towards the end of the drive where his car was parked while Alysana stayed close to the ground, waiting until he left. I jumped back away from the door as she walked towards the porch.
She walked in, flushed, and stopped smiling when she saw me.
“So that’s Aidan?” I asked in a whisper.
“Were you standing there the whole time?” she asked, angry.
“No, I was just about to leave,” I replied.
She calmed down and took off her jacket, throwing it in the closet. “Don’t say anything, okay?”
“I won’t, but you might want to be a little more discreet next time,” I said, pointing to the full kitchen. I left before she could say anything and rushed off down the stairs.
The walk to Linden’s house was shorter than usual, even though I took the long way. I couldn’t tell if it was because I was just hurrying, or if I wasn’t so anxious this time. Either way, I made it to his house, again checking my watch. It wasn’t super early, but I didn’t know if he slept in late or not. I still had to chance it and knocked on his door.
It took a minute, but when he yelled for me to come in, I opened the door and stepped inside, seeing him standing at the top of the stairs with a toothbrush dangling from his mouth.
“Hey,” he said around it. “Hang on.” He disappeared again and I waited downstairs, going into the living room to wait. The fish in the large tank were swimming around near the top, so I took the small shaker from the shelf and sprinkled some food onto the surface. They flocked upwards in a frenzy, and I watched them eat until I heard Linden’s footsteps.
“Oh thanks,” he said as I put the shaker of food back.
“They looked like they were really hungry,” I commented.
He smiled as he approached, still in a plain t-shirt and baggy flannel pants. My shyness came back for a second, and I looked back at the fish tank when he stood in front of me.
“Shower early?” he asked, reaching up to touch my hair. It was still wet.
“Yeah, I had to get up to do some things,” I replied. He buried his hands in it, tilting my head up. This first kiss of the day was a relief, and he still tasted minty.
“I’m glad you came by early,” he said, pulling away. “You’re lucky I’m awake, I’m usually still out.”
I took note of that, checking the time as he pulled me into the kitchen. He asked me to sit down while he looked through his fridge, offering me breakfast. I let him know I’d already eaten, but to go ahead and find something for himself.
“So you made it inside last night?” he asked, putting a glass pitcher of juice on the counter.
“Yeah, no one tried to check in on me or anything,” I replied.
“Nice. Sounds like sneaking out’s an option for the future,” he said, opening the cabinets above his head for a bowl. He went on about how I should create some kind of makeshift lock when his arm knocked against the pitcher. I hoped it would just teeter, but it went straight for the floor. Without even thinking, my hand shot out to stop the pitcher. It was pure habit to use my will on it, and it stopped a few inches from the floor, just hanging there.
My hand still outstretched, I glanced up at Linden to see his reaction. He was just staring at the pitcher in surprise, and then he looked at me.
“Wow um—that’s some skill you’ve got,” he said, suddenly seeming uncomfortable. He took the pitcher from the air as I tucked my hands into my lap. I had to learn how to control myself in these kinds of situations; not everything could be fixed with my will power. Rene had taught us all that though we were different from most people, there was no reason why we should live any simpler than them. I had done this countless times at work, and someday, it was going to get me in trouble.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, “it’s just habit. If something like that happens I can’t let it go.”
“It’s okay,” he said evenly, concentrating on the things on the counter in front of him. “I used to be the same way when I got the hang of things. It’s no big deal.”
Judging by the way he seemed to shut down a little, it was something of a big deal. I wasn’t exactly sure what the problem was, but I did notice the little bit of tension in the room.
I was silent while he finished, and I looked out the window over the yard and at the house in the distance. The sky was uncharacteristically clear, and the sun was spreading its dim morning rays over everything. Even through the window I could tell it was still sort of cold, and it wouldn’t get warmer until around ten or eleven.
“So—what’ve we got planned for the day?” Linden asked as he approached the table. He seemed better now, not so off-put, I thought. He was drinking juice with his cereal and he met my eyes easily.
“I don’t know, I didn’t really think of anything ahead of time,” I admitted. Instantly, I felt stupid for not coming up with some idea earlier. What did I expect to do anyway? My mind didn’t seem to be able to think ahead of getting to his house. I would have to work on that.
“Good, because I thought of something,” Linden replied.
I was surprised. “You did?”
He nodded, finishing chewing before he spoke. “Yeah. We’re going swimming.”
“Swimming?” I hoped he wasn’t talking about the swamps. As much as I loved the atmosphere, I couldn’t deny that the water was a little less than clean.
He grinned. “Don’t tell me you haven’t explored your swamps completely.”
“If you’ve found some kind of swimming hole, not enough, I guess.”
“Not exactly a hole. I just found a place where the water seems to be a little clearer.”
“Ah.” Good news for him, but I wasn’t exactly enthralled. “Well I don’t have a bathing suit, and I can’t go back to the house for—”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said quickly. “I have some stuff you can wear.”
He finished his cereal by now, and he rose to put the empty bowl and glass in the sink. Motioning me after him, I wondered how he managed to keep us warm when we actually go outside; the water would be freezing.
In his room, Linden was pushing aside clothes in his dresser. He pulled out a black shirt and handed it to me, mumbling that he had a pair of boxers I could use.
“Aha, here.” The boxers he handed me were plain red. “They’re clean, I swear.”
I smiled and thanked him, asking if there was a bathroom on this floor. He pointed down the hall while he looked for his own clothes to wear.
I changed slowly, wondering if I should leave on my bra or not. I wanted to, but logic told me it might be worse walking around with a wet bra for the rest of the day. Still, I decided I would have to bear with it and kept it on under the shirt. The shirt proved to be baggy on me, but it would do the trick. On the other hand, the boxers were a little big and I would have to worry about keeping them on when I was in the water. Once dressed, I just stood there for a few seconds, horridly nervous to go back into the hall. Quit being so childish, I thought sternly. This isn’t a big deal. It’s just swimming.
Just swimming. I kept reminding myself as I stepped into the hall, my clothes in hand. Linden had gone into one of the empty rooms and returned holding two towels.
“Everything fit okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” I replied, tugging at the bottom of the shirt. I felt hopelessly exposed in the outfit, but I would have to bear with it. Linden had put on nothing different but dark swimming trunks. I waited for him in the hall after he took my clothes, tossing them on his bed before asking if I was ready to go.
I wasn’t, but I replied yes.
As I predicted, it was still freezing outside when we stepped onto the porch. Linden handed me a towel and I clasped it to my chest, trying to keep from shivering. He seemed fine as he walked ahead, whereas goosebumps were rising on my arms and legs.
“It’s not that far,” he commented as we walked. He didn’t seem to notice my cold through his anxiety, and I just hurried on after him. We walked through the trees and the soft ground that grew increasingly soggier the closer we got to the water. We had just passed the hammock he had tied between two trees when he stopped.
“This is it,” he said, pointing in front of him.
I wasn’t sure if he was joking. The water in front of me was just as murky as the rest; there was nothing clear about it. “Um … Linden.”
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said as he took my towel from me. “But just hang on a second.”
I stood there holding my arms as I waited, staring at the swamp water that didn’t seem to have a bottom. When Linden stood next to me, I quickly looked off in another direction. He’d taken his shirt off, which wasn’t anything provocative, but I couldn’t help it. He kicked off his shoes and stepped into the water. It went up to his sternum, and he kept his hands above the surface.
“Just wait,” he said, smirking at me. So I waited, getting a little impatient now. I watched as he lowered his hands into the water, looking down at the surface as the water suddenly began to clear. My mouth went slack as I watched the algae, mud and other floating things sweep away from his body in a wide arch, leaving behind clear, clean water. Even the bottom of the swamp could be seen.
“Look okay?” he asked.
“Uh—” I couldn’t really speak for a second. “Yeah—yeah that’s really clear.”
“Come on then, it’s safe.”
Safe, right. I hoped it was. I felt myself hesitate as I went to the edge of the water, hesitantly sitting down before testing the temperature with my hand. I snatched it out a second later.
“Linden, it’s freezing!” I looked at him with wide eyes, but he only laughed at me.
The Evensong Page 15