In the almost five years since moving to Milan, she had seen Michael over thirty times. It took around fourteen hours for her to reach him, but she tried to make the trip every six to eight weeks. The last visit had been only three weeks ago. It would be difficult to get away again, but she didn’t think she could get by much longer without seeing him. There was an increasing urgency that she couldn’t explain.
“That man was vile.” Amaia was already headed out of town after changing into a plain brown dress, following the pull to Calais, but she needed to check in with her sire first.
“How was his energy?”
“Not worth breeding. I wouldn’t want that man breeding a goat.”
Lawrence chuckled. “Fine. Are you going home?”
“No. I want to run. When’s my next appointment?”
“Two days.”
“Very well. I’ll be back by then. I’ve got to get the trace of human off me.”
“Let me know if you need me.”
“Always.” Amaia wished she could go to Lawrence with this. She needed his counsel now, but there was too great a risk that he would forbid her from seeing Michael. She didn’t want to disobey a direct order.
As her journey progressed, she felt increasingly that something was wrong. Michael’s eyes stayed with her constantly. She saw their affection the moment he saw her just after Lawrence had bitten her, the shock as she attacked, the glassy emptiness staring from his corpse. About halfway there, the date clicked in Amaia’s head. More precisely, Michael’s age came into focus. This was the day in his life when she had killed him nearly fifty years ago. That had to be the reason for the sudden urgency. There was a measure of relief in understanding.
Peering through the trees, she caught sight of him alone on the archery range behind his manor house. He released arrow after arrow into the target. His breath puffed in the cold air with each shot. It was such an ordinary, even mundane, picture that it brought her up short. This scene had drawn her from six hundred miles away?
Forty-five minutes elapsed before anything unusual happened. Mid-shot, Michael dropped his bow. For someone so sure of his movements, it wasn’t likely an accident. He wavered on his feet and then clasped his chest with his right hand. His left arm stiffened at his side. His energy crested. Crashing to his knees, he gave an exclamation of pain before collapsing to the ground. A few minutes later, his energy vanished.
He was dead.
Amaia could hardly believe it. For twenty-four years, his energy had been a constant companion. She had seen him grow from an infant into a man. His whole life had been hers to observe. She experienced a sense of loss that bewildered her. In a way, her favorite hobby had been taken away, and there was a void that would need filling. Maybe it was time to tell Meg. The twenty-four year saga was over, and Amaia could confide in her best friend again.
What would she do now? Perhaps she should concentrate on finding a mate. She had no particular desire for one, other than as a distraction. Liam seemed to keep Meg occupied. Such a bond might be strong enough to cease Michael’s haunting.
The moment she thought it, the warm gray liquid of his eyes penetrated her soul. This wasn’t over. Far from it. Amaia grew convinced he would come back, and no vampire could supplant him. Her legs began to move, then run. Time to seek Meg’s help.
Chapter Sixteen
Outside Milan, January 1673
The night air was crisp and cool. Frost from the grass soaked through Amaia’s dress where she lay looking up at the clear sky. Little crystals frosted her eyelashes and began to form on her skin. Amaia loved the cold, even if she did have to increase her heart rate to keep the blood coursing through her. She would have to eat again soon to make up for the extra energy, but it was worth it. Around humans, her skin was heated by their energy, imitating their life. Away from civilization, with her own kind, she could let the coldness of death overcome her.
“Are you sure it’s going to snow?” Meg lay beside her, looking at the same clear sky. The skepticism in her voice was clear.
“Yes.” They were waiting on the first snow of the new year. Amaia felt it in the way the breeze swayed. Once the wind picked up, it wouldn’t take long for the snow clouds to roll in.
“You’re crazy.” Liam sat several yards away, whittling an owl with unnatural precision to add to his collection of little wooden figurines.
Yes, Amaia was indeed crazy, but not for the reason Liam thought. She had yet to tell Meg about Michael. When she’d returned from watching him die, finding the words had been too difficult, and the last week had passed without telling her.
“Here.” Liam placed the wooden owl on Meg’s breast. “I’m going to find some more wood and a meal. You may keep staring at the sky like fools.”
Ten minutes of silence passed after Liam left.
“What is it you’re not telling me, Amaia?” The question came softly, without any hint of accusation.
“What do you mean?” Amaia couldn’t help feigning ignorance.
“I had thought that maybe you were waiting for us to be alone. I can understand you not wanting to speak privately in front of Liam, but you’re still keeping something from me.” Tinges of hurt marked Meg’s voice.
This was ridiculous. There was no sense hurting Meg when Amaia needed her so badly. “Do you remember when I saw Michael in that tavern?”
“Yes.” Meg was patient, letting Amaia tell the story at her own pace.
“About two years later, I felt his energy stop.”
“So you felt it up until then?”
Amaia had forgotten that Meg wouldn’t know. “Yes. It was faint but constant. Then it surged and disappeared. I was relieved.”
“I can imagine.”
“The only problem is, it came back less than a year after that. My curiosity nearly killed me. It didn’t make any sense. I followed it to a small house in Calais. A baby had just been born. It was Michael.”
“Are you sure?” Meg turned to look at her.
“Yes. Positive. It was so strange to see him as a baby. I left, hoping that would be enough to sate my curiosity. It wasn’t. For the past twenty-four years, I’ve been journeying to see him when I can. I feel a constant pull to him.”
“But something happened recently.” Meg spoke with the surety of a best friend.
“Yes. A week ago, I was thinking about him more than usual. The draw to him was inescapable. I realized on the way there why: it was on that day in his life that I had killed him. When I got there, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then he suddenly died. His heart just stopped and…”
Meg reached over and covered Amaia’s hand with her own. “And?”
“You’ll think I’m crazy.”
“No, I won’t. At least not because of this.” Meg quirked a half smile. “You’re crazy, but for plenty of other reasons.”
Amaia smiled. “Thanks.” It took a moment to summon the words. “I felt a loss at his death.”
“That’s understandable, Amaia. For twenty-four years, you’ve watched him.”
“That’s not the worrisome part. I know he’s going to come back. I feel certain this isn’t the last time it’s going to happen. He will keep being reborn and calling me to him.”
“Why?”
“To punish me.”
“Amaia, that doesn’t make any sense. He obviously doesn’t remember you. You look the same as you did the day you killed him. Are you saying you believe there’s a god who sends him back to punish you for your sins?”
Amaia screwed up her face. “No, don’t be ridiculous.”
“Then what?”
Amaia’s eyes bore into Meg’s. “He died on the exact same day of his life that I killed him. That can’t be coincidence. Judging by the age he looked at the tavern, I’m guessing he died on the same day during that life as well.”
“How do you know it has anything to do with you? Perhaps you killing him on that day was his destiny. For all you know, he has been reincarnating for centur
ies, and you simply played a part in that particular life. If it hadn’t been you, it would have been something else.”
“I don’t know, Meg. I feel in my core that this has to do with me killing him. When he’s alive, I can’t stay away. Even when I don’t see him, his eyes flash before me. I’ll be going about my business and suddenly they’ll be there. Sometimes they’re alive and vibrant, others they’re glassy and vacant like they were after I killed him.” Amaia shook her head back and forth, trying to dislodge the image.
Meg sat up and took hold of Amaia’s arm. “Amaia, you must stop this. It’s out of hand. This level of obsession isn’t healthy. The hold he has on you, it almost sounds like you’re on the verge of mating with a human. You’ve got to put an end to it. Don’t go to him the next time he’s reborn.”
The fierce earnestness in Meg’s expression startled Amaia. She rose to sit eye to eye with her. “Don’t you think I want to stop? I don’t know if I can.”
“You have to. This whole thing is spooky. You’ll go mad. You’ve never seen a mad vampire. It isn’t a pretty sight. I doubt Zenas would let you live.”
Amaia shivered. “I’ll try, Meg. I just don’t know if I’ll have the strength to stay away. When he’s alive, his energy calls to me, far stronger than blood or even killing does.”
“You don’t have to do this alone, Amaia. Let me help you. Stop keeping secrets from me. When you feel weak or like you’re going to give in, talk to me. I’ll do everything I can for you. You should know that.”
Amaia smiled. There wasn’t a trace of falseness in Meg’s words. “I do know it. I’m sorry I kept it from you for this long. I should have trusted that you’d know what to do. I just didn’t know how to explain it when I don’t even understand it myself.”
“I know. But even if you don’t understand, we’ll unravel it together.”
“Thank you. I promise I’ll try to resist. I’ll let you know what’s going on when he returns.”
“That’s all I ask.”
They sat together. Meg clasped Amaia’s hand for several minutes. The air changed speed, and a new scent drifted past Amaia. “It’s almost time.”
Amaia watched as a single snowflake drifted down from the clouds that quickly filled the sky. Every bit of light reflected off the sharp points. It was a pattern of ice needles, temporarily fierce before the harsh ground and snow obliterated its delicate figure. So much beauty in the world that was hidden from mortal sight. It was as if the world were made for her kind—the undead. Nature was wasted on mortals. Michael could return for a thousand lifetimes, but he would never see the full magnificence of a simple snowflake. How plain she must look to his human sight. He would never see the detail of his own eyes staring back at him in the mirror, as intricate as any snowflake.
She would try to keep her word to Meg, but without Michael’s pull, those promises were easy to make. There was time before he would be born again, precious time that Amaia could use to gather her own fierce needles to guard herself against his influence.
Chapter Seventeen
Milan, September 1673, 8 months later
“What is it?” Meg’s voice pierced Amaia’s thoughts.
The energy was soft, like a whisper, but present. There was no denying that it was Michael.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Meg’s hand covered Amaia’s. They perched with Liam on a ledge halfway up the Holy Mary of Grace church. Amaia had been people-watching when the energy touched her consciousness. Meg must have noticed some change that prompted her to lower her book.
“Yes.” Amaia couldn’t say more. Her body welcomed the familiar touch of energy. It made her feel as if she had been missing it all along, as if she hadn’t been whole and didn’t even realize it.
“I can kill him for you.” Liam whittled something Amaia couldn’t see. “If you can’t bring yourself to, I’ll do it for you.”
Liam’s offer touched Amaia. So often, he seemed to tolerate Amaia’s presence for Meg’s sake. “No, that’s all right. I don’t think it would solve anything.”
“There’s no shame in not being able to do it yourself. I wouldn’t think less of you.” Liam made eye contact, assuring Amaia of the sincerity of his words.
There shouldn’t have been any reason why Amaia couldn’t kill him herself. He was a human. Killing him should have been natural. If it came down to it, though, she knew she couldn’t take his life again. “Thanks, Liam. I just really don’t think it would help matters.”
Liam shrugged and returned to his carving.
“What are you going to do?” Meg was really asking if Amaia would uphold her promise.
His pull tempted her to surrender. How would Michael look this time? It was a silly thought. He would be a baby. What interest did she have in a baby? There was no reason to run off and see him. None at all. “I’m not going to him, Meg. I made a promise.”
Meg grinned and patted her hand. “Good. You’re doing the right thing, Amaia. I know it’s hard, but if you need me, I’m here.”
She’d made a promise, and she would strive to keep it. Besides, she could always change her mind later. She had no need to break her word to Meg today.
Chapter Eighteen
Kiev, May 1691, 17 years, 8 months later
“Zenas has an assignment for us.” Lawrence stood in front of the fireplace, speaking to Amaia aloud out of respect for Liam and Meg.
“What kind of assignment?” Even though they were always subject to Zenas’s command, they could go years without a specific assignment. He had too many children and had been alive too long to micromanage. When life was measured in centuries, giving orders every few years seemed frequent enough.
“Some of Ezekial’s clan in the Far East encroach on our territories. At first, they were simply a nuisance, but now their squabbles with our clan threaten to expose us to the humans. He wants us to travel to Lhasa and take care of the problem.” Ezekial’s clan wasn’t as keen on subtlety as Zenas’s. At times, Zenas and the leaders of smaller clans were all that stood in the way of Ezekial attempting to conquer the human race. There were some, like Ezekial, who thought humans should be treated as cattle. Others believed it was best for all involved for vampires to remain in the realm of myth. At the moment, Amaia didn’t care either way.
“Lhasa?” Amaia felt her energy vibrate as her emotions built, threatening to start her hands trembling. “But that’s so far away. Surely there’s someone closer he can send.”
Meg shot her a sharp glance, and Lawrence narrowed his eyes. “It’s not our place to question his orders, my dear. He wants us: me for my loyalty and you for your ability to blend in with humans. You’re the best we have.”
“Won’t we make even more of a spectacle? We’re clearly foreigners.”
“Exactly. We’ll stand out, but we’ll be able to blend in as humans. The local vampires aren’t able to handle the problem. If he sends anyone else, they will draw the same amount of attention but won’t be able to withstand as much scrutiny as we can. You should feel flattered that Zenas trusts you with such an important task.”
Lawrence was right, of course, but Lhasa was so far away. Much too far to make side trips to see Michael. If she were to go, she would forfeit any opportunity to see him. For the last seventeen and a half years, she had resisted the impulse to go to him by telling herself she could always go tomorrow. Zenas was stealing her tomorrows.
"I'm honored he would select me. I just wonder if I can live up to his and your expectations."
"You'll be fine, my dear. Trust me. I would never set you up to fail." Lawrence gave her one of his warm smiles that made her feel everything would be all right. She wondered how he would look if he knew the truth behind her reluctance.
"What about you two? Will you join us?" Lawrence turned to Meg and Liam.
"Naturally. We're with Amaia." Meg's voice was firm, and Amaia was grateful for that. If she was going to make it through this transition without betraying her secret, she would need the sup
port of her best friend.
"Fine. It might be best if you travel as our servants to keep you from having to blend in as well."
Liam and Meg didn't have a lot of interest in blending in. They didn’t have much need as it usually wasn't an issue, but they would attract attention as foreigners. Amaia saw the wisdom in Lawrence's plan.
"Hmph. I don't mind putting up appearances, but don't expect us to bow and scrape to you. That's where I draw the line." Liam's voice was gruff as he crossed his arms over his chest. His pride was one of the things Amaia admired in him.
"I wouldn't dream of insulting you like that, Liam." Lawrence reassured him. However, Amaia knew Lawrence had no qualms about insulting anyone if it served his purpose.
"We understand, Lawrence. We wouldn't do anything to endanger you or Amaia." Meg was always the calm voice of reason.
"We'll leave in two days. That will give Amaia time to fulfill a few engagements that I'd rather not cancel. If you'll excuse me, I need to cancel the rest of her appointments and make some preparations for our journey." Lawrence nodded farewell and left the room.
"How are you handling the news?" The concern in Meg's eyes comforted Amaia.
"I don't know if I can do it."
Liam unfolded his arms and stepped forward. "What do you mean, you don't know if you can do it? Zenas will kill you if you disobey, especially when he finds out why." His tone gave away just how ludicrous he thought Amaia was.
"Don't you think I know that?"
“Then what's the problem? You've done fine without seeing him this long."
“Only because I knew I could always change my mind and see him tomorrow. I’m not going to have that anymore. I don't know if I can give it up."
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