by Lee, Liz
He shook his head. “No. I couldn’t find the courage.”
Oh boy.
He put everything down on the coffee table next to an old newspaper and sat across from her.
Oh man, he looked way too serious. Way too intense. She tried to think of something to stop him. Something to delay, but he didn’t give her a chance.
Taking her hands in his, he cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “I have an idea.”
Joe tried to relax. Tried to rank all his arguments. This would be easy. Everything would work out exactly the way he planned.
He’d subconsciously been planning this moment all day. Ever since he’d seen the classifieds.
“Did you know there’s a huge teacher shortage right now?”
Okay. She’d relaxed. This was definitely the way to start.
“I looked in the paper today and there are several openings for high school teachers in the area. You’d be perfect for one of the jobs. And I have some strings I can pull. Imagine teaching in one of the state of the art schools here. You’d never have to worry about what people thought or said. And you’re paycheck would probably double, maybe triple.”
Hell, he didn’t know her salary, but he figured it might even quadruple. Especially once she added benefits and sign on bonuses. He opened the paper on the table and showed her the faculty job listings.
Okay. This was it.
He brushed a bead of sweat from his temple and took a deep breath. Taking her hands in his again, he waited for her to look into his eyes. For her to see he was completely sincere. Damn he was nervous. More than when he’d taken the bar exams, more than when he’d interviewed for the junior partnership.
“Look, I don’t know what’s happening between us, but I know it’s special. Incredible. I can’t believe what I feel for you. But when you walk in the room, I only hear your voice. When we’re not together, I think about you all the time. And I think we might be on to something here.”
Damn he was blowing this. He could see it in her eyes. No sense stopping now.
“I know this is sudden, and I don’t expect you to make up your mind right away. But I think you’d be happy here. You fit in perfectly. Your sister’s here. And then there’s us.” He stopped and willed her to remember every wonderful moment of the week. “I can’t think of anything better than waking up every morning next to you.”
There. That was it. Everything. He’d laid it all out, explained his reasons, given his arguments.
And she was silent.
Damn.
He should wait for her, give her a second. Hell, he knew the power of silence. Knew he needed to give her time but he couldn’t. Not about this.
He tried to gage her thoughts by the way her hands felt in his. Soft, small, strong. But they didn’t clue him in at all. Not a damn bit.
Ah hell. He couldn’t wait anymore. “What are you thinking?”
Chapter Thirteen
Oh no. How could this possibly be happening? Cordelia shook her head to clear it and then looked into his eyes. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”
“That’s what I’d like, but you wouldn’t necessarily have to do that.”
“You don’t even know me, Joe. We’ve spent a few days together. We can’t…”
“I know it’s crazy. I can’t explain it. But I know you feel it too. You know what I mean.”
She shook her head again. “I don’t…”
This time the sound of the key card in the door stopped her.
Could it get any worse?
She covered her eyes with her hand and tried to take advantage of the time Taylor’s interruption was going to give her.
But then Taylor, bless her heart, did the one thing guaranteed to give her all the time she needed and then some.
Cordelia watched in stunned silence as Joe’s sister pushed the door open, grabbed Keith around the shoulders and did a damn good imitation of the kiss she and Joe had shared that night after the pool party.
And judging by the look of horror washing over Joe’s face, he wasn’t quite ready to see this side of his sister.
Damn, damn, double damn.
She wasn’t about to settle for clearing her throat. “Uh Taylor.” Her voice carried across the room at the same time Keith slammed the door shut and settled in for the long haul.
That’s all it took.
“What the hell is going on?”
Cordelia jumped right along with Taylor and Keith. If it hadn’t been so awful, Cordelia figured it might be funny. But there was nothing funny about the sound of Joe’s voice.
And there was nothing funny with the angry way Taylor was looking over a surprised Keith’s shoulder.
Still for some reason when Taylor crossed her arms, cocked her eyebrow, leaned against the wall and drawled, “I think that’s quite obvious, Joe, but if you can’t tell, I’d be more than happy to go into the specifics, later,” Cordelia couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped her lips.
But then Taylor had to go and turn toward her to add, “And yes, Cordelia, we had a wonderful time. Thanks for the introduction.”
Joe’s thunderous look-directed toward her this time-spoke volumes, and Cordelia figured it was time, past time, he changed his attitude toward his sister.
Keith’s hands were up in the air and he looked for all the world like an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire of some third world war.
In a way, Cordelia figured that’s exactly what he was. He just didn’t know it.
Whatever Taylor decided to do now, Cordelia decided it wouldn’t be because her brother goaded her into a rash decision.
She didn’t bother to ask Joe what he wanted. Instead, she grabbed his hand and hauled him off the couch. Bending close so he’d hear her whisper, she almost hissed her warning. “You love your sister, but now is not the time!”
And then she waved at the pair as she headed dragged a silent Joe out the door. “Nice to see you again, Keith. We’ll talk to you two later.”
Joe followed even though he was torn. His sister was totally screwing up her life, and Keith might be a great friend, but hell, he didn’t want his sister sleeping with him.
“You introduced them?”
“Well you certainly didn’t.”
The way she was stomping around Irene’s house, you’d think he’d done something wrong. “Hell no, I didn’t. Do you have any idea how many women Keith’s dated in the last year?”
“Do I have any idea how many women you’ve dated in the last year? Hel-lo, Joe. It doesn’t matter.”
What did the women he’d dated have to do with anything? “The hell it doesn’t matter. Taylor’s a freaking kid.”
Cordelia rolled her eyes and for just a second looked a whole lot like his sister. “She’s twenty-three, Joe. That’s not a kid. She’s on birth control. She ran a successful business for god’s sake. Let her have a damn life.”
How in the heck did she know his sister was on birth control? “She has a life. She has a fiancé. She has a business to run.”
“Ex. She has an ex fiancé. In Oklahoma. Who wants to run radiator shops. She had a business to run. But she sold it to a partner. And she came out here to find a life, and you’re trying to stop her. God that’s so hypocritical of you.”
Hadn’t they had this discussion already? “It’s not the same at all.”
“You just asked me to move out here. Not twenty minutes ago you were telling me all the advantages of life in the big city.”
“It’s not the same. I already told you. Taylor’s nothing like you.”
“Ha!” Her laugh didn’t sound like laughter at all. In fact it sounded pretty damn close to a curse.
“What’s she going to do out here? Run a dance studio for little girls? Sleep with the first guy who takes her out? Spend all her time shopping or changing her hair color and getting her nails done?”
“God, you are such an ass.”
Okay. He had to admit it. He was an ass where Taylor was co
ncerned. He couldn’t help it. Dammit, how had this night disintegrated to this?
He sat on Irene’s couch and let his head fall in his hands. “You’re right.”
That shocked her. He could tell by her momentary silence.
“What?”
He looked up and shrugged. “You’re right. I’m being a complete and total ass. I love my sister. I don’t want her to be hurt. And I’m being a complete and total ass about this whole situation.”
She was looking at him with a combination of disbelief and distrust and he couldn’t blame her.
“You can’t understand…”
She held up her hand and interrupted him. “I think it’s the other way around.”
Of course she would. But she was wrong. “You might live in a small town, Cordelia, but look at you. You’re this incredible woman who knows what she wants and goes after it full force.”
This time her laugh was filled with a warning, but he didn’t know what the warning meant.
“I look at you and I think, my God, how did I ever get so lucky? And I don’t want my sister looking at Keith that way. I don’t want her getting hurt.”
“I didn’t see Taylor looking at Keith that way at all, Joe.”
He shrugged. “She was looking at him the same way you looked at me a few days ago.”
“That’s just lust. Taylor’s not going to get hurt from that.”
Her words slashed through his heart with their brutal honesty.
“Yeah, I think she could.”
Cordelia heard his answer, saw the way he was sitting there, so open, so intense, so keyed into her every word. Oh God, how had this happened?
“This isn’t about Taylor any more, is it?”
She watched him swallow, felt her own heart ball up in her throat like swallowed ice.
He didn’t speak, just shook his head. And she wanted to tell him to stop it. To let it go. This wasn’t supposed to be real, dammit.
“We just met, Joe.”
His eyes didn’t move from hers and she felt like he could see to her soul when he spoke. “I feel like I’ve known you forever. I could lie to you and tell you you’re right. I could say this is about lust. Sex. Fantasy. But it’s about a hell of a lot more than that, and I think you know it.”
She did and that knowledge should be a good thing. It shouldn’t be tearing her up. She had to do this. She had to.
“You don’t know me at all, Joe.”
He shook his head, and oh Lord, she just wanted to let him pull her to his side. To just pretend the last few minutes hadn’t happened at all.
But she couldn’t.
“I’m not the person you think I am.”
“Let me guess, you’re an ex convict, an ax murderer, an inside trader.”
She couldn’t laugh when he did. Couldn’t work the sound up over the huge ball in her throat.
“No. I’m not any of those things.” She stopped and tried to figure out how to say what needed saying.
“The person I’ve pretended to be this last week doesn’t exist. I made her up for this vacation. You really don’t know me at all.”
He didn’t understand what she was saying. She could tell by the confused smile on his face. The expectant look.
Oh hell. Just get it over with.
“The reason I know so much about your sister, Joe, is she’s just like me. Well, almost. I’m as small town as it gets. I have a garden. I have a cat. I drink cheap beer. I actually judge chili cookoffs.
“These pajamas,” she waved her hand down her body, “I wear them all the time. Before this week, I’d never heard a man say the words I want to watch you come. I’d certainly never told a man I wasn’t wearing any panties. I honestly wondered if multiple orgasms weren’t some guy’s idea of a big joke.”
She was getting through to him.
“This was my big summer fantasy. And you fulfilled it and then some. I’ll never forget this. And I’ve changed because of it. But I still love my house, my cat and my garden. And I’m going home in two days.”
Well, she’d certainly left him speechless.
Joe couldn’t believe it. But then again he could. The little incongruities in her suddenly made sense.
He’d been right to feel used for sex.
Well hell. He didn’t know whether to be pissed off or relieved.
“I guess this means you’re not moving to Vegas, hm?”
She nodded her head, looking every bit the same as she had moments before, but different too.
It was the different that scared him.
“You know, you didn’t have to do the whole pretend thing, Cordelia. Chances are we would’ve ended up in bed eventually anyway.”
Cordelia winced at his words, but he didn’t really care. He’d been quite the fool. Talking to her, getting to know her. No wonder she never wanted to talk. Damn!
“So when were you planning on telling me all this, Cordelia?”
She shrugged and he couldn’t believe it. “Ah, never. Well, that’s great. That’s just damn great. So I was supposed to be some key to your fantasy week, that’s it.”
God, when he said it like that, it sounded so sordid. But what could she possibly say? Cordelia nodded. “Pretty much.”
He looked as hurt as angry and Cordelia felt like the worst kind of jerk.
“I never planned on…”
He interrupted. “On me caring. On me having anything on my mind other than sex. Thanks. That’s just great, Cordelia.”
“That’s not fair, Joe. You can’t tell me you wanted anything more than sex last week.”
He didn’t look like he was bothering to listen. God that infuriated her. Everyone always ignored her. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had sex for the sake of sex, Joe. Don’t you dare.”
“It’s not the same and you know it.”
“Why? Why isn’t it the same? I came here for a week. And it’s not like I pretended I wanted anything more than sex.”
“You sure as hell didn’t.” He stalked around the room looking angrier by the second. “But you could’ve told me the truth. Especially once I talked to you about Taylor. Hell, who knows, I could’ve made this even better for you if I’d known the truth.”
If she tried to explain would he listen? Did it matter?
God she didn’t want him to hate her. She didn’t want it to end like this. She had to try.
“You have no idea what it’s like to be ignored. What it’s like for people to constantly talk about how nice you are. Nice.” She laughed with bitterness. “I hate that word sometimes.”
She leaned against the back of the couch and closed her eyes. “But I’ve always been nice. I’ve always followed the rules. I’ve always done my best to make my parents proud. Someone had to, and Irene doesn’t even understand the definition of good girl.”
She opened her eyes again and looked back across the room at him. Even if he didn’t listen she was going to say this. “When Irene sent me that red dress and a plane ticket along with an invitation to come out here, I felt instant freedom.
“I didn’t plan on necessarily having an affair, but I wanted people to look at me and see something other than the boring English teacher. I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to escape me. To live a true fantasy.
“And then I saw you at the airport and you know the rest of the story. If I’d told you the truth, you wouldn’t have looked at me the same way. You would’ve seen a nice, good girl. I didn’t want you to look at me and see nice.”
“Well, you certainly succeeded at that.”
At least he wasn’t stomping around the room anymore. But he wasn’t sitting either. And he still didn’t look happy to be in the same room with her.
“For what it’s worth I’ll never forget this time. I’ll never forget you.”
That’s just great. She’d never forget him. She’d come out here for a good time and he’d sure as hell given her one.
“I can’t believe you honestly think people look at you and think n
ice and that’s it. You could wear a brown paper bag and still be sexy.”
“That’s one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me, Joe.”
“I wasn’t trying to be nice.” Joe sat in a chair as far away from her as he could get and still be in the same room. “I’m saying you could’ve told me the truth and the results would still be the same.”
She laughed at that. “Right. I’m sure you would’ve been all about a sexy holiday with the small town English teacher.”
“Sex isn’t about the packaging, Cordelia, it’s about the chemistry, and we had that right off the bat.”
“But if I’d been wearing my normal clothes, my normal makeup, who knows if the chemistry would’ve been there.”
“I know.” How could she even doubt it? “You’re sitting there in those ridiculous pajamas, across the room, with me madder than hell at you, and the chemistry is definitely still here.”
She didn’t have much to say to that, and he was glad he’d caught her off guard. Even if he didn’t know what the hell he was doing.
“Tell me you don’t feel it still.”
She shook her head.
“Let me tell you what I see right now. I see a woman who responds to my voice, to my touch, almost immediately. I see a woman who makes me hard with a smile. I sure as hell don’t see nice.”
God, how could he be so damn mad and still want her this much?
“If I saw you as nice I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. I wouldn’t be thinking what the hell, the lady wanted a fantasy and this is the last night, why keep talking now?” He stopped and let his words sink in.
“I wouldn’t be remembering the way you looked that first night in the bathtub when you looked in my eyes and touched yourself when I told you to. I wouldn’t be thinking about the way your eyes turn a brighter green when you’re close to coming. Hell, Cordelia, you’re all confused about how I might see you if I knew the truth.”
He was right. She was confused.
Cordelia didn’t know what had happened or how or why. She just knew he’d gone from angry to something else entirely and she wasn’t sure she liked this something else.
Her body responded to his voice just as always, but her mind shouted out warning signals all the while.