by Sinden West
But then suddenly he gave a laugh and the smile was back on his face, but this one was more devious . “Oh, Pam-e-la. You are getting more desperate and unhinged by the day.” He spoke softly, and he didn’t seem to be drunk anymore. “Poor, pathetic Pamela. You know what your problem is? You’re spoiled. Your whole life you’ve been treated better than you are and it’s given you all these delusions that everyone should fall at your feet and worship you. You’re a good lay, I’ll give you that. But that’s all you are. You’re boring, self-absorbed, selfish, and petty. You don’t want me. You’re just pissed that I got the better of you. You wanted me to put you up on a pedestal when all I wanted you for was your pussy. And you can’t stand that.” He shook his head at her in pity as she looked down at his seated figure. She seemed to be having trouble breathing normally.
“But even your pussy got boring after a while. So why don’t you go and take your daddy issues or whatever it is screwing you up, and go find someone as pathetic as yourself, because I would rather dip my dick in anyone else in this room over your poisonous cunt any day.” His eyes searched the room and finally settled on me. “How ‘bout it, Gretel? Pam here thinks you’re beneath her. Want to show her that I’d rather screw you than her?”
My face flamed, everyone’s eyes were on me, but I didn’t have to answer because Pam just walked away. A few of her friends followed her out the door. Someone started to laugh, and then the rest of them chorused in with laughter. Rick’s eyes were still on me, and I looked away.
“You don’t need to be embarrassed. It’s her that should be embarrassed. Not you, Gretel.”
I didn’t bother to correct him and remind him what my name was.
“Leave Gret-a out of your spats with girls,” Damien bunched up a napkin and threw it at his friend.
Rick spread his hands wide. “Why? She should be flattered that I’d sleep with her.”
“It’s not flattering,” a friend of his chimed in. “You fuck anything that’s female.”
“You’re the biggest manwhore that I know,” said another, laughing.
Rich shrugged. “I can’t help it that girls want to ride my dick. Who am I to say no? It’d hurt their feelings.”
“Yeah, ‘cos you’re Mr Sensitive!” someone yelled from further down the table.
Rick ignored them, turning to me again. His hand slid across the back of my chair. “So, you haven’t answered my question.” He flashed me a grin that was probably supposed to be charming “How about it?” He leaned in close to my ear. “You want your virginity taken by someone who knows what they’re doing, Gretel?”
“Rick! Behave,” Damien called to him.
Emma looked mad. “Leave her alone.”
And as for me, I just grabbed my bag. “I’ll see you at home,” I told her before I walked out.
“Where are you going?” Rick called after me.
“Rejected!” someone sung out to him, and the door banged shut behind me as I stepped outside, shutting off the sound of their laughter. I headed home.
The footsteps that followed me were heavier than Emma’s. “Wait up!” I stopped quickly, saw it was Rick following me, and continued on. He matched my fast pace. “Why did you just walk out like that?” I looked away and just concentrated on walking. “Stop, would you?” He took my arm so I had no choice. “Damien said I had to apologize to you, but I don’t really know what I did wrong.”
I gave him a disgusted look. “You were making fun of me.”
“I wasn’t. Promise. I thought we were just joking around.” He released my arm and ran a hand through his hair. “Besides, you just totally rejected me back there. Shouldn’t I be the one who’s pissed?” He smiled, trying to charming. It didn’t work.
I shook my head at him and gave him what I hoped was a withering glare. “I’m not here for your entertainment.” I kept walking, but he followed.
“Actually. Everyone’s here for my entertainment. They just don’t know it.”
I snorted. “Girls, you mean?”
He grinned and shrugged. “They come after me. What am I supposed to do?”
I stared at him, and then I laughed at his arrogance. He relaxed. “Come on, I’ll buy you a beer to make up for making fun of you even though I wasn’t. Then you’ll see how girls flock to me and that I can’t help it.”
I shook my head. “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.”
“Come on. There’s a bar right here.”
My phone beeped and I pulled it from my pocket, expecting it to be Ella. But it wasn’t, it was Nathan.
‘Can I come see you?’ it read. Shit, did he want more money? I stared at it frowning.
“What’s wrong?”
I looked up at Rick and forced a smile. “Maybe I will have that drink after all.”
Chapter Four
Rick was right. Girls did flock to him. He was a good looking guy and several women in the bar turned their eyes to him the minute we walked in the door. I sat at a table while he went to grab some beers. I watched as a woman on a bar stool swiveled to face him, she flicked her hair and said something to him that had him grinning and for a moment I wondered if he would leave me sitting here alone while he got hot and heavy with her.
But he didn’t. As the bartender set the beers on the bar in front of him, he grabbed them, nodded to the woman and headed back to me.
“There you go.” The beers were icy cold and felt nice the moment I touched the bottle to my lips.
“Thanks.”
And then we just sat in silence as we drank our beers. He did seem to create his own entertainment though as he watched a guy in the corner with an acoustic guitar. Rick sang along softly to some of the songs and tapped his fingers on the table in time to the more upbeat ones. Finally, he said, “You’re quiet.”
“Yes.” I felt like saying, so? But I never did. Instead, I took another drink. My bottle was empty and I felt a little drunk already.
“I’ll get us some more.”
The empty bottle was whisked away, and I wondered if he would return. I felt so boring next to him. He exchanged conversation with that interested woman at the bar again, and I knew that I should head out rather than stay here, but he when he came back with another bottle, I took gratefully.
My phone buzzed. ‘Are you home? I’m coming by.’
Okay. I was definitely staying now. I gripped my beer as I placed the phone back on the table with a sigh.
“Bad news?” Rick asked.
“Oh. Just avoiding someone.”
He grinned. “So that’s why you’re here with me.”
I gave a small smile, feeling bolder with the alcohol. “Yup.”
“So, who’re you avoiding? Ex- boyfriend?” He took a sip of his own beer then leaned back in his chair, watching me.
I laughed at the ridiculousness of the idea. “No. My ex-step brother. I think he wants me to give him more money…”
Rick nodded. “Oh. I get it. I’ve got a brother like that. He only calls when he wants something. Are you close to your step brother?”
I paused. It was hard to describe what it was like with Nathan. “We have a…weird relationship. We kind of bonded over the mutual hatred of our parents, but we’re not friends either.” I couldn’t believe that I was talking to this guy about Nathan. “So, are you close to your brother?”
Rick shook his head. “Hell no. He’s older than me and was always beating me up when we were kids. Mom and Dad always thought that the sun shone out of his ass, even though they were always bailing him out of trouble. After they died, he seemed to think that I’d do the same. Now I just don’t answer his phone calls.”
“Oh. My parents are dead too,” I blurted out. “Was that the wrong thing to say? Was that callous?” The words rushed out of my mouth; I was drunk.
He grinned at me, and I had the distinct feeling that he was laughing at me. “No, that wasn’t the wrong thing to say. I’m just glad you’re talking now. I had the feeling that I was having a one man conve
rsation for a while there.”
I smiled self-consciously; this beer had really gone to my head. I took another sip. “People think I’m retarded, or rude, but really I’m just shy and I find it hard to talk to people. But I’m talking to you because I’m drunk right now.” I took another long drink; this beer was going down well.
He watched me for a moment. “In that case, I’ll get us some shots.”
We talked about dead parents. His: car accident. Mine: Suicide. More shots. We also talked about mean siblings. He told me about his brother flushing his head in the toilet, while I told him about pool house incident with Nathan in slurred speech. He stopped laughing.
“That’s really cruel.”
But I was still smiling. “It was. Can you believe that was the only time I’ve ever been kissed? But Nathan isn’t that bad. His Dad just screwed him up big time. He was hurting and wanted someone to torment at the time.”
“It’s no excuse.” He lifted a shot his mouth without waiting for me this time and downed it quickly.
I shrugged. “It’s okay. I was kind of used to people treating me like that anyway at school and stuff. But Emma took me under her wing in our last year of high school. I guess she kind of built me up a bit. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t even leave the house.” I laughed, even though none of this was funny.
“She seems like a cool girl. Damien’s really into her. I’ve never seen him like this over anyone else before.”
I poured the shot down my throat, the room seemed to be spinning now and it seemed to take a lot of effort to lift my arm. The lights flicked on and off.
“They’re closing. We should get out here.” Rick took my hand to help me up.
“Oh. Are you going to sleep with that girl at the bar?”
I stumbled, but he grabbed me to steady me as he helped me out into the night. The cool air was sobering. Almost. Then we were in a taxi and I was leaning against his hard chest because it seemed too much effort to sit up straight. Then we were out of the taxi, on the pavement then into a building and up the stairs. At some stage, going up those stairs, I seemed to have regained control of my limbs because I shrugged off Rick’s steadying hands and started to run, taking the stairs two at a time.
“Beat you!” I jumped up and down at the top and did a little dance in triumph. In the back of mind I was wondering who I had turned into, but then I didn’t care anymore. Rick’s key was in the door, and he jiggled it to open. It was a studio apartment with the bed in the center of the room. That’s all I really took in in: the bed. It was made neatly with a black bedspread and white pillows. A spark of nerves coursed through me.
But then I was being turned around to face Rick’s chest as his arms crowded me against him. His hands rubbed against my back as he kissed the top of my head. My chin was tilted upward, and his lips softly touched mine. We kissed like that for a while; my drunken mouth seemed to have a mind of its own as it seemed to devour his lips and tease his tongue. Everything became more urgent with his mouth and hands harder against my body, and I found myself helping him to lift my top over my head. My pants were tugged down to sit around my ankles; this caused me to fall backward onto to the bed and for some reason I found this funny. He lay beside me, taking the bra off first in a well-practiced way before inching my panties down past my hip bones. I stopped laughing then. The shock of being so exposed hit me, and my hands reached for my panties to cover myself.
“No, no, no,” he whispered, his grip on the cotton harder than mine. “I’ve already seen you. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
I stopped trying to pull them back up and lay my head down, watching him. His eyes were firmly glued on my face as his hands started to touch in between my legs. Gentle circles at first, then his touch became harder, and my eyes widened, surprised at how good it felt. I closed my eyes and just concentrated on that sensation.
Then the fingers disappeared and I heard a ripping sound. I opened my eyes to see him rolling a condom on. A jolt of fright went through me, and I tried to sit up, but he hovered over me then with a gentle hold on my shoulder.
“Relax.” Now his chest was bare, I could see the tapestry of tattoos that covered his skin. I wondered if they told a story. Just below his left collarbone, the name ‘Bella’ was marked in an intricate script. Her name was surrounded by a frame of roses and thorns, the odd dagger or sword intermingled in the vines. Who’s Bella?
But then he was parting my thighs with his knees and holding his penis to nudge at my entrance. I took a sharp breath and found myself starting to shiver slightly.
“Relax,” he repeated. “If it hurts too much, just bite down on me, okay?”
And then he was in me, and it hurt something terrible. I blinked back tears and heard a slight whimper leave my lips.
He caught my eyes. “I’m going to move now, okay?”
I nodded, biting my lip as he started to move, back and forth. Weird sounds started to come from me, and I tried to silence them, but the pain was becoming unbearable. So I bit down on his shoulder that hovered near my face.
I heard him hiss in pain, but he kept thrusting into me. The pain began to lessen just before he shuddered and clutched onto my skin. I guessed that meant that he’d cum, because he slowly eased out of me with a grip on the condom. He disappeared through a door that I guessed was the bathroom.
I was sore, and I felt a mess between my legs. I lay there, panting slightly and trying to process that I’d just had sex for the first time. But the stickiness felt so disgusting that I got off the bed once I heard him flush the toilet. We passed by each other, and I couldn’t even really look at him.
I peed, like I knew I was supposed to after sex. Then I saw the blood on the toilet paper and how it was smeared down my thighs. It gave me a fright at first, but then I remembered that it was normal. I wet some toilet paper and wiped down my thighs with it. At last, I looked in the mirror. My hair was disheveled, my cheeks were flushed, but I didn’t really look any different.
When I left the bathroom, I found Rick already asleep. I thought about leaving, but I didn’t really know where I was, plus it was late. So I found my panties to put on and slipped into the opposite side of the bed to where Rick was sound asleep.
Chapter Five
I didn’t sleep right away. I lay there listening to Rick breathe as I thought about other things. I wondered if Nathan was waiting at my apartment right now.
Oliver O’Connell was five years younger than my mother. Handsome and charming, he zeroed in on her the moment they were introduced. My mother had money and not much else. Never pretty, she wore too much makeup and jewelry as if they could disguise the fact that she had a double chin, pudgy face, and mouth that sloped down crookedly on one side. I was used to the awful words that could come from that awful mouth by the time she met Oliver. I had learned early on to shut up and not talk back because that would make things worse.
She didn’t seem to have a backbone with anyone else; to them she was weak and pathetic, a docile figure with no spark or personality. With me, she had the confidence to spew forth nasty things. I guess she saw herself when she saw me and could finally express the self-hatred that she felt. Ugly, worthless, stupid…those were the three favorites which always made their way into any conversation regarding me.
As I got older, she took more medication which was a godsend and she whiled away the hours doped up on prescription medicine in her bedroom while I was free to roam the house without fear of verbal attacks being made.
I was instantly suspicious of Oliver. No one like him, who was handsome and successful on the surface, would ever be interested in a basket case like my mother. Not that I would ever say that to her; she was clearly a deluded woman in love. But I did have hope that he could be a good person. Though those hopes were soon destroyed because he no longer tried to charm me after seeing how my mother treated me.
The first dinner we all had together as a new ‘family’ was at a restaurant. Even Nathan had beg
rudgingly turned up, dressed as nicely as one could hope for from him even though the look on his face was sullen.
My mother started with my posture, I was used to comments such as these, but to have them said in front of others just compounded the humiliation. Then it was on how I ate, even my pronunciation of the items on the French menu.
She’d given a laugh. “I spend thousands on that private school of yours and you still seem just as stupid as when you went in.” She grinned at Oliver, and he looked a little shocked at first, then he smiled too.
“Honestly she is. Where did you come in your math class last year? Tell everyone.”
My cheeks stung pink. “Second from the bottom,” I muttered. But it didn’t seem fair because how was I supposed to learn with the two bitches who sat behind me muttering ‘Dog’ every time the teacher was out of earshot.
“And what does that make you?” my mother’s voice rang out.
“Stupid,” I muttered.
“I can’t hear you.”
I cleared my throat. “Stupid,” I said, louder and clearer.
She nodded as she stuck her fork into a piece of steak. “That’s right. Stupid.” She placed the steak between her red lips and chewed, looking thoughtful as she swallowed. “I’ll probably have to buy her way into college, you know.”
Oliver let out a laugh. Nathan look stunned before he sniggered. I kept my eyes on my plate for the rest of the night and hoped her attention wouldn’t return to me.
To his credit, Oliver did pretty much just ignore me and didn’t actively seek me out for ridicule like my mother did. He didn’t have time with Nathan causing trouble.
One day I came home from school, a few months after the pool house incident, and there was yelling in the foyer. I cautiously opened the front door, knowing that my eyes were still red from crying after being taunted all afternoon. No one noticed me as I slipped inside, but what I did see was Oliver bunch his hand into a fist and take a swing at Nathan’s face.