by Sinden West
“Would you two just shut up. Concentrate on your own sex lives.” But she didn’t look upset as she spoke, she looked satisfied and superior. I lowered my gaze to my beer bottle, glad that they were down the other end of the table. So Rick was back sleeping with her now? I felt more stupid than before, and all hope died in me.
“Are you okay?” Emma whispered to me. She could read me like a book.
I forced a smile. “Yeah. Of course.”
She squeezed my arm lightly. “I’ll get us some more drinks.”
I drank my third beer, and even managed to make conversation with a girl sitting beside me. We shared a class together so spoke about that. It was easy to talk about something that I knew about, particularly with the alcohol giving me a boost. On occasion, my eyes would flick down to where Pamela and Rick were sitting. I couldn’t see if they were holding hands or touching from where I was sitting, but on one occasion he must have said something that Pamela found funny because she was laughing at whatever it was. The looks she seemed to give were almost adoring. I couldn’t read his face, not that I dared stare anyway. I tried to just keep my attention on the girl next to me.
At some stage, someone said something about everyone going dancing, and we were getting our stuff together and piling out the door in one big group. The club was a short walk away. The entrance was hidden down an alleyway and the only indication that it was some kind of venue was the big bouncer at the door. Rick went up to him and shook his hands the way guys do, and then we were all let in without being asked for ID or anything. It was packed, and Emma grabbed my hand as we followed Damien.
“Wanna dance?” Emma screamed in my ear over the music.
“No! But you go ahead. I’m going to the bathroom,” I yelled back. She gave me a grin then grabbed Damien’s hand to lead him out. I found the bathrooms at the back down a hallway, and reluctantly used them. Toilet paper and what may have been urine lay on the floor, and I carefully stepped over puddles to get to an empty cubicle.
A girl in the cubicle next to mine sounded like she was throwing up, and when I called to see if she was okay, she yelled back, “Yeah, I’m just puking so I can drink more later.”
I didn’t know what to say to that so I just left her to it. As I exited the room, strong arms came around me and pulled me to the side.
“Hey, cutie,” said Rick, planting his lips on my cheek as he pressed me up against the wall.
“Hey.” I wasn’t sure what to think, but it was nice being in his arms, especially since I was drunk. But I still couldn’t relax, and I was annoyed with him.
He must have heard the hesitancy in my tone because he gave me a serious look before saying, “This way.” Taking my arm, he led me further down the hall and through a doorway that led to a storage room.
He took me in his arms again once the door behind us was shut. “Sorry I didn’t come up to you before but Damien gave me direct orders to leave you alone.”
“Why?”
Rick gave me a crooked smile. “I guess they think you’re pretty special, and they want to protect you.”
I gave a sigh. “I’m not a child. I don’t need to be protected.”
“You’re sweet. That’s a rare thing these days.” He kissed me, and of course, I kissed back. But then, with boldness fuelled by alcohol, I broke off the kiss.
“What about Pamela. Aren’t you sleeping with her?” If I had been sober, I never would have dared to ask that question in a million years.
He frowned then took a breath. “Pam’s…not special to me.”
“Does she know that?” A lifetime of not being special made me feel a slight indignation on her behalf.
“I’ve tried to make it clear that we’re just having fun. You heard me the other week, but I think she—“ He stopped whatever he was trying to say, and then released me, stepping back. “I guess Damien’s right. I’m not the kind of person that’s good for someone like you.”
I felt all the hope that built up over that period of time come crashing down just from those words. I looked at the floor.
“Okay.”
He didn’t move for a few second then I heard the door open and his footsteps out the door. I took a few deep breaths to gather myself then followed him out. It was time for me to leave. I went in search of Emma, who I found sitting down with Damien.
“It’s too crowded to be dancing, and hot.” She flapped her hands to create some cool air.
“I’m going to head home.”
She got to her feet. “We’ll come with you.” After Damien said goodbye to his friends, we headed through the crowd of people to get to the door. My eyes caught sight of Pamela, who was leaning against the wall and staring at the dance floor, not looking happy. I followed her gaze. She was staring at Rick, who was intimately dancing with a girl who wore a miniskirt and bikini top. She was rubbing herself all over him as he squeezed her leather clad ass in his hands. My eyes flicked back to Pamela, and I felt a spark of sympathy for her, because I could relate.
Chapter Eight
Life was easier if I thought of things other than Rick. However, the person who invaded my thoughts was Nathan. There was still no word and it might well be that he was just on some drug-fuelled binge, but it still concerned me. The memory I thought of most was when he turned up at my mother’s funeral. He’d worn a suit, even if the tie was loose and he did look scruffy. The pastor had already started the sermon as he slid into the church pew next to me with a sheepish look on his face. I had looked at him with surprise. I had been so intent on not crying that I hadn’t been bothered that there was no one to sit next to me.
He smelled like marijuana, but I didn’t care. I just gave him a grateful smile, which he begrudgingly returned. As the pastor went on about the money my mother had donated to charities, Nathan’s hand crept across the space between us and joined with mine in a limp hold. This stunned me, then I took the initiative and squeezed his hand, holding onto it tightly, because I needed to do that to something.
I hated to think of that boy dead or hurt somewhere.
I knew where Oliver lived, but I didn’t knock on the door. Instead, I waited across the street from his building, sitting in a café with a large glass front, my school books spread in front of me. I studied there instead of the library, keeping watch but I saw no sign of Nathan.
Once, Oliver came in. I froze at first, then kept my head down and buried in my books. He didn’t notice me, he was too busy flirting with the waitress, and I couldn’t breathe properly until he left. After a few weeks, I gave up sitting there, and cursed myself for my cowardice for not knocking on Oliver’s door.
Emma and Damien’s romance was going strong, and my happiness for her was mingled with a slight jealousy that I couldn’t shake. But I just consoled myself with the fact that Rick had thought that I was attractive enough to sleep with, when he could pick almost anyone.
Liz, my study buddy, had chosen a bar for us to study at. Liz was a talkative, bubbly girl. She’d pounced on me to be her study partner when she had noticed how studious I was, which, in her book, meant that I would do most of the work. I think she also liked how quiet I was because that meant she could talk uninterrupted. And talk she did. Instead of discussing theoretical frameworks, she would talk about her hair, her friends, the men in her life…though I think she embellished and I kind of felt sorry for her. I would just smile and nod, taking the chance to read a paragraph here and there when her attention was taken momentarily by some good looking passing guy.
The bar was quiet that afternoon; it wouldn’t be until later that it would become crowded with drunks. But that afternoon there was only a handful of people. Liz drank a brightly colored, sugary alcoholic drink, while I stuck to a coke and attempted to keep her attention focused on our latest reading.
“Omigod! Get a load of that hottie!” Liz hissed at me under her breath. I gave her a tight smile, slightly irritated at her short attention span, and kept my head down, looking at my text book. I heard
a chair scrape on the floor, and tattooed arms were placed on the table in my line of vision.
“Hey, Greta.”
I looked up to find Rick greeting me. A friend of his was placing beers on the table before he pulled out a chair. I guessed they were joining us.
“Hey.”
“Drink up.” A beer was shoved in front of me, and then one was placed in front of Liz who took it with a grin.
“Thanks.” Her grin couldn’t have been wider and her textbook closed with a bang. Our study session must have been over for the day. Her eyes were firmly on Rick, and his eyes were on me.
“You remember Justin?” Rick introduced his friend, whose eyes were checking out Liz.
“Sure.” I didn’t though. “This is Liz.”
Rick gave her just a nod of recognition before turning his attention back to me. Liz looked crestfallen for a second, but then Rick’s friend, Justin, said something to her, and she turned to face him, grateful for the attention.
I took a hesitant sip of my beer, and Rick scooted closer to me. “How’ve you been?”
“Good.” I took another sip of beer.
“Good. That’s good.” He grabbed hold of my textbook. “What are you studying? Forensic Psychology. I don’t even know what that is.” He met my eyes and flashed me a grin of even, white teeth.
I took a breath. “What do you study?” My voice came out surprisingly even when I’d been scared it would be no more than a nervous squeak.
He looked amused. “I don’t go to school, Greta.”
“You don’t? What do you do?”
“I’ve got a few projects on the go.” He took a long drink of his beer.
“Like what?”
He gave a mischievous smile. “That would be telling.”
Really? I gave him a look of disgust. “You’re full of shit.”
His mouth opened in surprise before he recovered and barked out a laugh. “Wow. You’ve got claws. I didn’t expect that.”
I took another drink and frowned. “Are you insulting me?”
“No. Claws are good. I like claws. I didn’t expect that from you, that’s all.” He clinked his beer bottle against mine. “Cheers.”
“Cheers.” I hid my smile as I drank.
Justin started us playing a drinking game. I didn’t understand the rules and just drank when I was told. Liz claimed to have played this game lots of times, but she still seemed to lose, and after a while I wondered if she was doing it on purpose. As if she needed to be drunk as an excuse to come on to Justin. She was soon looking at him through glazed eyes and rubbing his thigh.
Rick seemed to inch closer and closer to me, and eventually his hand touched mine under the table. With the boldness granted to me by the alcohol, I met his gaze head on in question. He just gave me that grin of his that was so sexy.
“Come back home with me,” he whispered.
My breath caught, and a thrill went through me. Then I returned to reality. “I can’t.”
His smile didn’t drop. “Why not?” His hot breath tickled on my skin.
“Because—“ Because why? I frowned at myself, what was stopping me? The fact that he just wanted to have sex with me and probably nothing more? What was the big deal?
I watched Liz, who was kissing Justin, a boy that she’d just met. Why couldn’t I be like that? I took a breath. “Okay.”
He helped me gather my books up and put them in my bag before we waved goodbye to Liz and Justin. They didn’t even notice. Rick’s car was parked outside, and he even opened the door for me. On the drive back to his place, we didn’t really talk. I just stared at the hand that ran up and down my jean clad leg. It was starting to leave me breathless with anticipation. The walk up to his apartment was a blur. My hand was held in his as we jogged up the stairs together.
The minute we were in his apartment, he was pressing me against the door and devouring me with his mouth. I could feel how hard he was through his jeans, and I had never felt so desired. It made me feel bold, like I had some power for once. This spurred me to drag him towards the bed, pushing up his t-shirt and kissing his chest.
When we were done, I found myself tangled up amongst the sheets and resting my head on his shoulder. His arm was around me and gently traced circles on my skin. This felt so unbelievably nice. It was a revelation to me how good it could feel being in someone else’s arms. No wonder Liz slept around.
Later, when I got up to use the bathroom, I tried to take the sheet with me. But he stopped me, tugging on it playfully until fell from around me. “Don’t cover yourself. I’ve already seen all of you, plus I love the view. You’ve got a great ass.”
I couldn’t stop the embarrassed smile that tugged at my lips. I walked to the bathroom naked, a shiver of pleasure running down my back at the thought of him admiring me.
Chapter Nine
After I had finished in the bathroom, I opened the bathroom door but then stopped before I put a foot through it. Rick was speaking to someone at the door.
“What are you doing here?” I heard him say.
“You said you going to meet us all at the bar. You didn’t turn up.” Was that Pamela’s voice?
“Yeah. I got… busy.”
“Are you here with someone?” her voice wavered. “Who?” Could she see my bra and panties lying on the floor?
Rick gave a sigh “Seriously, Pam. Don’t do this. Please? We’re not exclusive, we never have been. I thought I made it clear to you.”
“I just want to know who you’re sleeping with. Don’t I have a right to know?”
I cringed at the pathetic tone in her voice.
“No. You don’t.” He gave another sigh. “Listen, Pam. We really need to stop this. I’m not going to ever be able to give you what you want—“
“No!” Then in a quieter tone, “No, please. I love being with you. We’re so good together.”
She was irritating me. And the bitch part of me wanted her to know that Rick had slept with me. I grabbed the towel which was hanging on the rail and wrapped it around my body before stepping out into view.
Looking beautiful as ever, Pam’s eyes darted to me as I stepped up behind Rick. “Is everything okay?” I asked, like I hadn’t just heard their conversation.
Pam’s face fell. “Oh. Greta. I knew it.” I had steeled myself for bitchiness and name calling, but none came. She just looked sad. “I’ll leave you guys to it,” she mumbled, turning to go. She looked so upset that my heart went out to her.
“Wait!” I found myself calling. She stopped and turned, looking at me warily. “Did I hear you say that you were going to meet your friends? Are Emma and Damien there?”
She nodded, confused.
“Great. I told Emma that I would catch up with her tonight anyway. I’ll join you. Could I get a ride with you?”
“I walked.”
“Then maybe Rick could…?” I looked at him questioningly.
He looked confused as well, before nodding slowly. “I’ll just get dressed. Won’t be long.” I grabbed my clothes off the floor before either of them could respond and darted into the bathroom. I had no idea what I was doing, but that girl had looked so sad, I guess I just wanted her to save face somehow. This may not have been the most brilliant way to do this, but at least she got to spend time with Rick. I was under no illusion that I was special to Rick either, so why continue this farce at the price of someone else’s misery. The drive was awkward. I let Pamela sit in the front, but she and Rick didn’t talk. None of us spoke until we entered the bar. I was given an enthusiastic hug by an inebriated Emma.
“Let’s get you drunk!” she told me. I liked the idea; it would help me get my mind off Rick and Nathan.
I watched Rick and Pamela out of the corner of my eye, and hoped they didn’t notice. They didn’t seem to be interacting, but I noticed that Pamela was always within his vicinity. He didn’t look that happy, but that wasn’t my problem so I carried on drinking with Emma and tried to have a good time.
/> Rick cornered me when I came out of the bathroom. He didn’t look drunk, but he did look pissed. “What the hell was that stunt you pulled at my apartment?”
I shrugged. “I felt sorry for her.”
“You felt sorry for her? Why? She’s a bitch. Was she just your excuse to blow me off?”
I frowned. “What? No, of course not, but she was so sad. Can’t you just give her a chance? She obviously really likes you.”
He leaned his head against the wall, and rubbed his forehead like he had a headache. Then he straightened up, staring down at me. “And what about you? What is this to you? Are we just screwing? Is it going to happen again? ”
My mouth opened then I shut it again, not sure what to say.
“Don’t go all quiet on me now. I know you can talk. Say something, Greta. Answer me,” he demanded.
“I, uh, I know what you’re like. You screw girls. Lots and lots of girls…” I trailed off weakly.
He gave a huff of indignation. “I get it.” He sounded pissed off. “Enjoy your night.” He turned and stalked back to his friends, while I was left watching him, wondering what had just happened. I went back to Emma and had another drink so I wouldn’t have to think about things. I got so drunk that the room started to swim, but I was still able to notice that Rick and Pam left together at the end of the night. I managed to swallow down my disappointment because this was all of my own making.
I ended up stumbling home with Emma and Damien. What should have been a five minute walk turned into an hour as we kept laughing and tripping over. I wasn’t sure why I was laughing. I wasn’t happy; I was jealous and could barely fathom why I had tried to throw Rick and Pamela together.
Oh, yeah, because I was nice. I imagined the word nice the way Nathan would say it, his face twisted into a sneer. Nice was akin to pathetic, loser, gullible…And where the hell was he anyway? Why was I so weak that I couldn’t even knock on his father’s door to ask if he’d seen him?
I’d stopped laughing by the time we got home, but Damien and Emma didn’t notice. Their lips were locked together as they awkwardly made their way into their bedroom. And I sat on my bed making plans for tomorrow in my drunken head.