by Ava Conway
“Good game.” I lowered my arms and smiled as I approached.
Flynn glanced up from the bag of ping-pong equipment. “Yeah. Would have been better if I had won.”
“You put up a good fight. The game was close.”
“Not close enough.” He zippered up the bag with the paddles and glanced over at the parade. “This is the second time Jayden has won the tournament. His luck has got to run out sometime.”
The big, burly patient put Jayden back on the ground. Patients clapped him on the back and offered their congratulations.
Flynn cast a sideways glance at me. “You’re the girl he saved the other day, aren’t you?”
I could feel my cheeks heat but was determined not to let Flynn intimidate me. “Yeah.”
He nodded, as if he suspected as much. “Jayden’s a good guy, always looking out for others like that.”
I inched closer and lowered my voice. “What’s wrong with him?”
Flynn stiffened and turned to face me. “Nothing’s wrong with him, why?”
I shrugged and tried to backpedal. “I don’t know. I just thought that since he was a patient that he’d…” My voice trailed off as I suddenly became unsure of what to say.
“I’m his roommate and I can assure you, he’s fine.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”
Flynn waved his hand between us. “That’s all right. Jayden has already mentioned you. The new girl, right? Lucy Something-or-other?”
I nodded and wrapped my arms around my middle. “White.”
“Then you don’t know.” He leaned in close and put a finger on the side of his nose. “Don’t ever ask someone in here what’s wrong with them. It’s bad manners.”
“But I didn’t ask what was wrong with you—ah, okay.” By the look in his eye, I knew it was pointless to argue, so I decided to change tactics. “What happened to Nesto? Is he okay?”
Flynn sighed. “You’re a nosy one, aren’t you?”
“Not nosy, just…curious.”
He grinned. “You’ve got spunk. I like that. Jayden needs someone who can challenge him.” He nudged my arm. “Don’t you worry about Martinez—or what other people say about Jayden. The three of us will be fine. Always have been.”
“People have been talking about Jayden?”
“I just thought—” He glanced over his shoulder at his roommate who was fast approaching. “Never you mind. Jayden’s a good egg. He might have hurt people in his past, but he’d never hurt you.”
“Hurt?” I tugged on Flynn’s shirt, dragging his attention back to me. “Who did he hurt, Flynn?”
“It was self-defense, you see. He wasn’t shooting to kill, just to get away. Jayden was more stunned than anyone that the son of a bitch died. Took him years to finally stop blaming himself.”
Holy shit. Jayden killed someone? I let go of Flynn’s shirt, stunned.
“If you two keep whispering like that, people are going to get jealous.”
Flynn jerked away from me. “Hey, Jayden. We were just, uh, talking.”
“I can see that.” He turned to me. “Did you catch the tournament?”
I forced my thoughts back to the moment. “Yeah. Congratulations.” Jayden killed someone? How? Why?
“I need to get back to the room,” Flynn mumbled. “Later, Jayden.”
“Later.”
How unfair of Flynn to drop a bomb on me like that and leave. I frowned as I watched the Irishman’s retreating back. Why did Jayden kill someone in self-defense? Was he protecting himself, or someone else?
“Hey beautiful—you up for a tour?” Jayden asked.
“Um, yeah.” It was pointless to dwell on it. I couldn’t very well ask Jayden about his past. I didn’t know him well enough. Besides, if Flynn was right, then asking Jayden about the murder would be rude.
Oddly enough, this new information didn’t make me afraid of Jayden. Instead, it made me feel safer. I fought with thoughts of death on a daily basis. He had battled death and won. In my eyes, that made him even more of a hero.
“I’m ready.”
Jayden grinned and took my hand in his. “Come on.” He introduced me to each of the patients as we exited the common area. “And this one here is Carter.” He clasped the shoulder of the big, burly patient who had lifted him earlier. “How are the voices today, big guy?”
Carter glanced at me then widened his eyes in recognition. Just like before, I saw something untamed moving just beneath his golden orbs. “Struggling a little today.”
Jayden patted him on the shoulder. “That’s too bad, buddy. You should bring it up to Polanski. She might need to adjust your dosage.”
I’ll say. I inched back from Carter. It wasn’t normal, the way he looked at me like that. What were the voices inside of his head saying? Did it have anything to do with me?
I didn’t have time to dwell on it. Jayden swept me away from Carter and introduced me to the other patients at the tournament, calling them all ‘sweetheart’ and ‘beautiful’ and ‘honey’. He asked each of them how they were doing and seemed genuinely interested in their answers. Although he never openly mentioned their sicknesses, I could tell from his questions why each patient had been admitted. By the end of the introductions, the only person’s illness that was still a mystery was his.
“Come on, beautiful.” Jayden tugged on my hand and dragged me out into the hall. He showed me the Communications Room, the common bathrooms and the art room.
“So for every activity you participate in, you get points,” he said as we walked. “You can turn these points in for privileges.”
“Like, what kind of privileges?” I already knew, but he seemed so caught up in the moment. I didn’t want to burst his bubble.
“Coffee downstairs, visitors, walks in the courtyard, stuff like that.”
There was a certain bounce in Jayden’s steps. He spoke with a sing-song quality I found soothing. He high-fived Elias as we passed in the hall, calling him ‘dude’. He did a secret handshake with another and called her ‘sunshine’. Was he always so familiar with everyone?
I noticed that besides introducing people to me, he never mentioned anyone by name, preferring instead to call them things like ‘sweetie’ or ‘buddy’. People warmed to the nicknames—and him—instantly. My mood also brightened. It was hard to be around so much warmth and not be affected by it. The man was like a cresting wave of light, and I was caught up in his wake.
“You mentioned something called Sedation Therapy,” I said after a few moments. “What’s that?”
We rounded a corner and stopped. Jayden’s smile fell and his expression turned serious. He glanced up and down the hall, then lowered his voice. “Yeah. They use Sedation Therapy when they feel you’re a danger to yourself or others.”
“What is it?”
“They fill you up with mood suppressors and tranquilizers until all of the aggression is sucked out of you.” He let out a long breath. “It feels like hell.”
“Is that what they did to Nesto?”
He pressed his lips together as some indefinable emotion crossed his features. In that moment I knew that not only did the staff put Martinez into Sedation Therapy, but sometime in the past, they had done the same to Jayden.
Jayden glanced over his shoulder. “Have you ever tried Tai Chi?”
I furrowed my brow. “No.” My mother was into all of that mystical meditation crap. Not me.
“A class should be starting right about now. They like to do the meditative stuff at the end of the day. It helps calm people.” He tugged on my arm. “Come on, it will be fun.”
“I don’t know. I’m not really the exercise type.”
He dragged his gaze down my body, making me feel warm all over. “Could have fooled me.” He tugged on my fingers. “Let’s go. We don’t want to be late.”
He dragged me down the hall toward the Tai Chi room. With each step it felt as if a new weight had been placed on my heart.
“Jayden, st
op.”
He didn’t seem to hear me.
“Jayden.” I tugged on his arm until he paused and turned to face me. “I don’t want to do this.”
He frowned. “Why not?”
How could I tell him that I didn’t want to do it because my mother liked holistic healing and crystals and shit—which was the same thing as Tai Chi in my mind—and all this class was going to do was remind me of how much I had hurt her?
When I was silent, he softened his features and cupped my cheek with his palm. “If you really don’t want to do it, then we don’t have to. But believe me—you’ll be missing out. I swear, Lucy, this stuff clears the head and makes you feel amazing.” He slid his thumb across my cheek, heating my skin.
I noticed he said my name again—just as he did in my room yesterday. Knowing Jayden was someone who called everyone by silly nicknames, made the use of my real name feel so intimate, like a caress.
I wish I could just follow him into the room, but things weren’t that simple.
He leaned forward and pressed his lips against my forehead. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. Promise.”
I closed my eyes and leaned into his warmth. Slowly, his strength seeped into my skin. What was it about him that made me feel as though I could face the world?
“Okay,” I whispered.
He leaned back and studied my face. “Okay…what?”
“Okay, I’ll go—but just this once.” Once, and then it would all be over. Besides, I rather doubted that the Tai Chi lessons here were the same as the aura-realigning sessions my mother went to on Thursday mornings.
“Great.” He grinned and tugged on my hand. “You won’t regret this. I swear.”
I certainly hoped not. My chest tightened as he dragged me into the Tai Chi room. Could I really go through with this? It looked like I didn’t have a choice.
Chapter Five
Thankfully, there were only a few other people taking the class. If I was going to embarrass myself, at least I wasn’t doing it in front of the entire ward.
The room itself was small and had no furniture. Hard, linoleum floors were shined clean and sparkled in a similar manner to the floors in the hall. A staff member stood by the door, collecting names as we walked in.
“For points,” Jayden whispered once we were out of earshot. “Get enough of these things and they’ll let you go out into the visitor’s area.” He never let go of my hand, not once, and for some reason that gave me the strength to see this through.
A second staff member sat on a small rug in the front of the room. Her legs were crossed and her eyes closed. How she could concentrate was anyone’s guess.
“Good evening,” The instructor said as she opened her eyes. She had long, blonde hair that she had wrapped in a bun at the top of her head. Wispy strands hung down the sides of her face, softening her features. She looked young, about my age, and was as thin as a rail. Her slight frame was misleading, however. She stood in a single, graceful motion and scanned the crowd.
That was when I saw him. Mr. Big and Burly was standing in the front row, on the opposite side of the room from Jayden and myself. What was his name again? Oh yes, Jayden had called him Carter during the introductions, although I wasn’t sure if that was his first name or his last.
Instead of a wild mane, Carter’s hair had been smoothed and tied neatly into a low-hanging ponytail. He stared at the instructor with that same intense stare that had unnerved me so many times. I had no idea how the instructor could stand it.
“I see that we have a new student.” The instructor smiled at me, which left me a little embarrassed.
“Her name’s Lucy,” Jayden offered.
I flashed Jayden a warning look. I didn’t come here to be the center of attention. In fact, I was rather unsure exactly why I was here at all.
“Lucy.” The instructor beamed. “I’m Rosalie. People here call me Rose. Have you tried Tai Chi before?”
I glanced around the room and found Carter staring at me, his expression blank. Why did he keep looking at me like that? It was downright creepy.
“Lucy?”
I jerked my attention back to the instructor.
“Have you tried Tai Chi before?” she repeated.
I shook my head no.
“No problem.” She gave the basic introduction to Tai Chi, talking about movement in relation to Qi and restoring balance to your being. It sounded like the typical garbage my mother spewed after getting her aura realigned. It was difficult for me not to roll my eyes.
“When something comes at us hard, our natural instinct is to fight back, to match hard with hard.” She stopped, her gaze on Carter. “But what happens when we do that?”
Carter jerked his gaze away from me and turned to the instructor. He moved his lips but no sound came out.
“You get hurt,” someone next to him said.
I frowned at the big, burly patient. He seemed rather chatty with Jayden. Why did he have trouble speaking now?
“That’s right.” Rose grinned as Carter ran his hand over his face. “When hard meets hard, both sides end up hurt. What Tai Chi teaches is how to become soft and move with the momentum of the attack. This ‘hard versus soft’, or yin versus yang, creates balance, both within ourselves and within life.” Rose turned back to me. “Understand?”
Not really. Hard, soft, yin, yang…who cared? I was tired of the lecture however, so I just nodded.
“Good. Jayden, why don’t you keep your eye on Lucy and help her out if she’s in trouble?”
Jayden winked at me. “It will be my pleasure.”
Warmth spread through my veins, pumping into every crevice. I felt my cheeks heat and quickly turned away.
Rose started a small radio. Soon soothing oriental music filled the air. She took us through some poses she called ‘Awakening Qi’ and ‘Open Heart, Embrace Nature’. I could follow easy enough. The moves didn’t seem too difficult.
“You’re too tense,” Jayden murmured under his breath. “Relax.”
“I am relaxed,” I murmured back. As relaxed as one can be while pretending to be a fountain.
“No, you aren’t. Feel the music and the moves, let yourself go.”
I pressed my lips together in frustration. That was what I was doing, didn’t he see that? God, he was worse than my mother.
The instructor moved us into a few more advanced forms, and my legs shook as I tried to maintain balance.
“Just relax. Breathe deep,” Jayden whispered.
I stopped moving and straightened. I got enough criticism from my mother. I didn’t need any more from Jayden. This whole ‘finding balance’ nonsense was getting me nowhere.
“Try it again,” Jayden whispered next to me. “You can do it.”
I scanned the room at the other students, trying to see if I was the only one struggling with these moves. What I saw blew me away.
Gone were the ticks, the insecurities, and the tension I had seen at Rec Therapy. The class moved as one, all of them performing the moves with precise, fluid motions that made me feel like a gorilla.
Perhaps my mother was right. Perhaps I really was a failure and disappointment. I couldn’t even manage a few simple movements that seemed second nature to everyone else. Even Mr. Big and Burly, with his animalistic tendencies, seemed to be a natural.
Jayden moved with the group, his arms and legs shifting with agonizing slowness. The man was flexible and balanced in a way I could never be. It looked damn hot. It also made me feel inadequate and clumsy.
“It’s all about controlling the body and mind,” he said when he caught me looking at him. “Just relax and let the movements lead you.”
Easy enough for him to say. He was probably doing this for years. This was my first session. I sighed and tried to mimic the motions.
While straining my arms above my head, I marveled at the others taking the class. None of them seemed unsure of their movements or at odds with themselves. What struck me the most was how engrosse
d everyone was with the poses—especially Carter.
While most of the patients moved into the correct positions, Carter seemed to take things one step further. His entire body was relaxed and flowed from one position to another. It seemed as if part of him wasn’t even present in the room, but lost in the movements of the forms. It was beautiful. I had no idea that someone that big and menacing could move with such gentleness.
By the time Rose took us into ‘Settling’, I felt completely out of place.
“How do we feel?” Rose asked when we finished.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about this. It obviously worked for some of the patients—Carter in particular—but I wasn’t sure it was for me.
“Wonderful,” Carter said. He seemed surprised that he had spoken aloud.
Rose beamed at him. “I’m glad you liked it, Carter. You’re definitely improving.” She turned away and began to collect her things.
Carter looked as if he was going to say something more, but instead turned and quickly left the room.
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked Jayden.
Jayden glanced at Carter’s retreating form. “Ah, that’s normal. I wouldn’t worry about it.”
“What do you mean?”
Jayden wrapped his arm around my shoulders and steered me toward the exit.
“He has difficulty talking to girls—especially pretty ones,” he whispered. “Instead he stares at them like some wild animal. I’m trying to break him of that habit, but it’s been a difficult road.” He tapped his temple. “The voices in his head compel him to stare at people.”
Well, that explained a lot. It didn’t take away the creepy feeling, but at least I understood it. “Is that all he does—stare?”
“He’s harmless, most of the time. We all are.” He winked at me. “Come on, I’ll get you some ice cream before bed.”
I didn’t really want ice cream, but I wasn’t quite ready to leave his side just yet. I let him lead me, fully aware at how he kept me close. It felt good to be next to him. There was something about his possessiveness that made me feel safe.
“There you are,” Flynn said as we stepped out into the hall. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”