Remember they're just everyday people like you. This is no big deal.
"Come on in. Josh is mastering the grill, and Shiloh and Allen are having cocktails on the back porch." Nick stepped back so they could walk inside. Nick closed the door and motioned for them to follow him. "What's your poison? We have beer, and Shiloh's made his famous strawberry daiquiris."
"I'll take a Coke if you have it," Jack answered.
Elijah was relieved that Jack wasn't going to drink. Not that he expected him to give up drinking forever, but it would be nice not be the only non-drinker there. He gave Jack a happy smile and chuckled when Jack winked at him.
If Nick thought this was unusual, he didn't show it. "How about you, Elijah? We also have Dr. Pepper, Hawaiian Punch, sweet tea, or bottled water if you prefer."
"I'll take some Hawaiian Punch, thanks."
"Ahh… Shiloh's going to love you. It's his favorite drink. That's why we keep it stocked when we know he's going to come over."
They followed him through the homey living room and out the back door. "I'll fix your drinks and bring them out to you shortly."
"Is there anything we can do to help you?" Jack asked.
Nick grinned and shook his head. "Nah, we've got it under control. Go on out and see everyone. They're excited that you came and brought your new friend."
Elijah couldn't stop the grin that tilted his lips. Maybe making friends with them wouldn't be so bad after all. Some of his nervousness fled, and he relaxed a little as he and Jack walked hand-in-hand out of the house. On the nice-sized back porch, two men sat on some brightly colored, comfortable-looking lawn chairs and were surrounded by a large, sturdy table heaped with plates and covered dishes.
The prettiest man Elijah had ever seen looked up, and a huge smile formed on his face. His almost black hair was pulled back in a small ponytail and some strands fell across his jaw. He wore an aqua pullover and khaki cargo shorts. He squealed, jumped up, and ran over to them. He had on leather thong sandals that accentuated his rainbow toenails.
He was colorful and flamboyantly sweet, and Elijah immediately liked him.
"Jackson! Oh honey, I'm sooo thrilled you and your friend decided to come!" The man's sunny smile and pleased tone relaxed Elijah even more.
"We're glad to be here, Shiloh. This gorgeous man beside me is Elijah," Jack said with laughter in his voice. Apparently Shiloh charmed everyone he was around.
On the opposite side of Jack, Shiloh gave Jack a one-armed hug, and then his striking golden gaze met his. "Elijah, we are thrilled to finally meet you! Jackson has sung your praises for weeks now, and we finally get to meet the face behind the name," Shiloh enthused. He stepped away from Jack and offered a slim, delicate hand. "The sexy man sitting over there is my beautiful husband, Allen. Isn't he a dish?"
Jack has talked about me?
Normally, Elijah would be worried about what was said about him. But somehow, hearing that Jack had talked about him to his friends made him feel important—needed.
Elijah glanced over to the dark-haired man sitting at the table, feeling tickled way down in his stomach. "Nice to meet you, Shiloh." He let go of Jack's hand and shook Shiloh's. He leaned toward the lovely man and whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. "You're right; your husband is quite dishy…not as much as Jack is, but a dish nonetheless."
Shiloh's golden eyes widened, and a pleased look formed on his face. "Jackson, you must keep him. I see he has exceptional taste in men."
Elijah's heart lightened when he saw the proud gleam blazing through Jack's sparkling green eyes.
"Come on and let's sit a spell." Shiloh linked his arm through Elijah's and led him to the table and chairs. He soon found himself sitting with Jack on one side and Shiloh on the other.
Elijah immediately reached for Jack's hand and they entwined their fingers. Jack scooted his chair closer to him, and the feeling of love and friendship washed over him. He leaned toward Jack and listened and responded to Shiloh's excited chatter. Elijah laughed at the teasing banter Shiloh and Allen had between them, and he started to quickly enjoy himself.
"Here are your drinks." Nick handed them out. Elijah thanked him and took a quick sip of the ice cold, fruity drink.
"No cocktails tonight, guys?" Shiloh asked, taking a big sip from his frozen strawberry daiquiri.
"Not tonight."
"I don't drink."
They answered at the same time. Both Shiloh and Allen looked at them and then at each other.
"I'm a recovering alcoholic." The words fell quietly from Elijah's mouth of their own accord. He leaned toward Jack, relishing his support and strength.
Allen nodded. "How long have you been in recovery?"
"Two years."
Shiloh patted Elijah's hand that rested on the table. "That's amazing, Elijah. You must be very proud of yourself."
He nodded.
"Does it bother you that we're drinking? If it does, we can easily stop." Shiloh offered with a sweet smile on his pretty face.
Elijah was humbled by Shiloh's kind words, but honestly people drinking around him didn't bother him as much as it used to. He would never ask someone not to drink just because he couldn't—wouldn't—anymore.
"No, please. It's not a problem. I'll just relax with my Hawaiian Punch and enjoy it."
"If you're sure?"
"Very."
Nick sat down on the other side of Jack and set his drink in front of him. "The barbeque king should be here any minute," he stated in a teasing voice.
"You don't grill on the porch?" Elijah asked.
Nick shook his head. "No, he grills away from the house. That way it's not such a fire hazard."
Elijah nodded. He never thought of it like that. It was a smart move on their part.
"Allen's parents do that too, but they do it probably because Dad can burn a good piece of meat better than anyone I know." Shiloh snickered.
Allen nodded and laughed. "That's for sure. The first time I took Shiloh to meet them, he burned the meat so bad we had to have pizza instead."
They all laughed, easily picturing the results of the blackened food.
"Supper is on the table," a voice behind them sang in an off-key fashion.
Elijah turned around and watched a cute man in his early thirties carry a big platter of barbequed chicken and steaks to the table.
The man looked at him, and an easy grin fell across his face. "Hi, you must be Elijah. I'm Josh." He reached over to shake his hand.
"Nice to meet you. Thanks for letting me come." Elijah shook his hand and returned his smile.
"Are you kidding me? No thanks needed. We've been looking forward to meeting you."
Elijah's face flushed with the pleasure of being welcomed within the tight group of friends.
Josh sat down next to Nick, and soon they were all filling their plates with delicious-looking food. Elijah ate and listened to Josh and Nick talk about the daycare center they owned. He was impressed when they told the group that they were thinking about expanding it into a community center.
"I'm glad you're finally going to do it." Shiloh said, wiping the side of his mouth with a paper napkin.
"It's definitely overdue. We need to have a fun and safe place where all the members of the community can meet," Nick said. He took a healthy swig of his iced tea before continuing. "We're hoping to get some counselors on board and hopefully schedule some therapeutic meetings like AA and groups specializing in other important issues."
"That's awesome." Jack agreed. "I know the recovering from a loss of a spouse group I used to attend did me a world of good."
Initially, Elijah was shocked to hear Jack's words but knowing Jack as he did, he wasn't surprised that his friend was strong enough to ask for help with the loss of his partner when he needed it. Elijah's respect for Jack rose even further, knowing he was willing to put himself out there like he did.
Elijah knew from experience that going to group therapy could be taxing but usually worth
it in the end. Hell, attending therapy still had its difficult days, but Elijah didn't know what he would do without it.
"We also want to open up a Gay-Straight Alliance here. We think it's especially important for other people in our community to have a safe haven to go to. Also, with both gay and straight kids being bullied, we think it would be beneficial to our community to have a committee to fight for the safety of those children," Josh said.
"Is Daniel still being picked on by that kid?" Jack asked, and then he took a bite of his baked beans.
Josh shook his head. "Not since last year. Daniel says the kid avoids him like he'll catch gay and barely makes eye contact with him."
"What happened?" Elijah asked.
"A couple of weeks before school was out for summer break a year ago, this kid started calling Daniel derogatory names. He said some terrible things about Nick and me and our family. When Daniel went to defend himself, he hit him with some chalkboard erasers." Josh paused, grabbing Nick's hand. "Luckily, before things got out of hand, their teacher intervened. The kid was suspended, and since then he's left Daniel alone."
"And Daniel is lucky because most kids don't stop bullying once it started." Nick shook his head sadly. "We think we should do what we can as a community to support these kids."
"I think that's a great idea." Shiloh pushed his empty plate away. "Count us in if you need any help organizing fundraisers or whatnot."
Jack looked at Elijah with a questioning spark in his green eyes. Elijah wasn't sure what an ex-porn star could do to help, but seeing the importance of making the community a safe place to live for everyone overrode his self-doubts. He looked at Jack and nodded. He wanted to do what he could to help too, even if he had to work through some of his own issues to do it.
"We'll help too," Jack said, giving Elijah's hand a reassuring squeeze.
Josh and Nick smiled gratefully. "It's going to take some time, but maybe with some hard work and determination, we'll be able to make this dream into a reality," Josh stated with pride in his voice. He slid his arm around Nick and pulled him closer.
Elijah listened as the men talked and made plans for building a community center. As his gaze wandered over the two couples chatting and talking about their future, he was in awe of the strong, loving relationship each couple obviously had. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Jack looking at him. He met Jack's warm gaze, and he couldn't help but hope that one day, they would have an undeniable love to link them together forever.
Chapter Ten
Jackson just wanted to be alone. Shep was outside with plenty of food and water, and Jack had made sure the front door was locked, the curtains drawn together to keep out the sunlight, and he was closed off in his bedroom while he laid in his bed, listening to sad love songs so he could wallow in his misery.
Today was Ben's birthday, and up until this morning, it had totally slipped his mind. Never in all of the years they had been together did Jackson ever forget his birthday. Ben was the one that forgot birthdays and special occasions, not Jackson. He couldn't understand how something as important as today's date could have so easily slipped his mind. He knew he was supposed to get on with his life, and he was, but he never thought he would begin the day as if it were any other day in his life.
He'd been surprised and ashamed when his mother called this morning and asked if he was doing okay. Since Ben's death, she knew from experience how Jackson usually grieved when Ben's special day rolled around. She mentioned it to him just as he was getting ready for work, and Jackson was immediately guilt ridden because he had forgotten.
As soon as Jackson got off the phone with his mother, he immediately shut down. He was in such a funk, he barely remembered calling Lena and canceling his appointments for the day. Now hours later, he was all cried out and hiccupping from past tears. A ball of regret and grief settled in Jackson's heart, and it hurt just as much as it did when Ben first passed away. All morning long, the guilt of living a life without Ben plagued his weary mind. For the past few weeks he had allowed himself to care about and maybe even fall in love with Elijah, he had started to live again and not just exist, as he had since Ben's death. The guilt of living again made him want to cry even more.
It was so unfair. Ben was in the prime of his life and they were just starting to enjoy the benefits of hard work and making sacrifices to get ahead. They had just paid the house off, remodeled it like they wanted and were starting to take more vacations and stolen weekends together while they made plans for their future.
Now Ben was gone, and for years Jackson did what he could to survive, to continue to breathe each day without him. Ever since he met Eli, that had changed. Jackson looked forward to being with the younger man; so much so, he forgot Ben's fucking birthday.
He stifled a sob as he remembered the last morning they were together. Ben was in a hurry to get to work on time, as usual. Jackson was given a quick kiss and a half-hearted hug before Ben was running out the door—and soon afterward, out of Jackson's life. He wished for the millionth time that he'd made Ben slow down, just long enough for those precious minutes to pass on by, so Ben and that kid had never crossed paths in that fateful intersection. If Jackson had done that, Ben would still be here with him and they would be celebrating his special day together. They'd have friends and family over, have a few celebratory drinks, and make love until they both collapsed from exhaustion.
Jackson's brow crinkled when he visualized Eli somewhere in the mix of it all. He knew that Ben would like the sweet man, and Jackson would've still become friends with Eli with or without Ben in his life. But he wondered how his attraction to Eli would have panned out.
Even though he and Eli were becoming more affectionate with each other, they'd still never kissed. For the past few nights, Jackson had fallen asleep with the vision of both of them kissing and making love deep into the night. Would he still have these fantasies if Ben was still alive? Jackson honestly wasn't sure, but those thoughts made him feel like a low-life cheater, and he was guilt ridden over his feelings for Eli.
Jackson allowed more tears to fall down his face. He rolled over onto his side and wrapped his arms around himself, curled into a lonely ball of misery.
"Jack?"
It sounded like Eli's voice, but it couldn't be since he had locked all of the doors, and there was no other way to get into the house. Jackson's temples started to ache from crying, and he knew he should get his sorry ass up and take some aspirin for the massive headache sure to come. He just didn't have the gumption to do so. Besides, Jackson deserved to feel a little pain after what he forgot today.
"Jack? Where are you?"
He closed his eyes and tried to blot out Eli's voice. He didn't know why his mind decided to play tricks on him, and he was determined to not think about Eli for the rest of the day. Today was Ben's day and the least he could do was just think about his dead lover.
The door eased open and through blurry eyes, he could see Eli's lean form shadowed in the doorway. "Oh my God, Jack… are you all right?" Before Jackson could wrap his mind around the fact that Eli had somehow gotten into his house, his friend was sitting beside him on the bed. Eli reached down and gently pushed his hair away from his tear-streaked face.
"Jack… what happened? Are you sick? Is it your mother?" Eli quietly asked as he ran his fingers through Jack's sweaty hair.
Jackson shook his head and stifled a sob. He hated looking weak in front of anyone and especially this man. Shit, Jackson was supposed to be the nurturer, the person that people came to when they had problems, not the other way around.
Eli made a soft, consoling noise and stood up. He walked into the adjoining bathroom, and Jackson heard him rustling around the medicine cabinet. He closed his eyes and resolutely told himself to chill the fuck out. Jackson needed to show Eli that he was doing all right so his concerned friend would leave.
Eli walked toward him holding a small glass of water in one hand and with his hand fisted, probably holding pills
. "Here, Jack," he whispered, handing him two small pills and gently lifting his head, bringing the glass of water to his lips. "Take these. I know when I'm upset like this, I always get a headache."
Jackson tossed the pills into his mouth and leaned forward to drink the cold water. It felt good and crisp against his scratchy throat. He greedily gulped it down and murmured his thanks in a croaky voice.
"I'll be right back with some more water."
Before Jackson could protest and tell Eli he didn't need anything, his friend laid Jackson's head gently back on the pillow and walked out of the room. Despite telling himself to stop being a big crybaby in front of Eli, tears continued to slide down Jackson's face, and he tucked himself back into a tight ball.
He closed his eyes and deliberately pushed Eli's thoughtful gestures aside. Jackson needed to concentrate on Ben, not Eli. He wanted to think of nothing but Ben and how much he missed him, not the loving, considerate man that had invaded Jackson's privacy and his guilt-ridden heart.
The soft footsteps of Eli re-entering the room did nothing to soothe his grief. Behind him, the mattress was pressed down and Jackson was wrapped in the comforting warmth of Eli cuddling up behind him. Eli slid his hand around Jackson's middle. He found himself unconscientiously grabbing his friend's hand. He pulled him closer until they were firmly lying against one another.
"How did you get in here? I locked all the doors." God, his voice sounded like shit.
"You showed me where you keep your spare key, remember?"
Damn, he forgot about that.
"What happened, Jack?" Eli's voice was low and soothing, his breath hot and moist against the back of his neck.
Jackson shook his head. Eli gave a sigh and just held him for a few moments. As much as Jackson didn't want to, he took in the support and peacefulness of being in Elijah's arms.
"Please, Jack. Don't push me away. You've been such a good friend to me and listened to me when I needed it most. Lean on me, Jack… let me show you that I can be there for you too."
Elijah's softly spoken words made his determination to block him out start to slowly fade away. He took a shuddering breath and before he knew it, he began to talk. Jackson talked about his relationship with Ben and how much he missed him. He told Eli about his guilt over forgetting Ben's birthday, and how in the past few weeks he didn't dwell on his lover's death like he once did. Jackson talked about the good and bad times they had together, and how in the end, they always seemed to work it out when things got tough.
Angel's Redemption Page 8