by RJ Heaton
I agree—even though I’m enjoying his company—I need some time to think about this whole new revelation.
Ethan, like a gentleman pushes me up to my sister’s front door. That awkward moment … what do I do next, hits me. I look around nervously. I don’t think that I am ready to explain to anyone who Ethan is … not yet.
“Are you okay here?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Well …” he leans down and gives me a quick peck on my cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow beautiful.” His words are so full of promise. The door flies open before I am able to reply to him. Joe stands there with the door wide open.
Ethan’s face shifts from easy-go to tense in a nanosecond. The whole atmosphere just plummeted. I look between Joe and Ethan, both of them fiercely eyeing one another.
Needing to calm the fire building in front of me, I shakily say, “Ethan, this is my sister’s husband—Joe.” I see Ethan’s face visibly relax a little and Joe reaches out and shakes his hand.
“Thanks man for bringing her home. My wife has been freaking out.”
“It was my pleasure.” Ethan gives me a quirky glance, and I notice Joe’s eyebrows lift in amusement. Not ready for Joe to start in with his jokes, I try to hint subtly to Ethan that he needs to go.
“Yeah, thanks for the ride. I’m sure you have loads of better things to be doing, and I better let my sister know that she doesn’t have to call the Calvary.” I don’t want to come across as pushy, but for selfish reasons I don’t think I am ready to be judged by my family.
“Umm … yeah,” Ethan runs his hands through the top of his hair tousling it more. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around the hospital.” He winks and takes off towards his minivan.
Joe shuts the door and starts pushing me into the living room. “Going after the youngin’s now?”
“No!” I snap. “He works at the hospital and saw me waiting and offered to give me a ride.”
“How convenient.”
“Oh shut up.” I roll my eyes.
“You know sis … you always have been a super crappy liar.”
Eighteen
“Where the hell have you been?” Heather asks, frantically pacing in the kitchen. “I’m sorry, Nikki.” She sighs, “I got caught up with work. I called Carrie thinking she would be the one picking you up, but when she said she was in Salt Lake, I panicked. How did you get home? Did Ben or Lexie come get you?”
I see Joe smile, and I am extremely grateful that he doesn’t smart off with some inappropriate joke. “A therapist offered to give me a ride.” I glare in Joe’s direction.
“Well, that was thoughtful.”
“Yes, it was,” Joe agrees.
This is going to be difficult, especially if anything does happen to grow between Ethan and me.
Heather thankfully has calmed, knowing I’m safe. “Are you hungry?”
I am always done with therapy around eleven, but after hanging out with Ethan in the park, it’s already two o’clock. I haven’t eaten anything for lunch, “I’m famished.” I watch Heather put a salad together while I fade in and out of daydreams about Ethan and his incredible kissing.
“… so what do you think?”
“Huh?”
“Haven’t you been listening to me?”
“I … uh,” I stutter.
“I said, let’s go look at the computers that Lexie was telling us about. Her graduation is this weekend, and you said you wanted to get her a new laptop for a graduation present.”
“Oh yeah, that would be great. Are you sure you don’t mind running along with me?”
“It’s not a problem at all, and I kind of owe you one for ditching you today.” She has no clue that her ditching me today lead to something rather pleasant. “… and I want to get her something too. I’m so proud of Lexie—especially after that horrible incident during her sophomore year.”
My sister is right. We all had thought Lexie would never be able to pull herself out of her depression after her best friend killed herself. That was so hard on her. It was an awful time for everyone … but she did it. It took a good year, but Lexie pulled herself out of the ashes, and now she has blossomed into a beautiful young woman.
***
Ethan has me on cloud nine. The memories of his words, “you’re so beautiful,” keep echoing in my mind. Even shopping with the worst shopper in history, my sister, has been pleasant. He has somehow swooped in and magically erased some of my pain. The pain that has been increasing in size a little every day, at least for right now—I’m happy.
Heather helps me finish up the last bit of wrapping when I hear Joe arguing with a male voice at the front door. My insides cringe. I know that voice.
Nineteen
I wheel myself out of the kitchen and see Sean standing at the door. His pleading eyes bore into me, “Can we talk?”
I want to scream no. No, we can’t talk, but all of the memories we’ve made together flash into my mind. How do I say no when for so long he was my rock—my shelter? I nod and turn the chair around wheeling back to the dining room table. Lexie’s presents are wrapped pretty with glimmering bows and placed in the middle of the table.
“Are those for our daughter?” His words bring a chill to my core. Yes, our daughter … the one we created together. “Yes.”
“Can you believe she’s graduating already? I mean holy cow … how did the time fly by so fast?”
“I don’t know,” I reply, just thinking that exact same thing. “What do you want Sean?”
He pulls out a chair diagonally from me and takes a seat. He looks so mustered. “Nikki, I just … crap, I … I, don’t know what to say. This whole thing,” he moves his arms around wildly trying to indicate this thing between him and me. “I screwed up.”
“You think?”
Sean reaches over the table corner and places his hands over mine. I hate that they feel comforting … well maybe more familiar than comforting. Still, I should hate his hands on me. He’s been using them to fondle another woman.
“Nik, I miss you.” Softly he makes small circles on the top of my hand. The feeling almost make me feel nauseous.
“Who the fuck do you want me to be, Sean? Your wife, the mother of your kids, your lover or perhaps just the other woman?”
“Baby, no. I want you—just you. I was weak, but I miss us. I miss everything we have shared, every kiss, every hug—us.”
“Is she still living in my house?”
“Well, yes.”
“And does she know you’re here pouring your feelings out to me?”
“No.”
“Sean you can’t be honest with anyone, not even yourself.” I take a good long look at the man I loved for so long. He’s a stranger now. I don’t even recognize him, or maybe for once I’m not blind.
“I’m not lying to you now. This is the truth—I love you. I miss you, and I want my wife home.”
I’m pretty sure tiny brain gremlins are playing tug-a-war with my last emotion cord. I can picture them; green and fuzzy … tug—tug. That kiss from Ethan which left me weightless, and now my husband confessing that he wants me back. If those gremlins don’t stop pulling, I’m afraid that string is going to break. “Sean, I can’t do this.” I try to wheel back as fast as my arm will push, but he stands and stops my chair.
“I’m not going to give up! You’re my wife. You belong to me.”
I have forgotten how demanding and controlling he can be. When we lived together, I got used to it. I just made sure I knew what he liked and didn’t like. I made a habit of making sure he had everything he did like. It was easier than an argument. Even if it wasn’t my favorite, I always gave in.
“Sean, you’re wrong. I’m not yours anymore. You replaced me. Now go back to your little bimbo.”
I am proud of myself for standing up to him and not giving in. The space we have had away from each other has given me the strength to put my foot down. He doesn’t get to control me any longer. I smile to myself wh
ile I head to my room. The smile quickly fades though as it hits me that the man I love was asking for me to come home—the place I would love to run to. Tears soak my pillow. I hate that I am still crying over him. I wish that I had Ethan’s number. I would call him. I need the comfort of his voice. That makes me cry harder. I still don’t know if I can allow myself to date him.
A light knock comes from my door. “Nikki, are you ok honey?”
I don’t look up, but I feel the bed shift when my sister sits next to me. “No. Why did he have to come here?”
“If it’s any consolation I am really proud of you for standing up to him. Joe and I have always thought he was bad news. That jerk has pushed you around long enough. It’s time for you to do what Nikki needs to do, and Joe and I are right behind you honey.”
I hug onto my sister, sobbing all over her shoulder. I’m sure I look pathetic, but I let it all come out … letting my emotions run rampant.
Sleep doesn’t come until the early morning hours. I feel zapped when my alarm goes off at seven. The idea of calling to say I won’t be there for therapy sounds ideal, but I’ve been thinking about Ethan nonstop. I really want to see him. He’s not only therapy for my physical needs, but he also seems to be helping me heal within. I hate to admit it, but I need him.
Exhausted, I push myself out of bed. I want to try to look good for my much younger man, and today it might take longer to hide the bags under my eyes.
***
. It’s Ethan waiting for me today, and I can tell by the way he is looking at me he’s worried. “Are you okay?”
“I’m just really tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“You could have called and canceled.”
I shake my head no, “I wanted to see you.” In the back of my mind I know I should have just stayed in bed and rested until I had to see Jim Schapp today. The need to see Ethan won out. His smile confirms it for me.
“Get dressed we’re getting out of here.”
“I umm, have to meet the lawyer after this.”
He looks at me speculatively and then nods, “no problem I can drop you off. I just don’t want to make you work, when you look so exhausted. We’ll get some coffee.” The idea of coffee definitely sounds better than a workout. “I’d help you get dressed, but they might frown on me in the women’s bathroom.” Ethan jokes.
“Once my swimsuit was off, I’m not sure I would want to get anything back on if you were helping me.” I wink and watch as Ethan swallows hard, his Adams apple bobbing. Impressed, I still have the ability to flirt and pleased that I can have an effect on him too.
Twenty
Coffee and donuts. Ethan is going straight for my heart. Not too long ago I had to bend to get a good view of the donuts in the case. Being in a wheelchair I have the perfect view.
“What are you going to get?” Ethan asks playfully.
“Hmm… there are too many to choose from.” My eyes trail over the mass selection of heavenly pastries.
“We could get them all and go back to my place and eat ourselves into a sugar coma.” I laugh at his suggestion, even though inside I’m humming—sounds like pure bliss.
“I’ll take a maple bar and a Grande caramel mocha, please.”
“Coming right up!” His easy going spirit makes me beam.
We find a table and he removes one of the chairs so that I don’t have to transfer to a seat. A table behind us is filled with attractive women, and it doesn’t go unnoticed how they are staring at Ethan. I take my place with my back to them. It doesn’t block them out. I can hear their giggles and vocal compliments in his direction. I can’t blame them. He is extremely sexy. I would be showing my appreciation too. “That is so sweet of him to take his mom for coffee and donuts.” I hear one of them say. I cringe inwardly. “You should slip him your number,” says another voice. I try to pretend I am not listening, but I look up and see Ethan’s face distorted into a grimace. I haven’t seen him ever show an ounce of anger, but I think he might be angry. He stands abruptly and comes over to me and plants a deep heavy kiss to my lips. I’m left breathless, and the girls are rendered speechless.
“How did you know that Dawn of the Donuts is one of my favorite places?” What I really want to ask is how he really feels about our age gap, but I don’t.
“I didn’t. It’s one of my favorites.”
“Well, at least that’s one thing I know about you now.”
He smirks, “What else would you like to know?”
“Everything.”
“I’m sure we can arrange that.” My cheeks heat up. My mind always seems to be wandering to a very physical place whenever Ethan is around.
“Why do you have to see an Attorney, today?” I don’t think he realizes how personal of a question he just raised.
“I … uhh, have to talk to him about the car accident.” Ethan nods, the comprehension flashing in his eyes. I want to tell him more, but that takes me to such a dark part of me, and I don’t know if I want to open up about Sean yet or not. “It’s mostly formalities about that night. They are trying to get the insurance to pay for some of my therapy.” I try to say enough that he doesn’t feel like I’m blocking him out.
“The insurance company should pay.” He agrees.
“The hard part is finding out who was at fault. My friend had a lot to drink that night, and he probably shouldn’t have gotten behind the wheel.”
“Nikki!” he says my name loudly startling me. “What on earth would make you get into a vehicle with a drunk driver?” I feel his eyes boring in on me. Heaven knows he’s right. He has every right to question my state of mind, but he doesn’t know that I had to leave.
I take a long drink of my coffee looking over the rim of it, wondering how much I should say. I set my coffee down. Ethan is still staring me down waiting for an explanation. “I had to leave.” Ethan sits back in his chair crossing his arms over his chest. He looks planted down. He’s going nowhere until I explain. His blue shirt brings out his eyes making them more accusing. I sigh heavily. “I caught my husband in a room with another woman.”
“What?” Ethan sits straight up in his chair. “You caught your husband cheating?”
I nod, indicating yes. I am mortified. It’s one thing to hear or find out you’ve been cheated on, but to actually walk in on the two of them it’s—horrific. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, but I am. Ethan’s stance changes from relaxed to rigid. I can see the tick in his jaw as he processes what I just told him. “What a fucking whacker.”
I shrug my shoulders, “What can you do?” I say.
“You left in a panic, and then got into an accident?”
“Yes,” I answer knowing now that he is picking up on my stupid, tragic story.
“Shit Nikki, I’m so sorry.”
“Me too.” I look down at my watch and realize we need to get moving, or I’m going to be late. “Can you take me back to the hospital? My sister is supposed to pick me up from there.”
“Sure, no problem.” I’m grateful he doesn’t offer to take me to the attorney’s office. I still don’t know what we are, and I don’t need another stressor trying to explain to my sister who he is.
***
Heather and I sit patiently waiting for Jim Schapp. The receptionist has her hair pulled back into the same chignon, but today she is wearing a red maxi dress, with a pair of brown knee-high boots. I’m still weighing if her smile is genuine. It could be the wage she probably gets paid in this posh office that keeps her smiling. “Mr. Schapp should be with you shortly,” she tells us.
I’m not as edgy as I was the last time I was in here. The last time was torturous.
Reliving that night, in front of my sister … I’m just glad that I’m done with the interrogation. The rest should be a piece of cake.
I hum to myself while we wait. “Are you humming?”
“Huh?”
“You were just humming.” Heather smirks, “Okay, what is going on with you?”
I laugh, “nothing.” I lie. Ethan has me caught in an updraft. I can’t hide my undertones of happiness. Memories of the softness of his lips against mine, and the way he makes me feel when I’m with him, flood my mind.
“Ladies.” Jim stands in the doorway to his office, interrupting my revelries. He looks all business in his gray slacks and matching suit jacket. I can’t put my finger on it, but he doesn’t seem to be eluding the warm personality that he did the other day. He slides the chair away for me to scoot in front of his desk. I can’t help but wonder what questions he might have for me today. “Nice to see you again,” he says while he takes his seat.
“Before we begin,” I catch his attention. “Are you going to be handling my divorce as well?”
Hem… hem, he clears his throat. “Typically, I only do personal injury cases, but maybe we can arrange your divorce too, but I have some questions first.” I definitely hear something in his undertones. I wonder what that’s all about.
“How about we get started with some basics, shall we?” I nod in agreement.
“First off, what is your full name?”
That’s an easy enough one, “Nicole Hazel Cooper.” I glance at my sister. It has always been an on-going joke about the middle names that our mother chose for us. At least I didn’t end up as Heather Doris.
“Is that your married name?”
“Yes, my maiden name was Larsen,” I add.
“Your birth date?”
“November 8th, 1976”
I see him jot all the answers down in his notebook. “Okay, I don’t know how to put this, but …” his eyes meet mine, and I realize he’s about to tell me why he has been so off with me today. “I always hire my own team of investigators when I take on a big case like this.” This news doesn’t come as too big of a shock to me. I figure they want to know their chances in court. They have to find out all of the details that they can. His eyes narrow in on me. “Why did you leave with Lance that evening?”