by SJ McCoy
She smiled. “Do you want to swim?”
He pursed his lips. “In the lake?”
She laughed. “Yes. In the lake.”
“I don’t have anything to wear.”
She rolled her eyes. “You can swim in your underwear and go commando afterward.”
He laughed. “Of course I can.” He let his gaze travel over her, and she felt her body respond. “Are you going to swim in your underwear, too?”
She bit her bottom lip, then shook her head. “I brought my swimsuit.” She hurried inside to change into it. If she stayed out here with him looking at her like that, she wouldn’t be responsible for her actions. They’d had great physical chemistry when they were younger, and it didn’t seem to have diminished any over the years. If he’d suggested they spend the rest of the afternoon in bed, she would have found it hard to refuse—even though her mind didn’t want to go there yet, her body wasn’t interested in all the complicated reasons why not. It just wanted him, and it wanted him now.
She took her bag into the bedroom to change into her swimsuit. There were big picture windows in here, too. She looked forward to waking up to that view of the lake—and no, she wasn’t going to allow herself to wonder whether Marcos would be waking up beside her. He shouldn’t. She shouldn’t be doing this. She should make him explain why he left her. Why he moved back to Sicily after college. They hadn’t ever made any real big plans for their lives, but she’d believed they would spend them together. He’d talked that way. She hadn’t had unrealistic expectations; he’d simply changed his mind and left.
When she went back out into the living room, he was standing with his back to her, looking out the windows at the lake. Shivers ran down her spine at the sight of him. Broad shoulders and narrow hips—and a gorgeous ass! She’d always loved his ass. She smiled to herself, remembering how it used to drive him nuts when she bit it.
He turned around and let his gaze run over her. Damn. If he kept doing that, there was no question he’d be waking up in that bed next to her.
He smiled. “You look amazing, Molly.”
“So do you. Are you ready?” She couldn’t hang around here talking about how attractive they still found each other.
“I found towels.” He pointed to two beach towels he’d placed on the back of the sofa.
“Great. Let’s go down there then.”
They went out through patio doors and down the steps that led down to the beach.
“Look!” Moly was thrilled when she spotted a firepit surrounded by Adirondack chairs and a couple of loungers down closer to the water.
Marcos smiled. “It’s set up well. Ben does a great job.”
“It’s great. I love it. Come on.” She kicked off her flip-flops and waded out into the water.
“How cold is it?” asked Marcos.
She laughed. “You’ll have to find out for yourself.” She turned and waded out a little farther, then launched herself in and swam out a little way. It was chilly, but not terrible.
Marcos was making faces as he waded in.
She laughed. “Come on. Don’t be a wuss; it’s not that bad.”
He rolled his eyes at her. “It might not be that bad as far as chilly mountain lakes go, but it’s not exactly the Mediterranean, is it?”
Molly’s laughter died in her throat. She set her feet down to counter the feeling that he’d just knocked them out from under her. No. It wasn’t anything like the balmy blue waters of the Mediterranean. And she wasn’t a wealthy Italian heiress either.
The look on his face told her that he realized his mistake. “I’m sorry, Molly. I didn’t mean anything. I was only trying to make excuses for my cowardice about cold water.”
She shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m going to swim.” She turned away from him and swam out into deeper water. She knew he hadn’t meant anything bad, but he’d touched a nerve, and she needed a few moments to herself to get past it.
She was a strong swimmer. She loved the water; it felt so good, so cool against her body, contrasting with the warm sun beating down on her head.
After a few minutes, Marcos appeared by her side. “I’m sorry.”
She tested to see if she could touch the bottom, but she couldn’t. “It’s fine. Can we forget it?”
He nodded and reached his hands up to push his hair back.
“Are you standing up?” she asked.
He chuckled. “I am. You’re not, are you?”
She shook her head. “Too short.”
“Not short. Fun sized.”
She had to laugh. He used to say that all the time.
“You can hang onto me if you need a rest.” He held her gaze for a moment.
She nodded and swam toward him. She didn’t need to rest her arms and legs from swimming, but she did need to rest her mind from the high alert it was on. They were supposed to be just hanging out as a guy and a girl who liked each other—not taking offense at innocent comments or reading too much into them. When she reached him, she put both hands on one of his shoulders. It was the only way she could think of to hang onto him that wouldn’t be too risky. She wanted to loop her arms around his neck—and wrap her legs around his waist. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. But it would figuratively and literally open her up to something else that had always come naturally between them. She wasn’t ready to go there yet—at least her mind wasn’t, and she wasn’t sure it would be able to keep her body in check.
He turned and landed a kiss on her lips. She kissed him back before it even occurred to her not to.
They both leaned back looking shocked.
“I’m sorry. I …” Marcos looked stunned. “I didn’t mean … I don’t know how to be around you and not do that.”
Molly closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them again. “Neither do I.”
“You don’t mind?”
“One part of my brain is screaming that it’s kind of foolish, but the rest of my brain—the rest of me—just wants more.” Looking into his big brown eyes, she knew it was true. And what was wrong with it? Why not? She placed her hands on both his shoulders, wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him. She kissed him like she’d wanted to for twelve years. It wasn’t as good as she’d imagined it would be—it was a million times better. His arms closed around her, holding her to him as he kissed her back. One hand came up to cup the back of her head as he took control. She’d known he would. He might have changed in many ways, but she wouldn’t want that to change about him. It was part of why she’d loved him. He needed to be the man. He’d let her kiss him, he’d let her lead in the bedroom, but he couldn’t help himself. He kissed her like she was his. He’d made love to her like she was his, and the way his hard body felt against hers right now, she was hoping that it wouldn’t be too long until he did so again.
~ ~ ~
Marcos’ heart was pounding in his chest. This was the moment he’d been waiting for. The moment he’d dreamed about and longed for. She was back in his arms, and he never wanted to let her go again. She kissed him like she meant it, and he hoped his kiss could tell her that he meant it, too. The back of his neck tingled as she sank her fingers into his hair and slid her tongue into his mouth. Her kiss was like her; it was playful—eager—and it told him how much she still cared.
When they finally came up for air, he planted a kiss in the middle of her forehead. “I’ve missed you, Molly.”
She smiled and planted a peck on his lips. “I’ve missed you, too. So much.”
“Do you think—”
She put a finger to his lips. “I don’t want to think too much about any of it right now. I want to do what you said, just be in the moment, right here, today. I don’t want to think about the past.”
He could understand that. “What about the future?”
She held his gaze for a long moment. His heartbeat had started to return to normal after their kiss, but it sped right up again when she s
hook her head. He couldn’t stand to hear if she didn’t think a future might be possible for them.
“I don’t know, Marcos. Of course, I love the idea. But then I loved the idea before, too. It’s going to take me a while before I trust that this could be for real this time.”
“It is for real, Molly. I’m for real.”
She nodded. “I think you believe that, but you believed it then. Things change.”
He held her closer to his chest. “Nothing is going to change my mind about you and me ever again.”
She gave him a sad smile. “I hope not, I really do, but if it’s true, there’s no rush, is there?”
“No. There is no rush. If it’s up to me, we’ll have forever.”
He’d swear that her eyes shone with hope when he said that, but she didn’t reply. Didn’t say it was what she wanted. Even if it was, he knew he was the one who had to put in the work. He was the one who’d ruined both their lives. He’d do whatever it took—for however long it took—until she trusted him again, until she was ready to share her life with him again.
“I know we’re not supposed to be rehashing the past yet, but will you answer me one question?”
“Anything.” If she wanted to talk about it, he was ready. “I’m not trying to hold back or hide from what I did. I was only hoping to see you smile again before we go there.”
She did smile. “And I think it’s the right way to go. If we’re even going to consider the possibility of a future, we need to know if we still like each other first—if we can still have fun together.”
He smiled at her and leaned backward. She looked surprised and clung tighter to his shoulders until he laughed and let himself fall back and sink under the water. She went with him and then let go and splashed away from him.
She was laughing and spluttering when he surfaced. “You goofball, what did you do that for?”
He shrugged and shook the water from his hair. “You wanted to know if we can still have fun together.”
She laughed again and splashed water in his face.
He splashed her back and went after her, making her squeal and swim away. He caught her easily and wrapped his arms around her as she struggled to get away. He planted kisses in the curve of her neck while she struggled. “I’m not letting you go.”
She turned and looked up into his eyes. “I guess we’ll see, won’t we?”
He nodded and hugged her to him. “And don’t worry. It wasn’t a way to avoid your question. What do you want to know?”
She blew out a sigh. “I’m not sure I want to know, but I need to know.”
He waited while she chose her words.
“Did you even want me to go with you?”
“Yes!”
Her eyes widened, but he wasn’t sure if she was shocked by this answer or by the vehemence with which he said it.
“Molly. I begged you to go with me.”
She blew out a sigh. “You said all the right words, but Marcos, if you knew me at all, then you knew that Molly’s was my life. You knew there was no way I could leave it. I’ve never understood why you asked me to. Over the years I kind of convinced myself that you didn’t want me to go, but you had a great excuse, you could make out you wanted me to and even ask me to—because you knew I wouldn’t.”
He shook his head sadly. “I did want you to go. I wanted you to go with me more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. I was such a stupid boy. I couldn’t see it.”
“See what?”
He shook his head sadly. “I couldn’t see that your life was as important to you as mine was to me.”
“But why? And why was the Sicilian part of your life more important than the Napa part? I only have one Molly’s, one place I belong in the world. You have two. I know you told me how important the family business was and keeping the legacy going and all that, but I never understood why it had to be in Sicily. You could have done the exact same thing in Napa, but you chose to leave and to leave me.”
“I didn’t want to leave you, Molly. I thought I was testing your love for me. I was stupidly idealistic. You know my dad gave up his life in Napa to go and be with my mom in Sicily.”
She nodded, looking confused.
“I thought that was a real, true, undying love.”
Molly frowned. “So, you thought I didn’t love you enough because I wouldn’t go?”
He blew out a big sigh. “I did. I was so hung up on all those old traditional ideas, and I mixed them in with a bunch of crazy idealistic notions, and I convinced myself that you didn’t love me the way I needed to be loved.”
She looked horrified. “I didn’t even know that. I honestly believed that you wanted to be done with me and that the easiest way for you to do that was to go back to Sicily.”
“I never wanted to be done with you, Molly. I still don’t. But I believed I had to go back there. I knew Antonio wouldn’t. He might have gone and played at it, but he wouldn’t have wanted to stay and make a life there. I thought I had to continue the family name. I thought I had to take a wife and have a family.”
Molly was shaking her head. “So, your idea of what you were supposed to do was more important to you than I was?”
He nodded. “I’m not saying I’m proud of that, but yes, it’s true.” She looked so sad, it hurt his heart, but he couldn’t help adding, “And if you think about it, what you thought you were supposed to do was more important to you than I was. You wouldn’t leave Molly’s to go with me.”
She nodded. “You’re right. I can’t hold it against you. If I did, I’d be saying the same thing that you thought—that because you wouldn’t give it all up for me, it wasn’t true love.”
“It would.” He tucked his thumb under her chin. “And we know better than that now. It is true love, Molly. It’s survived all this time. It’s never gone away.”
“But you married Caterina.”
He’d known they’d have to talk about it; he knew it must have hurt her. He blew out a sigh. “I did, and that was the second biggest mistake of my life.”
Molly was watching his face. He didn’t know how much he should say—how much she wanted to know.
“Why did you marry her?”
“Because I still believed that I needed to take a wife and have a family and—”
“Yes, but why her?”
He shrugged. “Her father is an acquaintance of my mother’s family. They move in the same social circles, they’re …” He didn’t know the right words.
“She’s from a good family—old money, right?”
He nodded. “I was trying to follow a tradition—I just didn’t realize that it didn’t matter to anyone else.”
She nodded. “Your mom still sends me a Christmas card, you know.”
He chuckled. “I didn’t know, but I’m glad. She always loved you. I can’t say the same about Caterina.”
Molly smiled. “That makes me feel a little better.” Her smile faded. “Can I ask you something a little more personal?”
“Anything you want to know. I’m an open book for you.”
“You never had children. Why not?”
He turned away for a moment, feeling the sharp pain of regret. “I can’t. I wanted to, but it seems I’m not able.”
“I’m sorry.”
In the typical Molly style that he remembered, she did look sorry. She felt bad for him, even though they were discussing what he’d done that had hurt her so badly. “It was hard. It still is, perhaps even harder now.” He raised an eyebrow at her. If she wanted kids, then knowing that he couldn’t father one might end this for them right now.
She hugged him tight for a moment and spoke next to his ear. “Did you ever consider adoption?”
He had to hope that she meant she’d be open to it—or maybe he was just fooling himself. He chose his words carefully. “Not at the time. Part of that whole deal was about continuing the family legacy. I thought I had to father a son.
” He shrugged. “It all seems stupid now that I’ve outgrown it, but it was important to me back then. Now, I’d love to adopt—to give a home and a family to a kid who needs them.”
The way she smiled gave him hope.
“And Caterina didn’t want to adopt?”
Marcos shook his head. “She wasn’t interested; in fact, I think she was relieved that we didn’t have kids. They would have been an inconvenience.”
“Wow! I know I’m biased, but I really don’t like the sound of her.”
He chuckled. “It’s not that you’re biased, you’re just smart.”
“Hey!!!”
They both turned at the sound of someone shouting from the shore. Marcos groaned at the sight of his brother, Antonio. If anyone should have known to leave him and Molly alone, it would be Antonio.
Molly waved at him and shouted. “Hey, yourself, are you coming for a swim?”
Antonio laughed. “No. We were worried about you. You weren’t answering your phone.”
“Well, as you can see, there’s a reason for that.”
Antonio grinned. “I’m very happy to see it. I’ll leave you be.”
“That’s okay.” To Marcos’ disappointment, Molly started making her way to the shore.
She turned back and smiled at him. “I think we’ve done enough for today anyway.”
Chapter Five
“Am I allowed to ask about you and Marcos?”
Molly smiled at Smoke’s wife, Laura. Molly liked her. She’d met her a few times when she’d come to Napa. “I guess that depends on what you want to know.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not being nosey, well, I suppose I am really, but only because I’m hopeful about the two of you. Obviously, I know a little bit about your history—but not too much. Smoke’s a real guy when it comes to that.”
Molly laughed. “You mean he’s not one for gossip?”
Laura gave her a sheepish grin. “I suppose I do, but all I meant was, well, Marcos is family. I know Smoke and Antonio would love to see him happy—love to see him stay now he’s back here.”