by J. K. Rock
I gave a narrow-eyed Hannah a reassuring nod, mouthed “promise,” then followed Rachel. I did feel sorry for Nia and was all-in when Hannah gave the word for us to strike, but after Brooke’s note and her midnight sneak-out, I couldn’t stand being around her. At least Nick and his crew hadn’t arrived yet. I crossed my fingers. Maybe they wouldn’t come at all.
But a few songs later, I didn’t get my Christmas wish. The Warriors’ strode in wearing the tackiest holiday sweaters I’d ever seen and Nick’s was the worst of all. Or the funniest, given the laughs they earned. A Rudolph head with a blinking nose covered most of his chest, the rest of the pullover made out of some kind of woven silver-and-gold thread.
I tried not to meet Nick’s eye as the boys did He-Man poses in their crazy outfits by the tree, making most of the dancers stop and applaud.
“Nick!” shrieked Brooke. “Get over here! I need a picture with you!”
But the guys shrugged off their sweaters to reveal regular T-shirts and joined us instead. Eli twirled Brittany under the soft lights, body glitter making her sparkle like an ornament. Jake jumped in front of Rachel and gyrated his hips to Elvis Presley’s “Blue Christmas.” Meanwhile, Cameron eyed me like I was the last cookie on the platter. Not wanting to dance with him or see Nick and Brooke cuddle on the sleigh, I pushed my way to the eggnog punch.
As I passed an open doorway, a hand snaked around my waist and pulled me outside into the cooler night air.
I whirled. “Cameron, I don’t want to—oh…” I blinked up, surprised. “You.”
“Me,” Nick murmured, his light hazel eyes aglow in the faint moonlight. He twined his hand in mine and led me deeper into the shadows.
Too shocked to protest, I followed. What could he possibly have to say? What more games did he have left?
“Enough, Nick.” I jerked my hand free. “I already said I was sorry and I’m not going to be your little toy any—”
His index finger pressed against my lips, stopping my rant. “You’re not my toy.” He stepped so close that I could breathe in the masculine scent of him, feel his warmth radiating across the finger’s breadth of space between us. “I wanted to tell you that the note was for you. Not Brooke.”
Oh.
He lowered his hand, and I stood there, speechless. Why would he write me? What kind of trap was he laying this time? Whatever it was, I wouldn’t fall for it. And this clamoring heart of mine? It needed to quit jumping whenever Nick came around. Hadn’t it learned its lesson by now?
“So. Nothing to say?” Nick leaned back against the end of a picnic table and crossed his arms.
“What do you want me to say? Thanks for pretending to write to Brooke instead of me?” I finally managed.
Nick’s mouth twitched. “That’d be a start.”
“Well, too bad.” His face jerked back as if I’d slapped it. “I meant what I said. I don’t want you messing with me anymore. You made a fool out of me. Kissing me at Crystal Falls, then joking about it with Josh. I heard you!”
“You think I was making fun of you with Josh?” The disbelief in his voice was almost convincing. He dropped his head in his hands.
“Well, I heard you laughing,” I admitted, doubt unfurling in my chest.
His eyes lifted to meet mine. “And that automatically means I was laughing at you?”
Soft music filtered out of the mess hall, the rotating strobe light turning Nick’s face a flushed red then a sickly green.
“Aren’t you always making fun of me?”
“No. You’re the one who made a joke out of me.” Nick must have gotten something in his eye because he rubbed it hard and looked away. Suddenly I was on the defensive.
“And now you want revenge.”
“Yes. No. When I first got here, I—”
I whirled and stomped toward the door, but his firm hands caught my sides and pulled me against his lithe, muscular torso.
“Please don’t leave me, Kayla,” he whispered in my ear. “I would have told you the note was yours, but I didn’t want to call you out. I know how much you hate being the center of attention.”
My body relaxed, and I leaned my head against his shoulder. He was right. I couldn’t stand it when people noticed me. Well, certain people. Bullies like Brooke made a big drama of everything. But I wasn’t the painfully shy girl Nick had once known either. I didn’t mind attention from my friends. From Nick.
Then I remembered Brooke’s late-night rendezvous and I stiffened again. “What about you? Were you trying to avoid attention last night when you sneaked off with Brooke?”
Nick looked genuinely puzzled as he brushed his dark hair out of his eyes. “I didn’t sneak anywhere with Brooke.”
“Then where were you last night?”
“Asleep in my bunk.” His eyes lowered. “Dreaming of you,” he added, almost to himself.
But I still wasn’t falling for his mind games. He’d made a fool out of me in the kitchen, and I saw how he acted around Brooke. She might be the one who hit on him, but he didn’t run away either. “Scheming is more like it. If the note was for me, then what did it say?”
“That I want to—” And his lips found mine in the dark, his arms pulling me close as he swayed us both to the lilting tune pouring into the soft evening air.
He tipped my head back and buried his fingers in my hair, his mouth brushing my burning cheeks, then nibbling on my sensitive earlobe. Our bodies fit against each other perfectly, our hearts beating so hard I wasn’t sure if it was his or mine I felt. I shivered against him, wishing this were real but knowing it wasn’t.
“Nick, stop.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t mean it.”
“Or maybe you don’t want to believe I’m sincere because then your friends would know about us.” He closed his eyes for a moment, a line appearing between his brows. “After all this time, I’m still not good enough for you.”
“I-I…” Crap. He was only partially right and not for the reasons he thought. I was afraid of getting on the wrong side of Brooke, but that wasn’t all of it. Nick was different now, and I wasn’t sure about him—of this new version of the boy I used to know. I still feared opening up and risking my heart. What if he hurt me? Rejected me? I knew what that felt like after being an afterthought in my father’s life. I couldn’t bear it if I let Nick into my heart and he did that to me, too.
Nick backed away, his eyes accusing. “I thought if I came here, showed you that I could be somebody you’d be proud of, that maybe you’d—” He turned and peered at the restless lake undulating through the tree line. After a moment, he shook his head. “But no. You’re still the same girl who left me for your friends. And even if you did want me around, how would I know it’s not because I’m popular now? A ‘Diva-approved’ guy?”
His words felt like a blow, and I clutched my gut. “How dare you.”
For a breathless minute, we glared at each other. An insect rubbed its wings in the grass beside us. A warning rattle.
“You leave camp for years,” I stormed, “and then waltz in here like you know me.” My eyes rose to the crescent moon. “Like nothing’s changed. Like I’m the same?”
“You sent me away, remember?” Nick’s voice sounded as torn and ragged as my heart. When I looked at him again, his expression was so wounded my hand rose on its own to touch his cheek.
“Kayla!” I jerked away. Hannah.
“Yeah?” I could see her peering out from the lit doorway.
“Rescue!” And with that she turned and disappeared in the crowd without a backward glance. Like she knew I’d follow.
Worst of all, Nick knew it, too.
I wavered between wanting to clear things up with Nick and needing to help my friends. Only this time, it wasn’t about me being accepted by the Divas. It was about helping Nia stand up for herself and find her voice with Brooke. I wanted to be the kind of girl who stood up against bullying, not the kind of girl who caved because it was easier. Besides,
how did I know if this was just another act of Nick’s?
“Look, I’ve got to—”
“Be rescued,” Nick cut in, his words sounding bitter. “Your code words aren’t exactly a mystery.”
My hands twisted. God. Nick was getting every kind of impression of me but the right one. I’d tell him my reason for leaving, but what if he really was with Brooke? No matter how I tried, I couldn’t trust Nick enough.
“This isn’t how it looks,” I said, then turned and raced to the door.
Nick’s final words cut like a dagger thrown in the night.
“From here, things look exactly the same, Kayla.”
“What the hell were you doing out there?” Hannah said when I joined the group near the animated Frosty.
“More like who was she with?” Brittany elbowed my side and grinned.
“No one,” I denied, but Nick’s sudden appearance in the doorway made my friends’ eyes widen and dart between the two of us. His eyes found mine, but their expression was anything but friendly. My insides curdled.
Rachel arched an eyebrow. “If you say so,” she said, skeptical.
“So what’s the plan?” Time to get the attention where it needed to be, as in anywhere but on me.
Hannah’s smile grew Grinchy-wide. We all leaned in. “For starters, we’re getting Nia out of that ridiculous outfit. I went back to the cabin and got this.” She held up a silver shimmer of a tank dress. “And these.” A pair of metallic heels emerged from her bag. “I compared her shoes to mine, and we wear the same size.”
“Can I make her over?” Brittany’s gold metal shimmer lip gloss sparkled under the holiday lights. She looked like a femme bot, not that I hadn’t tried to warn her.
Hannah slung an arm around me. “We know who the fashionista is in our group.”
I glowed. I’d never known I had my own special role in the group. They’d come to me for fashion advice before, but I hadn’t thought they considered me an expert. Up until now I’d always thought of Hannah as the leader, Brittany as the boy magnet and dance routine creator, Rachel as our fearless athletic expert, and me…well, just an extra. A tagalong. The one who’d been lucky enough to be included. Only now I understood that they actually needed me. It felt amazing.
“So what do the rest of us do?” Rachel bounced on the balls of her feet, looking ready to spike a ball over a volleyball net.
Hannah waved off some approaching boys, then turned back to Rachel. “You create a distraction to get Brooke’s attention. Brittany, use that crazy imagination of yours to get Nia into the kitchen. Kayla will make her over while I give her self-esteem a boost. Sound good?” We all put our hands in, then threw them in the air.
“Twizzlers!” shouted Brittany. She giggled. “I just had to say that.”
We broke apart and I glanced over my shoulder before Hannah and I pushed through the swinging kitchen doors. Brittany and Rachel had reached Brooke and Nia at the refreshment table. Nia was passing Brooke a cup of eggnog with a cookie perched across the brim. Only Rachel appeared to “accidentally” knock into Nia, splashing the drink on Brooke’s outfit.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I heard Rachel exclaim as she smeared, rather than wiped up, the cookie-and-cream mess splattered on Brooke.
“Nia! How could you be so clumsy! Come back to the cabin with me to help me change.” Hannah and I heard Brooke’s piercing shriek as the soft music ended and something with a louder, quicker beat started.
We couldn’t make out the rest, but it appeared as though Rachel took Nia’s spot and led Brooke out the door, her face looking extremely apologetic as she talked fast. Nia’s head swiveled from the disappearing Brooke back to a Brittany who jabbered on about something.
“I’ve seen enough. You ready?” Hannah shoved through the doors into the industrial kitchen, the metallic surfaces shining under the fluorescent lights. I blushed when I caught sight of the walk-in refrigerator, remembering my kiss with Nick. So much had happened between us this summer, with both of us feeling our way to each other in the dark. I still didn’t know what to think about what had happened outside the dance, but there’d be time to process later. For now, it was Operation Nia time.
“Some people don’t believe in unicorns,” I heard Brittany say as she and Nia appeared at last. “But seeing is believing. They keep it in a shed right behind the kitchen.”
Nia’s face looked flushed, the part that wasn’t covered by her gray mouse suit. “I really should be getting back to Miss White.”
“And lose the chance to see a unicorn?” Brittany stopped them both, her face frozen in shock. “If you’d give up that opportunity, then you have a serious problem.”
“I-I do?” Nia’s eyes widened in alarm as Hannah strode closer.
“Yes, you do.” Hannah gave her a level look. “Unicorns aren’t real, but they still deserve more respect than that phony Brooke White.” Hannah put a hand on Nia’s shoulder. “And don’t you think you deserve to be treated with respect, too?”
“Um…maybe.”
“Maybe?” Hannah helped Nia step out of the heavy costume.
“I don’t know.” Nia’s head hung. “I love Brooke’s music, and I’m just lucky that she talks to me at all.”
“You call that talking?” Brittany snorted. “Seems more like ordering and yelling.”
“It’s all I heard growing up. I can handle it.” Nia whispered. My heart went out to her. I was used to being overlooked—ignored. But no attention was better than the kind Nia must have had growing up.
“Then it’s time you started your own internal dialogue.”
We all turned and gaped at Emily, a suspicious ring of chocolate around her mouth, a popsicle stick in her hand. Had we caught her during an icebox raid?
“You are what you think.” She pointed the stick at Nia. “You just need to believe.” Emily stepped closer, threw a wrapper in the garbage, and took Nia’s hands. “I’ve seen you running after Brooke. Doing everything she says. Don’t you want anything for yourself?”
“I want people to like me,” Nia whispered.
I flinched. How much alike we were, Nia and I. Yet I’d never gone to such extremes, had I? A picture of Nick came to mind and a sinking feeling took hold. Maybe I had. I might have wanted to save his dreams of being a snowboarder, but what if my reasons hadn’t been as selfless as I’d let myself think? Maybe part of me had been afraid to turn down the Divas. Nick’s shot on the snowboarding team could have been my excuse to be part of the in-crowd. The thought blew my mind.
“You have to like yourself.” Emily turned on the water tap and splashed her face.
“Love yourself,” added Hannah. She gave me a significant look, and I sprang into action, pulling back Nia’s hair and beginning a complicated fishtail braid.
“You’re all that matters.” Brittany checked her teeth in the reflective surface of a knife.
“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” I spoke up. All eyes turned on me—Brittany’s surprised, Hannah’s speculative, and Emily’s approving. “I mean, think about who you are and what you want to be and don’t let anyone tell you that they’re more important or that you don’t count.”
I went back to braiding, my face warm.
“Kayla’s right,” Hannah surprised me by saying. “And I just want to say, here and now, that I’m sorry that I treated Kayla like that.” Hannah looked from an astonished Brittany back to me, her expression pained instead of its usual fierceness. “And everyone else, too. It was wrong, and it came from my own insecurities. I know I haven’t been a good friend in a long time.”
Whoa. Hannah? Insecure? My inner compass tilted, and suddenly my world felt off its axis. Nia must have felt the same way because after I finished her braid and makeup, she snatched up a compact mirror and peered at herself as if looking at a stranger.
“You look great.” Emily kissed her on the cheek and squeezed her shoulders before helping her into the silver tank dress. Hannah zipped her up and handed her th
e gleaming shoes. “I look great?” Nia stepped into the shoes, her voice full of wonder.
Emily nodded so hard that the silver bow in her hair slipped sideways. “Now say it again, but with more confidence this time.”
“I look great!” Nia shouted and beamed at me, filling me with a glow of pleasure. I’d done it. Transformed Nia into an exotic beauty with full, glossy red lips, high cheekbones that I’d accentuated with shadow, and deep set eyes that drew you in with the smoky look I’d applied. It was different than the natural look I’d given her in the infirmary, but still amazing.
Hannah gave me a squeeze. “Kayla, you’re a genius. And I really meant it when I said I was sorry.”
My jumping insides stilled; the nervous energy that drove me to prove myself to others, the part of me that never felt good enough, quieted.
“I forgive you,” I said, meaning it. What was the use of holding onto old grudges, a past life, a former me? If Hannah could change, I could, too.
“Me too!” Brittany exclaimed, and we came together in a group hug that included Nia and Emily. When we let go, I was surprised to see tears on Hannah’s cheeks.
“These are happy tears,” she said in a watery gulp.
“Love you, Han!” we exclaimed, linking arms and making our way out back into the party.
As soon as we crossed the threshold, Brooke stormed our way, an exasperated-looking Rachel trailing behind her.
“What have you done with Nia? I need hair help, stat!”
“I’m right here, Miss—I mean, B-Brooke.” Nia emerged from behind Emily and squared her slender shoulders, the golden hue of her skin a perfect complement for the shining straps crisscrossed against it.
Brooke gasped. “Who told you that you could wear that? You’re supposed to be the mouse prince to my Clara.”
“What if she doesn’t want to be the mouse prince?” Hannah’s lower lip jutted, her fierce look back in place.
For now, I’d take Mean Girl Hannah at my side, thank you very much. No matter how much she’d changed, we all trusted her to stand down a bully.