God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy

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God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy Page 26

by Mike Huckabee


  This trend should only grow stronger, for two reasons:

  1. Studio executives may be liberals, but when it comes to box office grosses, they’re unrepentant capitalists. Now that they’re finally seeing that religious audiences will pay to see a movie that appeals to them, they’re starting to get on board. Noah was a big studio production aimed at churchgoers, but it alienated a lot of them because its director, Darren Aronofsky, just couldn’t help himself: He had to rewrite the Bible to insert liberal and environmentalist messages. But Heaven Is for Real got it right, and it’s a TriStar Studios release featuring mainstream star Greg Kinnear.

  2. Even as the studios finally start creating movies that appeal to conservative Christians, new advances such as digital cameras, computer video editing, and crowd-sourced funding are empowering conservative indie filmmakers, who no longer have to depend on Hollywood to green-light movies and screen out anything that isn’t filled with left-wing messages. They can now shoot movies on a shoestring that can compete in quality with major studio releases.

  HUNTING VS. HEALTH CARE, OBAMA STYLE!

  By the end of November 2013, only 269 people had enrolled on the Obamacare Web site in New Hampshire. The state gave out 281 moose-hunting permits, so I joked on my daily radio commentary The Huckabee Report that more New Hampshire residents wanted to shoot a moose than buy into Obamacare. Well, a self-proclaimed fact-checking site called PolitiFact accused me of telling a “half-truth.” They claimed “it’s possible” that more people wanted Obamacare but couldn’t get through. And “it could be argued” that anyone who completed an application wanted it, even if they didn’t buy it yet. That’s a lot of weasel words for people who claim to deal in facts. Well, I don’t like being accused of telling a half-truth when even they admitted that my numbers were correct. So let me give you just a few more details.

  They claim that the number of “potential customers” in New Hampshire who filled out an application for Obamacare was 7,817. We don’t know how many of those are legitimate, or would ever have bought insurance, but I’ll give them that number. Now, the moose-hunting permits are on a lottery system. They gave out 289 permits, but the number of applicants who filled out a form and definitely wanted one was 13,469. Even with my backward, red-state math education, I think that 13,469 moose-hunting applicants outnumber 7,817 potential Obamacare enrollees. Of course, I could argue that even more people wanted to apply to shoot a moose, but couldn’t get through. But I trust the people who set up the moose-hunting lottery application site to have done it right. After all, that job is important.

  I think maybe PolitiFact needs to learn the difference between an assumption and a fact. They might also want to look up the definition of the word “joke.” And the word “opinion.” As in, “It’s my opinion, from personal experience growing up poor, that most families would find a pot of moose chili to be a lot more useful than an overpriced insurance policy their doctor won’t take.”

  If you’ve had the misfortune of spending all your life in the tony, uptown enclaves of Manhattan, the Washington Beltway, or in Beverly Hills, I truly feel for you. Granted, it might not be your thing to wade in chest-deep water to hunt mallards in flooded timber, or to order a bowl of cheese grits for dinner (never, ever call them “cheesy grits” because “cheezy” means fake and cheap, not “cheese-filled”) and know what you were getting, or to attend a revival meeting in which people held up their hands during the singing in praise to God. But don’t be so smug about what makes us tick or keeps us happy. We like the simple life. Status is a Ford F-150 truck; luxury is crawfish étouffée and slaw on your pulled-pork sandwich; and privilege is front-row seats at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert. Speaking of Skynyrd, their album God & Guns is the greatest collection of songs about Bubba-ville culture ever. I love every song on it, and the signature song “Simple Life” from the album says it better than I ever could:

  Simple Life

  Hey when was the last time you sat down

  and had dinner with your kids?

  Talked about what’s goin’ on in their lives

  Hey when was the last time you just stopped and helped somebody out?

  I bet ya can’t remember

  Well a lot of people are saying it’s changing for the better

  But that don’t interest me

  I like the simple life

  The way it used to be

  We left our doors wide open, we didn’t need no key

  I’ve been around the world

  Seen all there is to see

  I’d trade all those memories

  For one more day of how it used to be

  I like the simple life

  I want to get up Sunday mornin’ and go fishing with my boy

  Watch the sunset and kick back in my yard

  Take my Harley on a real long lazy Sunday drive

  And do a little more of nothin’ once in a while

  Yeah maybe kick my feet up, watch an old rerun on TV

  Laughing with old Barney, Andy and Aunt B.

  I like the simple life

  The way it used to be

  We left our doors wide open, we didn’t need no key

  I’ve been around the world

  Seen all there is to see

  I’d trade all those memories

  For one more day of how it used to be

  I like the simple life

  Everything’s moving by so fast

  I swear sometimes we just can’t see

  So caught up on where we’re trying to get

  Life as we know it can be gone in a minute

  I want the simple life

  The way it used to be

  We left our doors wide open, didn’t need no key

  I’ve been around the world

  Seen all there is to see

  I’d trade all those memories

  For one more day

  I like the simple life

  I want the simple life

  INDEX

  The index that appeared in the print version of this title does not match the pages in your e-book. Please use the search function on your e-reading device to search for terms of interest. For your reference, the terms that appear in the print index are listed below.

  ABC

  abortion

  anti-abortion

  government and

  medicinal

  accountability

  Achieve

  action

  Adams, John

  adultery

  A&E

  affirmative action, racism and

  Affleck, Ben

  Affordable Care Act. See also Obamacare

  Afghanistan War

  Afterschool for All

  Ailes, Roger

  air travel

  airport security searches. See also Transportation Security Administration

  Albright, Hugh

  AllThingsD.com

  Amazon

  American Enterprise Institute

  An American Family

  Anderson, Ethan

  Andy Griffith Show

  anti-abortion

  anti-terrorism

  AOL

  AP. See Associated Press

  Apple

  Applied Economics Letters

  Argo

  Aristotle

  Arkansas governor

  balanced budget

  forest management and

  grocery tax

  health-care

  innovations

  staff of

  welfare and

  Aronofsky, Darren

  Articles of Confederation

  assault weapons

  Associated Press (AP)

  Obama administration and

  phone records

  Atlanta Journal Constitution

  atmosphere

  attitude

  changing

  drunk driving and

  auto industry bailouts

  The Bachelor

  Backward California Go
ld Rush

  bailouts

  auto industry

  bank

  Wall Street

  Baker, Mitchell

  bank bailouts

  Barker, Davi

  Bartiromo, Maria

  Bartlett, Doug

  baseball

  Bash, Dana

  Bass Anglers Sportsman Society (B.A.S.S.)

  Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (Chua)

  Baugh, Chris

  The Beach

  Beautify America campaign

  Beedie, Michael

  believe-nots

  believers

  marriage and

  Bentham, David

  Bentham, Jason

  Berumen, Maria

  The Beverly Hillbillies

  Bewitched

  Beyoncé

  Bezos, Jeff

  Bible

  divorce and

  homosexuality and

  The Bible

  Biblical Recorder

  Biden, Joe

  Bieber, Justin

  Big Brother

  Big Government

  bigotry

  same-sex marriage and

  Bill of Rights

  purpose

  biofuels

  birth control pills

  blogs

  Bloomberg, Michael

  Bloomberg Markets

  Bloomberg News

  BLS. See Bureau of Labor Statistics

  blue

  body, as temple

  The Bonfire of the Vanities (Wolfe)

  Boosler, Elayne

  Boozman, Fay

  Boston Globe

  Bowman, Laurel

  Brin, Sergey

  Brokeback Mountain

  Brooks, Albert

  Brooks, Arthur C.

  Brooks, Foster

  Brookwood Elementary School

  Broom, Paula

  Brown, Jerry

  Bubba-ville

  church and

  conservation

  economy

  forest management

  God’s blessings and

  great outdoors and

  IRS and

  low-pressure way of life

  same-sex marriage and

  thinking

  Bubble-ville

  limousine liberalism

  man-centered worldview

  money in

  reality TV and

  thinking

  Buckley, William F.

  Buckwild

  Bugtussle

  building permits

  bullying

  Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS)

  Burgundy, Ron

  Burnett, Mark

  Bush, George W.

  Bush, Jeb

  Buzzi, Ruth

  CAFE. See Corporate Average Fuel Economy

  California. See also Hollywood; Los Angeles

  Backward California Gold Rush

  job migration and

  man-caused disaster

  Silicon Valley and

  taxes

  campaign finances

  capitalist system

  progressives and

  carbon footprint

  Carlin, George

  Carroll, Kathleen

  Carroll, Lewis

  Catch-22

  Cathy, Dan

  bigotry toward

  on family values

  hate speech and

  on same-sex marriage

  Cathy, Truett

  CDC. See Centers for Disease Control

  cell phones

  Center for Public Integrity

  Centers for Disease Control (CDC)

  National Diabetes Statistics Report

  on out-of-wedlock births

  CFG. See Club for Growth

  charity giving

  Chase, David

  Chick-fil-A restaurant chain

  Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day

  closed on Sundays

  pressure on

  privately owned

  Chief Executive

  ChiefExecutive.net

  Child, Julia

  children. See also public school exodus

  childhood obesity

  mass-media education

  play

  TSA and

  WIC

  China

  censorship

  growth of

  Internet blocking

  regulating daily life

  Tiananmen Square massacre

  Christian belief

  Christian worldview

  Chua, Amy

  churches

  Bubba-ville and

  church people

  as equalizer

  homeless shelters

  New York City

  underground

  cigarette advertising

  circle of life

  Cleveland, Grover

  climate change

  denying

  Obama, B., on

  climate chaos

  climate disruption

  Clinton, Bill

  Clinton, Hillary

  Club for Growth (CFG)

  CNN

  coarse speech

  Coca-Cola

  cohabitation

  Coleman, Ken

  commencement speeches

  Common Core

  concealed-carry law

  Confucius

  Congressional Sportsmen’s Foundation

  conservation

  conservatives

  fiscal

  Senate Conservatives Fund

  Constitution, U.S.. See also specific Amendments

  powers in

  protections

  upholding

  Conyers, John

  Cook, Tim

  cooking

  Cool Hand Luke

  Coolidge, Calvin

  Cooper, James Fenimore

  Cops

  corporal punishment at home

  Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE)

  Cosby, Bill

  Coulson, Andrew

  “A Country Boy Can Survive”

  Couric, Katie

  courtesy

  cowboy boots

  Cowell, Simon

  Cracker Barrel

  cream gravy

  creativity

  cronyism

  Crouch, Michael

  Crouse, Janice Shaw

  crude, culture of

  Beyoncé

  coarse speech

  lewd behavior

  as mean

  online sneers

  profanity in films

  in stand-up comedy

  Cryer, Rachel

  Cuban, Mark

  Cure Strategy

  cyber theft

  Cyrus, Miley

  Dallas

  The Dating Game

  DEA

  Deadliest Catch

  debates

  decency

  Declaration of Independence

  Deen, Paula

  DeMille, Cecil B.

  Democratic National Committee

  Democratic Party

  donors

  women and

  Denver Post

  DEP. See Department of Environmental Protection

  Depardieu, Gerard

  Department of Environmental Protection (DEP)

  Department of Homeland Security

  Department of Justice

  Depression

  Destiny’s Child

  Dewey, Thomas

  diabetes

  DiCaprio, Leonardo

  Dingell, John

  dirty laundry

  Discovery Channel

  diversity

  code for uniformity

  essence of

  left and

  value of

  divorce

  Bible and

  domestic violence

  Domino Theory

  Downey, Roma

  dreamers

  Drudge Report

  drunk driving

  attitude and
<
br />   “Drunk in Love”

  Duck Dynasty

  Ducks Unlimited

  duct tape

  Duggar, Jim Bob

  Duggar, Michelle

  Durbin, Dick

  Earth Day

  Eastwood, Clint

  eat your own first movement

  eating

  e-cigarettes

  economy

  auto industry bailouts

  bank bailouts

  Bubba-ville

  CAFE

  government role

  Hollywood

  September, 2008 nosedive

  struggling

  trickle-down economics

  United States economic freedom

  Edison, Thomas

  Education News

  educrats

  Edwards, John

  Egypt

  Eich, Brendan

  Eisenhower, Dwight

  Emanuel, Rahm

  empowering people

  Engler, John

  entertainment

  Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)

  environmentalism

  air travel and

  apocalyptic predictions

  biofuels and

  extremism

  forest management

  Greenpeace and

  in Hollywood

  hunting and

  hyperenvironmentalists

  personal freedom and

  wind power and

  EPA. See Environmental Protection Agency

  equalizer

  executive branch

  Facebook

  FactCheck.org

  Fair Tax movement

  faith-based movies

  family

  family hour

  force of

  family values

  Cathy, D., on

  fashion

  fatherhood, trivialization of

  Fear Factor

  federal agencies. See also Environmental Protection Agency; Internal Revenue Service; National Security Agency; Transportation Security Administration; Troubled Asset Relief Plan

  feminism

  Ferguson, Colin

  Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

  Fifth Amendment

  finance. See also economy

  campaign finances

  New York City

  Senate Finance Committee

  First Amendment

  exercising

  fiscal conservatives

  Flip It Forward

  flyover country

  normal views

  food safety

  food stamps

  Forbes

  foreign policy

  Foreman, George

  forest management

  Founders

  Bill of Rights and

  bill passage

  paranoia

  revolution

  states and

  401Ks

  Fourth Amendment

  Fox News

  Fox News Channel show

  great moments

  guests

  Franklin, Benjamin

 

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