I had taken a short leave of absence from work to get my reactions situated. Roger told me it was needed and would do me much good to go for some therapy sessions to make sure I wasn’t distressed from what happened. He hoped to see me back happier, healthier and still willing to work for him as the new chief operations officer. I told him I’d think about it. The guilt had played on him, and he was livid his ex-monster-wife hadn’t told him more about his own son who was now in jail.
Grace invited me over for dinner when she heard Josh would be working later than usual to help one of the stunt coordinators on set. He got irritable whenever I was home by myself, so for his sake, I spent a lot of time with the girls lately. He’d stop by Grace’s after he was done working. I made my way to the porch, but stopped before entering the house. I could hear squabbling through the half-opened door.
Grace groaned, “You’re impossible!”
“It’s not a big deal, Gracie.”
“How could you not know?” she yelled, but I couldn’t help but crack a smile as I peeked my head in. I knew whatever this argument was about, it wasn’t deep. It only got hazardous when Grace refused to speak. I watched as she shrugged him away. “Nobody likes pineapple on pizza.”
He pulled her close and she pouted as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Sweets, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.” He kissed her nose, and I cleared my throat before they got too mushy. “Shit, Marla, we left the door open for you, but I didn’t even hear you come in!” Evan laughed as he parted from Grace.
They both made their way to me and gave me a welcoming hug. “I see Mr. Perfect here ordered the wrong pizza,” I teased. “You should know by now we don’t stand for pineapple on pizza, Evan.”
He shrugged, his hands lifting in the air. “Yeah, my bad.”
We both nodded, as I hung my purse on the hall tree. I looked at Grace with excitement. “I should’ve brought my ingredients and we could’ve made it from scratch!”
“No time for all that cooking and cleaning,” Grace said as we moved toward the dining table.
“I’ll be back, girls.” Evan called as he headed out the door.
“Get garlic knots!” I yelled out.
Grace rolled her eyes, “I doubt he heard you. He hasn’t been listening to anything I tell him lately.”
“Trouble in paradise?” I asked as I walked to her kitchen pantry and scanned the shelves. I snatched a box of Wheat Thins and munched on them.
“A little. He doesn’t pay attention. I’ll tell him something and he forgets, or he heard wrong, or I never told him that. He makes me feel like I’m crazy.” She sighed and sipped on her glass of whiskey.
“Well, he can’t be as perfect as Captain America, you know.” I winked at her.
“No shit. I got Captain Abrams instead. He’s the flawed one,” she chuckled as she got up and pointed to a bottle of wine. I nodded and she served me a glass. “I need an upgrade in Captains.”
“You love him,” I affirmed.
She sighed, “I really do. It’s overwhelming. He can just…” She squeezed her hand into a fist and shook it in the air. Her voice was strained behind her teeth, “Piss me off sometimes, and I’m more emotional than usual because I just got on the pill, and it’s just hormones flying everywhere…” I laughed as she stopped her small rant and smiled. “But he brings to light every single thing that holds me back.” She paused. “He’s my other half.”
“Yet you’re scared to marry him?” I asked.
“No,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes wide. “I-it’s-I’m…It’s not that.”
“Then what?” I lifted my brow and tapped my nails on the table. Concern filled her eyes, and I knew she didn’t want to talk about whatever it was that made her scared. “Don’t worry, I’m scared too.”
“Of marriage?” she asked. I nodded. “Did Josh propose?”
“He asks me every morning as soon as we wake up.”
Grace clutched her hand over her heart. “Dammit, that’s good. I gotta write that in my next romance novel.”
“Keep to your own memoir,” I laughed. “Don’t write about my life.”
“Well, you obviously haven’t said yes. Why?” Grace’s dark brown eyes focused intently on me.
“It’s too soon,” I said tentatively.
“I know sensibly it seems too soon. You guys haven’t been dating for long, but do you think he could be the guy for you?”
I chewed on my lip and played with the stem of my wine glass. “He’s the most genuine man I’ve ever met. He’s thoughtful, and kind, and—”
“True to his word,” Grace finished. My questioning glance made her answer. “I made him promise me he’d look out for you.”
My mouth hung open, but no words could form. I blinked and muttered, “What did you do?”
Grace gave a sincere smile as she reached her hand over and clasped it over mine. “I knew things weren’t going well for you. I was worried. I made him promise he’d watch out for you, take care of you because I couldn’t.”
A lump formed in my throat and I tried to clear it away. “Why would you ask him to do that?”
“You’re my family, Marla. I love you, and I wanted you safe. I’ve been gone so much since I got with Evan. You were lonely.” She let go of my hand and grabbed the box of Wheat Thins I set down on the table. “Plus, I knew Josh would not only agree to the promise, he’d keep it.”
“But he barely knew me,” I said dazed. “Why would he do that for me?”
“He did it for all of us.” She patted my hand. “Goes to show what a selfless guy he is.” She shrugged. “Plus he pretty much fell in love with you the first time he saw you, but who cares about that romantic crap, right?”
I stared at my hands, unsure of what to say.
Jaime, her husband Dean, and Zach showed up. We ate pizza and played poker. I barely paid attention, my mind contemplating the life-changing events over the past few months. I knew Josh was a good man, so why was it difficult to have faith in him? In myself? Was it so bad to add marriage to my lifelong dream? From dreaming to become a big shot corporate marketing executive to also dreaming of being in love was not a crime. I wouldn’t be like my parents. I fought against them enough to let myself become like them. But finding someone to have faith in meant I needed to utilize my heart. It wasn’t going to get much use if it was kept up on a shelf hidden away.
The doorbell took me out of my stupor as I looked at my watch. Josh entered and Hank greeted him with enthusiasm as did everyone else as he made his way over to me and gave me a gentle kiss. I could feel his effort to hold back his display of affection, only because he knew it made me uncomfortable.
“You good today, love?” He brushed my hair back with soft strokes and smiled at me as I nodded.
“Aren’t you two just disgustingly cute?” Grace winked, teasing me as she managed the deck of cards. She was using my words against me, but at this point I didn’t care.
“You wanna see cute?” I stood and gave Josh a long kiss, taking him off guard, but only for a moment. His hard arms wrapped around me in compliance and he pressed me against him, making a moan rise through my throat. Tender amusement lurked as he parted from me.
“That wasn’t cute. It was disgusting,” Zach frowned as everyone laughed. “Deal the cards, Grace.”
Josh pulled up a chair to sit beside me. “Wanna tell me what that was for?”
I shrugged and kissed his cheek. Everyone began arguing over some movie they had seen, and I ignored the babble, turning to Josh. “I was wondering if… you go to church at all.”
He looked at me curiously. “Not as often as I’d like. Why?”
“Do you want to go?”
“Yes, when I can get the chance.”
I paused. “Would you want to go with me tomorrow?”
Josh’s smile made nerves flutter in my stomach. “Of course. I would love that,” he replied sincerely. “Why do you want to go, love?”
“I
want to experience what having faith is like. I’ve never really had it in anything or anyone other than myself. I want to learn, Josh.”
I wanted more than that. I wanted what Josh had. And just like that my dream had changed.
Awkwardly, I made my way down the aisle with Josh, my heels echoing through the church I had passed so many times but never entered. Each clack of my foot was like a rhythm in time with my heart. It wasn’t beating fast, but steady. We sat on the wooden pew and waited for the service to start. I beheld the altar where a large crucifix hung and a strange emotion filled me. I held back tears as I closed my eyes.
So entranced in my thoughts, my heart leapt when a hand enclosed over mine. I gazed at Josh, those vivid blue eyes crinkled in the corners as he grinned at me. I put my other hand over his and leaned my head on his shoulder. He kissed my crown, and we both silently kept our eyes ahead of us.
I only knew what I had seen on television. The concept of Catholic Church, in particular, was foreign to me. When the priest spoke about faith, I felt shivers run up my spine. It was as if he was talking to me, and telling me what I needed to know. Faith was found in everything, in everyone, wherever you chose to see it. It was something hoped for, even if it was unseen. It was having a belief be a truth. It was confidence, devotion, and reliance on something without proof. It was much like love.
I thought of my friends, and how they chose to love me, be there for me, protect me. It wasn’t asked for. It was freely given. Josh was a walking example of that faith and love. There was something about his peace and joy that I craved. Compassion and kindness radiated from within him. He comforted me when I was stressed, and took care of me in ways nobody else had ever done. Days when I was so tired that I forgot to eat, he was there with food.
He protected me.
He saved my life.
He loved me for me.
Broken down, beaten, bruised, Josh’s heart went through turmoil. Yet he never wavered in loving again, putting himself out on the line, and taking a chance. It was now my turn to unwrap my heart from the protective covering I placed around it. It was time to take that risk and fall, and it felt good knowing he’d be on the other end to catch me.
Josh asked me a few simple questions, but we mostly stayed in silence as we drove home. All the emotions I had bubbling inside of me were bursting to get out. Happiness, along with an underlying fear, were almost at a head with each other.
As soon as we were in the house and said a hello to Hank, I tugged on Josh’s arm, pulling him to me. Concern etched over his features. “What’s wrong? It’s okay if you didn’t like the service.”
“It’s not about that.” My throat tightened but I pushed the words out. “My entire life I never knew what love felt like. I had an idea in my head of what it was supposed to be, and every time, I was disappointed when I thought I gave it and it was never returned. Broken relationships were all I’ve known, and you came along and... I wanted to say I’m sorry, Josh. For doubting your love.”
“No—” he began, trying to approach me.
“Don’t interrupt me. I have to get this out.” I lifted my hands to stop him from continuing. “I judged you. From the moment I saw you with your adorable mongrel, this pang hit me, and I thought you could be dangerous for me, just another heartbreaker. You were everything that drew me to a man, and I wasn’t prepared for that… for you. Since I had been so wrong in the past with my own decisions, I decided to deny you, deny my feelings because you were just too wonderful to exist. My behavior was awful, yet, you stuck around. Please, forgive me, Josh. I’m so sorry. I let my past get in the way.”
His eyes shone as he cupped my jaw, his thumbs wiping the wet trails my tears left. “Breaking through that armor around your heart was a privilege, Marla. All the mess you went through is what made you the woman I fell in love with. I’ll always fight for you. You know that, right?”
I huffed, blinking as tears prickled my eyes. “You always say the right thing. How are you even real, McKenzie?” He wrapped his arms around me as I rested my head on his chest. “I never even said thank you, for saving my life, for being there for me. You protected me and kept your promise to Grace.”
“She told you about that, did she?” I could feel the rumble his laugh created. “Now I know why you’re being so sweet all of a sudden.”
I pushed him away from me and slapped his shoulder. “Now’s not the time to shove your big foot in your mouth, Muscle Man. You’re ruining the moment.”
“I’ll fix it, my love,” he said pulling me in and landing his lips on mine.
“Sometimes I can’t believe you want me,” I cried as he brushed my tears away with his large hands.
His intimidating gaze held onto me. The one he used to let people know he meant business. “I’ll always want you. You own me. I’ll never leave you, so don’t ever leave me. Understood?”
“There’s no way I ever could. I love you, Josh,” I shuddered. “I’m so in love.” My heart slammed into my chest as he held me tight. His mouth claimed mine as I repeated softly over and over, “I love you.”
“Finally,” he growled as we both laughed. “I wasn’t sure what it would take to convince you of that. So, I planned this.”
He whistled for Hank to come over. The boxer looked up with his black attentive eyes as Josh spoke. “Take off your shoes, Marla.” I looked at him with uncertainty. “Have some faith, will you, woman?”
I begrudgingly gave a smile and kicked off my pretty Jimmy Choos. Josh gave Hank the signal by nodding his head. “Where do they go, Hank?”
A heart attack would’ve been imminent for me had Hank grabbed them with his teeth. Luckily, he shoved at both shoes with his snout and paws, pushing them to the closet. I laughed as Josh opened the door and Hank finished the job. “Good boy!” I hugged Hank, only to see Josh with a large box in his hand.
“You didn’t,” I said reaching for it with the beautiful Manolo Blahnik name sprawled across. I opened it and gasped at the gorgeous velvet Mary Jane pumps, so decadent and rich, they glowed. “These are perfect, Josh!”
“She likes them, Hank.” He winked as I flew into his arms.
“I love them. And you.” I beamed at him with certainty. “And I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with you.”
He froze, his focused gazed turned from reflective to knowing. “Really?” He smiled. “Seriously?”
I nodded. “Seriously.” My happiness emitted through me.
“If I had known it would just take shoes, I would’ve bought them earlier.”
“Shut up,” I laughed. I was ready to give him all of me. I wanted nothing more. He picked me up in his arms and spun me around. My arms wrapped around his neck as I hugged him close.
Peace surrounded my heart. I felt warmth take over my body. It poured over me like being bathed in a luxurious oil. And I just knew. I knew I was loved. It surrounded me. Josh promised to help me believe in it and he succeeded. I trembled as I breathed a prayer of thanks and kissed the man meant for me.
One Week Later
“Do you think they’ll care?” I wrung my hands together as Josh and I entered Z’Tejas, a Mexican restaurant on 6th Street. Sunday brunch with the gang would be interesting as we would have to explain our sudden departure last week.
“I’m sure they’ll care. I think you’re wondering if they’ll be upset.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, fine. Do you think they’ll be upset?”
“Maybe.”
I growled at his vague response as he opened the door and waited for me to enter. He followed close behind, resting his hand on the small of my back. “Thanks for your comforting words.”
“I’m sure they’ll be very happy for us, love. Don’t be nervous,” he said softly near the shell of my ear. It made me shudder, the way he held me so lovingly. The week had been adventurous, spontaneous, and flat out insane.
“They’re going to think we’ve gone crazy. It’s so not like us.” We searched the restaurant for t
he table that held the people closest in our lives. My stomach dropped as I spotted them on the patio outside. Everyone was there, including Hank. I sucked in air and held it. Josh clasped my hand, lifting it up to kiss it as I exhaled. “Give me words of comfort, please. Tell me it’ll be okay.”
“Marla McKenzie, whatever you need, I’ll give it.”
“Shh, don’t say that out loud when we’re so close to them.”
Grace did a double take as we approached. “What the hell, Marla?!”
I ignored her cry as Josh and I hugged everyone. Evan smiled, patting Josh on the back as I greeted Dean and Zach. Hank was all excitement as Josh leaned down and hugged him, whispering cute things to his four-legged pal.
After settling, Jaime shook her head, “You two look… very tanned.”
Grace squinted at Josh, then me. Her glare set me on edge. “You just vanished last week. Want to tell me where you went?”
Evan chuckled, “Josh made me get a substitute trainer. It felt weird. He wouldn’t even tell me.”
I clutched the menu hiding behind it. Josh’s hand sat on my knee comfortably as he gave me a wink. “We had things to do.”
“Like?” Grace asked with a frown.
Jaime gasped and pointed to my hand. “Ohmygod!”
Grace had taken a sip of her margarita and coughed when she caught sight of my finger.
“What?!” Evan yelled as whoops were released from Zach and Dean.
“Another one bites the dust,” Dean sang as Jaime smacked his shoulder. “It’s a good thing,” Dean laughed. “Besides, you get to have kids now. Like us.”
“Yes, and we couldn’t be happier for baby number two on the way. Marla, you’ll have to catch up, since Grace and Evan are lagging behind,” Jaime teased.
A Promise Made (Promise #2) Page 23