by Sophie Hart
‘That’s not what I meant. And I didn’t mean what I said earlier, you must know that.’
‘Sounds like you’re saying a lot of things you don’t mean today. Are you sure you really want to marry me, or was that something you accidentally said as well?’
A flicker of a smile broke across Stevie’s face, amused at how petulant his fiancée was being. At least she was speaking to him now – even if it was to insult him.
‘I absolutely definitely want to marry you. And I hope you want to marry me too, even if I do say stupid, ridiculous things that come out all wrong sometimes.’
Debbie stayed quiet, but Stevie could see that she was starting to thaw.
‘Now it’s absolutely freezing out here, so if we’re done with all this exercise business I’d love it if we could get in the car and go home. Or else I’ll drive home, and you can walk, which, admittedly, would burn a lot of calories.’
Debbie couldn’t help it; she let out a little giggle. Scamp jumped up at her, his tail wagging furiously as he covered her jeans in muddy paw prints.
‘And if you get in the car with me now,’ Stevie added, taking advantage of the distraction to move closer and slip his arms around her waist, ‘I’ll treat you to a fruit smoothie on the way home.’
‘Done,’ Debbie smiled, wrapping her arms around him, as he kissed her. ‘But you do know that what you said was stupid, right? And that this is something I’m really self-conscious and insecure about?’
‘I know, I know.’ Stevie was nodding away like the Churchill dog. ‘And I’m really sorry. Of course I believe you can do it. You can do anything you want to. You’re amazing like that.’
‘Yes. Yes, I am,’ Debbie joked. ‘Keep up with the flattery and I might think about forgiving you.’
‘That’s my girl,’ Stevie winked.
14
‘Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him’ – Marilyn Monroe
‘You can go out if you want, I really don’t mind,’ Julia insisted.
‘Don’t be silly, we agreed we’d spend tonight together. Our first New Year as a new family.’
‘Well Jack’ll be sound asleep by midnight, and to be honest I probably will be too, so if you want to head out for a drink then don’t let me stop you.’
Nick put down his phone with a sigh. It was New Year’s Eve and a group of his friends were hitting the local pub, texting him to encourage him to come along. Most of them were married with kids, like himself, so it wasn’t going to be a wild night, but Nick and Julia had already decided to spend the evening at home. Besides, despite Julia’s protestations that he was fine to go out with the boys, Nick knew that she would hate it if he did actually leave her home alone for a night on the town.
‘Maybe I should have invited people round,’ Julia was fretting. ‘We could have done that instead – had a civilised dinner party, or nibbles and drinks, or something. We could have invited Debbie and Stevie, and Annie and Jamie, and maybe Sara and Anthony from your work, they’re always good fun.’
‘But we didn’t and we haven’t,’ Nick told her softly, coming to sit beside her on the sofa. ‘It’ll be just the two – well, three – of us.’
Inadvertently, they both looked over to where Jack was sitting on his play mat, trying to cram a stacking cup into his mouth with one hand, whilst smacking a sturdy rattle against his fire engine with the other. He looked impossibly cute, dressed in blue cord trousers and a blue and white sailor-style jumper.
‘Can you believe that this time last year we didn’t even have Jack?’ Julia marvelled, as Nick shook his head.
‘I genuinely can’t remember what life was like before him. Did we really used to do things like go out to restaurants and have weekends away and, oh, I don’t know, sleep?’
Julia laughed. ‘Doesn’t it make you feel old, though? I mean, all over the country people are getting ready for their big night out, doing their hair and make-up and putting on their party frocks. And we’re going to stay in and probably pass out before we even see the fireworks on the news.’
‘I guess we are old now. Old, married and past it.’
‘Great.’ Julia’s tone was sarcastic.
‘Of course, it doesn’t have to be that way. We could let our hair down, go wild…’ Nick leapt to his feet, turning up the volume on the television where a compilation of the biggest hits of the year was playing. As a Taylor Swift song kicked in, Nick took Julia’s hands and pulled her to her feet.
‘What are you doing?’ she shrieked, as Nick held her close and began to dance, spinning her round and dipping her backwards. On the floor, Jack stopped what he was doing and stared in astonishment, breaking out into a wide smile that showed off his two tiny front teeth.
‘Recapturing our youth,’ Nick winked, as he slowly brought a breathless Julia upright and kissed her softly.
Julia smiled up at him, thinking how handsome her husband looked. Like a fine wine, he got better with age: the salt and pepper hair; the crinkles around the eyes; the craggy features. She kissed him again, realising how long it was since they’d had a really passionate smooch – not simply a peck on the lips when one of them left the house.
Nick’s hands began to roam, finding their way under the layers of clothing Julia was wearing. As he touched her belly, she instinctively flinched, feeling self-conscious.
‘No, Nick,’ she snapped, more harshly than she’d intended.
‘What’s the matter?’ he protested, looking hurt as he pulled away. ‘It feels like so long since I’ve touched you, Jules.’
‘I’m just not feeling my best, that’s all. My stomach’s still flabby, and I’m all out of shape.’
‘I thought that’s what the Zumba classes were for?’
‘Yeah, but it’s about how I feel, and I’m not quite there yet.’
‘Well I hope you get there soon,’ Nick muttered under his breath, unable to hide his frustration.
‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You know what it’s supposed to mean. It been ages since we… you know.’
Julia glared at him. ‘No, I don’t. Why don’t you spell it out, Nick.’
‘Okay, then. It’s been ages since we had sex. Weeks in fact.’
‘Oh, well excuse me for having an eight-month-old to look after and three weddings to organise, not to mention trying to keep this house clean and have your dinner on the table when you come in from work. Now you want me to be swinging from the chandeliers every night too. Why don’t you just replace me with a Stepford wife and have done with it?’
Julia was instantly on the defensive. The problem was that, like all comments that really got under your skin, it had the ring of truth to it, and Julia knew that was the real reason she’d got so angry. She was well aware that her and Nick’s sex life had dwindled to practically zero; she could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times they’d actually got it on since Jack was born.
Nick rolled his eyes. ‘You’re such a drama queen, Jules. That’s not what I said at all. Just once in a blue moon would be appreciated.’
‘I can’t seem to get it right, can I? First there’s too much sex, then not enough. Make your mind up, Goldilocks.’
Nick laughed hollowly at the insult, knowing exactly what Julia was referring to. It had taken a long time to get pregnant with Jack, and Julia had become almost obsessive in her desire for a baby. She’d been jumping on Nick every chance that she got, leaving him exhausted and irritable. That was the reason they’d gone to see Annie for counselling.
‘All I’m saying is that it would be nice to know I’m on your priority list somewhere. You know, after the baby, and the Royal Wedding’ – which was how Nick jokingly referred to Aimee and Jon’s upcoming nuptials – ‘and all the other weddings you seem to be organising “as a favour”, and the Zumba classes and God knows what else. You know, once you’ve finished with all that, it would be great to spend a little quality time
together if you can fit me in.’
‘Exactly!’ Julia threw both hands in the air to emphasise the point. ‘I feel like I’m constantly juggling all these different things, trying to keep the plates spinning without them crashing to the ground, and sooner or later I’m going to mess up. I can’t please everyone all of the time, Nick, something’s got to give. And all you have to do is go to work every day, while the rest of your life is sorted out for you.’
‘Well I apologise for trying to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, just so you can run around having coffee with your friends and organising their weddings free of charge. I’d love to sit around watching daytime TV, popping out occasionally to look at country houses, but unfortunately I can’t because I have a proper bloody job.’
Nick’s voice was growing louder with every word, and he looked furious. Julia stood open-mouthed, equally as angry at what he’d just said. She knew that this row had been coming for a while – both of them had felt it creeping up – but New Year’s Eve was incredibly bad timing.
‘Don’t you dare—’ she began, incensed and gearing up for a rant, but at that moment Jack began to wail. ‘Now look what you’ve done,’ Julia snapped. Instinctively, she went to pick him up, but then stopped herself. ‘Why don’t you see to your son for a change?’
There was a moment’s hesitation on Nick’s part, then he stomped across the room, bending down to Jack. Jack began to scream even louder, holding out his arms towards Julia.
‘Oh great, he won’t even let me get near him,’ Nick stropped, looking at Julia as though it was her fault, while Jack’s howling reached unprecedented levels. ‘For Christ’s sake, can’t you shut him up? He clearly prefers you anyway.’
Julia stared at Nick in astonishment, anger and confusion written across her face, hardly able to believe what he’d just said. ‘Fine, I’ll see to him,’ she retorted, pushing past her husband and scooping Jack up into her arms where he immediately quietened down. ‘It’s time for his bath anyway. Why don’t you put your feet up, you must be exhausted from having the last two weeks off work. Don’t worry about me, I’ll do everything else, as usual.’
With that parting shot, she marched angrily out of the room, running up the stairs and into the bathroom with Jack. As she filled the tub with shallow water and poured in baby bubbles, Julia could feel her heart pounding, her mind racing.
Once again, things seemed to be going wrong between her and Nick, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on why. They were bickering and sniping at one another, each concerned with their own point of view and neither taking into account the other’s feelings.
Did Nick resent Jack? she wondered unhappily, as she undressed her grizzling son and lowered him gently into the bath, scooping water over his fine, dark hair while he kicked and spluttered. Was Nick feeling pushed out and neglected, like Annie had suggested?
Perhaps the two of them needed some time alone together, to reconnect and ease the pressure. After all, a new baby with its accompanying stress and lack of sleep could put a strain on even the strongest of marriages.
Over the past few months, Julia and Nick had managed to have a handful of nights out, when Debbie had been kind enough to babysit. Their parents both lived a three-hour drive away in Derby, but Debbie was becoming a good friend to Julia, and she was great with Jack, who seemed to love being looked after by his honorary Auntie Debs.
On one occasion, Nick and Julia had dragged themselves to the local pub, but found they were too exhausted to stay out late, and the fun of getting drunk was tempered by the fact they knew they would have to be up at the crack of dawn to deal with their crying son. They’d headed home at half past nine, surprising Debbie who was shocked to see them so early, and even told them off for not making the most of their free night.
Another time, they’d gone to the cinema to see the latest Daniel Craig movie, and Julia had fallen asleep after twenty minutes, the darkness and warmth of the cinema enticing her eyelids to close and catch up on some much needed rest. On balance, it just seemed easier to stay at home.
Julia lifted Jack out of the water, wrapping him in a hooded blanket and holding him close as she carried him through to his room. He smelt delicious, that freshly washed new baby scent, so pure and clean. She dried him carefully, tickling his tummy and marvelling at his tiny fingers and toes, at the little changes that took place every day. He was growing so quickly, and the time seemed to be flying by.
In the routine that was now so familiar to her, Julia slathered Sudocrem over Jack’s chubby little bottom then put a fresh nappy on him, dressing him in a red starry sleepsuit and placing him in his cot while she went down to the kitchen to warm some milk. As she cradled Jack in her arms and fed him, his eyes slowly closing as he began to doze, Julia noticed with a pang how much he looked like Nick, with his dark brows and the dimple in his chin.
Of course bringing up a baby was tough, especially combined with all the other challenges life threw at you, but she and Nick were so lucky to have one another, Julia realised. This was just a bump in the road, and they would get back on track soon, as long as both of them made an effort.
She tucked Jack’s blanket around him and turned on the nightlight, giving him a final goodnight kiss before heading back downstairs. She felt much calmer now, ready to apologise and make up with Nick.
Walking into the living room, Julia saw that Nick had opened a bottle of red wine and poured out two glasses. He’d filled the fancy porcelain serving dishes they’d received as a wedding present with olives, Kettle Chips and cheese straws, and arranged them on the coffee table. He smiled tentatively when he saw her, trying to work out if she was still mad with him.
‘Drinks and nibbles,’ he said casually. ‘We didn’t need to invite anyone round after all.’
‘Thanks, darling,’ Julia smiled, taking the glass of wine he was holding out like a peace offering. ‘I’m sorry for getting angry.’
‘Me too. I want us to have a nice, relaxing evening tonight. Not to go into the New Year fighting.’
‘Sounds perfect,’ Julia replied, taking a long swallow of the warming, peppery wine. She clinked her glass against his. ‘To the Crawfords.’
‘The Crawfords,’ Nick repeated, as he took a sip then exhaled deeply, the stresses of the day finally melting away. ‘Did Jack get off okay?’
‘Yeah. He loved his bath, then he looked ready to pass out when I put him down.’
Both of them were silent for a moment, lost in their own thoughts. Julia wondered whether or not to bring up everything that was troubling her – the way she and Nick were fighting, Nick’s reluctance to bond with Jack – but before she had a chance, the sound of loud snoring came from the baby monitor. They both burst out laughing, relieving the tension.
‘Out like a light,’ Nick smiled.
‘Just like his dad.’
Julia leaned across to kiss him, deciding to put aside her anxieties for now. Tonight really wasn’t the time to discuss them.
Nick was gazing at her adoringly. ‘I love you, Jules.’
‘I love you too. I really am sorry about earlier.’
‘Me too. You know I didn’t mean—’
The moment was interrupted by a series of loud noises from outside, bangs and whizzes and squeals exploding in the distance. Nick strode across to the rear window, pulling open the curtains.
‘Fireworks already?’ Julia wondered.
‘They must be letting them off early, over near the park,’ Nick replied, wrapping his arm around her as she came to stand beside him.
Julia let her body mould into his, sipping on the delicious red wine as they watched the shimmering display, brilliant bursts of gold and red and silver. She knew that the situation with Nick was far from resolved, but for now they’d made a truce, and that was a good start. As the dazzling fireworks exploded high in the night sky, Julia made a silent wish that next year would bring everything that was most important in life – health, happiness and joy for the wh
ole family.
15
‘I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life’ – Rita Rudner
‘How do I look?’
Aimee pirouetted on her heels as she walked down the corridor towards Jon, her A-line skirt flaring out as she span. She’d teamed it with a smart black top and mid-height court shoes, and she looked fresh and perfectly groomed, her eyes sparkling nervously in anticipation of his reaction.
Jon assessed her critically as he swirled the ice cubes in his pre-prandial gin and tonic. He was standing in their sleek, open-plan kitchen, and was impeccably dressed in a dark grey suit and crisp white shirt that Aimee had ironed earlier that day. ‘Yeah, it’s… fine.’
Aimee’s face fell. ‘Fine?’
‘Well, obviously you look beautiful. You always do…’ Jon tried to inject a little more enthusiasm into his voice.
‘But?’
‘But there’s something…’ He stood back, half-closing his eyes in thought. ‘What about that navy dress? You know, the fitted one with the square neckline? No, even better,’ Jon clicked his fingers as the thought struck him. ‘The red lace one you wore for my birthday?’
‘Really?’ Aimee frowned. ‘You don’t think that’s a little over the top?’
‘We want to knock Huddlestone dead, don’t we?’
Aimee stood uncertainly for a moment, before turning round and heading back towards the bedroom. ‘Okay then, I’ll get changed.’
‘Make it quick,’ Jon called after her. ‘We need to leave in five.’
In the bedroom, Aimee hastily kicked off her shoes, rifling through the hangers in her wardrobe until she found the dress Jon had suggested. Pulling it out, she eyed it dubiously. It was definitely on the slutty side, with its low-cut front and less-than-generous hemline. Fine for date night at a cocktail bar, less appropriate for a Wednesday evening client dinner.
Oh well, Aimee thought, trying to dismiss her concerns. If Jon thought it was okay, then who was she to argue?