by Cheree Alsop
“Is everything alright?”
I turned to find Axon leaning against the open door of the room. He studied me, his expression saying that he guessed my thoughts.
I dropped my eyes. “I just never knew. I’ve never seen myself in a mirror before and it. . . .” My voice fell away as I ran out of words to explain the disappointment I felt at my appearance. I was a Duskie. That was all that had mattered at the Caves and all that should matter here and to me. But it felt like my own skin had let me down.
“Don’t.” I looked back at the firmness in Axon’s voice. He strode into my room and crossed the carpet. “Don’t you dare be ashamed of how you look.” I turned away, but he caught my chin in his hand like he had on our journey to Lysus. “Nexa, you are beautiful, and different, and amazing. Never, ever be ashamed of how you look, and never let anyone tell you that you are inferior.”
He turned me back to the mirror and met my gaze in the reflection, his light blue eyes insistent and sincere, asking me to understand. “I didn’t choose you for our journey because of your spunk or the way you seemed to show up in the wrong places. In fact, that should have kept me from picking you.” He took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. “It was your beauty.”
I could only stare at him in disbelief.
He rushed on, his eyes holding mine in the mirror. “You were so different, so wild and feral, unaware of how beautiful you were. I had to get you away from that place and away from how they treated you.”
I bit my lip to keep it from quivering and felt my sharp canines bite into my skin; I wondered how much he had guessed. I forced my voice to be strong, but it was thick with doubt. “Did the others know why you chose me?”
A slight smile touched Axon’s lips. “I’m pretty sure some of them guessed. Dathien’s pet name for you might not have been a far stretch.”
I didn’t know whether to feel dismayed or flattered, and having never felt either before in regards to my looks, I didn’t know how to respond. I studied the reflection of my face and tried to find the beauty in it, but I could only see the dissonance, the strange gray eyes that looked older than I was, the crazy hair, and the clenched jaw that held in my turbulent emotions.
“You’re wrong,” I whispered softly.
Axon turned my face again and stared at me as though he had so many things to say, but didn’t know how to say them. Then, without warning, he bent and kissed me softly on the lips. I froze at his touch, my muscles screaming for me to fight while my soul whispered for me to fly. But I didn’t have wings and my body wouldn’t listen to me anymore. I merely felt, for one second, like there was someone else in the world who cared whether I lived or died. And for that one brief moment, I realized what it felt like to be truly alive.
Axon backed up with wide eyes and an apology on his lips, but before he could say it, his knees gave out and he would have hit the white fur carpet if I hadn’t caught his arm and braced him against me.
“The sun,” he said quietly as though the words took the rest of the strength he had.
I nodded, glancing out the window at the shadows that blanketed the city. “You should be sleeping.”
He allowed me to help him to his room across the great hall from my own. I helped him lay gently onto the bed, then pulled off his boots and set them in a corner by the door. “You know better than to be up and about when the sun’s down. You’re lucky I’m not some crazy Duskie who’d be better off without more Luminos in her life.” I laughed at my words and a hint of amusement touched his eyes at my scolding. I turned away, but paused at the door. “Goodnight, Prince Axon.”
“No.” I looked back at his tone. Axon shook his head, his eyelids heavy and words soft. “Never prince to you. Just Axon. Promise me, Nexa.”
I didn’t want to promise him anything, but I could tell he wouldn’t sleep unless I agreed. “I promise,” I said softly.
“Promise what?” he pressed in his persistent, princely way.
I bit back a smile. “Promise to never call you prince, Axon.”
He nodded and closed his eyes. I shut the door with prohibited thoughts in my head and allowed myself to feel them for the brief walk from the great hall to my room before I shut the door and returned to the confusion that had become my real life.
Chapter 9
“Nexa?”
I awoke to the sound of my name and the door to my room brushing open. I sat up dazed and disoriented, then picked up the soft blanket that smelled of birds and the sky and scrambled toward the bed, but the square of light from the door caught me on my way. I stopped and smiled sheepishly.
“Sleeping on the floor?” Jatha asked with a raised eyebrow.
I nodded. “The bed’s too soft.”
“The couches are nice,” Staden pointed out.
“He just knows that because he couldn’t sleep on the bed either,” Jatha said, nudging Staden with his elbow.
Staden grinned and shrugged. “Too many days on the road, I guess.”
I smiled, liking them even more.
“You know, there are robes and sleeping gowns in the dressers if you want to sleep more comfortably,” Jatha pointed out.
I peered at the giant closet along the far wall. “It’d feel weird to wear someone else’s clothes.”
Jatha gestured for me to sit on the chair by the mirror. I obeyed, but avoided looking at my reflection. “They’re not anyone else’s clothes. They were made for our party, we just arrived later than expected.” He frowned in thought. “Though I don’t know if they expected any women in the party. That’s kind of the point of our journey.”
Staden made me turn so that he could lift up my shirt to look at my back. “We should have checked this yesterday before you went to bed. I hold myself responsible if it’s infected.”
I shook my head. “Everyone was exhausted. It’ll be fine.” Jatha gently unwrapped my right hand. I watched his steady fingers work. “What do you mean that’s the point of the journey?”
Staden glanced at Jatha over my shoulder, but I couldn’t read the look they exchanged. He pursed his lips. “Prince Axon is here to meet Princess Tiseria and see if a suitable arrangement can be made.”
I frowned. “An arrangement?”
Staden gently removed the bandages on my neck. “For possible marriage. A betrothal between Lysus and Lumini would be beneficial to both empires.” He said it in a matter-of-fact tone as though it was as easy as trading meat for grain.
I tried to see it impartially as well, but I couldn’t explain why the thought caused my heart to tighten so that each beat hurt a little. I shouldn’t care what Axon did with his life. Duskies at Firen Caves never married. I had known all my life I would never fall in love, marry, or have children. So why was it harder to breathe all of the sudden?
I pushed past my emotions. “How would it be beneficial?”
Jatha wadded up the bandages from my hand. “This is healed enough for fresh air.” He shoved the bandages in his pocket and his brow creased. “Well, being on opposite sides of the Madric Ocean means it will open the channels for trade. Both empires have different resources as far as crops, animals, fabrics, and other goods are concerned. It will be an economic boost for both. It will also heal any rifts left from the last war.”
“The last war?” I had heard quiet whisperings of the war at Firen Caves, but they spoke of lands so far away it was almost like listening to a story.
Jatha nodded. “It was actually a continuation of the previous war, the one in which the Sathen were freed; but they’re considered separate because the first war was under Prince Axon’s grandfather’s rule, and this one is under his father’s.”
“Let’s just hope the trend doesn’t continue,” Staden said as though repeating something he had said many times before. He put new, thinner bandages on my neck and wrapped it up again, then made me turn so he could reach my back while Jatha checked on my side. “You really should change this shirt. If anything, it’ll be the cause of infection.”
>
I touched the hem, suddenly partial to the coarse fabric in a way I had never been at the Caves; but it was tattered and worn, barely even resembling a shirt after all it had been through. I felt like the shirt.
I winced when one of the bandages pulled on the deep claw marks.
“Sorry,” Staden said quietly. He worked more gently, freeing the final bandages with care. “What do you think, Jatha?”
Jatha stood from putting new bandages on my side and walked around to join him. They both stood silent for so long I began to feel uncomfortable.
I was about to ask them what they were staring at when Jatha spoke, his words soft as though tightly controlled. “How could anyone do this to another person?”
I glanced back at him. “I’m a Duskie, remember? Not a person.”
But when I met his light green eyes, I could see he didn’t appreciate the joke. He studied my back as if an answer to a pressing question was written in the lash scars. I turned away and clenched my hands.
Jatha touched my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Nexa. I just forgot how bad it was.” His words were so apologetic I instantly forgave him. “I just don’t get it, that’s all.”
Staden sighed and began cleaning the wounds with ointment he had brought with him. “We’re doctors, remember? We heal, not harm. Don’t lower yourself to the mind of someone who could take out their frustrations on another person’s back.”
I let out a grim laugh. “I earned the lashes.”
Staden and Jatha both fell silent and I wondered what look they shared behind my back. I waited in silence for them to finish the bandaging, and heard the door to one of the dressers open.
“All done,” Staden said.
I lowered what was left of my shirt and turned around. “Thank you both. You’ve done so-“
Jatha stood in front of me with a dark blue dress edged with black lace in his hands. “You should take advantage of the clothes here.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t even picture myself in clothing so fine, let alone a dress, which was something I had never even worn before. “I can’t.”
Jatha frowned in thought and surveyed me with a frank gaze I found unnerving. He then turned back to the closet. When he returned this time, he held a pair of simple light brown pants and a white shirt with ruffles at the front and on the sleeves. “Is this a little better?”
I was about to protest again that I couldn’t wear the clothes, but the thought of the soft fabric against the many wounds along my body made me hesitate. My clothes also carried a certain odor from the trek that didn’t belong in the castle. “You’re wearing clothes from the closets in your rooms?” I asked.
Staden and Jatha exchanged looks of triumph and I realized they must have been trying to be polite about my attire. “We changed the second we reached our rooms yesterday,” Staden said. “It’s nice to wear something clean after a long journey.”
Jatha waved the clothes at me. “If you don’t wear them, they’ll just go to waste.”
I doubted it, but allowed myself to be persuaded. Jatha grinned and handed me the clothes on his way out.
Staden paused by the door. “There’s scented water in the bowl by your mirror. It wouldn’t hurt to scrub a little.”
I blushed, but thanked him. When they shut the door, I sat on the bed and stared at the clothes in my hands. The white shirt was made of a soft fabric I had never felt before. It was silky but breathed well, a shirt perfect for the hot desert sun. The pants were of animal skin, but worked so soft that my fingers made little whorls on the hide. I held them to my nose and could detect a very faint rawhide smell, but it was hidden under the soaps and creams used to tan the hide and probably undetectable to the less sensitive Luminos nose.
I ignored the shoes entirely. I had never worn shoes and didn't know how Axon and his men could bear to wear such uncomfortable looking things everywhere they went.
I found some underclothes in a drawer on the right of the dresser, and was grateful Jatha had refrained from mentioning them to let me save some pride. I piled my old clothes in a corner of the room, dismayed at how dirty they were compared to the beautiful white rug and cream upholstery around me. I went to the bowl by the mirror and used the rag to wash myself.
When I smelled thoroughly of the unknown flowers in the bowl and nothing of the hot desert sand and baking sun, I slipped into the soft underclothes, relishing the way they felt against my damaged skin. I stepped into the pants and fastened them using the braided belt of the same hide that they came with, then pulled on the white shirt. The fabric rested softly on my shoulders as though I wore a breeze that soothed my skin instead of scratching against it like my shirt from the Caves. I sighed and turned to the mirror.
The features of the Duskie girl that stared back at me had softened somewhat as though a night without fearing for her life had taken away a few rough years. I touched my face to convince myself she was really me. I had never been so clean, nor worn such fine clothing. I didn't feel like myself.
A knock sounded at the door and I turned. When the door didn’t open and the knock sounded again, I hurried to open it.
Axon stood dressed in a regal gold doublet edged in black, with matching black pants and a gold cape that hung from his shoulders. His shoulder-length light hair was washed and combed back, and he smelled of the outdoors in a way that said the scent was bottled instead of obtained by true wandering. He looked me up and down as though he couldn’t help himself and his eyes widened. “Hello, Nexa?”
I smiled at the question in his voice and couldn’t help the color that rose to my cheeks. “Good morning, Axon. How did you sleep?” I applauded myself for regurgitating the niceties I had heard the upper class at the Caves speak, though it always seemed strange to me that the quality of someone’s sleep was a topic of conversation.
A soft smile touched Axon's lips. “Very well; I didn’t have to worry about waking up to an attack.”
I laughed. “That’s how I felt.”
His shoulders relaxed and he nodded at the room. “Feeling a little more comfortable here?”
I looked behind me at the waded up blanket on the rug and the untidy pile of clothes in the corner and felt suddenly guilty. “I should clean it up. I’m sorry, I-“
Axon caught my arm before I could turn away. “I’m glad that you’re comfortable,” he said pointedly. “You’re a guest here and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
I shrugged out of his grasp. “It’s not even my room. I shouldn’t be so cavalier about it. It’s just that Jatha and Staden came early to check on how I was healing and Jatha picked out some clothes for me to wear.” I stopped at the look on Axon’s face. Red touched my cheeks again and I couldn’t explain why I had blushed more in the last hundred heartbeats than I had my entire life. “What?”
A smile started at his eyes and echoed on his lips. “I’m just trying to picture Jatha picking out clothes.”
A laugh escaped me. “He wanted me to wear a dress.”
“That I really would have liked to see.” He lowered his eyes before I could tell if he was joking or not, and the emotions of the night before along with the memory of the kiss made my heart flutter. I could still taste his lips, soft and fleeting.
Axon cleared his throat and met my eyes again, speaking rapidly. “I just came to say that I’ll be at a council all day and you will probably be more comfortable here instead of chained to a seat like me.”
I stared at him and he laughed. “Metaphorically speaking, of course.” He sighed and brushed the hair out of his eyes in the first self-conscious gesture I had seen him make. “Please relax here and recuperate from our journey. You deserve the rest.”
I gave a slight frown. “You need to rest, too.”
He smiled with a boyish charm. “No rest for kings and queens and their pawns,” he recited from somewhere in his past. He winked. “The trouble is, I think I’m a pawn.”
He bowed and turned away, his cape waving slightly
in the wind of his wake. I watched as the rest of the Luminos joined him at the end of the great hall and left through the massive wooden doors. The doors shut and left me in a silence that felt so deep I wanted to scream just to break it. The Caves had been filled with tapping, rock breaking, and the sounds of hundreds of people living within a confined space. Even with my fingers in my ears, I had never experienced true silence. The effect was unnerving.
I pushed my hands to my temples, realized I was still standing in my doorway, and was about to return to my room when a tantalizing scent touched my nose. A glance at the other end of the room showed two tables set with more food than the Duskies ate at the Caves in a year. Several plates from the rest of Axon’s Luminos sat partially eaten on a third table waiting for disposal.
I decided that Axon’s suggestion to relax and recuperate definitely pertained to eating as much as I could as long as there was no one to stop me. I filled a plate up with lightly scented cheeses, pastries dipped in a light brown sauce that tasted of cinnamon and sweet cream, and honey-baked meat strips that fell apart at my touch. I grabbed a couple of peeled fruits I had never tasted, hesitated about putting them in my new, clean pockets, and ended up taking a second plate to carry them.
Feeling glutinous, I carried the plates to one of the couches, then worried that I would spill on them. I took the food to a corner and sat with my back against the wall. It smelled so good my stomach growled loud enough that I feared the Luminos would hear it; but unlike the pastry I had stolen at the Caves, it tasted as good as it smelled. I had to remind myself to eat slowly because there was no one to take the food away.
As I ate, I twisted the manacle on my wrist. It felt small now, almost decorative without the heavy chain attached to it. Dathien had mentioned having it removed here, but I didn’t mind that they had more important things to worry about. Somehow, the manacle reminded me of my roots, that I had a past, a home even it if wasn’t luxurious or even homey, and lost amid the finery of the castle, it was nice to remember I had a mother and father somewhere, even if they never knew me. I sighed and pushed the thoughts away.