by Lydia Rowan
She didn’t push now. She let the tears flow, for D’yavol, for herself, for what they could have had, released tears of rage at what he had denied them. Through it all, Shayla held her.
After several long minutes, Julie stepped back and wiped her face. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Don’t apologize, Julie. I’m your friend. And you’ll get through this,” she said with a firm nod that brooked no argument.
Julie hugged Shayla one last time and headed out the door.
The first mile of the five-mile trek was a blur. Julie knew she was doing the right thing, but the thought of going back to the apartment, every inch of it marked with some memory of him, terrified her. By the third mile, she’d decided it was time to move on, that she’d try to start over somewhere else. There was nothing left for her here, and living with the memories and his absence every day was too much to bear. She approached that spot, the place where she’d first met him, and let the recollection wash over her. He’d always taken care of her; from the very first, he’d proven he’d cared, and she almost dissolved into tears again at the thought that she’d never have the chance to thank him.
The roar of a car engine made her turn her head.
She looked over her shoulder sharply at the nondescript sedan approaching. Her instincts screamed that she should run, and after everything that had happened, she’d never ignore them again. She began to walk as swiftly as she could, looking for a place to duck in quickly and releasing a muttered oath when she realized most of the stores were closed this early on Sunday morning. She looked over her shoulder again, noted the sedan still pacing her, and abruptly turned around and started running in the opposite direction. It wasn’t much, but it would buy her some time to get away.
She ran and ran, her focus solely on retreat, so much so that she was surprised when the sharp squeal of burning rubber pierced her ears, forcing her to look back as the sedan, full with three older ladies decked out in their Sunday best, came to an abrupt stop, the occupants peering at her alarmed.
“Are you okay?” the driver yelled, her expression wary but her voice laced with genuine concern.
“Oh, yes, ma’am,” Julie said around gasped breaths and the sharp sting in her chest, a result of both the pain of her injuries and her embarrassment at her behavior. “Just a little jumpy that’s all.”
“Well… okay, but can you tell us how to get to First Baptist?”
Julie gave the directions and waved the ladies off after promises to take care. Just as her racing heart finally calmed, she reached the front door of her building. Not stopping, afraid she might lose her nerve, she entered the building and walked down the hall to her door, unlocking it before she had a moment to change her mind.
Her jaw dropped at the scene that greeted her.
It looked… normal, like the place that she’d spent thousands of days in, like she’d never left, like nothing bad had ever happened here. She’d expected a mess, but everything was its place, and even those cheery curtains had been rehung over the pantry shelf. And there in the middle of the room her cheap table and cheap chairs, still flimsy but more treasured by her than the most valuable diamond. Images of them at that table, laughing, sharing, falling in love, flashed through her mind, poignant but equally brutal because that was all they were, images, memories, the only thing she’d have to rely on as she tried to make it through her days.
Pain again seared her chest, and tears clouded her vision. Coming here had been a mistake, but that, at least, she could fix. As she reached for the knob, a knock sounded. The kick of her heart trying to soar was quickly squelched. She couldn’t give hope even a moment’s thought. To do so would be too costly.
She turned the knob and saw him there as she had so many times before, but this time like a mirage, a manifestation of her deepest desires brought to life. Stunned, she dropped her hand and took a step back.
“May I enter?” he asked, the words common but now imbued with a new depth and longing.
The rasp of that voice, the soothing, gravelly sound that belonged to only one man, so familiar, yet different somehow, softer, unburdened, traveled through her ears and settled in her heart, a place that it, that he, would always occupy.
He looked at her, the question in that beautiful blue gaze, a gaze that could freeze but that always made her melt. But she could barely form a coherent thought, let alone speak, her mind caught in a struggle between disbelief and desire to hold him close. Somehow she managed a small nod, and he entered and closed the door behind him, his motions breaking the spell and loosening her tongue.
“You cleaned the place up.”
A statement, not a question.
“Yes. It seemed wrong to leave that ugliness here.”
The sincerity of his words cut through her, made her weak in the knees.
“I thought…”
She couldn’t get the words out. Had accepted the truth of them, but hadn’t yet dared say them out loud. He approached her then and pulled her into a gentle embrace, his warmth flowing into her but his arms and body only providing a whisper of touch. Out of concern for her injuries, or for some other reason, she wasn’t sure. But then she felt a slight tremor in his hands, the sensation causing her to look up and into his eyes, deeply, searching.
“I’m sorry. I had to choose, and I had to be sure.”
Confusion marred her thoughts, and as if sensing it, he tightened his hands and asked, “Do you remember what you said to me, that first time at my place?”
She lifted her shoulders and gently shook her head.
“You told me I got to choose who I wanted to be. And when I saw you in that hospital—” He trailed off abruptly and looked away, clenching the fabric of her shirt with his fists.
“I chose who I’d always been, who I always thought I’d be. I chose Devil.” His words faded and his gaze was far off. Then he looked directly into her eyes.
“Kill. That was my only thought. I was going to kill them, Julie, all of them. Rip them apart with my bare hands. And I was going to love every second of it. That’s why I left you. The urge was so strong. I couldn’t sit still, do nothing in that hospital when they were out there.”
“But I needed you,” she said, unembarrassed that the hurt and sadness in her voice was apparent.
“I figured that out… after,” he said.
“What happened, D’yavol?”
“I knew how to find out who was behind it, so I went, asked the right people the right questions, and after some… persuasion, they were happy to point me in the right direction. I found him. Had him in my hands. I expected to feel relief, pleasure, but there was only emptiness. But then, I thought of you, how you make me feel…”
The hope she thought she’d squashed rose again. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does. In that moment, as I held that man’s life in my hands, I knew that if I killed him, I may as well have killed myself.”
“I’d have loved you no matter what.”
He smiled, leaned down, and kissed her gently on the lips.
“I know, and that’s why I couldn’t go through with it. Not and still be a man worthy of the love you so freely give.”
“That’s not true—”
“It is. And I chose, Julie. I chose who I wanted to be.”
Unbidden, tears sprang to her eyes. “But you stayed away… I thought you…”
“I had to make sure you were safe.”
“Are you? Am I?”
“Yes, at least for the moment. And I promise this,” his voice hardened, the dark, dangerous man she’d first met returning, “I will protect you, Julie. No matter what I have to do, who I have to become, no one will ever harm you again.”
His sincerity was unquestionable.
“And what about… us?”
The clouds in his eyes disappeared, and hope, desire, and love shined through.
“There’s an ‘us’?”
“Always. Because I love you.”
The brightest smile she’d ever seen covered his face.
“I love you so much, Julie,” he said, “I want you—no, need you with me.”
“Okay,” she said simply.
“You didn’t ask where we’ll go, what we’ll do…”
“It doesn’t matter as long as I’m with you.”
He smiled brighter then and captured her lips in a kiss.
Also by Lydia Rowan
Beneath the Boss
Beneath the Boss (Book One)
Beneath the Boss (Book Two)
Beneath the Boss (Book Three)
Beneath the Boss (Omnibus)
Guardian’s Heart
Heart of Danger
Victor for Valentine’s
Heart of Healing
Playthings
Devil’s Plaything
Standalone
Feel & Obey