by Ivy Jordan
With every image that popped into my mind, every memory that flooded my brain, sadness filled my heart. I still couldn’t figure out why I was so sad. What was waiting for me that filled me with such misery?
I knew I’d find the answers out soon enough. With Liam there, interrupting the distraction Xander had given me from my past, it was bound to start flooding over me without warning.
Chapter Nineteen
Xander
I watched Bailey while cleaning up our breakfast dishes. She was perched on the small chair by the couch, her knees pushed up to her chest, and a sour look on her face. I knew that having Liam around was bothering her, and the tension between them was starting to take its toll on me as well. It had only been one night, but it felt like a month. The peaceful enjoyment of having company was gone. I remembered why I preferred being alone.
“Looks like the storm passed,” Liam called out to me from the couch.
Bailey’s eyes glared into him as he fiddled with the satellite radio. I dropped the towel I was using to dry dishes on the counter and moved into the main room. The windows were starting to thaw from the icy glaze they’d had for the past couple weeks, and the sky was clear, offering up sunshine instead of dark clouds.
“Yeah,” I acknowledged, taking notice of Bailey’s disinterest.
“The mountain’s still covered though, even though it quit snowing,” Bailey pointed out.
“But it’s melting. Aren’t you eager to get off this mountain?” Liam asked.
Bailey offered up a faint smile, but her lips were tightly pursed, and it was obvious she wasn’t elated by the news.
“I’ve been here a day, and I’m ready to go,” Liam laughed.
Bailey rolled her eyes as she pulled the throw at her feet up over her arms.
“Nothing’s stopping ya,” she hissed.
Holy shit!
These two were like alley cats ready to brawl over the last mouse in the alley. I knew the night before that Bailey was frustrated at Liam’s visit. When I held her in my arms, she pulled away, not offering to snuggle, and not offering any affection. I still slept great holding her, no nightmares, no midnight wake-ups of sweat and feelings of guilt.
Bailey, on the other hand, seemed restless. I wasn’t sure if she was having nightmares, memories, or if the stress of our new houseguest was just getting to her.
“I’m not leaving until we all do,” Liam said calmly.
He was never one to get upset. He was level-headed, always calm, and even in times of chaos, he was the voice of reason. It was one of his best assets, one I admired deeply.
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t sleep very well,” Bailey apologized.
“I’m sure being stuck in this cabin for two weeks has taken its toll,” Liam offered as an acceptance.
“It’s actually been quite nice here,” Bailey smiled sweetly in my direction.
It was good to see her smile again and to see the sweetness she held inside. I was growing worried she was going to become a handful with the stress she had no ability to hide shining through.
“How long do you think we should wait to travel down?” Liam asked, his eyes curiously heavy on mine.
He knew I was growing attached to Bailey, too attached, and that having her leave wasn’t exactly on my top priority of things to do. I sighed, looking over at Bailey, who anxiously awaited my answer.
“If it were just you and I, we could go now, but I’d say we should wait for the snow to melt some before risking Bailey slipping again,” I replied.
Liam leaned back on the couch, clutching his coffee cup tightly in his hand. It was obvious he wasn’t pleased with my response, but he knew better than to question my expertise.
“So, a couple days at most?” he questioned.
“As long as the storms are over, I’d say that’s doable,” I agreed reluctantly.
“Will the roads even be cleared by then?” Bailey asked.
“I have my truck. Hell, I got here with it much worse,” he replied.
The two of them seemed to go back and forth on everything. Bailey tried to debate everything Liam said, and he seemed to push her buttons by constantly talking about her leaving.
“I’m gonna take a hike, see how things are clearing up out there,” Liam announced, standing from the couch.
He stretched his arms to the ceiling, letting out a loud growl as he pulled the muscles loose in his back. I watched him gather his gear and get bundled up, never offering to tag along. I wanted the time alone with Bailey. I knew we’d get very few chances for it again.
As he walked out the front door, I turned to Bailey, who was still sitting with her knees pushed tightly into her chest.
“I’m sorry he showed up,” I consoled.
“I just hate that our last days together are not alone,” she whined.
I hated it too.
“He’s a good guy. He’s just looking out for me,” I assured her.
“By telling you to get rid of me, I’m sure,” she snapped.
I moved towards her, kneeling in front of her with my hands on her knees.
“He doesn’t want me to get rid of you,” I explained.
Her eyes squinted, and her head turned away from me. It was clear she didn’t buy that at all.
“He is concerned that we’ve gotten so close, and neither of us knows what waits for you down this mountain,” I admitted.
Her eyes moved to mine, that beautiful innocence gleaming within them, so bright, so green, so pure. There was no way she remembered anything. She wasn’t hiding anything from me, trying to deceive me in any way. I’d spent nearly two weeks with this woman, and she’d been nothing but amazing.
“My biggest problem is I already know what’s here, so I don’t care about what’s below the mountain,” she sighed, her eyes starting to well up with tears.
I rose up, wrapping my arms around her, and pulling her into my chest.
“Are you sure you haven’t had any memories?” I questioned, suddenly concerned that maybe I was wrong.
Why wouldn’t she want to at least find out what is out there? She may have a family, a loved one, hell, she may have children or a husband for all I know, for all either of us knew. If she hadn’t remembered, wouldn’t she want to?
“No. I told you I remembered the song lyrics, and frying chicken,” she hissed, her eyes turning cold and distant.
“I’m sorry. I just thought maybe you had, and something bad was down the mountain. I can’t imagine any other reason why you wouldn’t want to at least know,” I explained.
“I know I’ve never felt this way about anyone. That’s the only thing I know,” she sighed.
I squeezed her tightly in my arms, kissing her on the side of her neck. She giggled as my whiskers tickled her sensitive skin, wiggling in my arms and causing me to laugh. Damn, I was gonna miss her.
Just as our tension released, Liam burst through the front door. I pulled away from my grip on Bailey, turning towards the cold breeze he brought with him as he entered.
“It’s looking pretty good,” he announced.
I wasn’t pleased to hear the news, and from Bailey’s welled up tears, it was obvious she wasn’t either.
“I think we can take off tomorrow, as long as we start early,” he suggested.
“Okay. You sure we shouldn’t wait a couple days for the snow to clear?” I pushed.
“I mean, that’s up to you, but it is already starting to melt, and with the temps rising tonight, the warmer ground, I think by morning it will just be slush, no ice,” Liam proclaimed.
“If you think so, then tomorrow morning it is,” I agreed, feeling that gnawing in my gut.
Bailey got up from the chair, moved to the bed, and curled under the blanket. Liam glanced towards her, and then offered me a confused look.
“You wanna come check it out yourself?” he asked.
I knew he was more interested in getting me alone to talk than getting my advice on the path. He was more than c
apable of assessing the risk on his own.
“Sure,” I agreed.
He waited for me to get my gear on and then to tell Bailey I was going to check the mountain. She didn’t respond, only stared up at me with disappointment and pain in her eyes.
“Don’t you find any of this odd?” Liam asked, finally outside in the cold, alone.
I did find it odd.
I shrugged my shoulders, leading the way to the nearest path.
“I mean, Xander, she is actually upset that she gets to go home,” he pointed out.
“We’ve really grown close, and this isn’t easy for me either,” I admitted.
“It’s not like she can’t see you again,” Liam stated.
“I think she’s afraid whatever is waiting for her, that it will change how she feels, or maybe that it will change how I feel,” I defended.
“I’ve read a lot about how kidnapping victims become attached to their captor, actually protecting them, and defending them, even after released,” Liam interjected.
Sigh.
“Are you saying I’m her kidnapper?” I chuckled nervously, not sure where he was going with this.
“Not at all, but it’s kinda similar, don’t ya think? She was rescued by you, barricaded with no outside contact, forced to cohabitate with only you,” he went on.
“What are you getting at?” I demanded.
“If she hasn’t remembered anything, and there isn’t a reason for her to avoid making that trip back to her life, her reality, then she must have developed a dependency on you, an attachment of circumstance,” he added.
“So you’re saying that nothing is real, the feelings, the attachment?” I queried, starting to get irritated at his observations.
“They are real, just possibly not as strong. Once she’s gone, that may be it, and you need to be prepared for that,” he warned.
Again with the warnings. Fuck.
“I’m prepared,” I snapped.
I was prepared. I hoped.
“In normal circumstances, she would want to get home, that’s all I’m saying. She could still have feelings for you, but there would be plans to continue to see you after, not a plan to avoid ever leaving, ever finding out what she’d forgotten,” he patted me on the back.
I knew he was right, at least partly. I wasn’t convinced that what Bailey and I had wasn’t real, wasn’t powerful. This was an unusual circumstance, one that wasn’t in any of the psychology books Liam read—or one that he’s experienced before—so it was still unknown what was real and what wasn’t.
Frozen branches that had fallen from the trees during the strong winds of the storm cracked beneath my feet as we made it to the path. The clearing of trees over the path had allowed the sun to burn through the ice, melt most of the snow, and leave what appeared to be a safe path down the mountain.
“I mean, we could go now, but I figured you wouldn’t want to,” Liam voiced.
I nodded, looking back at my friend. I turned back to the path. He was right. We could go now. And he was right that I didn’t want to.
Bailey wasn’t pleased about the news of the path when we made it back inside, but she smiled politely and did her best to cover her disappointment. We agreed that we would start down the mountain in the morning, and from there, we would deliver Bailey to the police station so she could get answers and find her way home safely, to whoever waited for her there.
“Are you okay?” I whispered in Bailey’s ear as I snuggled in behind her in the bed.
I was grateful for nightfall, and for my last night of nightmare-free sleep, but my heart was crushed at the thought of losing her, for possibly forever.
“I’m going to miss you,” she sulked.
I kissed her gently on the cheek. “I’m gonna miss you more,” I smiled.
“I’ll just come back,” she giggled.
“Come back here?” I asked, surprised that she would suggest that.
“Yes,” she smirked.
I squeezed her tightly in my arms, taking in the scent of shampoo in her red hair, the sweet aroma of hormones rising from her smooth skin, and kissed the tiny freckles on her shoulder.
“The woods are no place for a woman. Besides, you probably have a life in town, people who love you,” I sighed.
“I’ve done fine out here,” she snarled, her beautiful lips curling into a cocky smirk.
“Yes, you have. But you’d grow tired of it, of me,” I warned playfully.
“Never,” she vowed.
Liam was shuffling his bag around, probably packing for the trip. I hated that he hadn’t fallen asleep, giving me the chance to have one last night with Bailey in my arms, tasting her sweet arousal on my lips. I pressed my cheek against her shoulder and pulled her into my chest. Within a few minutes, Bailey was asleep, probably dreaming of what awaited her in the morning.
My own eyes closed abruptly, too heavy to fight to keep open, and no reason to with Bailey already making sweet sleep noises. The darkness filled my mind like a black blanket over my eyes, sending me into what I expected to be another peaceful slumber.
Sweat poured down my face, my hair wet and slicked back as I shot up from the mattress. Bailey didn’t budge, still asleep, but restless instead of sound. The blasts from the attack were back, and even with my eyes open and awake to my cabin, the flashes still shot through my mind, and the explosions could be heard from a distance.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, so I laid back down beside Bailey, watching her struggle with her own demons of the dark and wondering what they could be.
Chapter Twenty
Bailey
An old hand gripped onto mine tightly, veins, age spots, and wrinkles all so clearly it was as if it was real. I knew it wasn’t. I was rustling to wake from the imagery that saddened my soul. Tears streamed down my cheeks, burning the skin, and I knew instantly when I heard the voice, “Bailey, you make me so proud.”
I shot up from the bed, Xander wide awake beside me, his eyes filled with concern.
“Did you have a bad dream?” he asked.
“It’s my dad,” I uttered, still shaken from the memories that continued to flood my mind.
“He’s sick. I’m caring for him—I was caring for him,” I shoved my face into my hands, feeling the devastation of letting him down.
I was the only one, the only child, and there was no one else. I’d been gone almost two weeks. My heart filled with panic as I stood from the bed.
“I have to go,” I gasped, searching desperately for warm clothing.
“Hold on,” Xander gripped my arm, pulling me back to the bed. “Are you sure?” he questioned.
I nodded.
“I’m sure. Jackson Martin, Jack, he retired from the Navy, his cancer is in the final stages, and I’m the only one he has,” I sobbed, pushing my face back into my hands.
Xander’s arms wrapped around me as he rocked me gently to calm my tears.
“I have to go. I have to get to him,” I cried.
“Okay. We’ll leave right away,” Xander promised.
My mother, so young in the memory I’d had of her, had died that year. I remembered standing on a wooden stool, barely able to reach the stove, preparing Sunday fried chicken for my dad to cheer him up after her death. He was alone and had always been alone. My mother was the only woman he’d ever loved, and the only one he ever could, besides me, he’d told me once when I pushed for him to date again.
His strength left him so quickly, barely seventy, and he was already so frail. The cancer tore him apart, even more than losing my mother.
Liam and Xander were preparing for the trip while I gathered clothes, layering them on me as I searched the room for anything I might need.
“So you remember?” Liam asked, his smile sincere, but still somewhat irritating.
I nodded. “I’m a school teacher,” I mumbled.
Shit!
“It’s winter break, isn’t it?” Liam asked, instantly calming my nerves.
“Yes. I remember taking off for a hike the first day after the break. It was supposed to be clear,” I sighed, sitting back on the mattress to catch my breath.
Everything was flooding over me so fast, so violently. I couldn’t handle the shock of being blasted with a lifetime of memories at once.
“It was supposed to be clear that day,” Xander chimed in, breathless and showing his own signs of shock.
His eyes were staring into mine, so lost and filled with pain. I knew there were other questions he wanted answers to, and I was happy for once to give them to him.
“There is no one else, just my dad. I moved back home after he fell ill,” I told him, smiling warmly in his direction.
The relief falling over his face made my heart swell. His feelings were true; they were real. I still couldn’t stand the thought of leaving him here on the brutal mountainside alone. I knew I couldn’t stay with him. I couldn’t leave my dad.
“Come with me,” I urged.
Liam glared at me, and then stared at Xander, who remained frozen in his spot. It was obvious I’d shocked him once again, and it was also obvious that he wasn’t planning on leaving his secluded place in the woods.
“I can’t do that,” he grumbled, lacing up his boot.
“Liam, tell him, he can’t stay out here alone,” I pleaded with his friend to reason with him.
“I can’t tell him that. Xander’s able to take care of himself and able to make his own decisions,” Liam replied.
If he was so able to take care of himself, why the fuck did you rush out here, climb a mountain in a blizzard, and ruin my last few days?
“Xander, please,” I pleaded.
Liam moved away from us, walking out the door and leaving us alone. Xander’s eyes were narrowed on mine, and it was clear he was growing frustrated. I didn’t understand. We were happy together. I knew he hated for me to leave just as badly as I hated to go.
“Why can’t you go?” I questioned.
“I can’t handle living in town. People every day, the hustle and bustle, no thanks,” he sighed.