by Sara Jolene
Looking at her now, he knew it had never fully returned.
Jarred wasn’t sure what to do. A war raged inside him. Logic said to walk away, but the other part, the part that remembered what it was like to be around her before, begged him to stay. He’d been trying all week to be there for her. He wanted to help her. Have her know that she could consider him a friend now. He offered her a tentative smile.
She shook her head and pursed her lips in a hard line. She rolled down the window. “What?”
He couldn’t think of a thing to say. Should he apologize? And if so, for what exactly?
Phoebe stared at him. “Look.” She spoke with such harshness that it physically hurt him. He flinched. “I don’t want to talk to you. Especially right now. So could you please leave me be?”
Jarred sighed. He swallowed and tried to convey to her everything he as thinking, but it didn’t seem to be working. “Phoebe, I…” But he trailed off because that was when he heard his name being called from across the parking lot. He’d made plans to meet Jackie and had completely forgotten.
Phoebe tipped her head at the voice. “You’d better get going. Your date has arrived.” She smirked and rolled up the window.
Jarred stood staring as she started the car, backed up, and pulled out of the space. Flashes of them in Alex’s office replaying as she drove away from him. He’d sat quietly like she’d asked, listening to her and Alex go back and forth in legalese. Phoebe really knew her stuff. He could tell that her attitude, combined with her knowledge, made her a force in the courtroom. He had looked down at the slight piece of her thigh that had peeked out as her skirt crept up her legs when she twisted and turned and leaned in different directions. He’d been pretty sure that dress had done some damage in court on its own. He couldn’t stop staring.
“Jarred. Seriously. Are you even listening?” Phoebe had waved a hand in his face. He had been, but then he’d gotten distracted and then began to debate his better course of action. He’d known he could respond politely or he could give her a hard time. She was fierce, and he’d wondered if that wasn’t the way to get her to loosen up around him.
“Sorry.” He’d lifted his head from her thigh to her face. “I was just doing as commanded.”
Phoebe had rolled her eyes. “What do you think?”
He’d shaken his head. “Think about what?”
Phoebe had shaken hers too. He could tell he exasperated her. It made him smile a little. Her face lit up, animated, when she looked at him. Granted, it had been in annoyance, but he had been pretty sure he could change that. He had to.
“About me going over these and seeing if we could get a judge to nullify the later, more recent one?”
Jarred hadn’t immediately been sure he’d wanted that. Not because he wanted the money or any of that, but because he’d known the moment she didn’t have to deal with him, she wouldn’t. He’d wanted her to be happy, though, and if that’s what it took, he would do it. He’d nodded. “Sure. Whatever. Are we done here?”
Phoebe had glared daggers at him. “You have someplace more important to be?”
Jarred had narrowed his eyes at her. He understood he’d hurt her, and he also knew she was all sorts of messed up over losing her grandmother, but he would not fight fair if she wouldn’t. He felt horribly about what he’d done, but he’d also only been a kid. She wouldn’t even allow him to try to apologize. He’d thought he’d seen her make a face the other day when the Melbourne twins had shown up at the funeral to pay their respects. He would see if he’d been right. “I told Jackie I’d have lunch with her.”
Phoebe had leaned back, almost as if she’d been avoiding being slapped, and Jarred had known he’d struck a chord. A tight one. One that threatened to snap at any moment. He’d wondered what had caused the tension between the two of them and then he remembered. The Melbourne twins had been whom he and Phoebe had run into as they’d exited the bleachers that night. They’d been his age, in his grade, and had both been trying to get him and his best friend to hang out with them forever. They’d been the mean girl type, and that night had been no exception. It had been their words that had set the entire thing in motion.
Jarred remembered those words exactly as Jackie slid up behind him and Phoebe spun her tires out of the parking lot. Jackie had been the one that night to first stare him down and then give Phoebe the evil eye before straightening her spine and turning to her sister. “That was fast,” she’d said. Then she’d turned back to Phoebe and looked her straight in the eye and continued, “Just like the rest of her.”
Three
Jarred wished he’d been able to change things. He’d never wanted anything more than he wanted that. He stood rooted to the spot in the parking lot. Memories flooded him as Jackie spoke and her words went unregistered. Phoebe was already so angry with him, and then for her to have to see him with her, with the one and only person that could have possibly made the situation worse, well, he knew the few walls he’d managed to knock down between them were instantly built back up. He fought through the memories to try to hear Jackie. He wanted to tell her he had to go, but instead he remembered how Phoebe had collapsed when her grandmother had closed her eyes for the last time. He’d tried to be there for her but wasn’t sure how. She’d leaned on him, but he could feel her hesitation. The past between them was preventing him from being able to comfort her in the way she needed. He wished he’d paid more attention, known Mrs. Sullivan was hiding something. For all the time he'd spent with her, it had taken her passing for him to realize just how little he’d paid attention. He’d listened to her stories, and they’d shared meals, but her behavior…the slips and the signs…they were there. He hadn’t noticed them, or maybe he had and he’d dismissed them. He wasn’t sure.
He wished he’d had a relationship with Phoebe. That he could have convinced her to come back to the lake more often to visit. Had her see her grandmother while she was still active, more the way Phoebe remembered her. That was the thing he wanted to change the most. That last glimpse that Phoebe now had to carry with her. She would remember how small and broken her grandmother looked in that bed, and Mrs. Sullivan wasn’t small. She was larger than life. A truly grand grandmother.
Jarred had held Phoebe as the doctors and nurses rushed into the room and confirmed what the two of them already knew. She’d felt right in his arms. He’d been there for her as she cried but still thanked each and every one of the staff for being with Rosalind and taking care of her. Then he’d lead her out to his truck with a fist full of paperwork and a list of phone calls to make.
The ride was silent but full, heavy with the disconnect that separated them. Jarred wondered if Phoebe was going through all her fondest memories of Rosalind, cementing them in her brain to pull out at will when she needed them the most. He knew he was. Mrs. Sullivan had made a huge impact on his life, teaching him more about self-control and how to really be at peace than anyone or any sketch ever had. Jarred had thought he had control over himself when he’d moved out to the lake. It was part of what he loved about his job. The hours upon hours of silence, the sketching, the math, they were all things that sent his mind into chill mode. He didn’t freak out when a problem arose, he worked it out, he let the numbers and the pencil strokes work them out for him. Designing was almost as easy as breathing, and when it wasn’t, he’d grab a hammer and build. Mrs. Sullivan had taught him how to quiet his mind without those things. He’d never met anyone like her and knew he wouldn’t again.
Jarred had taken Phoebe back to her house and walked her to the door. He’d offered to come in and sit with her, but she’d waved him off, saying she wanted to be alone. He wasn’t sure if that was it or if she just hadn’t wanted to be around him. It was almost déjà vu as they sat in Alex’s office. He’d been trying to tell her that he’d do whatever she wanted. That he didn’t want or need her grandmother’s money or property. He wanted her to be happy because her grandmother had wanted her to be happy, but as he’d left, while
Phoebe was looking at him as if she wished something would come by and crush his skull, he realized it was good she’d shut him up. Because now he knew there’d been a reason her grandmother had added him. Maybe she’d known that Phoebe would sell and didn’t want that, or maybe she’d wanted to make sure that if she kept the place, she’d have someone like him, who was knowledgeable to assist her. He wasn’t positive what the exact reason behind her decision had been, but he knew he was right. He was doing exactly what Rosalind had wanted him to.
Jarred started toward his truck, turning away from Jackie. He wasn’t sure he could handle lunch with her. She’d been after him for years, and when he’d moved back, he’d thought they’d been able to come to an easy agreement with one another that they’d be friends and nothing more.
He still wasn’t sure what she was saying but he could feel her following him. He reached for the handle.
“Did you want to go into the city to eat?” she asked.
Jarred finally shut off the path to memory lane inside his head and focused on the woman before him. Jackie was pretty but nothing in comparison to Phoebe. He wondered briefly if that had been a source of the tension between them. He shook his head. “No. I think it’s best if I go.”
Jackie pouted in that way that women think men like, but all it really does is make them look desperate. “But I was looking forward to spending some time with you today.”
Jarred shook his head and pulled the door open. “Maybe another time.” He started to climb in the truck. He turned to say goodbye but caught Jackie’s face changing. She went from trying to be pouty and sexy to angry. “Is this because of her?”
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He turned around fully to face her. “Are you serious?”
Jackie put her hands on her hips and leaned toward him, her low-cut shirt hanging and revealing more than was appropriate for public. “As a heart attack. Is this about her?” She took another step toward him and put a finger in his face. “Because if it is, Jarred Holton, we’re through. You’ve ditched me for that… that…”
Jarred waited, wondering what she was trying to come up with.
She spit and sputtered. “You better not have ditched me for her. Again.”
Jarred shook his head. He turned and climbed into the truck, disbelieving everything he was hearing. It was like they were back in high school all over again, only this time Jackie’s delusions were much more serious. “Have a good day, Jackie. Be sure to tell Bridget I said hello.” He shut the door as she started to yell something in response.
Jarred didn’t even look back. He just pulled out of his space in the lot and left, thinking of nothing but the look on Phoebe’s face as she registered who it was calling for him from across the way.
The drive home was quiet and mechanical. So much so that he couldn’t stop the onslaught of memories that seemed to be plaguing him that day. Seeing her again had been like stepping back in time. He remembered the very first moment he’d seen her. He’d just gotten off the lacrosse field. They’d been walking to the locker room. He’d still had his helmet on, so he’d ended up whipping his head around and doing a double take. She’d been by herself, looking a little forlorn but flushed. He’d been mesmerized. He later realized that was the thing about Phoebe Sullivan, she got stuck in your craw. He’d been hopeless after that day, watching for her in the halls between classes, and then again each day after practice. He never saw her though, which made him think maybe he’d gotten checked too hard in practice that day and had imagined her. About three months later, he’d given up hope. He’d had a free period before lunch, and usually he went out early with his friends, but that day he’d had an appointment with his guidance counselor. She was there, in the hallway, as he left the office halfway through the period. He’d stopped her, unable to help himself. He’d wanted to know her name. He’d introduced himself. She’d fidgeted and quietly told him who she was. He’d asked her if she’d like to hang out sometime. She hadn’t really answered him. She’d given him a shy smile until he’d asked if he could give her ride home from school that day. She’d nodded but not said a word. That had been the beginning of the end.
Jarred had been lost as of that moment. He’d met her at his car after school that day, and they’d spent a quiet twenty minutes riding out to her place. The moment he’d stepped out of the car, he’d been in awe. He’d never seen Clover Lake, and it swept him up. She’d brought him down to the water’s edge and pointed out all the spots where they’d built various amenities. He’d watched how animated she got when talking about her family and the summer camp or the family vacationers that used to frequent there. She talked about the golf course a lot. Apparently her grandfather had been the one to build it. He’d loved golf and thought that if the ladies had a spa to go to, the men needed a place too. Her grandmother had later told Jarred the same story, with the same amount of enthusiasm, but added in the fact that Rosalind herself was an avid golfer and was thrilled with the addition.
When Phoebe had been telling him about the golf course was when he’d spotted the empty nook, or cranny some called it, in the hillside. “What’s up there?”
Phoebe had shrugged. “Nothing. My gram doesn’t want to build anything there. She seems to think that spot has a purpose that has nothing to do with her.” She’d looked at him then, really looked at him, and Jarred had seen so much of her in that moment, he should have walked away then, but he hadn’t been able to. He was caught. Unable to free himself and unsure if he even wanted to be let loose.
Mrs. Sullivan had been a unique woman. He wondered if his house was fulfilling the purpose that nook had held all that time. Thinking it did, and that Rosalind had known even before he had, caused a rush of emotion to overtake him. He was happy to think he was part of that legacy, even just a small part.
“No. Please don’t, Jess. It isn’t like that. It can’t be like that.”
Phoebe could picture her friend shaking her head. “And why the hell not? I saw him at the service he’s… well, he’s hot.”
It was Phoebe’s turn to shake her head. “Because he’s basically the enemy. Leave it to Gram to find the one and only lawyer in podunk rural Pennsylvania that could actually draw up an ironclad will. I can’t believe she did this.”
Phoebe tossed the stack of papers onto the table and stood, staring out the huge picture window that looked over the lake. She was only sort of listening to Jessica on the other end of the phone. She sighed and asked the question that had been plaguing her all day, “Why? I just don’t understand why Gram would do this. She knows. He said he told her, which means she had to know we wouldn’t be getting along.” Her thoughts trailed off as her mind took her further back to that time, outlining all the whys and the hows. Anger welled up inside her. How could he have left her today to go have lunch with her! Lost in the chaos she’d started in her head, she didn’t realize she’d spoken aloud.
“Wait, what?” Jess hadn’t missed a beat.
“Nothing. It's nothing. I just can’t figure out why Gram would have done this. Like, does he need money or something?” She looked out over the water to where she knew she’d see his house just peaking up between the hills. She shook her head. “No, that can’t be it. He’s supposedly fantastic at what he does.”
“And what is that?”
“Huh?”
“What he does? What is it?”
Phoebe was so lost, it was as if a fog had settled over her brain and encased it so the same thoughts swirled. None could leave, and nothing new seemed to penetrate. “Oh, he’s an architect or a contractor. Something that has to do with building.”
“Do you know where he works?”
Jess was being obtuse. Why would she want to know that?
“I saw some letterhead in his truck; Peterson and Penn, I think. I’m not sure. I was kind of out of it when he drove me home. Why does it matter?”
Phoebe could hear Jess’s fingers flying over her keyboard. She must have been working still. “
Well, well, well… I have to say I agree; it’s not about money. He should have plenty of it. Got any other ideas?”
Phoebe laughed and shrugged. “Not really. What was that before, though, about the money?”
Once again, Phoebe realized just how well she knew her friend. She could picture every turn of Jess’s eye roll as she sighed and explained. “Peterson and Penn is famous. They’re located right here in Philly. Just a few blocks from the office, actually. They’re all about restoration and environmentally building. It looks like he’s one of their lead architects, so he has to be doing well for himself.”
Phoebe was stumped. Well, except for one thing… “The only thing I can think of is that for some reason, Gram wanted to make sure I wouldn’t sell the place. I’m not sure why though. She knows I love what I do. I was born for it. I’m good at it. I don’t want to run a farm.”
Jess laughed. “That spread you’ve got up there is more than just a farm, Phoebs. There is tons of potential there. The golf course is doing great business, and there’s the spa. I know it isn’t exactly high class or full service at the moment, but it wouldn’t take much for it to become so. Plus, it’s your home. I know how much that place means to you. Don’t pretend it doesn’t.”