“So, all three of you are destined to stare at the woman you want across this diner.” Sadie’s words snapped him out of his dark thoughts.
“Uh, what are you guys having?” Ford glanced around the table at his family.
Colt slid his hand over Luna’s shoulders and pulled her close. He kissed her forehead, then turned and pinned Ford with a steady look. “Take it from someone who has been where you are now. No matter what happened in the past between you two, it will only get worse if you don’t talk to her about it.”
“We ended a long time ago.”
Rory shook his head. “Nothing ended, you just went in different directions. The way you look at her, there’s still something there.”
Ford didn’t acknowledge that statement. Didn’t have to. His brothers knew him well enough to know how he felt about Jamie. What Rory didn’t know was that he’d meant to leave them to be with her, and instead he’d let her go, and she’d almost died. He’d confessed to Colt long ago after a long night of trying to drink her out of his mind. Hadn’t worked, it just loosened his tongue, and he’d dumped the whole sordid story on Colt. He wished he’d kept his mouth shut.
“Doesn’t matter. She looks at everything and everyone in this place, but not me.” Okay, that revealed more than he wanted. Luna opened her mouth to say something, but he held up his hand to stop her. “Leave it alone. She’s back, but she’s probably not staying.”
She probably had a boyfriend back in Georgia where she was stationed. Maybe she’d even married, though the news reports said nothing about a husband and family. Still, he didn’t know the details of the last ten plus years of her life. Some of that time, maybe most of it, probably included a man who made her happy. That man wasn’t him, so he didn’t really want to know, because then he’d want to kill the bastard who got to be her everything when once he’d been the lucky one.
He wanted to kill the fucks who’d hurt her. He hoped the guys still serving overseas took care of it for him.
“It’s been a couple of months. How do you like your new place?” Sadie asked, changing the subject for his benefit.
He appreciated it, and the fact she’d fixed up her old house and asked him to move in and work her family’s ranch. The last couple years, and especially since his brothers got married, he’d thought more and more about a wife and family. A home of his own. A ranch. A legacy to leave to his kids, the way his parents had left one to them. With Kendrick Ranch mostly in Rory’s hands now, Ford wanted something of his own. He loved the fact that he finally had a chance to build a business from the ground up. He’d spent the last two months doing maintenance work on all the fence lines and outbuildings, getting ready to run cattle and horses on the property. The fields were in good shape. Sadie kept the grasses and hay fields in good order to help pay for her brother’s many misdeeds and the debts and lawyers that came with them. In jail now, Connor had nearly gotten Sadie killed before Rory saved her—and Connor.
“I love it out there.” He did, but he found it lonely after living with his brothers and granddad all these years. Rory and Sadie were married and expecting a baby in a few short months. Colt moved out and married Luna. She inherited Rambling Range from the old guy who used to come into the diner twice a week to have dinner with her. Crazy stuff happened when the old guy’s family didn’t take too kindly to Luna inheriting Rambling Range, but Colt helped her sort it all out.
So his brothers were settled with their wives, living their lives together, happy and in love, and he lived alone on the ranch he’d always wanted.
He got most of his dream. He should be happy, right?
But the dream in his head still included Jamie and wasn’t the reality he lived. He’d let her go then. He didn’t deserve her now.
He had work to do. If he didn’t bust his ass every minute of the day, he’d never be ready for winter. He didn’t have time to waste on a dream that would never be a reality.
He picked up the beer the waitress sat in front of him and took a long pull from the bottle.
“Hey, Ford,” the waitress said in a sweet voice.
“Hi,” he said back without really looking at her. He vaguely remembered dancing with her at Rory and Sadie’s wedding. Nice girl. But not Jamie. None of the women he’d been with over the years had ever been as special as Jamie.
She’d never known how he truly felt because he’d been stupid enough to encourage her to leave. He never thought it would lead to this. Guilt settled like a stone in his gut. Her wounds, all she’d been through, might have been avoided if he’d begged her to stay. He’d never told her he loved her for all the many times she’d told him. He’d held himself back, too afraid to lay his heart and life on the line for her. She’d done so with him and it cost her dearly.
Lost in his thoughts, he jumped along with everyone else in the diner when Jamie slammed her fists down on the table, rattling dishes, silverware, and glasses, then leaned forward, glaring at her mother, and shouted, “Shut up!”
Tense silence ensued. Jamie clamped her hands on the edge of the table. He felt her vibrate with rage from across the room. He’d seen her angry at her mother a thousand times. A kitten with her claws out, not something you took too seriously. But this primal fury he’d never seen. Where had it come from?
All of a sudden, she stood, pushing her chair back with the backs of her legs. Zac reached over and placed his hand over hers on the table. She batted it away, then rushed off to the hall leading to the bathrooms.
Zac said something to his mother, pointing an accusing finger at her, then tossed his napkin on the table and stood to go after Jamie, leaving his baby in the high chair next to Rick, Jamie’s mother’s newest husband.
“What’s it going to be?” Colt asked. “You going to find out what’s up with your girl, or leave her to fend for herself against her twisted mother?”
Colt knew about some of the shit Terri pulled on Jamie, but not all of it. What Ford knew was enough to make him send Jamie away for her own good. Jamie didn’t share everything. Ford didn’t want to know the rest because then he might end up in a cell right next to Sadie’s brother.
“She’s not my girl.”
“Then try harder,” Rory coaxed in his direct way.
Not bad advice. Did he take it and risk Jamie’s rejection?
Ford turned and stared down the hallway in time to see Jamie come out of the restroom, listen to whatever Zac was saying to her, then punch him in the face and push him up against the wall.
Ford moved without even thinking about it.
“You need help, Jamie,” Zac gasped out, unable to speak clearly with his sister’s arm braced across his throat.
“Let him go,” Ford ordered, hoping to stop this scene before someone else in the restaurant saw them fighting and called the cops.
Jamie didn’t respond, or even seem to know he was there.
“What she said was mean and hurtful. I get it, sis, but you’ve got to let it go. She’s never going to change. But you have to. You’ve got to get a handle on your temper, this rage you can’t control.” Zac looked down at the arm she held against his throat. “Please, Jamie. One of these days, it’s not going to be me you’re punching, but someone who will make sure you’re locked up. I don’t want to see that happen.”
“What do you care? You were with her when she ordered me out of the house.”
“I wanted you away from her. Someplace you could rest and recover and find your head again. I thought you needed some space, but look at you. I’ll say it again. I’ll keep saying it until you hear me. You need help.”
All at once Jamie let loose her muscles and fell against her brother, burying her face in his chest. Zac wrapped his arms around her head and held her close, his cheek on the top of her head. “How much pain do you have to endure before you ask for help?”
Jamie pushed out of Zac’s arms and glared at him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have no idea what it’s like for me now.”
“Tell me. I want to know. I want to help you.”
Jamie lifted her hand to her head, her fingers gripped tight in her short hair. “You can’t help me. No one can.” She turned to flee her brother, but came up short when she nearly ran right into Ford.
He didn’t move, just stared down into stormy green eyes so filled with pain and sorrow her gaze felt like a punch in the chest. “Jamie.” Just her name, that’s all he could manage.
“What are you doing here?”
“I want to help you, too,” he confessed.
She flinched and took a step back like he’d slapped her. “You want to help me? You of all people?” The anger he expected, but not the fathomless sorrow in her eyes. “You saw it then, you can’t help but see it now. I’m not worth saving.” Jamie pushed past him and ran for the door.
Ford took two steps to go after her, hating the tears that rolled down her cheeks as those horrible words came out of her mouth. Even now, he could barely breathe past the sadness those words evoked in him.
Zac grabbed his arm and held him back. “Let her go. She’s in no frame of mind to listen to you, or anyone. You go after her now, she’s liable to shoot you.”
Ford scrunched up one side of his mouth. “She’s upset.”
“Yeah.” Zac worked his bruised jaw. “She works out her upset by hitting things. Though I don’t think it makes her feel better. Nothing seems to make her feel better.”
“What the hell is going on?” Ford didn’t get it. The woman who just left didn’t resemble the girl he used to know at all. Jamie never used to be down on herself like that. He’d seen hints of it, mostly in reaction to her mother’s abusive taunts, but not this kind of deep, desperate, dark, and hurtful belief that she was worthless.
“Mom said something nasty to her about no man wanting her now that she’s all messed up and has that scar on her face.”
Ford had seen it. A slash across the curve of her chin. “How did she get it?”
“Don’t know. We don’t know much about what happened to her over the years. I talked to her the most, but all I got was everything is good, limited details about her working in the military, which seemed more like a trucking job than anything else. Over the last six years of her serving overseas, I heard from her less and less. Whatever happened after that bomb exploded, she doesn’t remember, but the military sure as hell wants to know whatever she knows. That blank spot in her mind torments her to the point she can’t function. You saw her. She overreacts to the smallest things.”
“Your mother has a way of tormenting her in a whole other way,” Ford pointed out.
Zac planted his hands on his hips and hung his head. “Which is why I got her out of their house and moved her into my grandparents’ old place. I thought she’d do better there. She looks worse than when she got home all bandaged up and quieter than I’ve ever seen anyone.”
So, not married with kids. Good to know. Still didn’t rule out a boyfriend back at base or still serving overseas.
As if Ford had a chance in hell of getting her back.
“How long was she in the hospital?”
“Five weeks.”
Ford swore. “That long?”
Zac nodded. “Yeah. Several surgeries. Physical therapy.”
Ford raked his fingers through his hair. “Jesus.”
Zac looked off past Ford’s shoulder to where Jamie had left through the front door. “I can’t imagine what she’s been through.”
“And your mom throws insults in her face on top of it.” Ford clenched his hands into fists. He wanted to defend her, but raging at her mother wouldn’t change anything. Terri had no love in her heart for her own daughter. Jamie deserved better, but she wouldn’t get it from Terri.
“I don’t anticipate any more upcoming family dinners.”
“Better keep your mom away from Jamie from now on.”
Zac dragged his hand over the back of his neck. “Sorry to pull you into this.”
“No problem.” Ford cocked his chin toward Zac’s jaw. “You should put some ice on your face.”
Zac reached up and placed his hand over the dark red mark. “Yeah. She’s got a killer right cross. I kind of wish they’d shot her on the other side of her chest.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She can’t raise her left hand past her shoulder.”
“You’re kidding me?”
“I wish I were. She’s in so much constant pain, she chews on pills like they’re candy. She drinks to fog the nightmare in her head. I’m really worried about her.”
Ford stuffed his hands in his pockets, frustrated. He wanted to do something, but what? “Sounds like you have every reason to be.”
“All I think about is the doctor’s warning that veteran suicides are fifty percent higher than the civilian population in the first three years they leave the military. She’s lost her purpose, her friends, the life she built for herself. I’m afraid she’ll never find her way and be happy again.”
The thought of a world without Jamie in it squeezed his heart and made it ache.
Zac shook off his thoughts and stared at him. “Sorry, man, how are you? It’s been a long time.”
“Long enough for you to have a kid.”
“My son, Corey. He’s nine months old and growing like a weed.”
“Where’s his mom?”
Ford couldn’t quite read the emotions that zipped across Zac’s eyes. He thought he saw pain, regret, sadness, rage, and resentment before resignation finally settled in them and stuck. “She’s a long story.” Zac sighed. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you and my sister. I’m sure you had your reasons for breaking things off with her. If you cared about her then, maybe you’ll do me a favor and if you see her around, make sure she doesn’t get into any more trouble. That’s all I ask.”
“Done.”
“Just like that.” Zac eyed him suspiciously. “You still care about her.”
“Never stopped. She wanted to leave, but I couldn’t go with her.”
“You never told her why.”
Then, the ranch had been near foreclosure. Now, he was trying to get a ranch off the ground. He still had the same problems. Lots of work, limited funds, winter only months away. Then, his family had been counting on him. Now, Sadie counted on him to make a go of the business and help support her so she could stay home with the baby when it came and she could take a shot at a writing career. The list of things he needed to do ran through his mind, overwhelming in its magnitude, made even more difficult because most of it he had to do on his own. His brothers helped out, but they had their lives and their ranches to run, too. Plus, he liked a challenge. He wanted to do it on his own.
“Like you said, I had my reasons.” None of which had ever stopped him from loving Jamie.
Her words rang in his head. I’m not worth saving. He’d tried to show her once that she was worth more than anything in this world. He’d have to show her again, because he couldn’t live in a world where his Firefly wasn’t happy, couldn’t fly, and didn’t shine.
Chapter 3
Tobin walked into the lieutenant’s office, closed the door, stood at attention, and saluted.
Lieutenant Gedetti saluted back. “At ease, Sergeant. Take a seat.”
“Thank you for seeing me, sir.”
“How are you?” The lieutenant eyed him up and down.
Tobin hoped the lack of sleep and endless nights drinking didn’t show on his face. He’d gone so far as to plunge his mug in a sink full of ice water to take down the swelling under his eyes and wake him up from the fog he’d been living in since the Army changed his orders, cut his deployment short, ordered him home and on leave.
“I’m well, sir. Ready to get back to work.”
“You’re on leave until Sergeant Keller is debriefed again.”
“I’ve given my report of what happened. I don’t understand why my life is on hold because her mind’s a blank slate.”
“We have
your statement from the debriefing and her account of what she remembers. I understand she’s been diligent about her sessions with Dr. Porter. It’s only a matter of time before she’s well enough to allow her mind to remember the events in full.”
He hoped Jamie never remembered the hell they’d been through. “Who cares at this point the exact details of what happened? Let me come back to work. I need to work.”
“The Army cares about what happened to those soldiers. The families of the deceased care what happened to their loved ones. You should care what happened to your friends.”
Tobin raked a trembling hand through his hair, wishing for a drink to calm his nerves. “I do care, sir. I just want to get on with my life.”
“Hard to do when you haven’t dealt with what happened. You saved Sergeant Keller’s life, not once, but twice. You witnessed that terrible attack, killed people, watched people you care about fall beside you. You’ve been ordered to take your leave and see the shrink.”
“I finished my sessions, sir. I don’t need to go back.”
The lieutenant’s eyes narrowed on Tobin’s fisted hands on his thighs. “You might want to rethink that.”
“If Jamie can’t complete her debriefing, will the commander close the case?”
The lieutenant tilted his head, contemplating his next words. “There are conflicting reports coming in about the ambush and attack. We’re waiting on some further information. The commander is concerned.”
No one else survived, except the few insurgents captured when help arrived and the poor people who lived in that shit town. They had their own agenda. Who could believe anything they said?
“It’s doubtful Sergeant Keller’s memory will come back. She’s in a bad place.”
His Cowboy Heart Page 3