“You’re getting better.”
“I am better, thanks in part to you.” She sighed, her back rising and falling under his hand. He kneaded and rubbed. She relaxed more and more.
He leaned up and kissed her on top of the head. “Better?”
“You do so many good things to me with those hands.”
He chuckled, happy she’d finally let go of her worries about him seeing and touching her. “It’s really selfish. I like touching you too much to stop.”
She lifted her head and stared at him, her green eyes filled with heat. “Don’t stop.”
He didn’t. He loved her long into the night, stopping for an intimate dinner naked in bed, until they reached for each other again and eventually collapsed in exhaustion. Best night of his life, and he wanted more of them. A lifetime of them.
Chapter 16
Jamie pulled into Zac’s driveway happy to see her brother and nephew for the first time since she stormed out of the restaurant. She gut-checked the urge to turn the truck around and head straight back to Ford’s place when her mother turned from Zac and narrowed her disapproving gaze. The anger came along with the resentment. She hadn’t done anything to deserve that look or her mother’s scorn. As quickly as those feelings surfaced, they dissipated with the heavy sigh Jamie breathed out. Jamie didn’t want to fight with her mother. She didn’t want to carry the burden of past hurts. She just wanted to let it go. If her mother couldn’t do the same, so be it. She wasn’t going to miss out on seeing her brother and nephew anymore. She’d stayed away for years, settling for phone conversations and emails rather than coming home to see Zac too many times to count.
Their relationship suffered.
She still didn’t know how Zac ended up a single father to his son.
Jamie slipped out of the truck and walked the short distance to join her family. While being with Ford again had made her feel at home, the disconnection she felt from her mother persisted. She wished for a real and loving relationship, but knew deep down she’d never get it. But that didn’t mean she had to continue to feed the animosity between them.
“Jamie, you’re here.” The surprise in Zac’s voice matched the shock in his eyes.
“I hate that you find it so odd I’d come to see my brother.” She softly poked Corey’s belly and made him smile. “And this little one.” She smiled at the baby and brushed her fingers over his golden hair. A longing in her heart for her own child glowed warm and bright.
“What is that thing on your face?” Zac pestered her about the smile she gave him that used to be rare, but came much easier now.
“Shut up,” she teased back. “Hi, Mom. How are you?”
Taken by surprise by her easy manner, her mother eyed her suspiciously. “Just fine. What are you doing here?”
Jamie squashed a smart comeback. Defensive had become her default. She hit reset and tried nice for a change. “I just wanted to say hi and pick up something from the things Zac is storing for me.”
“Always depending on your brother.” Her mother shook her head, her mouth scrunched into a disapproving line.
She wanted to remind her mother that Zac had relied on Jamie growing up to provide him with the mothering and love every kid needed, but they’d lacked as their mother pursued one man after the next. Her mother desperately wanted to be loved, but had never been capable of giving it to her own kids. Sad really, but Jamie had needed time and space and a clearer head to see she’d never change her mother, but she could change herself.
Tired to the bone of always fighting—with her mother, against an enemy only in her mind, for her life—she wanted to live her life the way she had the last several days—filled with peace.
She may have only been able to depend on her mother’s consistently bad attitude, but Zac had never failed to give her his constant love and support. “I’m lucky to have Zac.” She smiled at her brother, who seemed taken aback by her changed attitude.
“You look different. Working with Ford looks good on you, sis.”
Jamie lifted her arms and flexed her biceps like a weight lifter. “I’m getting stronger every day.”
Zac chuckled. “And happier.”
“It won’t last. Ford’s just feeling sorry for you. Eventually, he’ll find a true beauty like his brothers did.”
“Mom,” Zac warned.
Jamie cut him off. “You know what, Mom? It takes a hell of a lot more than a pretty face to keep a man interested.”
“Your face sure isn’t pretty,” her mom shot back.
“Maybe not to you, but Ford doesn’t look at my scars and see something ugly. He sees them as a badge of strength and survival. He cares about me because of who I am, not what I look like. You of all people, with three failed marriages under your belt, should know that love withers and dies under unrelenting jealousy and anger and just plain unhappiness.”
Her mother gasped and wound up to fight back, but Jamie didn’t let her. “I don’t care what you think of me, Mom. I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I won’t fight with you anymore. I hope you can see that I’m happy with Ford. I love him. I’ve always loved him. I’m trying really hard to make a life with him. I have no interest, nor have I ever had any interest, in the men in your life. I want you to be happy. I wish you could say the same to me.”
“You think what you have is better than what I have. You think you’re better than me. You always have.”
“Mom, you’re the only one comparing our lives. Believe me, I wouldn’t wish my nightmares on anyone.” Though having Ford back in her life made all she’d been through worth it. “I love you, but I won’t let you continue to tear me down. I don’t deserve it. You do your thing, and I’ll do mine. Though we’ll share Zac and Corey, we’ll stay out of each other’s way. Let’s just leave it at that for now.”
Jamie turned to Zac. “I’ll be in the shed, looking for what I came for.” She walked away from her stunned mother. Maybe next time they could actually have a cordial conversation.
She slid the shed door open and walked into the cooler, darker interior and checked the stacked boxes, looking for the one she wanted.
Corey’s sweet babbling announced Zac’s arrival a few minutes later as she ripped the tape off a tall box.
“Mom gone?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her speechless,” Zac teased.
Jamie turned and faced Zac. “I can’t do it anymore. I’m going to follow your advice and just let it go.”
Zac titled his head and his lips in a lopsided grin. “Who are you? And what have you done with my sister?”
She chuckled. “It’s me. In fact, this is the most me I’ve felt in a long time.”
“When you came home, I didn’t think I’d ever see you happy again. In fact, I wasn’t sure how long you’d . . . Never mind.” Zac nuzzled his nose into Corey’s hand, playing with the little boy who reminded Jamie so much of Zac as a wild runt running after her years ago. It seemed like a lifetime ago now.
She gently touched his arm. “I gave you every reason to be scared and worried about me.”
“I didn’t know how to help you. You were always there for me, and I just didn’t know what to do for you. Nothing worked. I guess all you needed was Ford.” Zac’s sad voice touched her.
“You helped me more than you know, Zac. Seeing Ford again made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a long time. I found the strength to want to be the woman I became after I left here again. I’m not completely there yet, but it’s getting better.”
“I can see that. So, you two are back together?”
“Yes. But it’s still new.” She pinched her lips, then sighed. “I’m trying not to screw it up.”
“You won’t. You love him.”
“I found out the first go-around that sometimes love isn’t enough. A relationship is work. Ford deserves an equal, someone he can count on. I want to be that woman more than I can say.”
Zac bounced Corey to calm his fussing. “You’ll get there, Jamie. You�
�ve come so far. Give yourself time to heal. If he loves you, he’ll be patient. He’ll pick you up when you fall. Let him help you, sis, so he doesn’t feel like you’re pushing him away.”
Zac spoke of more than her relationship with Ford.
“Where is Corey’s mother, Zac? What happened?”
The tumultuous emotions whirling in Zac’s eyes made her stomach clench. “It’s a long story. We’ll get to it soon. Right now, I need to feed him.” Corey whined and squirmed in Zac’s arms.
“When you’re ready.” She knew all too well that pushing him when the emotions were so close to the surface would only make him defensive. He needed to talk about it. He just wasn’t ready to put words to the confusion a simple question like, What happened? evoked in him.
She’d give him time. Time she still needed herself to get through her own trials and troubles.
“Did you find what you needed?”
Jamie pulled out the manila envelope containing her belongings from her stay in the hospital. She opened it and pulled out the horseshoe she’d taken with her everywhere she went after leaving home. Tobin brought it to her in the hospital and hung it on her bed when those first few hours had been touch and go. “Got it.”
“Is Ford running low on supplies?” Zac joked.
Jamie shook off thoughts of those agonizing days in the hospital. “He gave it to me a long time ago after I had a particularly bad fight with Mom and went running to him. He said it would bring me luck. I hung it everywhere I ever lived, even on the door to my barracks overseas.”
Zac cocked his chin toward the scar on her face. “Looks like you could have used a bit more luck than that thing gave you.”
“I’m still alive,” she pointed out. Others hadn’t been that lucky. She’d suffered, but they’d lost their lives and left behind the people they’d loved. She had a second chance to be with the ones she loved.
“I’m sorry, Jamie, I didn’t think . . .”
“It’s okay. You wish nothing bad ever happened to me. I feel the same way, but I can’t change what happened, no matter how hard I wish it away.” She needed to face it, accept it, and find a way to move on. She only wished this dreaded sense of guilt didn’t hang on like eagle talons ripping through her heart.
“So you’re going to hang that up at your place?”
“No. I’ll hang it at Ford’s. He’s thought about his own ranch for so long. I want him to have it, but it’s not easy. He needs all the luck he can get to make it a success.” Especially with all the oddball things happening at his place. Ranching was a tough business, and most didn’t last. Not the way the Kendrick Ranch had lasted all these years, partly because of the sacrifice Ford had made to stay and fight for his family, the business, and the legacy that meant so much to him and his brothers.
Jamie closed the box lid and walked with Zac back out to her truck.
“You ever going to take all that stuff and fix up Grandma’s place?”
“Maybe. Right now, I’m working on me.” And her relationship with Ford. Maybe one day soon, she’d do more than just work at his place. One day, maybe that place would be theirs.
Chapter 17
Ford wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his forearm. He picked up the jug of iced tea Jamie had made before she left to visit her brother and drank deep right out of the container. He’d worked like a demon the last two hours to get all the hay and grass he’d bailed yesterday stored in the barn he, Rory, and Colt had spent the better part of the last couple of days repairing, or practically rebuilding. He’d thought it would need a few new beams and columns for bracing, but the place had required much more work and it had taken three times as long to get it done. Without his brothers’ before dawn help, it would have taken him more than a week to do it, if he could have done it at all on his own.
Rory smacked him on the shoulder. “You need to hire some help, or let me send a few of the guys over from our place for a few weeks. At least until you’re set up here.”
Ford wanted to say yes, but wasn’t sure Jamie was ready to have a bunch of guys roaming the property. She’d gotten so much better the last couple of weeks. He didn’t want to set her back, but if he didn’t do something soon, he’d be so far behind he’d never catch up before he lost everything.
He wondered if Rory’s offer and the concern behind it were because he didn’t think Ford could pull this off. Sadie was counting on him to provide her with an income from this place, which meant big brother was looking out for his wife’s interests as much as he was trying to help out Ford.
“Look, man, I’m doing the best I can here. I’ll get it done, and Sadie will get her cut. I won’t let you down. I just need more time.”
“What you need is help.” Rory pointed out the glaringly obvious. “And this has nothing to do with you paying Sadie. As long as she can pay the taxes on this place, she’s good. She doesn’t want to lose it, and she won’t.”
Meaning Rory would step up and pay to make sure his wife kept her family’s land if Ford couldn’t pull this off. He would pull it off, because he wanted it. The ranch, Jamie, the legacy he wanted for their family, come hell or high water. However many hours of sleep he gave up, he’d get it done and provide for Jamie and the family he wanted to have with her.
“I told you when you took over here, you don’t have to do this alone,” Rory reminded him.
Colt sat on the grass nearby, Zoey gnawing on his fingers as Colt played with the pup. “We’ve got your back, Ford. We can keep tackling these big jobs in small chunks, but time is running out before winter sets in and a lot of what needs doing will have to wait for spring.”
He knew all that, but still hesitated because he needed to put Jamie’s needs first.
Or maybe he had to give her a little more credit and recognize that the strides she’d taken these last weeks, each and every day, meant that she could handle having a crew working here full-time.
Jamie pulled into the driveway. Zoey jumped up, her tail wagging.
“Mama’s home. Go get her,” Ford coaxed.
Zoey ran full out to Jamie, who scooped her up, laughing and trying to dodge Zoey’s face licking. The sound of Jamie’s laughter tightened his gut and lightened his heart all at the same time.
“So, this is home now?” Rory asked, one eyebrow cocked up.
“Did she move in?” Colt eyed him.
“I thought you were taking things slow,” Rory added.
He understood their concerns and dismissed them. He wanted this to be her home. He needed more time to get this place together, but he didn’t need more time to know this was exactly where he wanted Jamie to call home.
“I’m working on it.”
“You keep working the way you have been, you’ll work yourself into an early grave. I’m worried about you.” Concern narrowed Rory’s eyes as he studied Ford’s face.
“You can’t do this alone,” Colt said under his breath as Jamie drew closer, her approach cautious.
“I got this.” Ford appreciated their concern. He’d never been more tired in his life. He tried his damnedest to get the work done and be everything Jamie needed. He wouldn’t fail. Not this time. Yes, it was hard, but he’d put the work in now for the payoff later. He’d have what he wanted and would take care of Jamie for the rest of her life—if she’d let him.
Jamie eyed the stacks of bales behind him. “I don’t know how you do it, Ford. You guys got all this done in just a couple of hours.”
“Yeah, Ford’s a slave driver,” Colt complained, rising to his feet with a groan for all the heavy lifting Ford made him do.
Jamie surprised him and walked right past his brothers and straight to him for her kiss hello. She set Zoey at her feet, stood tall again, and planted her hands on her hips and eyed his brothers. “So, are you both avoiding me for some reason, or is all the late night and early morning work you guys do while I’m not here Ford’s doing?”
Rory and Colt both turned to Ford to answer that loaded
question.
“Uh . . .”
Jamie cut him off, an edge to her voice. “Do you really believe me so far off my rocker that I’d go off the deep end if your brothers came over to help you while I’m here?”
“No. I didn’t think you’d be comfortable with a bunch of men around.”
She tilted her head and eyed him. “I worked with mostly men in the military, you know.”
“I know, but . . .”
She tilted her head. “I might embarrass you if I lost it in front of your brothers?”
“No, Jamie. I’m trying to make things easy for you.”
Her hands went up, then fell and slapped her thighs. “Nothing is easy for me, Ford. You know that, but treating me like I’ll break or fall apart at any second doesn’t help.”
“I don’t think that at all. I don’t want to do anything that triggers another flashback or sets you back.”
“I work with the horses to build back my strength. How do you expect me to learn to be around people again if you never let anyone come here when I’m here?” One eyebrow shot up along with one side of her mouth in a tilted grin, like she’d got him with those true words.
“I’m sorry. I thought I was doing what’s best for you.”
“I know. I appreciate it. And until now, maybe you were more right than I’d like to admit, but you need to do what you need to do and stop making decisions for this place based on your fear that you’ll harm me in some way.”
“I swore I’d never hurt you again.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You’ve made it your mission to help me get better.”
“I’ll do anything to make sure you’re well and happy again.”
She held her hands out. “Don’t you think I want you to be happy, too?”
“I’m happy being with you, seeing you get stronger every day.”
“I’m not happy you feel like you can’t have your family over when you want. I’m not happy you still haven’t gotten the help you need here. I’m not happy to see the worry and exhaustion in your eyes because you’re working so hard and not getting everything done you need to, to make this place into what you want. I won’t be happy if you lose it because of me. You think I don’t see what’s going on, but I do, and I can’t let it go on any longer.”
His Cowboy Heart Page 16