“I’m fucking pissed off that you’d do this to her.”
“You might want to turn and look at her.”
Ford turned to her. She couldn’t help the smile on her face, despite the anger in his eyes and the grim line of his lips.
“You’re really sweet to be so worried about me.”
“Of course I’m concerned. I love you. God, Jamie, come here.” Ford dragged her into his arms and held her close, his face buried in her hair and neck. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
“I’m sorry. I kind of blacked out or something.”
“We were talking about . . .”
“Enough,” Ford cut off Dr. Porter. “No more. Not now. Give her time to let it settle. Let her process what happened. She’ll talk about it again when she’s ready.”
Jamie brushed her hands up and down Ford’s wide shoulders. “Ford, it’s okay. I’m okay now.”
“We need to discuss—”
“I said later.” Ford tapped her keyboard, ending the session. Dr. Porter’s image turned into a blank blue screen.
“Ford, that wasn’t very nice.”
“I don’t care. You can talk to him at your next session. You heard the bell, his time was up. Now it’s my time.”
Jamie held Ford’s wrists and leaned into his hands on her head. “What do you want to do?”
“This.” He leaned in and kissed her softly, his thumbs sweeping over her tearstained cheeks as she settled into him and the kiss that demanded nothing but said so much. His lips met hers again and again in soft, sweet sweeps until he settled in for a deeper kiss, his tongue gliding against hers. Lost in his touch and taste, she sighed and let the last of the fear and panic dissipate as Ford’s love and the passion he invoked in her filled her up.
“I love you,” she said against his lips.
“I know,” he answered back. He held himself a breath away and stared into her eyes. “No matter what happened to you, you came back to me. As long as you want me, I will never let you go. I will do everything in my power to make you happy, because I love you too much to live without you ever again.”
“Show me,” she pleaded because she needed to feel him and his love wrapped around her.
“Always.” He stood and pulled her up with him, leading her down the hall to her bedroom. He gave her those few seconds to shake off the last of her waking nightmare and let the anticipation build between them with each stroke of his thumb against her palm. Warm tingles resonated up her arm and spread through the rest of her body.
He stopped at the end of her bed and turned to her. The love and tenderness in his eyes made her heart melt. His hand came up to cup the side of her face. “You sure you’re okay?”
She leaned into his warm, rough hand. “I’m okay.”
“Jamie.” His coaxing tone made her reach for him to reassure him.
She laid her palm on his chest over his heart. “When I’m with you, I’m better than okay.” To prove it, she slid her hand down his chest and rock hard abs to his belt buckle. She pulled his shirt from his jeans and used both her hands to slide it up his body and over his head, though he had to help her at the last because she was short and couldn’t raise her arm that high.
She smoothed her hands over his bare chest, down his tight, tanned muscles. He stood before her, his hands loose on her hips, and let her have her way with him.
Emboldened by his stillness and patience, she took hold of his belt buckle and undid it, the leather letting loose with a rasp and slide. She glanced at Ford. His gaze held hers and burned with anticipation and need. His whole body tensed at her touch, just the back of her hand against his stomach while her fingers worked the button and zipper on his jeans. She slipped her hand inside and palmed his ever-growing rigid flesh. His deep groan prompted her to lean in and kiss his chest. Her lips pressed to his warm skin over his heart. As she stroked his hard cock, she used her free hand to drag his jeans over his lean hips and down his thighs.
Without warning, Ford grabbed her under the arms, lifted her right off her feet, spun around, and dropped her on her back on the bed. She bounced with a laugh bubbling up from her gut.
“Enough. My turn.”
“But I was just getting started. You didn’t give me a chance to really drive you crazy.”
“Mission accomplished, Firefly. I’m crazy for you.”
Her clothes and the rest of his hit the floor with amazing speed, but Ford took his time kissing his way up her leg, over her stomach to her breasts. He spent a great deal of time lavishing one and then the other with soft kisses, long stokes of his tongue, and sweet suckling that had her hips bucking on the bed, and her fingers pulling Ford’s hair to keep him close.
“Ford, now you’re driving me crazy. Come here.” She pulled his head up and took his mouth in a searing kiss.
Ford broke the kiss, rolled to his side to find the condoms in the drawer beside the bed, and she rolled up behind him, bit his shoulder, then smoothed her tongue over the small hurt.
“You’re playing with fire.”
“Mmm.”
Her fingers fit around his rigid length in a wide grasp. She worked her hand over his cock, her body pressed to his warm back. She trailed kisses over his shoulders and up his neck. He brushed her hand aside to sheath himself before he rolled toward her and right on top of her. She giggled, then sighed as he settled between her thighs, kissed her hard and deep, and thrust into her in one smooth motion then stopped. Each of them moaned into the other’s mouth and lost themselves in making love. His body moved over hers in soft but demanding sweeps, his broad chest brushing against her hard tipped breasts. She held his hips pressed to hers, her fingers digging into his ass. She spread her legs wide, took him deep, and reveled in the uninhibited passion they couldn’t contain when they lost themselves in each other.
Spent, wrapped up in his warmth and strength with his arms around her and her head on his chest, her ear pressed to his thumping heart, she smiled softly at the sheer joy and satisfaction being with him brought her.
“I love you,” she whispered because the feeling overwhelmed her and the words burst from her lips.
“I love you, too.” His lips pressed to the top of her head in a long kiss before his head fell back to the pillow.
“I didn’t mean to shoot at you.”
“Don’t ever do it again.”
She smiled against his chest. Yes, her tough-talking cowboy would dismiss her reckless behavior with a simple order to do better. Be better.
She was better. On her own. For him. With him.
Chapter 21
Tobin wore the tread off his tires, tearing down the Montana back roads in his rental car. He didn’t mind the long drives it took to get from one place to another out here, but he would much prefer to take them with Jamie at the wheel like when they were overseas. He would sit and stare at her, daydreaming about the life he wanted with her when they got home.
He’d hoped to carry their relationship to the next level once they were free of that dreadful place. But it all got fucked up on that damn supply run. It wasn’t supposed to go down that way.
He slammed his hand against the steering wheel. Jamie had barely survived. If she’d died in that firefight he’d have never forgiven himself. They shared a deep connection because of all they’d been through. She understood him in a way no other woman could or would now. They were partners, and he wanted her back.
He took the turnoff down Juniper Road and counted down the miles, anticipation building in his gut, making it hard for him to sit still.
The second she saw him, she’d give him one of those big smiles, the ones where her eyes lit up and her cheeks flushed pink, making the tiny freckles atop her cheeks stand out. She’d run to him, wrap her arms around him, and hug him tight, her body pressed to his. Maybe her excitement would overcome her and she’d kiss him.
He couldn’t wait to see her. He needed to see her.
He’d protect her always.
&n
bsp; Especially from that no-good fuck who’d broken her heart and thought he could take advantage of her now that she’d come home. Jamie was in no condition to think clearly when it came to her ex. She needed someone who understood all she’d been through. Someone who knew her inside and out. Someone who’d been there with her through it all.
Once she saw Tobin again, she’d know.
They were meant to be together.
He loved her.
He’d do anything for her.
He’d die for her.
Chapter 22
Zoey bounded off Jamie’s chest and woke her from her nap with a jolt. The pup leaped to the floor and barked incessantly at the door. Three minutes after five. Either Ford was early for dinner, or Zac had come calling. The unfamiliar rumble of a big V8 engine sent a shot of adrenaline through her system and had her scrambling off the couch and on the run for her bedroom. Zoey barked at her heels. She snapped up the gun from the bedside table and fell to her knees beside her dresser, pulling out the bottom drawer, and finding the stash of bullets she kept hidden there.
With her adrenaline pumping, her nerves frayed, and her mind splintering into thoughts of the past, the present, reality, nightmare, and the overwhelming rush of fear coursing through her veins, she couldn’t think straight, so she acted on instinct to protect herself even if it didn’t seem wholly rational at the moment.
She loaded the gun in seconds, tossed the box of bullets back in her hiding spot, pushed the drawer back into the dresser slot, and ran for the front door. A pounding fist echoed against the door. That’s all it took to break her tenuous hold on reality.
The thump on the door became the explosion of a bomb. She reeled back, raising the gun, but Zoey jumped on her legs, barking and begging for her attention. One part of her brain dragged her into a living nightmare. Another held on to reality and the bouncing puppy at her feet. She sucked in a breath, tried to calm her racing breathing and heart, and picked up the puppy. Zoey licked her face and pawed at her shoulders. She focused on the oversize pup and not the irrational thought that she was under attack.
“Open up, Keller.”
Jamie jumped. Tobin? Here?
“You can’t ignore me anymore.”
No. Not when her past came calling out of the blue like this and upset her life once again.
Uneasy and still feeling that sense of unreality—past, present, and nightmare mixed in her mind—she pulled her cell from her back pocket and texted Ford.
JAMIE: Tobin’s here. Come over. Now!
Tobin was her friend, but his presence tore open the wound she’d tried so hard these last weeks to heal so she could find a way to live without feeling so . . . raw . . . responsible. Guilty. And some other feeling she couldn’t name but hurt deeply. She tried to hold on to this moment and not black out like she had the other day with Dr. Porter—tried not to do something stupid because Tobin triggered her nightmares. She barely hung on to reality now as images flashed in her mind, a crazy slideshow of death and destruction. Her lungs burned, and she finally inhaled a ragged breath.
Tobin banged his fist on the door again. “Come on, Keller. Open up.”
Jamie kept Zoey tucked against her side and reached for the doorknob, but stopped when she saw the gun in her shaking hand. Yep, crazy. She sucked in another breath and tried to muster up the calm she’d found with Ford.
While she was aware of herself loading the gun in a desperate need to protect herself, it felt very much like a dream.
She hated when reality no longer felt real.
She didn’t need to protect herself from Tobin.
Still, her heart jackhammered in her chest as she tucked the gun in her waistband at her back, covered it with her shirt, and reached for the door once again.
She forced herself to turn the knob, scolding herself for being afraid of letting a friend into her house. For not being able to cope with such a simple, mundane thing as welcoming a guest—even an uninvited one. She thought she’d made progress, but this felt very much like a setback and an eye-opener, showing her that while she’d found peace and happiness with Ford it was tenuous at best. The second her past intruded on her present, everything fell apart.
It took all her strength to open the door and face Tobin for the first time in months. The second she saw his face, she knew all her hard work was for not. Dr. Porter’s declaration that if she didn’t deal with her past now it would come back again and again and muck everything up in her life was coming true.
“Hello, Tobin.”
He reached for her, coming in for a hug, but she put her hand on his chest and held him off.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.” He reached out and patted Zoey on the head.
The pup wagged her tail and licked his hand. Zoey had no fear of the big man. Jamie had to fight for every breath and scrap of calm she could muster, though most of it had washed away due to the shot of adrenaline racing through her system. Her hand trembled against Tobin’s chest. He didn’t move back. She didn’t budge from her spot in front of the door.
“Why are you here?”
“Keller, seriously, I know you’re having a hard time. I am, too. I came because I needed to be around someone who gets it. Someone who lost the same friends and thinks about them all the time.” His hand settled over hers on his chest. “You’ve been avoiding me because I remind you of them.”
She hadn’t considered her maniacal aversion to everything having to do with her past a way of avoiding grieving. A great weight shifted in her chest and set off a wave of sadness unlike anything she’d felt since waking in the hospital and finding that she’d survived while others hadn’t been so fortunate. She’d wallowed in her anger in a futile attempt to not feel the loss and sadness. She felt it keenly now with an ache that tore her heart open.
Tobin’s thumb swept across her cheek as she stared into the past. Catalina belting out a Taylor Swift song at the top of her lungs and completely out of key. Jo swiping on her favorite cherry lip balm and smacking her lips and pressing them into a sexy pout, then giggling. The sweet sound echoed in Jamie’s broken heart even now.
Long conversations under the stars about the lives they wanted when they returned home. Catalina couldn’t wait to go home to her fiancé, get married, and start a family. Jamie had felt that same pang in her heart for those things and envied Catalina for finding the love of her life when Jamie had lost hers. Jamie would never be her maid of honor now. Who would be hers if she ever got married? Jo had wanted to start a family with her husband. After two years of marriage and months apart, Jo couldn’t wait to hold a baby in her arms and settle into life as a soccer mom, driving a minivan instead of a Humvee.
Pedro had written love letters to his girlfriend on their long drives, trying out sexy lines on Jamie, making her laugh, but secretly melting her heart. What she wouldn’t have given to get a letter from Ford letting her know she was missed, wanted, loved so deeply that his every thought included her.
And Tobin. Her constant companion, always there to lend a hand with the heavy supply boxes. The guy who always remembered how much she loved chocolate and always seemed to have a candy bar stuffed in his pocket. She’d had no idea where he’d gotten them half the time, but anytime she’d needed one, he’d handed it over with a smile. The guy who’d read her moods and knew when she needed to hear a joke, needed a push to get back on track, or simply needed a hug and the easy silence they’d shared in the truck.
She’d told Ford they were just friends, that she didn’t think of Tobin that way, but that hadn’t been entirely true. Sometimes she had let her mind wonder if moving on with Tobin and making a life with him was possible. Those daydreams always ended the same as they did when she thought of any other man. Their faces all turned into Ford’s.
It wasn’t anything about Tobin that kept him in the friend zone. Dark hair, whiskey colored eyes with flecks of gold. Tall, though several inches below Ford’s six-two height, and bro
ad with just enough muscle to make a girl take notice, but not too much to make him seem stocky. She liked her guys tall, lean, and ripped. Like Ford. It always came back to Ford. So Tobin had become her dearest friend and the guy she could count on to watch her back.
“Here you are,” she whispered, warmed from within because he’d come to check on her and be the friend she remembered but had ignored for far too long.
His hand cupped her cheek. Those whiskey eyes stared down at her filled with compassion and an understanding that didn’t require her to explain all he saw in her.
“Here I am.”
She stepped back and let him in the door.
He dropped his Army duffel on the floor by the sofa and glanced around the room. “Nice place. Definitely better than some of the places we’ve slept.”
She stared at the peeling paint on the wall and the faded wallpaper in the dining area. “It needs some work, but it’s home. For now.” She hadn’t started working on the house because she didn’t want to stay here. She hoped to move into Ford’s big house, the one she’d described to him so long ago that he’d made his, but could be theirs soon.
Tobin took a step closer. “I came, hoping to talk you into coming back to Georgia. Everybody misses you. I bet your cousin would love to see you again. I sure would love to have you back.” The words were matter-of-fact with hints of coaxing and hope mixed in, but underneath the simple statement she read a whole lot more.
He’d never hidden the fact he wanted them to be something more. He joked about it mostly, but the truth lay in those tossed-out jests. She used to laugh them off to keep things easy between them. She didn’t ignore it or let it go this time.
“Um, Tobin, you should know—”
“You’re back together with Ford.” Tobin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I got the memo on that one. I’m surprised I caught you alone.” The sarcasm didn’t mask the underlying disappointment and anger in his voice.
“Why do you keep asking Dr. Porter about me?”
His Cowboy Heart Page 19