“I didn’t want to hurt her like that,” Jake said. “I’m going to have to grovel pretty hard to get her to forgive me.”
Hope’s heart jumped to her throat and nearly choked her. He was going to ask for forgiveness? He was going to make amends? He was going to marry Miss Carter even after what had just happened?
“You are the biggest fool I ever met, Jake Whitelaw,” she said in a scathing voice. “You seem bound and determined to ruin your life. She’s not the woman for you. I am. But if you’re too stubborn to realize what’s staring you in the face, I give up. I’m done. That’s it. I’m out of here.”
She headed for her car, expecting him to grab her arm and stop her.
But he didn’t.
Her eyes were so blurred by tears, she could hardly see to drive to the hospital. She wanted Faith. She needed to pour out her despair to a pair of sympathetic ears. And she needed someone to hold her up if the news about her mother was bad.
She had always marveled how everyone thought she was the strong one. Faith was stronger. Faith had faced more adversity and overcome it. Faith had always been her rock. Faith would comfort her. Faith would understand and sympathize.
Then she remembered that Faith wouldn’t be at the hospital alone. Charity would be there. Charity, who’d wreaked havoc by her appearance, revealing that Hope was not the favored child she had always believed herself to be.
Her father’s words to Charity were burned in Hope’s memory. You were the most beautiful of our three lovely daughters.... You were the prettiest...a perfect baby, always laughing, always smiling.... We gave up our most precious child.
It was quite a shock to discover that her parents had favored one child above the others. Alarming to realize that the child they’d favored was her sister Charity. Of course, it had cost Charity. She’d been given away because of it. Hope was still struggling to acknowledge her father’s description of her. Hope was the troublemaker, the one who howled all night with colic.
Hope wondered what her parents had thought as they’d watched her grow. Wondered if they’d ever regretted the choice they’d made. Even if she’d stopped howling with colic, she hadn’t stopped being a troublemaker. But she couldn’t help who she was.
Yes, she pushed back when she was pushed. Yes, she went after what she wanted. Yes, she wasn’t above conniving to get it. Did that make her a bad person?
Maybe her parents had given away the wrong child.
On the other hand, would she have been able to survive the life Charity had described? Or would her brashness and stubbornness and sometimes unscrupulous behavior have been magnified into something truly mean-spirited? Hope wasn’t sure she would have been as sympathetic to an adoptive mother who didn’t love her. She would have run away. She would have fought back. Somehow. Because she wasn’t tolerant. She wasn’t patient.
She would have hated her life. She would have hated her mother. She would have hated everyone around her.
It wasn’t a thing she would have admitted to anyone else. It wasn’t anything she would have said aloud. But she knew her parents had chosen rightly. She couldn’t have survived what Charity had survived.
That admission gave her a new respect for her sister.
Hope felt her heart begin to beat a little faster when she entered the hospital. It smelled like one, nose-curling ammonia and antiseptics. It sounded like one, the rattle of carts and the impersonal intercom calling doctors. It looked like one, pale green walls halfway up and spick-and-span linoleum that must be buffed every hour on the hour.
She asked at the reception desk where she could find her mother and discovered she was in the intensive care unit. That didn’t sound good. She headed upstairs and found her father and two sisters sitting on colored plastic chairs in the waiting room outside the ICU.
“How is she?” Hope asked her father.
His expression was grim. “She’s had a heart attack. They don’t know yet how much damage there is to the heart. All we can do is wait and see.”
“Oh, God.” Hope felt her knees begin to buckle and then felt Faith’s arm slide around her waist. Her sister led her to an orange plastic chair and urged her into it.
“Mom’s stronger than you think,” Faith said as she met Hope’s guilty gaze. “And she has a great deal to live for.”
Faith glanced toward Charity.
“You mean her,” Hope said, her gaze settling on Charity.
She realized Kane wasn’t with her sister. “Where’s your boyfriend?” she asked.
“He went to see his sister’s baby in the neonatal ICU. He’ll be back,” Charity said.
“Then maybe this is a good time for us to talk,” Hope said.
Charity lifted a brow. “About what?”
Hope turned to her father and said, “I feel bad about what happened to Mom, but I still don’t understand how you could have done what you did to Charity. I can’t help thinking it could just as easily have been me.”
“Or me,” Faith said as she sat on a yellow chair beside Hope.
They stared at their father, waiting for his response.
He turned away, parting the slatted venetian blinds and staring out, as though he could find the words to explain somewhere out there on the desolate prairie. “We didn’t make our choice lightly,” he said at last.
“We had a right to know,” Hope said. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
Her father turned and met her gaze. “It wouldn’t have changed anything.”
Hope exchanged a glance with Faith, wondering if they should reveal the secret they’d kept for so many years. The words came blurting out before she could stop them. “Faith and I have known for a long time that...some part of us...was missing.”
Her father made a low, grunting sound.
“What did you tell us back then?” Hope asked. “How did you explain Charity’s disappearance from our lives?”
She watched her father’s hands ball into fists, watched the muscles cord in his forearms, saw the blue veins that strained against his skin. He made a surprising villain. But villain he was. Along with their mother, he’d kept this dastardly secret for nearly twenty years.
Hope’s stomach was churning, and she felt sick. Although she bore no responsibility for what had happened to Charity, her sister had nevertheless paid a price for the life Hope had been allowed to lead. She and Faith had always wondered why their parents had named them Hope and Faith when there was no Charity. They’d puzzled over it but never imagined another child in the womb with them, never imagined a sister who’d spent the first two years of her life in their home.
They’d known, all the same, that something was wrong. And had done nothing, said nothing, to try to dispel the feeling. How might things have been different if they’d confronted their parents sooner?
“Why couldn’t you find Charity when you went looking?” Hope demanded. “If she’s been in the same place all these years, it should have been easy.”
“It wasn’t as easy twenty years ago as it is today for adoptive parents and children to find one another,” her father explained. “I wish your mother...”
He was clearly uncomfortable making the explanations Hope had demanded. She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, then continued, “We did try to find her, but couldn’t. After a while, we thought it would be cruel to force ourselves back into Charity’s life. It would only be confusing and perhaps make her unhappy. And we didn’t want to cause pain for her adoptive parents.”
“We’re triplets,” Hope said. “We belonged together!”
“You’ve got each other now,” her father said, looking from each girl to the next.
As though that excused what had gone before, Hope thought. “You haven’t told me what lies we were told,” Hope reminded him.
Her father paled, then f
lushed. “We told you she died. We told you she’d gone to heaven.”
“Oh, God.” Hope put a hand to her mouth to hold back a moan of pain. She heard Faith’s wail and felt it to her core.
“I have to get out of here,” Hope said, rising abruptly. “I need some air, some time to think,” she said to her father. “Come on, Faith.”
She never questioned that her sister would come with her. They’d been inseparable since birth. Best friends. Confidantes. They could almost read each other’s minds. She knew Faith felt as devastated as she did by their parents’ betrayal.
And yet, Faith hesitated.
They might have been born of the same egg split in two—make that three—but they were not the same. Faith’s missing hand had given her a different perspective on life, had made her more patient, more tolerant, more compassionate.
Hope’s jaw jutted. “Are you coming?” she asked Faith.
She saw the moment when Faith realized that Hope needed her as much as their father and mother did. When push came to shove, Faith was always going to put Hope’s needs first. Their parents could take care of each other.
“I’m coming,” Faith said.
“Where are you two going?” her father asked.
“Why do you care?” Hope retorted.
“I’m still your father,” he said implacably. “I want an answer.”
Faith met her gaze, then turned to their father and answered, “We’ll be at home.”
That was as good a place as any to lick their wounds, Hope thought.
It wasn’t until they were on the highway that Faith said, “I’m not going home with you.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now. I’m still feeling too...raw. Especially after what we found out today. I mean...”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Hope said angrily. “They made the decision to give her away. You couldn’t help the way you were born.”
“It doesn’t make me feel any less guilty,” Faith admitted. “Can you drop me off at Randy’s house?”
“I can. I’m not sure I should.”
“Please, Hope. I want...I need...”
Hope eyed her sister. Because she and Faith had always been so close, it had never occurred to her that it wouldn’t always be that way. She’d been in love with Jake for three years and should have bonded with him. But Jake hadn’t been there for her. She still needed Faith.
Faith had loved Randy for the past three years...and he’d loved her back. It had never dawned on Hope—until this moment—that her role had been usurped. Randy had become the most important person in Faith’s life. Faith wanted...and needed...him now.
Hope saw the apology in Faith’s eyes. Yet she still felt unaccountably hurt. It wasn’t fair. She’d lost Charity a long time ago. Now she was losing Faith. And she was a long way from having Jake as a permanent part of her life.
“Sure,” she said, her throat tight. “I’ll be glad to drop you off at Randy’s place.”
“I thought you’d understand,” Faith said quietly. “Because of how much you love Jake.”
“I do,” Hope conceded. “It’s just...hard not to be first anymore.”
She felt Faith’s prosthetic hand on her arm. Words weren’t necessary. The bond was there and always would be, but love for one’s sister, even when they’d started life together in the womb, was no match for the love of one’s soul mate.
Hope was happy for her sister. And envious of her.
Her soul mate still planned to marry another woman six days from now.
Randy was repairing the porch railing when they arrived. With bleak eyes, Hope watched Faith run into Randy’s open arms. Her sister glanced back at her once, then followed Randy into the house.
Hope’s nerves felt raw. She backed the Saturn and headed home, knowing full well there was no one waiting for her there.
It was hard to keep fighting for the love of a man who seemed so determined to throw himself at another woman. Hope wanted to be chased, instead of doing the chasing. She wanted Jake to want her badly enough to come after her.
Which meant she had to stop pursuing him. Which meant she had to let nature take its course.
That wasn’t going to be easy. Hope had always gone after what she wanted—and always gotten it. Until Jake Whitelaw had come along.
Hope stopped the car at her parents’ back door but didn’t turn off the engine. She needed a plan, but nothing was coming to her. The knock on the closed window startled her. She rolled it down and said, “What are you doing here, Jake?”
“We need to talk.”
“What did you do with Miss Carter?”
“Rabb stopped by. He’s dropping the kids at Mom’s and then taking her home.”
“So you came running here to see me,” Hope said.
“Amanda called off the wedding,” he said.
Hope felt the breath stop in her chest. “So what do you want from me?”
“I...” He pulled off his Stetson and slapped it against his jeans then set it back low on his head. “Damned if I know.”
Hope’s chest ached. Her throat was raw. “I can’t do this anymore,” she said. “It hurts too much.”
She shifted the car into Reverse, but before she could back up, Jake reached in, turned off the ignition and pulled out the keys.
“Let’s go inside and talk,” he said.
“What is there to say? Miss Carter turned you down, and you still don’t want me.”
“Oh, I want you, all right.”
Hope’s eyes went wide. “You want to marry me?”
“I didn’t say that,” Jake said.
Hope grabbed the door handle and shoved her way out of the car, knocking Jake off balance. “Go away, Jake. Go home. Leave me alone. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
She could feel the heat of him at her back as he followed her to the kitchen door. It wasn’t locked, and she shoved it open and stepped inside, turning immediately to close the screen door and lock it. Not that that would have kept him out, if he’d forced the matter.
But he didn’t. It was one more sign that he didn’t care enough to fight for her.
Jake’s image was distorted by the mesh screen and blurred by the tears that brimmed in her eyes. “You had your chance, Jake. I would have made you a good wife, but I’m tired of waiting around for you to make up your mind. I’m going on with my life. Without you. Goodbye, Jake.”
She closed the kitchen door until she heard the latch click. And then turned the lock.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
FAITH
FAITH WALKED STRAIGHT INTO RANDY’S open arms, gripping him around the waist and holding on tight. He was naked from the waist up, his beltless jeans slung low on his hips. His skin was salty against her lips, and he smelled of hardworking man.
“Hey, babe,” he murmured in her ear. “You all right?”
She didn’t answer him, just shoved her nose harder against his chest and tightened her grasp.
He knew her well enough not to say anything more. She gasped when he picked her up, but slid her arms up around his neck as he carried her inside. Randy’s sister Jenny and her husband Colt were still on vacation, and Jake was taking care of their two kids, so she and Randy had the house to themselves.
“I’ve been hoping you’d come by,” Randy said as he carried her into his bedroom. He laid her on the navy-blue chenille bedspread and lay down beside her, pulling her close again. “We haven’t taken advantage of this empty house the way we should.”
Faith raised her face for his kiss and felt the gentle touch of his lips. But she needed escape, and gentleness wasn’t what she wanted right now. She thrust her tongue into his mouth and wrapped her jean-clad leg around his hip.
> He grasped her rear end and pressed their bodies together so she felt his arousal. She forced her hand down between them and inside his jeans.
“Whoa, babe,” he said breathlessly. “I want you too much to—”
“Take off those jeans,” she ordered, freeing her hand and reaching for the buttons of her shirt. He yanked off his boots while she stripped away her shirt and unsnapped her bra. She took a second to unstrap her prosthetic device and dropped it over the edge of the bed onto the rug.
He was out of his jeans and underwear before she was, so he reached for the snap of her Levi’s and zipped them down, sliding his hand down inside her panties. He inserted a finger inside her as his mouth latched on to hers, catching her gasp of surprise and pleasure. A last shove and her clothes were gone.
Naked flesh met naked flesh as their bodies pressed together. She slid her arm around his neck and reached for his genitals with her hand. They were both too excited to spend time on foreplay. She wanted him inside her and guided him there.
He grunted softly as their bodies merged, and she groaned as he seated himself to the hilt. She put her feet flat on the bed and tilted her hips up to angle her body into his, as he began to move inside her. He sought her mouth and their tongues dueled, mimicking the thrust and parry of male and female seeking sexual satisfaction.
Their breathing became labored as he moved over her and she writhed beneath him. She grasped his hair and moved her arm over his back, bucking against him, meeting his savage thrusts. The moan of pleasure grated in her throat as her body began to spasm, and he made a guttural sound as he emptied his seed into her welcoming womb.
She felt the weight of him on top of her and unwrapped her legs from around his hips, unaware when or how they had gotten there. They were breathing hard, their bodies like bellows, as he laid his cheek against hers.
“I’m too heavy,” he muttered.
She held him where he was. “Don’t move. Please. I like the weight of you on top of me.”
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