“If you hurt her—”
“Hurt her? What about me? What about the way I was hurt?” she cried.
She felt Kane take a step toward her and shrugged off the arm that came to rest on her shoulders. She kept her gaze focused on her father, not certain what she wanted from him. Maybe that he feel her pain. Maybe that he realize the enormity of the wrong he’d done to her. Maybe that he acknowledge the fact there was no way to change the past. He had made a choice and there were consequences as a result.
“I realize you’re not my daughter in any way except by blood,” he said. “But you said you didn’t have a father, that he left your mother. If you’d let me, I’d like to be a father to you in any way I can.”
Charity was surprised by the offer and unsure how to respond to it. She’d wanted a father all her life, and here was her real father offering to fill that role. Why not? a voice inside her said. See what it feels like. You can always walk away if it doesn’t work out.
“I’m going to be here until Saturday,” she said. “Mrs. Butler said we might get together for dinner once she’s out of the hospital. If that happens before Saturday, I’ll join you.”
“That would be nice, Charity. If there’s anything I can do—”
“I have everything I need until then,” she said, cutting him off. She turned to Kane and said, “I’m ready to go now.”
He nodded to her father and said, “We’ll be seeing you.”
Charity hadn’t realized how much she wanted Kane with her when she met her family for dinner until he invited himself along. “Kane and I are engaged,” she said, to clarify their relationship.
She watched her father assess Kane Longstreet before he said, “Congratulations, Kane. Do you plan to make your home here when you’re married?”
Charity knew what he was asking. Would she be around so they could have a father-daughter relationship? She and Kane hadn’t discussed where they would be living, but he’d told her he had work here for one of his cousins if he wanted it.
Kane met her gaze, then said, “We haven’t decided where we’re going to live.”
She felt grateful for his thoughtfulness. If things didn’t work out with her parents and siblings, she’d want to be a thousand miles from here. And it seemed he was willing to arrange his life to make that possible. Which was one more reason for loving him.
I love him. She hadn’t realized it until this moment.
“Let’s go,” she said, slipping her arm around Kane’s waist. “I think we need to do some talking.”
Kane lifted a brow, but said nothing. “So long, Mr. Butler,” he said. “I hope your wife is feeling better soon.”
Charity realized he wasn’t budging until she’d made her own courteous farewell. She lifted her gaze to her father’s and said, “Goodbye, Mr. Butler. Please ask your wife to contact me when she’s feeling better.”
“We’ll both be in touch, Charity,” he said. “You can count on it.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
HOPE
FOR A LONG TIME JAKE STARED AT THE door Hope had slammed in his face, torn between the urge to pound on it until she opened up and the longing to turn on his heel and run in the other direction as fast as he could go. The blood pounded at his temples as he fought a war between reaching for what he wanted and doing the sensible thing.
He’d been confounded time and again when his craving for Hope Butler had caused him to lose control. Here he was, a grown man, standing at her door, needing her like hell, wanting her as he hadn’t wanted a woman in years, and she’d told him she was over him. She was going on with her life. Goodbye, so long, farewell.
He reached out a fist to knock, then pulled it back. Nothing had changed, really. She was still too young. Even if he didn’t marry Amanda, which was looking more and more likely, he’d be better off alone than with a woman who was going to wake up one of these days and realize she’d made a mistake marrying him.
But he was finally ready to admit that Amanda wasn’t the right woman for him, either. He just didn’t want her physically. At least, not the way he wanted Hope. And it was foolish to marry a woman he didn’t desire in bed.
Jake turned and headed back to his truck. It was time he settled things with Amanda. She’d already made the break, but he wanted to apologize for his behavior with Hope and let his former fiancée know he was sorry things had ended this way.
On the way to town, he passed the entrance to his father’s ranch. He owed his mom a thank-you for taking Colt’s kids until he could make other baby-sitting arrangements. Rubber squealed as he turned the wheel and shot through the wrought-iron entrance to Hawk’s Pride.
He found his mother in the kitchen putting the last of the dishes from lunch into the dishwasher.
“Jake, how wonderful that you stopped by,” his mother said. “Your dad’s putting Huck and Becky down for a nap. Can I get you something to eat?”
Jake’s stomach growled, but he realized he didn’t want food. He wanted to talk. He pitched his Stetson onto the antlers mounted just inside the door, then crossed to the fridge and found the half-gallon jar of sun-brewed iced tea that his mother kept there. “Can I pour you a glass of tea?” he asked.
“Thanks. I could use one.” His mother wiped her hands on a dish towel, then sank into a chair at one end of the enormous kitchen table that had once seated ten of them—Zach and Rebecca and eight adopted kids.
Jake realized he wasn’t going to end up with any kids at all, not the way things were going. He hadn’t even finished pouring tea when he said, “What was it like for you and Dad when you realized you’d never have kids of your own?”
He carefully set the two glasses of tea on the table before he looked at her. Her face had paled. “Forget I asked,” he said quickly.
She reached for his hand and pulled him into the chair beside her. “Before I answer that question, I’d like to know why you asked it.”
“Really, Mom, it’s not—”
“What’s happening between you and Amanda?”
Jake made a face and slumped in his chair. “She’s called off the wedding.”
“What a relief!”
Jake sat up straight and stared. “What?”
“You were never right for each other. That young woman needs...another kind of man.”
Jake’s eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing. Except you don’t love her. You love someone else.”
“Who would that be?”
“Hope Butler, of course.”
“There’s no ‘of course’ about it, Mom,” Jake said, controlling the anger over Hope’s rejection that still bubbled under the surface. “How can she be right for me, when Amanda’s not?”
“Oh, Jake,” she said, laughing. “Those two women couldn’t be more different. Amanda’s... prim and proper and reserved and refined. And Hope’s...”
“A hellcat. A troublemaker. A wild child—with child being the operative word,” Jake retorted.
He studied his mother’s face, as she studied his.
“If you can’t think of her as a woman—in every way,” his mother said slowly, “then of course she’s not the one for you.”
“She’s more woman than I’ve had in—” He cut himself off and felt the furious flush race up his throat.
“Ah,” his mother said. “So that’s the way it is.” She tilted her head, like a small bird eyeing him, then asked, “What’s stopping you from marrying her, Jake? I’ve always thought Hope loved you. Am I wrong?”
“She cares, all right,” he said. “Or at least, she did.”
“Then why aren’t the two of you getting married on Saturday?”
Jake shoved both hands through his hair. Then everything came blurting out, the way it had when he was fifteen and fir
st had sex with a girl and had sought out his mother, terrified that his girlfriend was pregnant because they hadn’t used any kind of protection, and how he’d meant to but had gotten so excited that he’d just...done it.
“I want her, Mom. Physically, I ache for her. But you know my history. I’ve already had my heart broken once. With Hope... The feelings I have for her are so much stronger, so much more powerful than what I’ve felt for any other woman, that losing her would be... I’m not sure I could survive it.”
“So you’d rather pass on the chance of happiness than take the risk of loving—and being hurt—again?”
“That’s about it,” he admitted bleakly. “Not only that, but I think she’s given up on me.”
“Hope? Given up? I don’t think that’s possible.”
“You didn’t see the look in her eyes when she shut the door in my face thirty minutes ago,” Jake said.
“What did she say?”
“That she was tired of waiting around for me to make up my mind, and she was going on with her life—without me.”
“Can you blame her?”
“Whose side are you on?” Jake demanded.
“I’m surprised she kept pursuing you as long as she did. You’ve been a pretty reluctant beau. What’s amazing is that she didn’t give up, even when you got yourself engaged to Amanda to keep yourself from going after Hope.”
“That isn’t why I got engaged to Amanda,” Jake protested.
“Isn’t it?” his mother said, spearing him with her gaze. “Amanda’s spent more time with Rabb over the past three years than she has with you.”
Jake frowned. “That can’t be true.”
“You might have brought her to every family gathering, but you abandoned her to Rabb’s care the instant you arrived.”
“He didn’t mind. Neither did she.”
His mother lifted a brow. “Doesn’t that tell you something?”
“They have more in common—” Jake cut himself off, remembering what Rabb had said a week ago about doing his best to stop the wedding, because Jake didn’t love Amanda. His eyes narrowed. “That low-down, sneaky—”
“Don’t blame Rabb,” his mother interrupted. “You’re the one who threw the two of them together so often. Rabb can’t help loving Amanda. Any more than you can help loving Hope.”
“Rabb loves Amanda?”
His mother nodded.
“For crying out loud! And by the way, I never said I was in love with Hope.”
“Aren’t you?”
Jake felt the knot in his gut twist. “God, yes. I am.”
“Then you’re a fool if you don’t marry that girl.”
“You make it sound so simple. It isn’t.”
“It is,” she countered. “I can’t believe how much like your father you are,” she said, shaking her head.
Jake gave her a quizzical look. “My father?”
“Like Zach. Everything’s black and white with you, just like it is with him. He was hurt by his first love, too, so badly that he decided he wasn’t going to fall in love again. So he advertised for a wife.”
Jake grunted in surprise. “How did you two end up together?”
“I answered his ad,” she said with a grin. It quickly faded as she continued. “He didn’t want a wife, really. What he needed was a broodmare, a mother for his children that he could stand to look at across the breakfast table and couple with in bed.”
“My God,” Jake said. “You’re kidding, right?”
His mother shook her head. “We married with the understanding that if I wasn’t pregnant within a year, we’d divorce.”
Jake’s jaw gaped. “But you never did have any kids. And Dad’s crazy in love with you.”
His mother’s gaze looked faraway as she recalled, “Six months or so after we married, I had a riding accident. Your father had to face the fact that he could have children of his own blood with some other woman—or he could have a life with me and a family of adopted children.”
Jake felt his throat constricting. He knew the choice his father had made. “I never imagined...I didn’t realize...”
“He took the risk of loving again, Jake. He never realized his dream of having children of his own blood. But no father could love his children more than your father loves all of you.”
Jake grasped the hand his mother extended to him and nodded, because he couldn’t speak.
“The choice is up to you,” she said. “You can spend your life alone. Or you can take the risk of loving that young woman. What is it going to be?”
Jake pulled his hand free and rose. “I don’t know, Mom.”
“Life is short, Jake. And unpredictable. Don’t wait too long to make up your mind.”
He crossed the room and grabbed his hat, settling the Stetson low on his brow. “I want kids of my own, Mom. Lots of them. So does Hope. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to marry her with the understanding—”
“Is that really fair to her, Jake?”
“It worked for you and Dad,” Jake said pointedly.
“I wouldn’t wish the pain and uncertainty I went through with your father on that poor girl. If you love her, why not tell her so?”
“I...can’t.”
He turned away from the pity he saw in his mother’s eyes. She made it sound easier than it was to give his heart into someone else’s care. He wasn’t about to expose his soft underbelly and have it ripped out again.
But he did owe Amanda an apology. The sooner they confirmed their wedding wasn’t going to happen, the better. There were vendors to be contacted, guests to be informed, a church to be canceled.
Why let all those preparations go to waste? You could marry Hope on Saturday.
And live happily ever after? Jake didn’t believe in fairy tales. Besides, Hope didn’t want him anymore. She’d given up on him before they’d even gotten together. What chance was there her feelings would last for a lifetime?
When Jake pulled up behind Amanda’s house he saw Rabb’s car was still parked in the driveway. Which reminded him what his mother had said. Rabb can’t help loving Amanda.
Was it true Amanda had spent more time with Jake’s brother than with him? Had Amanda noticed his inattention? How could she not? More important, did she return Rabb’s feelings? And if she did, why hadn’t she said something?
Jake stared up toward Amanda’s bedroom window, where the curtains were drawn, then knocked on the back door. It took a long time for her to come to the door, and when she opened it, she was wrapped in a white terry cloth robe, which she clutched together at her throat. The belt swung at her sides and the robe fell open above her knees, making it clear she was wearing little—or nothing—underneath. Her hair was mussed, her eye makeup smudged.
Jake suddenly realized he’d never seen Amanda looking like...like she’d just gotten out of bed.
She only opened the door far enough to stick her head out, and her eyes were anxious as she asked, “What is it, Jake?”
Jake was astonished to hear himself demand, “Is my brother in there?”
Her eyes went wide and her cheeks turned rosy. “I... He...”
A male hand reached around and pulled the door wide, and Jake found himself staring at Rabb, whose hair was equally disheveled, and who wore only an unbuttoned pair of Levi’s that hung on his hips.
“I’m here,” Rabb said. “What’s it to you?”
Amanda turned to Rabb, laid her palm on his naked chest, and said, “Please, Rabb. He’s your brother. Let’s talk this out.”
“It didn’t take you long to get her flat on her back,” Jake said.
Amanda gasped and stared at Jake with stricken eyes.
Or what was left of Jake as he landed on the ground, flattened by Rabb’s blow. His broth
er straddled him, his hands knotted, his teeth bared, his eyes narrowed.
“Damn you,” he raged. “She doesn’t deserve that from you. Take it back!”
There was no taking back that sort of comment, but Jake was ashamed enough of himself to say, “I was wrong, Rabb. I’m sorry.”
“I ought to pound you into next week. In fact—” He reached down to grab Jake by the shirt, and Jake tossed him over his head, then rolled over and bounded up to fight. He’d wanted to hit something ever since he’d kept himself from pounding on Hope Butler’s kitchen door. His brother was a fair target.
But he never got the chance.
An avenging angel, her eyes flashing, her hair a riot of curls, her robe flapping, threw herself between the two men, sticking out an arm in either direction. “Stop it! Both of you. That’s enough!”
Jake could see how Amanda might have learned the technique as a teacher breaking up fights at school. Her voice was sharp and commanding, and her posture was ramrod straight, like a pillar of concrete set in the middle of a raging sea. You might wear it down eventually, but at the moment, it wasn’t going anywhere.
“Rabb, how could you hit your brother? He has a right to be upset. Imagine how you’d feel in his shoes.”
Jake took one look at his chastised brother and made the mistake of laughing.
“And you,” the avenging angel said as she turned on him. “You have no right at all to be casting stones. At least our engagement was over before I turned to someone else.”
“So it is over?” Jake asked, looking from Amanda to Rabb and back again.
“I thought we settled that at your house,” she said. “At least, I considered it settled. Didn’t you?”
She looked at him earnestly, apparently ready to make whatever amends were necessary. Jake noticed that Rabb moved up behind her, ready to support her in whatever way was necessary.
“I only came by to say I’m sorry things ended between us the way they did,” he said.
“But not sorry things ended,” Amanda said, to make the situation perfectly clear.
“No,” he admitted, eyeing his brother. “Not sorry they ended.” He was no dog in the manger. He didn’t want Amanda for his wife, but Rabb apparently did. And it seemed, this time, the feeling was mutual.
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