“Are you sure, man?” Ryan offered a fifty.
“Yeah. Hundred per cent.” David nodded, laying the cash out with a rather large tip to accompany.
“Well, thanks,” Ryan said. “I’ll get the next one.”
David nodded, leaning forward to stuff his wallet in his back pocket.
“Ara.” Emily shoved David back in his seat so she could look at me. “You’re not human, are you? How do you eat so much?”
I patted my belly. “I like my stomach to be full.”
“No kidding,” she said.
“Well, I think it’s good to see a girl eating,” Ryan said. “Don’t you, Dave?”
“Yeah.” He looked at me with soft eyes, then threaded his fingers through mine under the table. “I don’t have to be one of those guys that’s gotta convince his girlfriend to eat. Huh! She’ll probably eat mine t—” He stopped mid-sentence.
Everyone at the table stared at him, including me.
“Girlfriend?” Emily said. “So it’s official?”
David sat incredibly still, barely breathing, and certainly not speaking. He looked so nervous that I felt bad for him so, even though we hadn’t actually talked about making it official, I squeezed his hand and nodded to say I agreed.
“Yes,” he said smoothly, turning slightly to look at Emily. “It’s official.”
“Hey, that’s really awesome, man. Congrats.” Ryan reached out and they shook hands, bumping knuckles after.
“I knew it.” Emily practically squealed. “I just knew she’d be your type, David.”
“I don’t think I have a type, Emily,” he said, and wrapped his arm around me. “But Ara’s pretty much everything I ever wanted in a girl.”
Everyone made a cheering-yet-that’s-totally-lame noise at David’s mushy statement, but my whole body flooded with warmth, making me feel dizzy.
“Way to make me look bad, man,” Ryan said, laughing once. “If I even tried to say something like that, I’d be accused of reading poetry from the Lame Book of Things Guys Shouldn’t Say.”
We all laughed, and David pulled me closer until my head rested between his jaw and shoulder, our thighs touching, the warmth from under his arm making the sharp, spicy smell of his cologne so much stronger.
“Guess that just leaves me now,” Emily said, leaning on her hand.
“Well, if you’re not with Spencer soon, maybe you should meet my best friend,” I suggested. “He’s coming to visit in a few weeks.”
“Is he from Australia?” she asked.
“Mm-hm.” I put my drink down on the table. “And he’s really cute.”
“Cute, is he?” David raised one brow.
“Actually, yes. He is.”
“What does he look like?” Emily leaned further around, forcing David to sit back a little.
“Hey, why don’t you come have a sleepover at mine next Saturday, and I’ll show you some pics?” I offered.
“Yeah? I’d actually really like that.”
“Cool. Alana, you wanna come, too?” I asked, allowing myself to feel the excitement of a normal teenager for a moment.
She looked at Ryan and smiled, shrinking into herself a little more. “Um, yeah, if Emily doesn’t mind?”
“Mind? Of course you should come. Hey, I’ll bring a movie, yeah?”
“Yeah, and I’ll get a pizza,” I added.
“Better make that two pizzas,” Ryan said. “Otherwise the girls’ll go hungry.”
“Funny.” I rolled my eyes.
“I’ll bring the popcorn,” Alana said shyly.
“Great. It’s settled then.” And I was actually excited. Mike would be, too, when I told him I was being normal. In a way, I was kind of glad my dad so cruelly forced me back to school this week and that Mike threatened me into talking to someone, because my horrible past was no longer a burden I solely owned. But best of all, David liked me enough to want me as his girlfriend. In fact… love. Love is what he’d said earlier.
I looked sideways at David flouncing his hand around in the air as he explained the size of the pizza he ate last night. He didn’t know it yet, and I wasn’t ready to tell him, but I loved him, too. Not in the way he loved me—like the way you love your guitar or your best friend—but real love. The kind of love you hold for someone you want to marry one day.
* * *
The phone rang twice. I waited impatiently, tapping my fingers on the desk.
“Hey, Ara.”
“Hey, Mike. What you doin’?” I asked, hearing a strange static kind of sound.
“He’s playing a round online. With me,” another voice said very clearly into the receiver.
“Oh, hey, Matt.” I laughed, wincing. Lucky I didn’t just blurt out my news the second Mike picked up.
“How’s it going, Ara, what you been up to?” Matt asked, half distracted.
“Well, actually. A lot. That’s why I called,” I said in an eager, soprano voice.
“Hang on,” Mike said. “I’ll just de-link the phone line from the headsets.” I heard a noise, like someone tapping a fingertip on the lid of an empty tin, and a bleep followed, making the slight static in the phone line recede to a clear, quiet hum. “Okay, I’m alone now. How you doin’, kid?”
“Well, actually, I’ve been waiting up all night for you to get home so I could call you. I’ve got good news.”
“I’m listening.”
I paused for dramatic effect. “I’m having a sleepover next weekend with Em and Alana.”
“Really?” he dragged the word out.
“No, I was kidding.”
“Well, that’s great. Are you gonna talk to the girls about what happened?”
I shook my head, watching my reflection in the window. “Nope. Don’t need to.”
“Why?”
“Already talked to someone.”
“Who?” he asked. “Was it your dad?”
“No, it was David.”
“Yeah? The guy you like?”
“Yep.”
“Well, come on, fill me in then?” His voice glided in that husky smoothness that could only be Mike’s. It felt odd to me then, as old feelings surfaced, how I could be falling in love with David but still feel just as strongly for Mike.
“Well, it turns out he already knew.” I sighed, rubbing my forehead. “He spoke to my dad before he even met me.”
“Well, that’s cool. And he still made friends with you?”
“Yes,” I said in a flat tone. “I know, I know, you told me it’d be fine.”
“Did you tell him about… you know, the other part of it—your inner guilt?”
I hesitated. “Yes.”
“And he still likes you?” he asked, unperturbed.
“Actually, that’s why I’m calling. We made our relationship official tonight,” I beamed.
I heard the familiar sound of him dropping his controller. “You did what?”
“What? Oh, no—different kind of official, Mike.” I laughed, waving my hands about.
He exhaled. “So, official how then?”
“As in he said the word girlfriend.” I couldn’t help but grin.
“Well, that’s really cool. I’m glad there’s someone lookin’ out for ya.”
“You could make even half an effort to sound happy for me, Mike.”
“I am happy for you. I just—”
“You’re still my bestie, you know.”
“I know, but I’m not there, Ara. And I’m worried. I know you too well, and I know that tone. You’re pretty serious about this guy, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.” I grinned, glad he couldn’t see it.
“You gotta be careful. Grief can magnify emotions. What you’re feeling, it may just be—”
“Don’t say it, okay?” I said, holding the phone away from my ear in case he did. “I don’t need you telling me what to feel.”
He just sighed heavily. “Okay. Fine.”
“Thank you.” I sat quiet for a second, considering just han
ging up. This feeling was fragile. I didn’t want anyone to ruin it with common sense because, in truth, I needed to feel love for David. It was a whole lot better than feeling grief and guilt, or the shame in my unreciprocated love for Mike. “Hey, guess what?”
“What?”
“There’s a girl I want you to meet when you come over.”
“Ara, don’t play matchmaker. I’m coming to see you, not go on dates.”
“She’s blonde. And cute,” I offered, my voice rising in question. “She’s the one I’m having over next weekend for a sleepover. I’m gonna show her some pictures of you.”
“Well”—his voice dragged—“I do like blondes, but not dumb ones.”
“Oh, no, don’t worry, she’s definitely not stupid. But don’t get ahead of yourself, Romeo. She might not even like you. You’re not that good looking.”
“Are you kidding? I’m a hunk.” He laughed.
I smiled. “Yeah, I’d pay that. But it takes more than just good looks to get the girl.”
“Well, how ’bout my charming personality and witty sense of humor?”
“Might work.”
“Worked on you.”
“Not funny, Mike.”
“Sorry. I take it back. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Whatever. Anyway. You don’t need to worry about me now, okay. I’m doing well. I’m still not fine. But I’m okay. Today.”
“I’m glad, kid. You could use a bit of okay. But”—a long, stretching groan sounded down the phone line; I pictured him rolling his spine and straightening his arms behind his head—“I’ll be there soon, and then my mere presence will make you all better.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.”
He laughed for a second before it trickled away. “But seriously, Ara? Please don’t set me up with this friend of yours. I’m in a difficult place right now with matters of the heart. I’d rather not drag anyone else into that. Okay?”
“Sure thing,” I lied. I knew he’d change his mind when he saw her.
* * *
The fresh scent of cut grass next door mixed with the lemony fragrance of Vicki’s bathroom cleaner, and the sound of the vacuum down the hall reminded me it was Saturday. As I opened my eyes to a bright day, my covers unruffled by sleep, I wondered how today could seem so perfectly sunny when yesterday, despite the weather being the same, my whole life had felt gray and stormy.
With a hint of a skip in my step, I leaped out of bed and stood right in front of my open window, drawing a breath of the fresh morning air. It wasn’t even nine o’clock yet, but I wanted nothing more than to be up and a part of the day.
When my crappy old phone bleeped, I dove onto my bed and opened my messages: Can I come see you today? It’s David, by the way.
An invisible paintbrush swerved across my lips, bringing them up on both corners. I texted back: Are you kidding? Of course you can.
Didn’t want to seem overeager.
Be there in five, he texted back.
My eyes widened, taking in my ultra-messy room. I scooped the clothes off my floor in one big pile and threw them in the laundry basket, then shook my quilt over my bed and sprayed deodorant all around, waving a hand through the scented cloud to rid the stench of depression from within the walls.
“Vicki?” I called, grabbing my doorframe to lean out into the hall.
“Yes, dear?”
“I’ve got a friend coming over. Is that okay?”
“Of course.” I heard the vacuum cleaner start up again, relieved she didn’t ask if it was a boy friend or a girl friend. I wasn’t ready to tell her I had a boyfriend yet.
I shut my bedroom door to get changed, but as I lifted my shirt, a high-pitched yowling echoed in the street below.
“Stupid cat.” I laughed, pulling my top back on as I spotted the fat gray body swinging from the oak tree, flailing around in an attempt to free its paw from a branch. In three big steps I was out my door, almost smacking into dad as he passed.
“Hey, princess,” Dad said. “Where’re you running off to in such a hurry?”
“Vicki’s dumb cat’s got itself stuck in the tree.”
“Ara to the rescue, huh?”
“Again.”
I passed through the forbidden formal room, pushed the back door open and leaped off the porch, landing on the dewy grass. But instead of climbing up a tree, I stopped dead at the sight of every sunrise that ever brought day standing in my backyard, holding a very sorry-looking gray fluffball.
“David?”
“He’s fine,” he said, tucking Skittles’ lashing tail into the hold as we met under the tree.
“Oh, my knight in shining armor. You saved my baby.” I took the cat from him, then squeezed the tip of its paw to inspect the claws.
“He’s fine—just a little embarrassed, I think,” David assured me.
“He should be,” I said, cradling Skittles to my face. He was still growling in the back of his throat, not at all amused to be held like a baby. “Silly kitty.”
When I released my hold, the cat charged away at full speed, bolting over the hedge fence and into the front yard.
David brought my attention back to him with a soft touch along my arm. “How did you sleep last night?”
“Lying down,” I said, and David laughed. “No, in all seriousness, I actually did sleep. And I had normal dreams.”
“Then my work here is done.” He took a step away as if he planned to leave, turning back after a moment. “Kidding.”
“Funny.” I slapped his chest, noting a small indent at the center, where his muscles dipped. I just wanted to keep my hand there against his plain white shirt, or maybe lift it off and… never mind.
David gave a short, breathy laugh then, and placed his hands on my hipbones. “So, how are you feeling today? After everything we talked about yesterday.”
“I’m really good. I mean, I still hurt inside, but—” I shrugged.
“It will get easier.” David ducked his head a little so our eyes met in perfect alignment, the dark regrowth of his beard showing around his chin and upper lip. “You will always think about them, but I can promise you that missing them will get easier.”
“How do you know so much about this stuff?”
“I’ve suffered a lot of loss in my life.” He nodded smoothly and looked away. “But I find more people to love, and make my life about them.”
As our eyes met again, his warmed with a soft, simple smile.
“If you’d told me that a week ago, I might not’ve believed you,” I said.
“But you do today?”
I nodded, resting both hands flat on the front of his chest, my elbows touching his ribs. I needed to stand on my toes a little to feel like he could hear me talk without me having to yell, but that only made my lips come up to his chin. Not close enough to lean forward and steal a kiss.
“I’m glad my dad told you, David—about my mom. I think I’ve decided I’m not going to yell at him. I mean, he was just doing what he thought was best for me, right?”
“He didn’t really mean to tell me, Ara. That wasn’t his intention. I lead him into it.”
My smile twisted up with a frown, and I shook my head. “So why did he give you the touch-my-daughter-and-you-die speech?”
David cleared his throat. “He never gave me that speech.”
“But, in History class, he… you said he—”
He shook his head once, a suppressed grin creeping up into his eyes. “I lied.”
I dropped my arms to my sides. “I told my dad off, you know, for giving you that speech! And worse, he played along. How could you two just conspire against me like that? And what the hell were you two talking about then?”
David laughed aloud, tilting his head back so his canines showed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. But you’re just so funny when you get on a heated rant. I love it when you do that.” He pointed to my hands, wedged firmly on my hips.
I dropped them. “So what was my
dad saying that day?”
“He asked me to keep an eye on you, since I already knew why you were here, and since you had apparently taken a liking to me.” He combed a fingertip though my hair and swept it back behind my ear. “And I told him I had absolutely no intention of letting you out of my sight.”
Hmph! “Well, it’s nice to know he approves of you. But how’d he know I liked you?”
“Something about sultanas and grapes?” David’s dark brows pulled together.
I laughed, thinking of Dad’s weird teacher lingo. And then, so many other things suddenly seemed to fit together, like a three-dimensional puzzle that I had once assumed was only two. “So, when you said you didn’t know he was my dad that day after History class?”
David’s smile slipped away. “He asked me to keep it quiet that I even knew your name.”
I nodded slowly. “I wondered how you knew it was Ara-Rose—in the library—because no one here knew that until after History class. You sneaky little thing.”
He reached down and took my fingertips in his delicate grasp. “I’m sorry I deceived you. I meant no ill intent.”
“It’s in the past, David.”
“So, you’re not still mad at me?”
“I’m incapable of being mad at you. Well, for long anyway.” I smiled, drawing my shoulder up to my ear. “I’m glad you talked to my dad. If you hadn’t, we’d never have met, and I would’ve wished every day that we did.”
“Not possible. You’re not the kind of girl I could ever just pass in the street, Ara. I would’ve seen you eventually, and it would only have been a matter of time until I made myself a part of your life after that.” He cupped his hand over the side of my neck. “Tragic past or none, we would’ve ended up friends.”
“Ara-Rose!” a high-pitched and rather cross voice called from behind. Vicki stood on the back porch, her hand on her hip, still clutching a dishcloth. “Get some clothes on, please.”
“Oh my God!” I covered my chest with my forearms. “Why didn’t you tell me I was still in my pajamas?”
David grinned, looking at my tiny pink shorts and white tank top. “Relax. You look adorable.”
Dark Secrets Box Set Page 17