“Then what else is there?” She sat beside me.
“He… he has things in his life that he doesn’t want me a part of—that I don’t want to be a part of.”
“Like what?”
I raised a brow at her. “Em, come on, you know David’s got secrets.”
Her eyes narrowed. “So you can’t love him if he has secrets?”
“No, it’s not that.” I stood up. “It’s that I can’t be with him now I know those secrets.”
“Are you kidding me?” She stood too. “His inner demons are stopping you from being together?”
“Yes.” In a roundabout way.
“That’s not love then, Ara. It never was.”
“Shut up, Emily. You don’t anything about what I felt for him.”
She recoiled a little.
“Argh, I’m sorry.” I dropped my arms to my sides and slumped back down on the bed. “I’m just tired of people thinking they know my heart.”
“I wasn’t saying I did. I just don’t get it. You wanted him so bad. I remember you telling me you’d give anything if he’d just ask you out. What changed?”
“The heart.” I shrugged.
She shook her head. “I gotta know.”
“What?” I asked, confused as she reached into her bag and pulled out her phone.
“I gotta ask him.”
“Ask who what?”
“Ask David what he did that’s so terrible it’s destroyed this magic love I thought you two had.”
I smiled. “He’ll never answer his phone, Emily. He’s probably got a new number.”
Em shrugged, holding her phone to her ear. “It’s ringing.”
I tensed. What if he answered? What then?
I felt my toes edge out, turning in preparation to run and snatch the phone.
“Jason!” She screeched, almost projecting forward. “Hi, um, I… uh… where’s David?”
I had to force my brow into a dismissive position to hide my obvious confusion at the way she spoke to Jason: like she’d known him for years, or had at least met him before.
“Just tell me where he is,” she said, then went quiet. “Well, does he know what Ara’s gone and done?”
“Hey!” I scoffed.
She bit her lip, ignoring me. “She’s marrying him, Jason.”
I gathered, from the look on her face, that Jason didn’t really have a lot to say about it. And why would he?
“Okay.” She shrugged. “He’s your brother.”
Emily hung up the phone and looked at me. I felt like a school kid in big trouble from the principal.
“You are the stupidest girl I’ve ever met, Ara.”
“Hey! I am not. I’m just trying to be happy.”
She shook her head, conceit littering her smile. “By living without David?”
“Yes.”
“Then that just makes you even dumber than I thought.”
“Look. Stay out of it, Em. It’s my life.”
“And I’m your friend. That means I get to tell you when you’re being a dumb cow!”
“No, Emily, I’m being sensible. I’m doing what any sane teenager should do.”
“That’s the point! Don’t you get it? You’re a teenager. You don’t have to make smart choices.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Well, exactly. And I have the freedom to say and do stupid things, because I’m young, Ara. And so are you. And if you let love go now for reasons only an adult would care about, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
“What would you know about regret? You’re the same age as me.”
She looked down at her feet. “I have my regrets.”
“Yeah well, for me, David won’t be one of them. It’d be worse if I stayed with him.”
“What is wrong with you?” She tossed her phone onto my bed. “Do you need a brain scan or something? It’s David freaking Knight, Ara! Not just some random guy.”
“Just stop it, Em. Okay!” I stood up, thrusting my body forward a little, tightly holding back tears. “He’s gone! He’s not coming back, and I don’t want to talk about it!”
“That’s because you know you should have gone with him.”
“What the hell does it matter to you?”
“He was my friend, Ara. I cared about him. And I care about you. God only knows why I bother, because you obviously don’t care about yourself.”
I shook my head, looking away.
“I’m sorry, okay,” she said. “I just… I’ve never really had close friends before and, I mean, David was my first one. He was the first person that ever understood me.”
Yeah, or read your mind.
“And you,” she continued, “you became my friend because you actually liked me. Not because I was popular or knew all the guys. You actually liked me, Ara, and I don’t have any other friends like you and”—her lip quivered—“he’s gonna take you back to Australia, isn’t he?”
“Who?”
“Mike.”
“He wants to,” I said, unable to look at her.
“And what then? Then I’ll have no one.”
“You have Alana.”
She swiped her tears and sat on my bed.
I sat down beside her. “I’m sorry, Emily.”
“I’m sorry, too.” She picked up my hand. “I don’t mean to interfere, I just—”
“You care?”
She nodded. “I don’t like him.”
“Who?”
“Mike.”
“What? Why?”
“I don’t like how he calls you baby and girl all the time.” Her nose crinkled. “Don’t you find it degrading?”
“Why would I?” I shrugged. “It’s just a pet name.”
“But you’re not his pet. That’s just the point.”
“And he doesn’t treat me like a pet, either. It’s a term of endearment. I, unlike you, have an appreciation for verbal affection.”
She laughed through her nose. “Gosh, you sounded just like David.”
“I did?”
“Yeah.”
I shrugged. “Guess he was starting to rub off on me.”
“Guess so.”
“It started out as a way to tease me, you know.” I smiled at a distant memory.
“What was?”
“Baby. The way Mike always calls me baby. It started because he was always faster, stronger and smarter than me. No matter how hard I tried, I could never beat him at any game or race or anything. So I’d sulk.” I shrugged again. “He’d always call me a baby, then after a while, he just started saying it after pretty much everything he said, until one day it changed—there was a warmth behind the word that hadn’t been there before, and”—I smiled—“I kinda liked that. It made me feel special.”
“I guess I know what you mean. We kind of let almost anything go when they make us feel special, don’t we?” Em twiddled her fingers in her lap, then exhaled as she stood up. “But let the record show: I don’t like Mike. I don’t think he’s good enough for you.”
“But he is good for me.”
“They’re not the same.”
“Are in my world,” I scoffed. “So, anyway, how do you know Jason?”
Emily stiffened, paling.
“Oh, now you have to tell me,” I said, pointing at her.
Turning away, like gravity had turned her legs into iron, Emily leaned on my window frame and hugged herself.
“Em, are you okay?”
“It’s nothing, Ara. Really. It was just a summer fling. It ended.” She braved a teary glance at me as I stood beside her.
“Doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” I said.
The corners of her lips twitched, turning downward. “I was in love with him.”
“Love?”
“Mm-hm.” She grabbed a tissue from my desk and wiped her nose, nodding. “We dated for a while and then, when summer ended, he just left.”
“Left? As in he moved, or he just didn’t come back?�
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“Just gone.” She stood back, wiping her face again.
“Really? Without a goodbye?”
“Can you hear how fast my heart is beating?” She touched her chest. “That was the first time I’ve heard his voice in nearly a year.”
“So, what, he never even left a note to say where he’d gone?”
“No, that was the worst part. He just didn’t show for our date and stopped answering his phone. I asked David if he knew what was going on, but he said his brother was a player; that I’d just been one of his victims.”
“Victims? That’s a pretty cruel way to put it.”
She nodded. “David had a way with words.”
“Yeah, he did,” I said with a laugh. “Actually, he told me his brother was a bit… malevolent. Why would you be with a guy like that, Em? You’re gorgeous, you can do better.”
“That’s just it.” She sniffled. “He wasn’t like that at all. I don’t know what David was talking about, but Jason was really sweet.”
I smiled. Brotherly love. I guess it was the same as me telling everyone Sam was a troll. He wasn’t actually a troll. And I was glad that Jason wasn’t malevolent. I could never picture David’s twin being a creepy, stalking vampire. I tried so many times, but putting the face of David on anything cruel just never fit.
“So, is it true that they’re identical?”
“Yep.” She nodded, eyes wide. “Like, perfectly identical.”
“That must’ve been hard for you after Jason left, you know, being friends with David—always seeing his face.”
“Not really. They are very different people. David’s cute, but he has boundaries you can’t cross. You can never be, like, relaxed with him.”
I shrugged. “I could.”
“I get that.” Her sadness faded with a soft, distant smile. “I really do. It was the same with Jason and me. People always seemed to avoid him, you know, and I just didn’t see what they saw.”
The predator.
“He was gentle and loving and…” Em looked at my bed then. “He jumped through my window on the morning of our six-week anniversary and filled my room with frangipanis, waking me up by running one over my face.” Her fingers traced the memory over her skin. “I loved him.”
“Really?”
“Mm-hm. Enough that we talked about growing old together and what we’d name our kids.”
“And then winter came.”
She nodded. “Literally.”
I wished I could tell her about the Set laws and bi-annual sabbaticals. She probably blamed herself deep down inside for making him leave. “Guys do that,” I said instead. “Summer flings.”
“I know.” Emily lifted her hand from the fold of her arms and wiped another tear, nodding. “It just hurt to think we had something special, only to find out it was just a game.”
“Is that what you really believe? That he was using you?”
“I never used to believe it—never wanted to. But it has to be the case. You don’t just walk out on those you love.”
I shrugged. “Maybe he was like David. Maybe he had secrets.”
“No. I think they’re both just assholes. I mean, how could David just go and leave like that? He saw how broken I was when Jason left. He was the one who picked up the pieces. Surely he must know what he’s done. Why couldn’t he have just said goodbye, at least to me?”
“Maybe he just thinks it’s better this way.”
“Better for who?”
I clicked my tongue. “I wish I could fix this, Em. I really do.”
She shook her head, looking out the window. “There is no fixing it. There’s not even any point. They’re gone and we just have to move on.”
“Exactly,” I said, waving my ring hand in front of her.
Her smile wore a white flag. “I guess I see your point now. But… David still wants you, Ara. I’m sure of it. If I had that choice with Jason, I would’ve taken it. No matter what.”
“I know.” I rubbed her back gently. “Do you think he still thinks about you—Jason?”
Emily inhaled slowly, her eyes on the dreary day. “I hope so. I think about him from time to time. You never genuinely get over your first love, Ara. This”—she lifted my ring hand—“this will be a long journey for you.”
“I know.” I nodded. “Trust me, I know.”
“Just… if Mike steals you away and takes you back to Oz, will we still be friends?”
“Of course,” I said, dragging the word out. “I think we’ll always be friends.”
“I hope so,” Em said sadly. “So, what does Mike think—about David? Does he know how you feel?”
I nodded. “He’s okay with it.”
Her eyes rolled as she looked out the window again. “I really don’t like him.”
“You don’t have to like him, Em. I do.”
“I know, but I think that…” she hesitated, “if he weren’t here, you would’ve gone with David.”
“Nup.” I shook my head with certainty. “I wouldn’t have.”
With a shrewd smile suppressed, Em shrugged one shoulder. “I think you would.”
* * *
As I said goodbye to Emily, Mike stood behind me with one hand in the small of my back and the other waving.
“She hates me,” he said as her car disappeared.
“No. She just doesn’t understand.” I turned and closed the front door. “She thought David and I were a sure thing. So all of this”—I held up my ring hand—“is a little sudden for her.”
“I get it. No offence taken. So?” He stood taller and grinned. “‘Terminator’ or ‘The Mummy’?”
“You choose. I’ll get popcorn.” I grinned.
Mike walked up the stairs and when the door to his room closed, I headed into the kitchen.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Hey, honey.” He looked up from his newspaper for a second.
“Any good news?” I asked, opening the pantry.
“No news is the only good news,” he scoffed.
I shook my head. “You know, Mom always said that, too.”
“Did she?” he said absently, staring up blankly at the wall. And in that moment of unguarded expression, I could actually see his regrets.
With a soft sigh, I walked over to sit on the chair beside him. “How long, Dad? Before you stopped missing her when she left?”
He sniffed once and folded his paper, smoothing it out on the table. “Never.”
“Never?”
He looked into my eyes then. “I never stopped missing your mother. Sure, after about ten years or so it got easier to bear, but I still miss her even now.”
“Oh.” I looked out the front window.
“I did wrong by her, Ara. I made one stupid mistake and I lost her. But when you love someone like I loved her, you will always miss them. I try not to think of her if I can.”
“But you love Vicki, right? Doesn’t that make it easier?”
He nodded thoughtfully. “That’s the only reason I didn’t go back and beg your mom to forgive me. I did love Vicki—do love Vicki, I mean,” he said with a laugh. “But I loved your mom, too.”
It hurt to hear him speak of her in the past tense like that.
“I don’t think you ever truly get over losing someone you love, but after time passes, you can get through the days without missing them so much,” he added, probably in response to my horrified expression. He couldn’t know how much I was relating his story to my own experiences with boys. He was the only person I could think of that suffered a loss as great as mine. I needed to know if there was a life after love—after true love. “Is this about David?” he asked.
“A little.” I smiled at the table.
“Ara, Mike loves you. He’s been trying to ask you to marry him for the last year.” Dad cupped his hand warmly over mine. “He was so worried you’d turn him down that he almost asked me to ask you for him.”
“Really?”
“Yes, honey. Look, I know yo
u love David, but you loved Mike first. And if you thought you could move on from love once, then there’s a good chance you can do it again, right?”
He was right. It was just going to take some time. But of course I’d move on eventually. Nothing ever lasted forever, right?
“See? That’s why you’re a teacher, Dad. The all-knowing.” I waved my hands around in the air, then stood up and kissed him on the cheek. “Love you, Dad.”
“Ara?”
I turned back to his insistent tone. “Yeah?”
“I uh… I need to talk to you.”
“Okay…” I sat back down.
“I received a call today… from Ray Bougerstern.”
“Dad!” I slammed my palms on the table and stood up.
“Ara. Sit back down. We need to discuss this.”
“Why now?” I felt the blanket of fury wrap my shoulders. “Mike’s waiting for me to watch a mo—”
“And he’ll wait. You can’t keep avoiding this. The insurance policy has cleared the account. I need to know what you want me to do with the money.”
My lip quivered as I looked down at my feet. Blood money. The money a company paid out because my mother no longer existed. A consolation. Condolences in the form of green notes.
“Keep it. Give it to Sam.”
“Ara. Your mother took that policy out so that you could take care of yourself if she were no longer around.”
“I can do that without money, Dad!”
“No, you can’t,” his voice grumbled as it peaked above calm. “She’s gone, Ara-Rose. She’s not coming back, no matter what tortures you inflict upon yourself. No amount of your own suffering will change what happened.” He reached for my hand. I kept it tight in the fold of my arms, biting my lip. “Honey, just take the money. Use it to start your life. Use it to—”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“I’m sorry. I haven’t wanted to bring it up again. I know it’s hard for you, but—”
“Just put it in a trust fund,” I said finally. “Put it in a high interest account until I turn eighteen or something.”
“Thank you,” Dad said with a nod. “I know what this means for you, Ara. I—”
“It means she’s gone, Dad,” I said, holding his gaze. “It means she’s never coming back.”
“I know, honey.”
I nodded, upper lip stiff, then walked away so he wouldn’t see me cry.
Dark Secrets Box Set Page 57