I shrugged. “I guess so.” I was. I didn’t know why, but being at Karnivale, I just felt edgy and used and alone and… closer to David. I knew he wouldn’t be here, but that small glimmer of hope was the first I’d owned in a very long time, and I liked it as much as I loathed it. “Do you think he could be here? David, I mean.”
Eric’s grunt sounded like a music box being wound up, tight and scornful. “No. Unless he has a death wish.”
I toyed with the hem of my shirt. “Well, what if he decided to just drop in—”
“Amara.” He nodded politely to a man that moved aside to let us pass. “Last I heard, when one of his friends saw him in Egypt, he was not the same David.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you know how if we don’t eat for a while, we get—”
“Monstrous?”
“Yeah, well the same goes for extreme pain. It’s the body’s way of coping; our defense mechanism, you might say.”
“So, what you’re saying is that David”—I swallowed the lump in my throat—“has given himself over to the monster?”
“That’s what I heard.” He shrugged. “Even if he came back, which he won’t, he won’t be the same David; he’ll be more like—”
“Jason.”
“Jason? God, no. Jason’s a pa—” His words cut short as he shoved me back, a flaming wall of heated color brushing past my face and receding again an inch before catching my hair. “Watch it, dick head,” he said, shoving a mime to the ground. “I like mine raw.”
I looked up at him, eyes wide. “Raw?”
He grinned. “Sorry. Inside joke.”
“Not funny.”
“Was to me.”
I folded my arms tightly and stepped over the mime, walking quickly away from both of them.
“Aw, don’t be so sensitive, Amara.”
“This is not sensitive. This is disgusted.”
“Kiddo, come on.” He chased after me. “If you wanna hang out with a vampire, get used to the way we live.”
“Used to it? So, you want me to accept that you kill people—that you like them raw?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s sick.”
“We don’t see it that way,” he said in an almost laughing tone.
“No. You don’t see it as a waste; you don’t see it for the sick, sadistic and horrific act it is.”
“It’s not like the horror movies, Amara. It’s a beautiful death.”
“Spoken like a vampire.”
“Come here.” He grabbed my hand and dragged me to the edge of a circus tent, scooping back the heavy fabric. “Look, this is normal for us. It’s not for a human, but you can’t class yourself as a human when you hang out with me.”
I peered into the darkness and, instead of recoiling, merely watched as a girl on a round bed at the center of the room laid at the mercy of a devilishly handsome man. He caressed her breasts under the torn remnants of her clothing, to which she returned almost comical moans of pleasure, rolling her spine to force her flesh against his lips.
“Does she look scared to you?”
I shook my head, my gaze locked to the scene by an invisible force. As the vampire’s kisses led him to the purlieu of her inner thigh, he stopped to look over at us, winked, and then sunk his teeth into her leg.
The girl’s fingers embedded the pillow and she cried out loudly—a cry of pleasure.
I looked away, faced with my own nightmarish memories of the same kind of scene, but without the enjoyment.
“Don’t do that.” Eric turned my face back. “She’s enjoying it.”
“Until she dies.”
“She won’t know,” he said kindly. “The venom numbs the skin. She’ll be in ecstasy until she passes.”
“That’s a lie. It didn’t numb mine.”
“I know.” He nodded softly. “That’s because it was an attack. If it’d been a lustful kill, like it’s supposed to be, you wouldn’t have felt it.”
“Really? So venom only numbs when there’s lust?”
“That’s what we assume. We’re not human, so it’s hard to say.”
“Why the thigh?”
“Huh?”
“Why is he biting her there?” I looked back at the girl.
“It’s a sweet spot. The blood’s warmest there than anywhere else. It’s also close to the va—”
“Eh. Enough said.” I raised my palms, not wanting to think about all the reasons my attacker may have bitten me there.
Eric just laughed, then swept his arm out in a bowing gesture toward the carousel. “Shall we then?”
“Sure.”
So we walked, and strangely, what I just saw didn’t upset me or disturb me. I could accept it as a part of Eric. I wasn’t sure it’d be the same if it were David, but this creepy, sadistic killer thing seemed to fit well with Eric. It didn’t change who he was to me. I still wanted to be around him. But I wondered if that made me as sick as him, if maybe I was turning into a monster either by association or, perhaps, if Jason’s venom left some kind of evil in me.
We stopped in line for the carousel, watching for a second as vampires and humans climbed the steps and ran childishly around the platform, choosing horses.
“That’s got to be the prettiest carousel I’ve ever seen,” I noted.
“And probably the oldest.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” We moved up the line, one person left in front of us. “It’s been around since I first became a vampire.”
“Wow. I bet my dad would love it.”
“I bet he would.” Eric paid the toll, exchanging a grunt for the tickets when the attendant licked his lips in my direction, grinning eagerly.
“Some people are so rude.” I folded my arms in objection.
“If you look at it from his perspective,” he said, helping me onto the carousel platform, “you’re being rude by walking around all alive and pulsing with blood.”
I looked up to protest, but stopped, seeing his joking smile. “You’re right. I should go apologize.”
“That’s the spirit.” He punched my arm playfully. “Now, which pony would my sweet little girl like to ride?”
“Dunno,” I said, walking past him to mount a black and red one. “Go find her and ask her.”
He appeared beside me, his chocolate eyes lit by the flashing yellow of the bulbs around the mirrors behind me. “You're pretty funny when you want to be.”
“It’s a bad habit,” I confessed.
He tossed his head back laughing, his sharp fangs making my blood thicker. “I love a girl that can make me laugh.” His carnal thoughts moved his eyes to my lips then. “It’s a very big turn-on.”
I wrapped my fingers around the cold pole just under Eric's. “You not gonna choose a horse?”
“No.” He motioned around us to the other men. “It’s a requirement of vampires to accompany their humans on this ride.”
I saw myself in the mirrors then, small beside this vampire, with the round eyes of innocence that always made people underestimate me. “Why?”
“You’ll see.” He handed me the reigns and positioned his hands around my hips. “Hold on tight.”
Discordant carnival music began, loud and distorted, like this was an empty fair ground in a ghost story, and in the shadows of the flashing lights as the ride started to spin, Eric looked somewhat menacing. I could almost see how a person might fear him, but to me, he still looked gorgeous—vampirish. I rested my head against his and closed my eyes.
“You okay?” he said.
“Yeah, I just didn’t know this would go so fast.”
“Well, we like speed.”
“I can’t lift my arms.”
Eric brought his hand up in an enthusiastic wave. “It’s no problem for me.”
“I’m sure the vampire strength helps.” I smiled as he dropped his hand. “So, why does it go backward?”
“Now that I don’t know.” He laughed loudly.
; I loved the way that, even though he was from a different world, with different views and opinions, he could still sound so human when he laughed. It made me like him more.
Eric studied me studying him. I felt safe, closed in by the wash of color—the way the lights all merged to form a seal of illuminated lines around us—and it was nice to feel that way again. I never thought I’d find another guy to make me feel safe the way Mike and David did, and I never thought I could ever like someone else. Kind of like losing your favorite old teddy and just believing to your core that nothing will ever replace it, until something does. Liking Eric made me forget about David for a while, in a place where it should be easiest to remember him.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, and my eyes slipped past his face onto my shoes when I realized I was staring. “Tell me.”
“Just that you make me feel kind of…” I searched for the right word. “Okay again.”
The words entered his ears but came out on his face, his brow slowly denting in the middle, his lips sitting slightly parted to allow for a soft exhale. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
He nodded to himself and gently laid his thumb to my chin, tilting my face upward. “Can I kiss you?”
I closed my eyes. “Yes.”
Eric leaned in and his cool breath fell over my lips, but he stopped before they touched.
“What is it?” My eyes flashed open to his angular face right in front of mine.
“I can’t. I’m too hungry. I’ll bite you.” He took a step back. “Being around you—it’s just making things worse.”
“Can’t you control it?”
He touched his own lips. “It’s—I’ve never had to. Ever. It’s automatic for me not to. Kind of like holding a piece of chocolate just inside your lips.”
My mouth watered thinking about it, visualizing it.
“See? Now tell yourself there’s no reason you can’t have it.”
I nodded. “I’d eat it.”
“Precisely.”
“But”—I licked my lips, almost expecting to taste chocolate—“you do have a reason to control it: me, right?”
“Amara.” He gripped the pole again, leaning in. “Not really. I like hanging out with you, and you’re damn cute and, I mean, I’d probably miss you if you were dead, but you’re still just a human.”
I nodded. “So, you’d let yourself kill me?”
“If you didn’t belong to David, I already would have.”
“Then, isn’t fear of David enough of a reason to make yourself stop?”
“Not right now. If the law passes, yes, but right now, while I’m hungry, the punishment isn’t grave enough and, truthfully, I could hide your body where no one would ever find it. No one would ever know I did it.”
The truth and the fear hollowed me out for a moment. I sat tracing the mane on my pony as the ride began to slow, feeling unsafe and unimportant. “Okay. Go eat, then.”
“Okay. And… do you still wanna go back to your house after?” His tone rolled away to suggestion. “I didn’t upset you, did I?”
“No, I—” My words stopped with a quick turn of my head as a familiar face flashed past us for a split second. But when we came back around again, it was gone.
“Amara, what is it?”
“I—” I searched the carnival grounds. “I thought I just saw David.”
Eric looked behind him, then back at me. “It won’t be him.”
“I know. I just—”
“You just wish.” He sighed as we came to a rather abrupt stop.
I jolted forward, not meeting his eyes. “Mm-hm.”
“I can make you forget about him.” His fingers tangled my hair for a second, sweeping down the lengths with a very gentle tingle. “Just one night with me, and you’ll never think of him again.”
“Fine.” My gut churned. I wasn’t sure if it was because I just decided to give my virginity up for the sake of getting past my true love, or if it was because my stomach hadn’t realized we’d stopped moving, but I felt suddenly very sick.
“Fine what?” he asked. “What’s fine?”
“Just take me back to your house. We can’t go to mine with Mike there.”
“For blood?”
“Yeah.” I smiled bashfully. “Well, I mean… both.”
“Sex?”
The suggestion in his tone forced my shoulders higher, a pleasant rush of warmth flooding me from my neck to my tailbone. “Yeah, that, too.”
“Are you sure about this?” He lifted my chin. “Because, you know I want this, Amara, but…”
“But?”
He exhaled through his nose. “You just said I make you feel okay again.”
“And?”
“And, if we have sex, well… you’re a virgin, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. So?”
“Did David ever—” Eric stopped, cursing when his watch beeped.
“What? What’s wrong?”
He silenced the alarm. “I gotta go eat. We’ll finish this in a minute, okay?”
I looked at his watch then back at his eyes. “What’s with the alarm?”
“Our home-time warning.” He lifted me from under my arms, and I threw my leg over the saddle, my feet landing softly on the ground before Eric let go. “I’ll be back in a sec.”
“Sure, I’ll just go walk alone among all the dangerous predators. Maybe get some candy-floss.”
“Okay.” He nodded, then disappeared.
“Right,” I said to myself, feeling small and out of place without him beside me. From up here on the platform, I could see all the way out to the parking lot. About half of the cars were gone now—floodlights showing the hundred or so remaining—but the carnival felt too crowded for only that many cars.
I took the steps back down to the ground, issuing a death-glare to the carousel attendant and his undressing eyes, and wandered toward to the candy-floss stand. There was a line. Okay, so three people didn’t really constitute a line, but it was enough to annoy me. I stood back a little, waiting for them to move.
“You lost, sweetie?”
Sweetie? How old did I look?
“I’m fine.” I looked up at the man—all the way up past his clown pants and stilt legs. “Are you human?”
His brow crinkled. “Well, I may be tall, but last I checked”—he felt for a pulse—“still beating.”
I cleared my throat. “Sorry.” That was awkward. I felt his eyes on my back as I walked toward the scent of vanilla and sugar.
The warm pink light of the candy-floss stand enveloped me, making me feel a little less out in the open. I placed a coin on the counter, wishing I had two so I could buy one of those hot cinnamon doughnuts as well, and said, “One please.”
“Candy-floss?” As the woman turned around, she stopped dead and flashed a wicked grin. “Well, hello there.”
“Uh, hi. Yeah, candy-floss, thanks.” Vampire, for sure.
She went about twisting it onto a stick, all the while gawking at me like she knew some dirty secret. Each vertebra in my spine lengthened, as if being taller might make me feel less exposed, less awkward. Less… victim-y.
“’Ere ya go, luv.” She handed me the floss, checking her watch as our fingers touched.
“Thanks.” I smiled politely, backing away without taking my eyes off her.
The rides seemed louder then, the lights dimmer and the tents taller, all crowding around me like eerie trees. I knew what was in those tents. I knew people were dying in them as I stood here with a stick of sugar in my hand. But I shook off those images and looked around frantically for any sign of Eric. I didn’t want the candy-floss anymore and only held it as a prop. How did I even know Eric would come back for me? How did I even know he wasn’t stalking me, waiting to attack me?
The human on stilts appeared a few tents over, his spotty shirt making me relax. At least there was one person I was sure wouldn’t eat me if given the chance. I picked up a quick step and darted out into a crowd to get to
him, smacking straight into the firm, almost rubbery chest of a man.
“Oh, God,” I said, peeling fluffy pink sugar off my arm. “I’m such a klutz.”
But he said nothing in return, staying completely silent.
And as a strong feeling of familiarity slipped over me, the world decelerated. My eyes swept slowly up his denim jeans, over his black T-shirt, falling past his square jaw, perfectly defined lips and finally freezing on his emerald green eyes, an entire lifetime of heartbeats giving up in one breath.
“Ara?”
“Jason.”
The candy-floss fell to the floor, the sound around me rushing into my ears like a horn in a tunnel. Each fight or flight reaction happened in my mind, but never reached my body.
“Ara. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m here for Karnivale.” Jason took a step back, his brow knitting tightly in the middle. “Why…” He shook his head, lips parted in bewilderment. “Why are you here?”
“I’m here for Karnivale, too.” My voice shook.
“Do you know what Karnivale is?”
“Yes. Well, I mean, no—but.”
“Who brought you here? Surely you’re not here with David?” he asked with a hint of uncertainty.
“No.” I shifted my feet out of the running-madly-away-screaming position. “Why? Have you seen him?”
“No.” He stared at me, his lips still slightly open.
“I have to go.” I turned on my heel.
“Wait!” He grabbed my arm.
“Help me, please. Someone!”
“I—” He let go quickly. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
My heart thumped in my cheekbones as I scurried to the safety of a striped tent wall and pressed my back to it.
“Just tell me who you’re here with.” He looked around, probably wondering where my escort was. A very good question. “Is it a vam—?”
“Yes. He’s a vampire.”
“And you knew he was a vampire when you came here?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Did he tell you what Karnivale is?” he asked in a strained, hurried voice.
“Not really. He said it’s a fun thing for vampires—an annual gathering.”
“Ara, it’s a buffet!” He looked at his watch. “You have about five minutes before midnight, then…” Jason’s hand extended toward me.
Dark Secrets Box Set Page 84