She smiled behind her glass of iced tea. “You just want him to be your slippery slope.”
I groaned. “Sweet Hecate, don’t make me think about it or I’ll need to dump this iced tea on my head to cool off.”
“Cool off from what?” Sassy slid into the booth beside Clara and immediately snagged a fry.
“Her hots for Chief Fox,” Clara volunteered before I could stop her. My swift kick under the table was in vain because I caught my toe on the post instead and yelped.
“Can’t blame you there,” Sassy said. “If Tanner gave me a hall pass, that’s the door I’d be knocking on.”
“Oh, you need a hall pass for that, do you?” I asked. Sassafras ‘Sassy’ Persimmons was the last person I would have expected to befriend upon my return to Chipping Cheddar. She was the ‘hussy’ (Grandma’s word) responsible for my most humiliating moment in high school—catching my boyfriend with another girl. Head cheerleader. Lead mean girl. Yet here we were sharing diner fries together and making jokes about her current and my former flame, Tanner Hughes.
“Well, Tanner travels so often. It isn’t like he’d know,” Sassy said.
“Sounds like a dare,” Clara said. “How’s everything between you two?”
Sassy heaved a deep sigh. “Fine. The same. He travels for work. We snatch a weekend here and there. The sex is great when we’re together, but it seems so infrequent.”
“No closer to a ring, huh?” I asked. The better I’d gotten to know Sassy, the more I realized that she was too good for him. Tanner had a god complex thanks to his mother’s insistence that he walked on water and he’d never learned how to treat other people. He was only interested in how they treated him—correction—how they worshipped him. It had taken me a long time to see him for the narcissist he truly was.
Sassy chewed her lip. “We talked about it again the other night before he left for Newport News. He swore he was looking for the perfect solitaire. One that I’d be happy to wear for the rest of my life.” She crunched on another fry. “It’s not about the ring, though. It’s not even about the wedding. It’s about the marriage. That’s all I care about.”
“Well, there’s a bachelor party bus rolling around town today with a bunch of geriatrics,” I said. “Don’t give Tanner any ideas.”
“Who would he invite?” Sassy asked. “He doesn’t have any real friends. He doesn’t seem to know how to cultivate meaningful relationships.”
Uh oh. It sounded like there was more going on here than a failure to propose.
“What about you?” Clara asked. “Don’t you consider yourself a meaningful relationship for him?”
“Yes, but I think a man should have more than his mother and girlfriend in his life, don’t you? He rarely visits his grandmother in the home and she’s the sweetest lady.”
“Tanner always liked to be the big dog in a group,” I said. “He didn’t like to feel challenged or threatened by anyone, so I think that results in him keeping everyone at bay.”
“I used to think he was so cool and aloof,” Sassy said. “I mean, we know he’s charming. He wouldn’t be able to work in sales otherwise, but he’s only interested in charming people who can earn him money. He only makes the effort if you can give him something in return.”
I swallowed a mouthful of iced tea. “I hate to break it to you, Sassy, but he’s always been like that. How do you think he ended up with you? You gave him what he wanted.”
She glared at me. “Gee, thanks.”
“I’m not trying to be mean,” I said. “It’s just a central part of his character. If it’s not something you can accept about him, you may need to rethink your relationship.”
“Maybe it’s a blessing that he hasn’t proposed,” Clara added. “Maybe you don’t really want to marry him. You’ve been waiting so long that you feel like you’re too invested to walk away.”
Sassy nibbled thoughtfully on another fry. “I have spent an awful lot of time working on our relationship. It can be exhausting at times. Are relationships supposed to be draining?”
Clara and I lowered our heads. Between us, we were hardly experts. “I don’t think so,” I finally said. “I don’t find Chief Fox exhausting, not that I can say we’re in a full-fledged relationship.”
“You really can’t say,” Clara said directly to Sassy. “It’s a secret.”
Sassy’s eyes widened. “Ooh, really? You’re trusting me with a secret?”
“Why not?” I said. “If you tell anyone, I’ll hex you.”
She tossed her blond ponytail over her shoulder and laughed. “You’re so funny, Eden.” Bless Sassy’s ignorant soul.
“Eden especially doesn’t want her family to know,” Clara added.
“Because they’re so weird?” Sassy asked. “Except your brother. He’s pretty cute.”
“They have an issue with authority figures,” I said vaguely. “They won’t like that I’m dating a cop.”
“But you’re an FBI agent,” Sassy said. “Does that mean they don’t like you?”
Ha! Sassy was more insightful than she realized. “I’m family, so they make an exception.” Sort of.
“An illicit affair,” she said, her eyes shining. “I’m so glad I came to the diner.”
“You cannot tell Tanner,” I said. “Definitely not him.”
“Are you only going to meet at his place?” Sassy asked. “How will this work logistically? If people see you out together, word will get back to your family.”
“We haven’t gotten that far,” I said. “Right now we’re taking it slowly.”
“Oh, wow. That just gave me a nice visual.” Sassy picked up a napkin to fan herself.
Hedwig’s Theme from Harry Potter blasted from my phone. “Oh, crap! Neville.” I snapped up the phone. “I’m sorry. I’ll be right there. I’m in traffic.”
Clara smothered a laugh as I tucked away the phone. “You’re the worst liar.”
“Is it an internet emergency?” Sassy asked. Like most humans in town, she believed that I worked in the cybercrime unit of the FBI.
“Yes, those Russians are at it again,” I said.
“You should write a story about her, Clara,” Sassy said. “Her work is so interesting.”
“I wish I had time to chat more about it, but I’ve got to go.” I tossed money onto the table. “Not really the worst liar, am I?” I whispered to Clara and sailed out the door.
Neville and I stood near the river in Davenport Park, safely ensconced behind an invisibility shield. This was the only way we could conduct our training outside but still hidden. Even though the demons he conjured were simulations, they appeared remarkably real.
The wizard thumbed through a book, searching for new and exciting demons to challenge me so that I could progress to the next level. Grandma’s Little Critters had nothing on the FBM.
“Are there any attractive demons you could simulate?” I asked.
Neville glanced up at me and pushed his glasses to the bridge of his nose. “Do you plan to defeat it or date it?”
“I’ve seen enough disgusting things today,” I said.
Neville snapped the book closed and tucked it under his arm. “Did you accidentally walk in on your grandmother in the bathroom again?”
“No, thank Hecate.” I didn’t want to tell him, but I knew I had to. As my assistant, Neville had the right to know. “You know how I get a new present when I use a lot of power?”
Neville clapped a hand over his mouth. Slowly the hand slid back to his side. “What is it? Can you breathe fire?”
I frowned. “I’m not a dragon.”
“There is a definite history of furies breathing fire,” he said. “Not all of them, naturally. Only a select few, but you…”
“Cannot breathe fire,” I finished for him. “To be fair, that’s probably preferable to the gift they dropped in my lap.” Or on my head, to be accurate. “Read ‘em and weep.” I uncloaked my head.
“Son of a bench,” he gasped. That was t
he closest Neville ever came to cursing.
“Aren’t they just the prettiest things you’ve ever seen?” The snakes twisted around each other and hissed.
Neville approached with caution. “They seem to like the fresh air. Their tongues are flicking in and out like crazy.”
“Don’t get too close,” I warned. “They’re venomous.” One slid down the back of my head and dipped beneath my shirt. I wriggled and tried not to laugh. “They also tickle.”
The wizard stood with his mouth hanging open. “O wondrous reptilian woman.”
“I’m not reptilian,” I objected. “I have wings too.”
“I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised,” Neville said. “Your resurrection was bound to induce a major trait.”
I cloaked the snakes again and smoothed my hair. “I know, but I guess I was hoping to leap tall buildings or something.”
“No need to leap when you can fly, Agent Fury.” He wiggled his shoulders to indicate my hidden wings. “Well, now that you’ve shared this critical news, you may as well keep going.” He returned to his place beside the oak tree.
“Keep going?” I echoed.
“Chief Fox,” he said. He opened the book to the marked page. “The last time I saw the two of you together in Holes, you seemed on the cusp of declaring eternal love.”
My face grew warm and I was relieved that Neville had his nose back in the book. “I think anyone who’s tasted Paige’s fritters feels that way.”
“You know what I mean. What is the current status of your relationship with Chief Fox?”
I laughed. “Subtle. You didn’t even look up from the book. How many times did you have to practice that in the mirror?”
Neville reluctantly met my gaze. “Only three. I believe I mastered it quite well.”
“My relationship status with the chief is none of your concern.”
“Oh, but it is, Agent Fury.”
“This is personal,” I insisted. “It has nothing to do with the FBM.”
Neville offered a sympathetic look. “I’m not trying to be difficult, but you have to understand that the Federal Bureau of Magic is a secret organization. People like Chief Fox endanger the very fabric of our existence.”
“His knowledge of the supernatural world means that he can help us, Neville,” I said. “The FBM should be working with the local police.”
“Does that mean that Deputy Guthrie should know as well?”
Ooh, he had me there. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Agent Fury, you know I have great respect for you, but you put us at risk as well as the chief by sharing such critical information.”
I folded my arms. “So you’re basically telling me that you’re on my family’s side.”
Neville must have sensed that this was a dangerous declaration because he immediately averted his gaze. “Rest assured, most infernal of goddesses, I am on your team as always. That being said, we have a responsibility to the supernatural community. We can’t let our personal feelings get in the way of that.”
“What’s your plan then? If I tell you that I’m dating him, are you going to report me to headquarters? File a report?”
Neville looked aggrieved. “I would never betray your trust.”
“That settles it then. You don’t ask any more questions about us and then you won’t have to know anything. Plausible deniability.” I pretended to dust off my hands. “Okay, Neville. Back to business.” I much preferred to pretend I was back in the field than discuss personal matters. If I couldn’t chase criminals on the streets of San Francisco, at least I could be active during these training sessions.
“Very well then.” Neville set down the book and removed an item from his backpack from the zipped compartment. “I’ve been working on this new device that you might find useful. It’s small enough to fit in your pocket.” He produced a golden bag the size of a leaf and held it up for inspection.
“What am I supposed to do with that? Use it to transport my flea circus?”
“It’s a bottomless bag,” he said. “I made it as small as I possibly could. You can use it to carry and conceal much larger items.”
I stared at the tiny bag. “How?”
“Allow me to demonstrate.” He plucked a branch from the ground and proceeded to place it inside the bag, even though the branch was ten times the size.
“That’s great, Neville. Next time I need wood for the fireplace, I’ll be sure to bring your bag.”
The wizard removed the branch and stuffed the bag into his pocket with a harrumph.
“I’m kidding,” I said, immediately feeling guilty. “I’m sure the bag will be more useful than my snakes.”
“Don’t be too quick to dismiss it.” Neville said. “Those snakes could prove very useful indeed.”
“If I want to win the ugliest woman in Chipping Cheddar competition, then yes, extremely useful.” I rolled up my sleeves. “Enough chatter. I have energy to burn.”
“As you wish.” He pulled a familiar drawstring bag from the front compartment of the backpack. “I won’t name the demons. The only way you can defeat them is to identify what they are and how to fight them.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Neville pinched what looked like glitter and tossed it into the air. A skeletal creature morphed into view with eyes that burned red.
I angled my head for a better view. “Skeletor?”
“This is a demon from Otherworld, Agent Fury, not a villain from a cartoon.”
“Right.” I focused and thought back to the pages of notes I’d digested. “It’s an ossium demon!”
“Excellent.”
I performed a mental check of the possible methods I could use to defeat him and opted for brute strength.
“Bones were made to be broken,” I said, once the ossium demon was reduced to a pile of bones on the ground. “Maybe you could fit those in your little bag and use them to make soup later.”
Neville scowled and the bones disintegrated.
Four demons later and I was still raring to go. Neville, on the other hand, was now slumped against the oak tree.
“One more for the road?” I asked.
Neville released a sigh. “I underestimated your enthusiasm today, Agent Fury. I thought I’d be able to watch Midsomer Murders.”
My phone started to sing a muffled version of What Does The Fox Say? “Wait. Hold that demon.” I retrieved the phone from my pocket.
Neville looked at me askance. “Don’t tell me that’s your new ring tone for the chief.”
I ignored him and answered the phone. “Hi.”
“You busy?”
“Not really. I’m training and Neville’s napping under a tree like a bored lumberjack.”
Neville muttered under his breath.
“Want to meet me for a drink at The Cheese Wheel?” the chief asked. “I’m off duty now. We could happen to run into each other there. I’ve been practicing my look of pleasant surprise.”
The suggestion was far too tempting to say no. “I’ll meet you there in fifteen minutes.”
“Fifteen minutes,” Neville exploded. “I was ready to go an hour ago, but the chief calls and you’re ready to drop everything.”
“Will you be sweaty from all the practice?” Chief Fox asked hopefully.
I laughed. “I don’t think you’d want me there if I were too sweaty.”
“On the contrary, I want you anywhere.”
I smiled into the phone and Neville groaned loudly. “Please tell him we are in the process of completing a serious training session.”
“I need to go,” I said. “Neville is getting restless.”
“Tell that taskmaster that you deserve a personal life,” Chief Fox said. “Hey, maybe he should come with you and we can find him a prospective girlfriend. That might chill him out.”
“Good idea.” I held my hand over the phone. “Neville, you’re coming to the bar with me. We’re going to hook you up.”
“Hook me u
p?” Neville repeated. “You know I don’t do drugs.”
I pressed my lips together. “Not drugs. A lady friend. Come on, it’s much better than that wizard forum you frequent.”
“There’s a wizard forum?” Chief Fox asked.
Neville shushed me. “You can’t tell him everything.”
“Relax. It’s not like I told him your user name is…”
“Agent Fury!” he thundered.
“He’s excited to join us,” I told the chief. “See you soon.”
Chapter Four
“I’ve never seen so many elderly gentlemen in one place in my life,” Neville said. We’d seen the party bus in the parking lot, so I knew our gentlemen friends from earlier were here. Based on the current number, they seemed to have lost a couple revelers along the route though.
“I’m glad my mother isn’t here,” I said. “She’d be in a feeding frenzy.”
“Doesn’t she prefer them younger?” Neville asked.
“She prefers them male,” I said. Beyond that, I’m not sure.” As I spoke, I spotted a woman in the shadows of the room, lingering beside the jukebox. Her red hair was a smidge too bright for her pale skin. “Speaking of feeding…”
Neville followed my gaze. “Vampire?”
“You bet.” The vampire was too focused on her prey to notice me. She’d zeroed in on two of the older men at the bar. I recognized them from the bus—Scott and Hank, the groom-to-be. They had to be drunk beyond reason by now. They’d been drinking for hours.
The vampire sashayed across the room and positioned herself between the two men. I didn’t like where this was going. Vampires in the human world generally behaved themselves. She had to know that biting someone didn’t go unpunished. A violation could result in a one-way trip to Otherworld or, even worse, the death penalty.
“Why are you staring at them so intently?” Chief Fox appeared beside me, causing me to jump.
“Good evening, Chief Fox,” Neville said.
The chief clapped a hand on the wizard’s shoulder. “Neville, so happy you’re here. We’re going to make it our mission to find you a new lady friend tonight. Hey, is that why we’re watching the redhead?”
Three Alarm Fury Page 3