by Jill Kemerer
Lord, why is this coming up again? I’ve worked through it. I know I’m not Dad’s keeper. I have no intention of slipping back into that role. Please take this burden from me. I can’t go back to being full of anxiety all the time.
The pastor said the final prayer, and Ainsley whispered, “Amen.” She hoped Marshall didn’t want to discuss the sermon on the way home, because she hadn’t focused on a single word. And she really didn’t want to share what had been on her mind in its place.
After an usher excused them, they joined the crowd and ran into Marshall’s friends at the coat rack.
“We’re all going over to the diner for breakfast,” Amy said as she helped Ruby into her winter coat. Ainsley had to stop herself from staring at the dear little girl. Amy continued. “Why don’t you and Marshall join us?”
“I’ll have to check with him.” Ainsley turned to Ruby. “Are you getting excited for Christmas?”
Ruby stared up at her through big sparkly eyes and nodded. She clutched Amy’s hand. “Mommy and I are baking cookies later. I get to help frost them.”
Amy smoothed her hand over Ruby’s hair. “She’s a very good froster. Ruby knows her sprinkles.”
Ainsley chuckled. “You can never have too many sprinkles.”
“We got a new kitty cookie cutter. I have a kitty named Fluffy, and she is fat.” Ruby opened her hands to show how big the cat was.
“I love kitties. Especially big fluffy ones.” Ainsley walked with them toward the door. Behind her, Marshall talked to Nash and Clint.
“How are the quadruplets?” Lexi, Clint’s wife, asked, squeezing by the men. “I’ve been meaning to stop by, but I wasn’t sure if Belle would mind or not. I’m sure her hands are full.”
Amy bit her lower lip. “And I should bring over another casserole. I’m sure they’re running out at this point. I’d love a chance to see those babies.”
“How many babies are there?” Ruby asked, her eyes wide. An older gentleman opened the door, and they filed outside into the cold air.
“Four,” Ainsley replied. “And they’re the sweetest things. So adorable.”
“Excuse me.” Marshall tugged on Ainsley’s sleeve. She turned as a gust of wind blasted her. His brown eyes gleamed. “Would you be okay with getting breakfast with my friends at Dottie’s right now? If you need to get back, it’s no problem.”
“I’d love to get breakfast.”
Amy and Lexi exchanged big smiles.
“Good,” Lexi said. “You can tell us all about the babies over hotcakes.”
“We’re both kind of obsessed with infants right now.” Amy held Ruby’s hand as they started down the porch steps. Nash was at Amy’s side in a heartbeat, taking her by the elbow. Clint held Lexi’s hand. Which left Ainsley next to Marshall.
The comments about the babies and the attention of their husbands made Ainsley wonder. Lexi and Amy must be trying to get pregnant.
She watched them joking and laughing on their way to the parking lot and fought back envy. She tried not to want more than she already had, but it was impossible to deny the lure of deep friendships, church on Sundays together, a doting husband, the chance to have a family.
Besides Tara, Ainsley didn’t have any close friends. What would it be like to have a whole group of people to spend time with on a regular basis?
Marshall helped her into the passenger seat of his truck. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” She nodded, her brittle smile frozen in place.
“Sure something isn’t bothering you?” He climbed up, shut his door and started the engine.
“I’m not used to...” She almost blurted out the truth. That she’d avoided developing friendships for most of her life. Her dad’s behavior when he drank had embarrassed her, and since he’d always been drinking... She thought about the Al-Anon meetings she’d attended. She had nothing to be ashamed of. She could tell Marshall the truth. “I’m not great at this sort of thing.”
“What sort of thing?” He turned onto the road.
“Friends.” She wrung her hands in her lap. “When I was younger, I always tried to hide the reality of my father’s alcoholism from people, and I haven’t had a lot of friends because of it.”
As trees and countryside sped by, he glanced her way. “I know what you mean, and Clint and Nash do, too, so don’t worry about them. Clint has no parents. He got bounced around to various foster homes before we met. And Nash’s mom was a drug addict. His life was pretty rough. My friend Wade had a less-than-stellar childhood, too.”
Hearing it made her feel a little better, but...those were his friends. “What about Lexi and Amy?”
“I think they had normal families.” He shrugged. “But they never thought less of Clint or Nash, so I can’t imagine they’d think less of you.”
Maybe not, but she couldn’t shake the feeling she was damaged goods. If they knew how she’d left her father, would they judge her for it?
“We’re just having breakfast, Ainsley. They don’t need to know your life story. They’re good people. You have nothing to worry about. I mean, would you think differently of them if they had rough childhoods?”
“No.” She stared at the line of parked cars in front of the diner. Of course she wouldn’t think less of them.
Why was she even worried? It didn’t matter if they accepted her or not. She was leaving in a few weeks. A life in Sweet Dreams wasn’t on her agenda, and therefore making lasting friendships with Lexi and Amy wasn’t going to happen.
* * *
If she could choose the ideal town to live in, Sweet Dreams would be it. Ainsley had already bonded with Lexi and Amy, and they’d been chatting for only an hour. She sipped her third cup of coffee and colored a flower on a place mat with Ruby as Lexi and Amy filled her in on their holiday plans. She’d eaten way too many pancakes, but she didn’t care. They’d been delicious.
The more she talked to the ladies, the more she believed they’d already accepted her and nothing in her past would change their opinions of her.
It was a heady thought.
“It’s too bad you’re leaving after New Year’s.” Lexi sighed, lifting her mug for another drink. “We can never convince Marshall to leave the ranch. But with you here—I mean, he’s been to church, and we’re all having breakfast together—that’s saying something.”
“Oh, you’re mistaken.” Ainsley waved dismissively. “He’s here because we both need a break from the reality of quadruplets.”
“I hope Belle and Raleigh bring them to church soon.” Amy spread jelly on a slice of toast. “I can’t wait to see the sweethearts out and about.”
Ainsley frowned, selecting a blue crayon to fill in her flower. She hadn’t thought about it, but Belle and Raleigh hadn’t taken the babies out at all. Shouldn’t they have a well-child visit soon?
“I like your flower.” Ruby looked up at her. “Can you tell the babies’ mommy to bring them to church next week? I want to see them, too.”
“Well, I can try, Ruby.” She tried to reassure the girl, but she didn’t foresee Belle bringing the babies to church so soon. “It’s not easy getting four infants bundled up and in their car seats, though.”
“What if she brought two? Just the girls.” Ruby drew a sun in the corner of the place mat. “The boys can stay home.”
Amy tucked her lips under and looked at the ceiling, clearly mortified.
“Do you have a picture of them?” Ruby set her crayon on the table. “Mommy, do you have any stickers?”
“Let me see...” Amy rummaged through her purse.
A picture... Ainsley thought back to her and Belle’s conversation about buying picture frames for the quadruplets.
“Lexi?” Ainsley asked. “You’re a wedding planner, so you must know local photographers. Do you know anyone who might be willing to come out to Dushane Ranch and tak
e Christmas pictures of the quadruplets? I think Belle would love some professional photos.”
“Oh, great idea!” Lexi grinned.
“I know that tone.” Sitting next to her, Clint frowned. “What’s going on over here?”
“Ainsley suggested hiring a local photographer to take pictures of all the babies. Isn’t it a fabulous plan?”
He had the deer-caught-in-headlights look. “Um, yeah. I guess.”
“I’ll tell you what, ladies. I’ll bring my phone over and snap the pics myself.” Nash wriggled his eyebrows. “Save them some money.”
“I can’t believe you even suggested that.” Amy shook her head and playfully slapped his arm.
“What? I can take pictures as good as the next guy.” His tone was all teasing.
“If you mean taking blurry photos or ones with your thumb in the picture, then yes, I agree.”
“You wound me, Amy.” He clasped his heart.
She rolled her eyes, a smile teasing her lips.
“I’ll see if Marjory or Russell can come out,” Lexi said to Ainsley. “Here’s my cell number. Let me know a good time to come over. Do you think Belle would mind if Amy and I came over, too?”
“That’s not my place to say.” At their crestfallen faces, she lifted her hands. “But I can ask.”
They both brightened.
Marshall leaned in next to Ainsley so only she could hear. “You come up with the best ideas, you know.”
Her cheeks felt hot. Or maybe it was just his warm breath so close to her. She tucked the compliment away. “Well, I want the babies’ first Christmas to be special. For everyone.”
“I hate to break up the party, but we have to skedaddle,” Nash announced. Ruby slipped between the tightly packed chairs and hopped onto his lap. “Did you get filled up, RuRu?”
“Miss Dottie gave me extra whipped cream.” She patted her tummy.
“I might have to have a talk with her.” He pretended to be stern.
“No, Daddy, I like the whipped cream!”
“But she didn’t give me any extra.” He stood, lifting her to his hip.
“I’ll tell her to give you some, too.” She wound her arms around his neck, hugging him.
Ainsley hung back as everyone said goodbye and filed outside. Lexi and Amy gave her quick hugs. In her daddy’s arms, Ruby waved. The moment seemed to suspend in time, and Ainsley watched each of them pair off, certain she’d been given one of the loveliest gifts she’d ever receive.
She’d been one of them for a morning. Part of their circle of friends.
* * *
Marshall lit the kindling under the logs in Ainsley’s fireplace that afternoon. As flames rose and caught the wood, he relaxed. Being here felt better than familiar. It felt like home.
The scent of cinnamon and cloves reached him as he watched snow falling outside. He’d enjoyed breakfast with his friends earlier, and it had opened his eyes to something he hadn’t realized. He missed them. They’d found wives, and he was alone. Hanging out with them sometimes felt uncomfortable because they had partners and he didn’t.
He’d also been surprised when Ainsley admitted she worried the women wouldn’t like her. As if anyone wouldn’t like her. It wasn’t possible.
Earlier, church had raised some weird questions inside him, like what was he doing with his life? Did he see himself working on Dushane Ranch forever?
He’d gotten the most pressing urge to pray about his path, which made no sense. He already had his priorities straight. Family came first. But he’d said a short prayer anyhow.
“I’ll be right out.” Her melodious voice brightened the room.
He walked over to the small fake Christmas tree she’d set up on an end table near the front window. White lights twinkled happily from it. Made him think of his own undecorated cabin next door. Maybe he would hang a wreath or buy a few candles in town. Snazzing up his place for the holidays wouldn’t kill him. Or maybe he’d just keep coming over here.
Ainsley had a bounce in her step as she came out of the bedroom. “I’ve finished tying the ribbons. All that’s left is to hang them.”
“Tell me where they go.”
“Oh, anywhere. Just start putting them on the tree.” She waved him over to the kitchen table, where she’d lined up the cookies they’d baked and decorated last week. Each had a white ribbon tied in a loop.
He selected two ornaments. They smelled delicious. If they weren’t going on the tree, he’d be tempted to eat them. “That was nice of you to suggest having the babies’ pictures taken. Do you want me to talk to Belle about it?”
“I’ll do it. I don’t mind.” Her glowing face made his stomach flip-flop. “I think she’ll be excited.”
“The photographer will come here, right?” He went to the tree and placed a gingerbread star on one of the upper branches. It slipped, but he caught it before it fell to the floor. “That was a close one.”
“Lexi made it sound as if a photographer would come here. Raleigh and Belle haven’t gotten the babies out of the house yet that I know of. I hope they have doctor’s appointments set up for the children. It’s important to find out if they’re all gaining enough weight.”
“I don’t know anything about that.” He scratched his neck. “Honestly, I can’t imagine taking all four of those babies into town.”
“They’re going to have to get them out at some point.”
“True.” It was another conversation he didn’t want to have with his sister. She was just starting to make progress taking care of the babies on the ranch. He didn’t want to stress her out by making her think about going into town with them.
Ainsley held up a gingerbread boy. “I’ll mention it when I ask her about the photo session.”
Her take-charge personality was such a relief.
“Hey, no more baby talk.” Marshall wagged his finger. “This is our day off, remember?”
She gave him a sheepish smile. “Okay. I know what we need.” She found a playlist on her phone. Soft instrumental Christmas music began to fill the room. Marshall wasn’t sentimental, but, in an environment like this, he could become downright sappy.
“I’m sure Christmas is different for you this year considering you were in Cheyenne previously. How do you usually celebrate?” Ainsley hung an ornament on one of the branches.
“It is different. Plus, this Christmas is a first for all of us now that the babies arrived. I used to drive here for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It was nice. We’d go to church and open presents and have a good steak dinner.”
She brushed past him on her way to hang an ornament. He held his breath at her light touch.
“I’m guessing none of that will change.” She tilted her head to watch him. “Except you might have cattle to feed this year.”
He tried not to grimace, but he knew he wasn’t fooling Ainsley into thinking he loved working on the ranch. He’d made his choice, though, so he’d make the best of it.
“Yeah, if Raleigh has anything to say about it, I’ll probably be checking miles of fence come Christmas morning.” He put another ornament up. “You know, the first year Belle and I lived together after high school was the best. We didn’t have any money, but we had a lot of fun. We got gag gifts from the dollar store and wrapped them up. Neither of us had a clue how to cook, but she decided she was going to make a recipe from some fancy cookbook. The meal wasn’t bad, but, let’s just say she’s much better in the kitchen now.”
“And you’re a fantastic cook. When did you learn how?” Ainsley shifted her weight to one hip, not seeming to care if an ornament dangled from her finger.
“I’ve had a lot of time on my hands in the past couple of years. I messed around with some easy recipes. Found that I liked it. And, to be honest, Clint was always making good food. I figured if he could cook, then I could, too.”
“Do you always copy your friends?” Her green-gold eyes glinted with humor.
“Whenever they do something smart.” His gaze met hers. Something simmered between them. Something good. And terrifying. He found himself wanting to take her by the hand, tug her to him and...
“They seem like great guys.” She broke eye contact, and disappointment hit him like a punch in the chest. He should have extended the moment, reached over. Instead, he cleared his throat.
“They are. They’re the best friends a guy could have.”
“Family men.” She nodded, hanging the ornament. “Do you see yourself copying that, too?”
A gingerbread house swung slightly from his finger. He’d never contemplated copying them on getting a wife and family, but if it was with someone like Ainsley, he’d be tempted.
You fool, there is no one like Ainsley. She stood before him—unique, incredible.
And she was leaving soon. While he would stay.
Because Belle needed him. She would always need him.
He walked back to the table, oddly disappointed. From the minute he’d been born, he’d never had a chance at a normal life. And he didn’t see himself having one now.
What was normal anyhow?
He stayed silent, allowing a vision of a different way of filling his days to flit through his mind. Repairing big machines. Near Ainsley.
It all sounded like gumdrops and Christmas cheer—a bunch of made-up nonsense for a television movie. Sure, Belle and Raleigh were okay right now. But what would happen if things grew more strained between them? Or if something happened to one of the babies?
Marshall couldn’t make any woman, including Ainsley, promises of forever he couldn’t and wouldn’t keep.
“I take it you don’t want a family?” Ainsley had crept up behind him.
“My life is here.”
Disappointment slid down her face. He felt like a jerk, knew she felt the connection between them, too. But honesty was the best policy. He wasn’t one of those guys who flirted and broke a girl’s heart.