THEY CALL ON THEIR ANIMAL INSTINCTS… .
Ginny Mallard is a personal concierge with an elite client list. Bar owner Teddy Tonica mixes, pours, and listens to his regulars. She’s a dog person; he’s attuned to felines. So what qualifies this odd couple as the best crime stoppers around?
Maybe it’s Ginny’s knack for sniffing out the hard facts. Maybe Teddy has a way of getting strangers to divulge their dirty secrets. Maybe it’s the snappy banter they sling back and forth, like characters out of Gin’s favorite noir movies.
Or maybe it’s their furry companions—a shar-pei named Georgie, and Penny, the bar cat—who really know the score.
Praise for
COLLARED
First in the delightful Gin & Tonic mystery series from L.A. Kornetsky
“Charming… . Vivid descriptions of Seattle’s Ballard neighborhood are a plus in this cozy tale.”
—Publishers Weekly
“The plot moves quickly, enhanced by smart dialog and good characterizations… . A strong beginning to what should be an entertaining series.”
—Library Journal
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For Deborah and Neil, the Labradors of Doooooom, and Miss Thing
1
The dogs were gossiping.
The gray tabby paused, halfway down the fire escape, and surveyed the sidewalk below her. It was late afternoon, the sun cool and fading, dappling the pavement with shadows. The humans she could see from her vantage point were walking faster than they did in the evening, heading somewhere important. And the two dogs out in front of the Busy Place, one a shaggy black mutt of dubious Labrador ancestry, the other a fawn-coated shar-pei, were paw-to-paw, sprawled next to the bike rack, which tended to hold more leashes than bikes.
Dogs gossiped about everything, very little of it interesting. But she had a vested interest in one of those dogs, so she made her way down to the street and joined the conversation.
The smaller dog acknowledged her with a sniff at her ears, which she allowed only because it was Georgie, and she allowed Georgie things other dogs would get hissed at for. The larger dog ignored her utterly, still talking. “They don’t like it. They don’t like it at all.”
The tabby thought that the Labrador sounded more like a hound, mournful and worried.
“They never like anything,” Georgie said. “Do they know what they don’t like?”
“Who doesn’t like what?” the cat asked, inserting herself into the conversation.
“There’s something happening at the Old Place,” Georgie said, as though that explained everything.
It took Penny a minute to remember: the old place was the shelter Georgie had been at, before her human took her away. The Labrador had been there, too, apparently, or at least knew enough to spread gossip.
“You keep track of what happens there?” She couldn’t fathom why.
“Mmmm.” Georgie put her head down on her paws, her square-jowled face level with Penny’s. “The dogs there are unhappy. Not that anyone is ever really happy there, it’s not a happy-place, but this is different. Things aren’t right. They’re… wrong.”
“A little more detail, please?” Anything that bothered Georgie bothered Penny, but “wrong” wasn’t helpful.
Dogs weren’t built to shrug, but both the Labrador and Georgie managed it.
“Wrong,” Georgie repeated. “Smells wrong, sounds wrong. For months now, it comes and goes and comes back. That’s what they’re saying, anyway. But it’s not where they are, it’s happening somewhere else in the building, so they don’t know.”
“No way to know. But everyone’s upset.” The Lab definitely had hound in him, somewhere.
“So?” Penny looked at them, then sat down and began washing her paw, waiting for them to figure it out. When they just stared at her, she paused mid-groom and twitched her whiskers at them, half annoyed, half superior. Dogs. “So if you need to know something, and you can’t sniff it out, get someone who can open doors.”
Georgie lifted her head, one ear flopping over while the other stayed upright. Her wrinkled face didn’t really have expressions, but Penny could see comprehension gleaming behind those dark brown eyes, finally.
“Humans,” the shar-pei said to her canine companion with the air of solving the problem. “Humans can do it.”
“Humans?” The Labrador looked confused but excited. Then again, Penny thought with a sniff, they usually did.
“Our humans,” Georgie clarified. “They sniff things.”
“Humans sniffing?” The confusion turned to a dubious disdain for human noses.
“Human-sniffing. And door-opening. They go anywhere, look at anything. We just have to figure out how to get them to look.” Georgie turned her head to look at Penny. “How do we get them to look?”
Penny finished grooming her paw and swiped it over her ears. “Leave that to me.”
* * *
On the other side of the windows, inside the shaded confines of Mary’s Bar & Grill, another conversation was taking place, this one slightly more heated. Two men were leaning on opposite sides of the bar, at the far end where it curved back into the wall.
“He’s insane.” The older man was emphatic about that, while still managing to keep his voice low enough to not disturb the few early customers seated at the tables, indulging in a little late afternoon libation.
“He’s not insane,” Tonica countered calmly, not pausing in his arrangement of the speed rail’s condiments. The new afternoon bartender, Jon, had rearranged them during the previous shift, which meant that during a rush someone might reach for an olive and end up with a lemon. Not cool. “You’re overreacting. He’s just being an asshole. I mean, more of an asshole than usual.”
The galley chef and general handyman squared his shoulders and scowled at the bartender, and regardless of the thirty-year gap in their age, he looked more than ready to take the other man to the mat to win the argument. “He’s an insane asshole, Tonica, and I swear, I’m going to quit.”
“You know you’re not going to quit, Seth. They’ll take you out of here feet-first.”
Seth scowled at that, too. “Bah. If he gives me grief one more time about the menu, or anything at all, I swear, Teddy, it’s going to be him going out feet-first, and I don’t care if he is the boss. He’s gone insane.” He turned and scowled at the blond woman sitting at the bar, for good measure, and then stomped off into the galley kitchen, his body—still showing the musculature that had made him a boxing contender in his youth—shaking with indignation.
Ginny Mallard tried very hard not to laugh, but Tonica’s heavy and extremely theatrical sigh broke her.
“Is Patrick really being that bad?” she asked between giggles, not even pretending that she hadn’t been eavesdropping.
“He’s gone insane,” the bartender admitted, giving up on the condiments and turning so that he faced where the blonde was sitting, a few stools down at the bar. “He was always a pain in the ass, but recently, it’s gotten… worse.” He ran a hand over the top of his head, as though the argument might have somehow disordered the dark brown brushtop, and sighed again. “But he’s the boss. Whatever bug got up his ass, I hope it crawls out soon. Seth may not quit, but the rest of us might. And I just got everyone properly trained.” He shook his head. “Seriously—if Pat’s not careful, h
e’s going to ruin my bar.”
Two months ago, Ginny would have laughed off that claim; Tonica was just a bartender at Mary’s, if admittedly the one who worked the most shifts and seemed to organize everything. But he wasn’t the owner, or even the manager. Calling the cozy neighborhood bar “his” would have sounded like ego overstepping reality. But it was simple truth: Patrick, the bar’s owner, might not want to give him the title of manager, but Tonica managed it anyway, from filling in for folk who were out sick to writing up shift schedules and shuffling paperwork Patrick couldn’t be bothered with. And that, she figured, gave Tonica the right to consider Mary’s “his.”
She knew all this, because last month their casual acquaintance and trivia-night rivalry had become something else, when she’d had to ask him for help.
Mallard Services was a private concierge company: she did for others what they didn’t have time—or inclination—to do themselves. Usually that meant arranging formal parties, from choosing invitations to arranging the caterer’s run-through, or shepherding visiting relatives to and from the airport. But a good concierge was adaptable, and so she’d agreed to take on an assignment to find her client’s uncle, who had disappeared with time-sensitive business papers that needed to be filed.
That was when she’d convinced Tonica, with his people-shmoozing skills, to help her. That was when they’d gone into what she called “researchtigations,” which was almost like being investigators, but without a license. Or, according to Tonica, a clue.
And the man they were looking for had died, their client had been arrested for money laundering, and they’d gotten warned off poking their noses in anywhere by the federal agent who showed up. Not one of her better jobs.
Anyway, out of all that, the one thing she knew for certain was that Theodore Tonica was more than just a bartender, even one who, it turned out, had a poli sci degree from Harvard.
“So what’re you going to do?” she asked. “I mean, short of locking Patrick in the storeroom and forging his signature on all the orders.”
“I already do that,” Tonica said. “The signatures, anyway. But I’d have to soundproof the storeroom before locking him in there. Nah. Too much work. I’ll come up with something else.”
“Well, if you need any help…” She wasn’t sure what she could do, but it was the best she could offer. Mary’s was becoming her office-away-from-the-home-office these days. She didn’t want anything to change, either.
Thinking about that made Ginny acutely aware that they hadn’t gotten another client for their little sideline of not-quite-investigations. She could blame part of the delay on the fact that she’d been spending one night a week with a dog trainer—Georgie had bitten the guy who tried to attack them, and the cops had suggested it would be better for everyone if she could prove that the shar-pei had proper training in the event it happened again. The problem was, between that, and keeping her private concierge business afloat, and trying to stay in touch with her friends, it was hard to find time to do anything about finding those clients.
And part of it, Ginny admitted, was that she had absolutely no idea how to find more clients of that particular sort. The two of them weren’t licensed, so they couldn’t exactly advertise, and really, what could they say, anyway? “Inexperienced researchers for hire, two-drink minimum?”
Although that was a catchy tag, now that she thought of it.
And it wasn’t as though Tonica was helping drum up business, either. Far as she could tell, he was still treating it as a one-off, not something they did. And yet… when they were in the middle of it he’d been as hooked on the challenge as she was. He just needed a push, that was all.
That thought brought her back around to the current discussion, and her immediate worry. “You wouldn’t quit, would you?” Tonica had worked at other bars before Mary’s, and just because he’d been here for two or three years didn’t mean he would stay, always. “I mean, you said this is a good place to work, better than anywhere else in town. You wouldn’t leave?”
He tilted his head and looked at her again. Whatever was showing on her face seemed to worry him. “Relax, Gin. I’m not going anywhere. Whatever’s gotten into Patrick, he’ll settle down eventually and go back to being the absentee boss we all know and ignore.” But his face had lines and shadows that hadn’t been there even a week before, and Ginny didn’t feel reassured.
He gestured at her drink. “You want that freshened?”
She looked down at her martini, which was only half gone. “No, I’m good.”
She paid for her first drink, then Tonica “refreshed” it, and then she paid for the next, if she had a third. It was one of the little, unlooked-for bonuses to their working together, like having the best table by the window reserved for her, and she didn’t feel guilty about it at all.
All right, she admitted, maybe a little.
“Oi, boss!” Seth called from the other side of the bar, bent over something. “Some help, will ya?”
“Excuse me,” Tonica said, and went down to help Seth carry an oversized crate of something out of the back room. She watched for a moment as they discussed something in low tones, the ambient noise of the other customers making it impossible to eavesdrop this time.
One of the things that she liked most about Mary’s, besides the staff, was that they didn’t have a jukebox, or live music, ever. There was a radio at the bar that sometimes played jazz, just softly enough to be soothing, but you could always hear who you were talking to. If you wanted a noisy pickup joint, there were a lot of other places to go both locally and downtown. Mary’s was where you came to be heard, more than seen. It was where you came with friends, took someone on a third date, came on your own when you didn’t want to be alone.
Ginny scanned the bar again, letting her gaze flit over the sparse crowd. This early in the evening—it was barely five o’clock—it was mostly folk who worked out of home offices, like herself. She knew three of the men and one of the women set up at the tables, less for who they were or what they did than what dogs they owned, since she ran into them at odd hours while walking Georgie.
The thought made her check out the front window, to reassure herself that her dog was still comfortable and not needing a walk. The familiar fawn bulk was still hunkered down next to the other dog, exactly where she’d left them an hour ago. Plus, she noted with amusement, the addition of a smaller form, currently draped over Georgie’s forelegs. Mistress Penny-Drops: the feline resident-at-large of Mary’s, and her dog’s best friend, if you could assign animals relationships like that.
Maybe you could, or maybe she was being silly, but there was no denying that they seemed to enjoy each other’s company. Dogs were pack animals—so what if Georgie’s pack was feline? The rest of it walked on two legs, and that didn’t seem to bother Georgie at all.
Dogs… just kind of accepted things.
Someone came up beside her but didn’t call across the bar to get Tonica’s attention. They were, apparently, waiting to be noticed. Ginny turned around on her stool to see who it was, and the woman took that as an invitation to speak. “Hi. You’re Virginia Mallard?”
The woman wasn’t anyone Ginny knew, either personally or as a seen-around-town local. That of itself wasn’t wildly odd—Mary’s was a neighborhood bar, tucked into the tail end of a side street—but Ballard, retaining an independent neighborhood vibe separate from the city that had annexed it, had enough local interest that strangers still wandered in occasionally, especially tourists.
This girl didn’t look like a tourist, though. She was classic Ballardian: her clothing looked like what Tonica constantly disparaged as “hipster light”—chinos and a dark green pullover just worn enough to be acceptable, but had been very expensive not too long ago. Her hair was done in shoulder-length brown braids, about a dozen of them, with the tips touched with just enough purple to be noticeable but not so much to be flashy.
A new client? Normally they approached her via a phone call or less
often an email, not the personal approach, and the woman didn’t look like the sort who would normally hire—or could afford—her. Still, it never hurt to be professional.
“Hello, and yes, I am.” Ginny shifted a little, in case the woman was looking to claim the bar stool next to her. It was early enough that the bar itself was empty, except herself—the half-dozen people who had come by after work had chosen tables, instead—but she could understand why a woman alone would sit at the bar. That was what she’d done, too, the first few times she came here. She’d been new to the neighborhood, hadn’t known anyone, and figured that talking to the bartender was better than sitting alone at a table, looking like fresh pickup meat, or worse.
But the woman didn’t sit down. Instead she stood in front of Ginny, her head tilted to one side, her eyes squinted half shut as though she were staring into the sun.
Ginny had the sudden, uncomfortable thought that she was about to be hit on.
“You’re the woman who did that thing last month?”
Well. That had not been what she was expecting, at all.
“That thing?” Ginny asked slowly, not sure if she should say yes or no.
“The real estate thing. Where the guy went to jail and all.”
The “and all” covered a lot of territory, including fraud, assault, burglary, and a man she’d known, however briefly, dying. Ginny still didn’t believe it had been suicide.
“Yeah,” she said, putting down her drink and giving this woman her full attention, trying to figure out what was up. “I am.”
“Oh.” The woman’s brown eyes opened wider, and she looked even more nervous. “Oh, good. Um. I, ah, um.”
Ginny waited, wishing that Tonica was here to say something, but not wanting to look away from the woman to see if he was still busy, or if he could be called down. She was the better researcher, totally, but he had the ninja people skills. And right now she really could use those.
“I heard about you. I mean. Everyone’s heard about… it was, people talk.”
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