‘Oh?’
‘I’m going swimming,’ he confessed at last.
‘In the sea? How lovely!’
‘No. The river actually.’
‘Really?’
He nodded and it was then that he noticed her face. It looked pale and red all at once. Blotchy. Suddenly, he realised that she must have been crying and something inside him seemed to crack.
‘Come with me,’ he found himself saying.
‘What?’
‘Come swimming with me. It’ll do you good. It’s calming and energising all at once.’
‘But I…’ Abi’s voice petered out as if she didn’t quite know what to say.
‘I’ve got a spare wetsuit,’ Edward said. ‘An old one of mine. It might be a tad big on you, but it’ll help keep you warm. The water’s still pretty cool even in the summer.’
‘I’m not sure…’
‘You can swim, can’t you?’ he asked.
‘Oh, yes.’
‘Honestly, you’ll love it,’ Edward told her. He wasn’t quite sure why he was trying to persuade her so wholeheartedly. After all, he’d been looking forward to the solitude of his river swim. He wasn’t looking for a companion.
‘Okay,’ Abi said.
‘Really?’ Edward found he was smiling. ‘Let me get the other wetsuit. I won’t be a minute.’
* * *
Abi couldn’t quite believe that, just a little while ago, she’d been crying in the garden and now she was standing on the riverbank in Edward’s spare wetsuit. How on earth had that happened? It had been a struggle to get into the ridiculous item of clothing even though there had been plenty of room to manoeuvre and Abi felt awkward wearing it now, teamed with a pair of old jelly shoes because Edward had insisted on something to protect her feet.
He’d given her some privacy to change, hiding himself behind a large oak tree where he got into his own wetsuit. When he emerged, Abi couldn’t help laughing.
‘What?’ he asked innocently.
‘I don’t know. I guess I never imagined you wearing something like that. I’m so used to seeing you in business suits.’
Edward looked down at himself. ‘You won’t be laughing when you get in the water. You’ll be thankful for your neoprene skin then.’
‘Yes, about that…’
Edward frowned. ‘You’re not going to back out on me, are you?’
Abi looked down at the clear water flowing past. It looked beautiful in the afternoon sunshine. Beautiful and cold.
‘I’m not sure. I might just watch you,’ she said, feeling defeated before she’d even dipped a jellied toe.
‘Come on, Abigail! When do you get a chance to do something like this? And it is summer. The water will be at its very best.’
That was true, she thought. If she didn’t do it now in the middle of summer while dressed for the occasion and with a very patient teacher beside her, when would she? And there was a large part of her that was curious to have this experience – to immerse herself in another element and see the world from a completely new perspective.
‘Okay,’ she said.
‘Great!’
‘I’ll follow you in.’ She watched as Edward walked to the edge of the riverbank, sat down on it and then lowered himself into the water. ‘Is it cold?’ she dared to ask him.
‘Not at all!’
Abi wasn’t convinced, but she edged towards the bank and, like Edward, lowered herself in.
‘I thought you said it wasn’t cold!’ she cried a moment later.
Edward laughed as he swam into the middle of the river, floating on his back and gazing up at the sky.
‘Just keep moving. You’ll soon acclimatise.’
Abi did as she was told. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been swimming, let alone wild swimming, but it must have been the trip to the seaside when Ellen’s girls were very young. Bethanne had wanted to go paddling and Rosie had still been a babe in arms. The four of them had walked down to the sea together. It had been one of those scorching days which happily chase people into the sea to cool down and Abi had luxuriated in it, the salty waves breaking over her hot skin. But this was different. The river felt colder than the sea had that day, and the water was surprisingly deep so that she was soon able to swim and find her pace. And how deliciously odd it felt to be at eye-level with the surface of the water. This was a newt’s view of the world, she thought, noticing how very high the sky seemed from the river and how very close the trees felt. This was so much more joyful an experience than swimming in the local community pool with the excited shouts of kids bouncing off the walls and the furious strokes of fellow swimmers knocking you off your own more sedate pace.
As she rounded a bend in the river, a heron took off from the bank. Abi gasped. Herons were big birds by any standards but seeing it from the vantage of the water made the predator look gigantic and Abi felt empathy for the fish that it preyed on.
Edward was still ahead of her, his body barely rippling the water around him. He seemed to glide so gracefully through it – like he was a part of this place. Abi was beginning to feel that too – as if she’d been accepted by this other element. She’d left the land behind and entered this other realm and it had welcomed her, enveloping her in its silky coolness until she could barely tell where her body ended and the river began.
She wasn’t quite sure how long they spent in the water. Time became something that belonged to the world they’d left behind when they’d launched themselves off the bank and into the river. But they couldn’t stay in there forever and, when Abi climbed out and sat on the riverbank, she felt the buzz of exhilaration.
Edward joined her a moment later.
‘I didn’t want to get out,’ he told her. ‘That often happens.’
‘You come here a lot?’
‘Not as often as I’d like, but I’ve promised that I will.’
‘It’s a special place,’ Abi said, gazing down river at the trees that edged the water. It was a scene full of serenity.
‘So, what did you think?’
Abi pondered. ‘I’m not sure I was thinking. Not when I first got in. I think I was just surviving! But then I sort of felt absorbed by the water. Does that make sense?’
‘Oh, yes.’
‘It was like an extension of me and I felt this deep peace.’
He nodded as if in approval.
‘How did you find this place?’ she asked him.
‘I’ve known about it for some time,’ he said and Abi didn’t push him for more. ‘Listen, we’d better get changed.’
Edward disappeared behind his oak tree and Abi struggled out of the wetsuit, feeling the late afternoon sunshine warming her skin as she peeled the neoprene off.
When they were dressed, they walked back across the fields towards the road where Edward had parked and he put their gear into the boot before they got back into the car.
‘I like this moment the best,’ Edward revealed as he started the engine.
‘What’s that?’
‘That mellow moment after a swim before you have to do anything else, before you lose the feelings you captured in the water.’
She looked at his face and saw that he was smiling although it was a very small smile. But his eyes were smiling and his face looked softer than normal, gentler, like he’d found his inner peace. And, in that moment, she couldn’t help feeling a kind of kinship with him. They’d shared something rather special. They hadn’t talked much. They hadn’t confessed anything or revealed their pasts to each other, and yet there’d been a moment of connection through the water.
‘Can you feel that?’ he asked her.
She nodded and he pulled out into the road and drove home. They didn’t speak after that, but Abi felt that something had shifted between them. That awkwardness had gone and, although they weren’t exactly chatting and sharing life stories, she felt content to be with him.
‘Thank you,’ she said as they arrived back at Winfield. ‘I had a
really good time.’
‘Good,’ he said and, although he wasn’t exactly smiling now, Abi felt that he was just as contented as she was.
Chapter Thirteen
Even a couple of days after seeing Ellen and her nieces, Abi couldn’t shake what had been said about Douglas. She’d always adored her brother-in-law and they had a special understanding which arose from their relationship. From the moment Ellen had introduced him to Abi, they’d bonded and would often commiserate with each other in hushed voices when Ellen was becoming a little too much for them both.
So that’s why she decided to call him. They’d always been so honest with each other and Abi couldn’t let her sister’s anguish go unchecked.
‘Douglas?’ she said when he answered his mobile that evening.
‘Abi? What a lovely surprise. Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine. Everything’s fine,’ she lied, ‘but I was wondering if I could see you.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yes. I just need to talk about something. Would that be okay?’
‘Sure. Go ahead.’
‘Erm, it would be better if you could come over for a visit.’
‘Oh, okay. I’m heading back home tomorrow if that’s any good.’
‘That would be brilliant. You’ve got my address, haven’t you?’
‘The biggest house in Winfield, right?’
‘That’s the one. Just toot your horn when you get here and I’ll come and get you.’
* * *
Time had a funny way of slowing down when you’re waiting for a certain moment to reach you. Abi did her best to busy herself with her garden and her art. She’d been working on a new pattern inspired by the downland butterflies and couldn’t decide which scale and repeat would work best and so she was filling sheet after sheet of paper experimenting. She wanted to use the fabulous Adonis Blue butterfly with its astonishing sky-blue colouring, and she knew she was going to juxtapose it with the Marbled White with its black and white markings. Black. White. Sky-blue. Those three simple colours made quite an impression together, she thought.
She worked quietly away, making herself a quick sandwich at lunch which she ate while gazing at her sketches, and repeating her meal at tea time because food was always the last thing on her mind when she was working on a new project.
It was after seven when she heard the toot of a car horn. Abi put down the sketch she was working on and blinked a few times. It was always a little disconcerting to be jolted out of such close concentration. She did some stretches, bending her neck from side to side and then raising her arms towards the ceiling. She always forgot how stiff she got while working. Until it was too late. In London, she’d had regular physiotherapy and was always being told off for mistreating her body so, but that was the price of her art, wasn’t it? Fine work and plenty of it couldn’t be achieved without making a few physical sacrifices.
Leaving her apartment by the French doors, Abi made her way towards the front of Winfield where Douglas was getting out of his car. She watched him cross the driveway towards her. By the sag of his shoulders, she could tell that he was stressed. He worked long hours and drove hundreds of miles every week in a job that was high pressured and relentless.
They embraced and he said something about how impressive Winfield was, but Abi brushed it off. Now wasn’t the time for her to show off her new home. They had more important things to discuss. They were meeting without Ellen knowing which was a funny feeling for Abi, but she didn’t know how else to go about it. She couldn’t exactly ask him what was going on in front of Ellen and the children. She was also feeling guilty for taking up precious time that he could be spending with his family but, at the same time, she was hoping that this conversation would help.
‘Blimey, Abi! This is some place,’ he said as they walked into the walled garden and entered through the French doors.
‘I can’t believe you’ve not seen it yet.’
‘I know. Work is crazy.’
‘It always is, isn’t it?’
‘Yep!’ He frowned. ‘What’s Ellen said now?’
‘Oh, just the usual,’ Abi said, easing gently into it. ‘That she hardly sees you. The girls miss you too.’
‘Just pile on the guilt, won’t you?’ he said with a hollow laugh.
‘I’m sorry,’ Abi said.
‘Is that what this is about? My time away from home?’
‘Sort of,’ Abi said. ‘Let’s make some tea first, shall we? And we can sit in the garden.’
Abi made the tea, hot and sweet, in two large mugs and they walked out into the garden, sitting down on Abi’s bench by the French doors.
Douglas let out a long sigh that seemed to deflate the whole of his body.
‘Sounds like you needed that.’
‘Ah, yes,’ he said. ‘One sometimes forgets just to sit down.’
‘Is work really that crazy?’
‘It’s pretty full on,’ he confessed. ‘Some days just rush by me and it’s hard to remember exactly what it was I did. I go from one training session to another. The conference rooms look the same with their lack of natural light and their hideously patterned carpets. I often wonder, if I ever have one of those near death experiences – you know the sort where your life flashes in front of your eyes?’
Abi nodded.
‘I wonder if my visions will just be of hotel lobbies and corridors and conference rooms filling up with underwhelmed clients.’
‘Oh, Douglas!’
He shook his head. ‘I shouldn’t complain. After all, I’m earning good money and it took me years to work up to this position.’
‘And do you love what you do?’ Abi dared to ask.
‘Love is a pretty strong word, don’t you think?’
‘Not really. I mean, we spend a good proportion of our lives working. I think it’s pretty crucial that you love how you’re spending that time, don’t you?’
He smiled. ‘That’s because you’re an artist.’
‘What’s that got to do with anything?’ Abi asked.
‘It means you’ve got this romantic view of the world. You think we should all be happy, creative souls and I’m afraid most of us aren’t. We just have to get on with things and play the hand we’re dealt.’
‘Is that what you really think?’
He closed his eyes for a moment. ‘I don’t know. I’m so tired, I can barely think straight.’
‘You’ve got to take a break, Douglas. You’re wearing yourself out and it doesn’t seem to be making any of you happy.’
He took a sip of his tea and stared out over the garden.
‘Look,’ Abi said, ‘I don’t want to make you feel worse than you already do, I really don’t, but we do have to talk.’
‘I’m in trouble, aren’t I?’ he said. ‘I can’t seem to do anything right.’ His shoulders slumped as he spoke. ‘I took this job to bring in the money Ellen says we need for good schools and all those home improvements that seem so important to her. Honestly, you should see the stuff she buys. I don’t know why we need all these things, but she keeps on buying them. Just last week, she bought this fancy new toaster. The old one was perfectly fine, but this one was shiny and new and she’d seen a couple of her friends had them. It was nearly two hundred quid, Abi!’
Abi gasped.
‘And now you’re telling me she hates me for doing the actual work that means she can buy this stuff and she resents me being away all the time. She can’t have it both ways, you know.’
‘I know. But I think it’s time to reassess things.’
‘What sort of things?’
Abi’s fingers tightened around her mug until she felt sure it would explode into tiny fragments. There was no more delaying things.
‘Douglas – are you having an affair?’
Douglas’s head snapped around. ‘What?’ A deep frown creased his forehead as he stared at her in horror. ‘No! God, Abi! Whatever gave you that idea?’
‘Can you tell me who Rachel
le is?’
‘Where did you hear that name?’
‘The girls told me.’
‘The girls?’
‘They overheard you and Ellen talking. Or rather shouting.’
Douglas closed his eyes and swore.
‘Who is she, Douglas?’
He gazed down at the ground for a moment before answering. ‘She’s just a work colleague.’
‘And she was in your hotel room?’
‘Yes. But it’s not what you think.’
‘I promise you, I’m not thinking anything. I just want to make sure everything’s okay with you and my sister.’ She paused. ‘So what was going on?’
‘Nothing. We’d had a crazy long day with some tricky delegates and we just needed to sound off to one another for a bit. Wind down and have a laugh. I don’t know. We ended up walking back to my room. I think Rachelle said hers was in a state. Not that I would’ve gone back to her room,’ he added quickly. ‘Anyway, I offered her a tea and she said we should raid the mini bar. I didn’t think it was a good idea. I don’t like drinking when I’m away, but she had the door open and brought out a bottle of something. I forget what.’
‘Oh, Douglas,’ Abi said, trying to picture the scene and hoping that the brother-in-law she thought she knew – the kind and decent man who loved his family – had stuck to his principles.
‘Listen, she’s a flirt and she’s a very attractive woman. She’s made some suggestive remarks too that led me to believe…’ his voice petered off. ‘I’m not that kind of man, Abi. I swear to you.’
‘Then nothing happened?’
‘Nothing happened.’
Abi breathed a sigh of relief. ‘But you’ll be working with her in the future?’
‘Very likely.’
‘And is there any way you can cut your hours back or work from home?’
‘There really isn’t. Not at the moment.’
They sat quietly, each one staring out into the garden while mulling over what had been said.
‘Does Ells know you’re talking to me about all this?’
Abi shook her head. ‘She’s no idea.’
The House in the Clouds Page 15