“Ohhh, I love the name Jorge. Killian and I may have to use it when we role play.”
“Addie, can we make this about Alexa wanting my brother’s tongue in her pussy?” Elle gagged and shivered. “Okay, I just threw up in my mouth. I meant Jorge, not my brother.”
“Can we please move on?” I was starting to get annoyed that one of my best friends was my fiancé’s sister, and the other was a nympho.
After taking a huge gulp of wine, and enduring more silence than was comfortable, Elle finally spoke again. Ignoring us, Addison tapped away on her phone, likely talking to her man she’d kept hidden from us for far too long.
“About two months ago, this girl came into the spa and asked for a full bikini wax. I mean naked as the day she was born. We got to talking, and she told me her boyfriend loved Halloween, so she was getting waxed and then getting a black cat vajazzled just above her vag.”
“Like Jennifer Love Hewitt? Didn’t she make that popular?” Never in my wildest years did I think that would ever take off, but shit, I guessed maybe it did.
“Exactly. She came in a few weeks later, and I asked her about it. She said her man loved it! Then she proceeded to go so far into detail that I had dreams about it for weeks. Danny didn’t even know what to do with me. I was like a cat in heat!” At Elle’s last words, Addie popped her head up in interest.
“Who’s in heat? God knows, I can’t get enough.” As much as I was happy, and I mean beyond happy, for Addison to finally meet a man who treated her right, I needed my best friend, and I was only getting a part of her. But picking a fight with her was not the answer a week before Christmas, so I chose to ignore her last comment.
“I’ll think about jeweling up my pussy. But until then, as long as you don’t mind, will you set me up with an appointment for a waxing?” I turned toward Elle, asking her for a huge favor.
“No problem. I’m so immune to it now. Once you see one vagina, you’ve seen them all. Well, except the really gross ones.”
Luke would have told me if I had a gross one, right?
* * *
After waking up with a horrible wine hangover and Luke left for the spa, I booted up my computer and searched the internet for vajazzling. Some of those pictures I couldn’t unsee, but thankfully, most were pretty.
Was I really thinking about placing jewels around my vagina to entice my fiancé? It seemed utterly crazy. I’d get the wax and see if that brought out Luke’s beloved tongue.
From the first time we were really together, foreplay and oral were huge parts of our relationship. Months of sexual tension while naked on his massage table with his oiled hands all over me led to the best sex of my life. And the love of my life. Not long ago, the giving of oral on his part had all but stopped. It was straight to the deed. I gave him blow jobs in hopes of reciprocation, but they went unanswered. Now, I still got my big O, but it was only one, and I wanted at least two. Greedy, I know.
A professional would say I should talk to him about it, but I was too embarrassed to tell him I wanted him to want to eat me like a fat guy at the Foxwoods Casino buffet. Doing the work wasn’t the problem, though. I was willing to have the hair ripped out of the most sensitive spot on my body, and then make it sparkle.
Sixty minutes down a jewel-covered-vaginas rabbit hole led me to search for a place in Boston to perform this form of art. Since no one at The Rub Down did it, I made an appointment at a spa in the heart of Downtown Crossing.
Project All I Want for Christmas is My Pussy Licked was well on its way to success. Waxing tomorrow with Elle, and then vajazzling on Friday, the day before Christmas Eve.
* * *
Chapter 2
Alexa
Twinkle lights lined the ceiling in Elle’s treatment room, and fresh apple cinnamon candles burned on her counter. The smells of Christmas always brought a great sense of happiness when I got a nose full. I hoped the scents set my nerves at ease because I was scared to death.
“So, you ready to go bald?” Elle asked as she entered the room after giving me time to take off my robe. God, I loved those robes.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I said, taking a huge breath to calm my anxieties. This was going to hurt like hell, not to mention the embarrassment of my fiancé’s sister seeing my nether bits. “You need to talk to me and distract me from the gut wrenching pain. What are you and Danny doing for Christmas Eve? When I asked Luke, he didn’t know.”
“We’re going to his parents’ house for dinner and then midnight mass. After, we’ll go back to Danny’s for the night and get ready for the big Christmas feast at your place.” Behind me, Elle prepared the wax strips for battle.
“Oh, yes! Luke’s all in a tizzy about the feast.” I used air quotes around feast along with a heavy sarcastic tone. “It’s not like we’re doing all the cooking. We got it catered, for goodness sakes, which is totally the most ridiculous thing in the world, if you ask me, but your brother didn’t want me to worry about cooking for everyone.”
“I know! Mom’s appalled. She demanded we have homemade dessert. Addison and I are leaving the baking up to you and Mom. Our boche de noel would taste and look like a real piece of firewood, not yummy chocolate cake.”
“Amen to that. Addie once made me a birthday cake, and it tasted like charcoal. She baked it for, like, two hours. Not sure how she managed to screw it up that baddddddddd.” I screamed the end of my sentence as Elle smeared hot lava on my mound with a large tongue depressor. “Holy fuck that hurts!”
“Stop being a baby. The wax isn’t even that hot. I tested it first. Geeze, no wonder Luke hasn’t gone down on you. It’s an ‘80s porn star pussy down here.” She placed a cotton strip over the wax and pressed down before ripping it clear off, taking my vagina with her.
“FUCCKKKKKK. How do people get this done all the time? And it isn’t that bad down there. Talk about dramatics.”
“I love you, Alexa, but you’re in denial. You’ve got Bob Ross’s afro down there.” She moved on to the next section of the battlefield.
“Okay, enough. You’re right. I’ve neglected myself for far too long. I’ve just been so tired and comfortable. Clearly, I’m not anymore. Can we move on? What’s up with Addison and Killian? She told me he’s coming with her on Christmas day.”
“They seem to be doing well. He never stays at our apartment; she always goes there when they have a sleepover, which is fine with me, since Danny likes our place better than his.”
“That’s because it’s clean.” I laughed despite her taking that exact moment to rip my vagina in two.
“True. Anyway, she stopped sleeping there every night, which I think is for the best. She was starting to lose herself a bit.” Elle informed me.
“Interesting choice of words. Those are the exact ones I’ve used with her past relationships. I’m glad she’s taken my advice, finally, and stepped back. She gets consumed, and it ends badly. I hope this guy treats her right.” My best friend needed to find herself a good man and leave all the shitty ones behind. “Switch topics again because we only have a few minutes left. What should I get vajazzled on me?” I asked as Elle was finishing up.
After a few seconds of laughter, she replied. “What about a poinsettia? A present!” Elle turned her back to me, but I heard more chuckles.
* * *
Chapter 3
Alexa
Christmas was my favorite holiday. Not for the presents, which was fun, too, but because of the glitz and glamour that went along with it. The sights, sounds, and smells were what had me smiling brighter this Christmas Eve. Plus, I couldn’t wait for Luke to see my own glitz and glamour hidden beneath the red and black lace thong I’d bought after my appointment. Under the black dress I’d paired with Tartan heels and a red pashmina, the matching bra would give Luke a nice, enticing view of my cleavage.
As I enjoyed the view of Boston Common’s trees lined in lights, Luke snaked an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to his hard body.
“You lo
ok amazing tonight, my love. Not sure I’ll be able to keep my hands off you,” Luke whispered in my ear before nipping my lobe.
“Tiger, that’s the whole point.” I spun in his arms and wrapped my hands behind his neck, bringing our lips together. Immediately, Luke took over the kiss, plunging his tongue into my mouth and deepening our connection. His hands slid up my back, capturing my head and holding me tight.
“God, your kisses make me weak in the knees. No fair we have to leave the house tonight.” I pouted.
“If I’d known you were going to wear such a sexy dress, I would have had dinner delivered tonight, too, just so I could fuck you between courses.” Luke slowly traced a finger over my collar bone and down my chest before placing his hot lips on my cleavage, giving each breast a lick. I moaned at his words and his seductive mood. A prayer was sent to the pussy gods that that same tongue would be licking other parts of me tonight.
“Tease. Let’s just go. I’m starving anyway.” I released myself from Luke’s hold, and we headed hand-in-hand to the door.
* * *
Luke
Dinner at our favorite North End restaurant was delicious, as always. But what was better than the food, was my intoxicated and intoxicating fiancée. The drinks flowed all night, and my little runner had more than her fair share, evident by her hands trying to unbuckle my belt on the elevator ride to our condo.
“Lex, baby, hold on a minute. We’re almost inside.”
“But I need to feel your big, hot cock in my hands,” Alexa purred.
“I want that, too, but in the privacy of our own home.” Groaning, since I craved that more than she did, I yanked her hand out of my underwear.
And like music to my ears, the elevator dinged. Just ten more steps.
“I’m dying to give you your first present.” She suggestively waggled her eyebrows as we reached the door.
Dear cock gods, please let it be a Christmas hummer. She gave great head.
Once inside, Alexa threw off her wrap and dragged me to the couch, shoving me down.
“Woah, Lex, I love it when you’re forceful.”
“Sit and relax while I unwrap your present for you.” She gave me a quick peck on the lips and backed away quickly before I could deepen the kiss.
“Why are you unwrapping my present?” I lounged back and put my feet on the coffee table.
Alexa’s hips slowly swayed to whatever beat was in her head. No matter the song, she was sexy as fuck.
“I’m doing it because, if you do it, we’ll end up with your cock inside me before I can give you your present.” She turned her back to me with too much force and tripped, almost face planting on the floor.
“Fair enough. Carry on, but please, be careful. A trip to the ER on Christmas Eve doesn’t sound very sexy.”
To help her balance, she took off her heels. I’d secretly hoped those would stayed on as I bent her over the couch. Her tight black dress inched up to reveal thigh highs with lace on the top, which drove me wild. She proceeded to remove each stocking, giving me a perfect view of her tight ass.
No longer able to sit back, I pulled my feet down and rested my elbows on my knees, wanting a closer look at my present. Alexa stood up and reached for the side of her dress and, tooth by tooth, lowered the zipper, turning her head to shoot me a coy smile. She peeled her left arm through the hole, baring her inviting shoulders.
I was restless. The need to hurry this striptease along clawed at my insides. The room was dead silent, minus our heavy breathing. My cock was insanely hard. I stood from my comfortable spot and started toward her. Mere steps away, Alexa attempted to free her right arm, but somehow, it got stuck.
“Fuck. This isn’t going the way I wanted it to,” she groaned under her breath.
“May I help?”
Alexa jumped and tumbled to the floor, tangled in her dress. Shit. This really wasn’t going well at all. Swooping her up into my arms, I snuggled her close to my body.
“I’m the least sexy person ever,” Alexa whimpered as water formed in the corners of her eyes.
“Lex, you’re so sexy. I was coming to help you hurry it up so I could sink down inside you,” I said before kissing away the tears that fell. “I love you so much. Can I bring you to bed and make love to you?”
“Yes.”
Her one-word answer came out soft and sad. Alexa buried her face in my chest as I walked down the hall to our bedroom. I gently placed her on our bed and removed the dress bunched at her ankles. Tossing the dress in the direction of the laundry basket, my eyes never left the stunning woman splayed out on my bed.
“God, you’re gorgeous. How did I get so lucky?”
“I’m a mess. One hot, fucking mess.”
“A beautiful mess, maybe, but I don’t care. I’m going to peel you out of your sexy lace and make you come with my cock all night.” Needing to get this night back on track, I bent down and kissed her while I dragged the barely-there thong down her long, muscular legs.
When I broke the kiss, I looked down at her sweet pussy, only to be greeted by a gaudy, red and green jeweled mound.
“Do you like it? It’s your first present. I vajazzled!” Alexa’s face lit up like she was proud of herself, opposite of what she was just moments ago.
I tried to keep my face neutral, in order not to ruin the night completely.
“Wow, babe, that’s amazing. What is it?”
Her smile fell at my words.
“Mistletoe. You know, so you can kiss my other lips?” She cast her eyes down. “It’s been so long since you spent time down there, so I got waxed and prettied it up for you.”
Her words hurt me, since I knew my lack of actions hurt her.
“Lex, I’m so sorry. It has been a long time, but it wasn’t you. It was me being selfish. I just love being inside you, and the sex is so good I forget all about foreplay.”
“It’s okay.”
“No it isn’t. But I’m going to make it up to you right now.”
I captured Alexa’s lips with mine, stealing her breath away. Needing for her to feel how sorry I was for neglecting her needs, I devoured her mouth, loving how her body softened and relaxed in my arms.
My lips tore away from her plump ones, in search of more. I nipped, licked, and nibbled my way down her stomach toward the mistletoe. Tasting her soft, beautiful skin made me even hungrier for her. I dragged my tongue around the edges of the jewels, teasing the area before swiping my tongue through her lips.
Alexa’s moans drove me insane. I ate her pussy like it was my last meal. She tasted so good, I didn’t understand why I wasn’t doing this morning, noon, and night. I loved her sweet flavor and how her body moved under my mouth as she chased her orgasm.
“Luke, god, that feels so amazing. I’ve missed your tongue. Please, faster. I’m so close.”
Her words spurred me on. I swept my tongue over her clit one last time before I left the nub throbbing, to lick her from bottom to top.
As Alexa whimpered from my tongue leaving her sweet spot, I viciously dragged it from her tight little asshole to the top of her . . .
“UGH! Fuucjkckaaskdjak.”
* * *
Epilogue
Alexa
Horrified.
Mortified.
Wanted to crawl in a hole and live there forever.
Never, ever in the history of all things be able to live this one down.
“Here, baby,” I said softly as I walked in the room with an ice pack and a cold glass of water.
He’d tried a sip of coffee earlier and shrieked like a little girl.
I’d never felt so awful than I did two seconds after my orgasm exploded. As soon as his tongue had connected with my clit, I’d erupted. He’d dragged his tongue at full force over my mistletoe, cutting his tongue and lips on the jewels. Luke’s mouth had started bleeding all over me and the bed. He’d screamed and yelled nonsensical words as I’d tried to figure out what had happened, since I was in a haze of bliss.
“Thanks, Lex,” he mumbled, as talking triggered the bleeding.
“So sorry, Luke. Will you ever forgive me?” I sat down next to him on the couch. “That was the worst present in the whole world.”
“Your only fault is having a delicious pussy.” He winked at me before leaning in for a kiss, but backed away, remembering his mouth was not in any shape.
“I love you, but–”
The doorbell rang.
“You sit tight. I’ll get it.” I pressed my lips to his forehead.
When I opened the door to find Danny and Elle, Addison and Killian, and Mr. and Mrs. Stratton, the first thing I did was look each of them in the eye.
“If you say one thing about what you’re about to see, I will never speak to you again. Got it? Oh, and Merry Christmas.” I hugged them all as they gave me their coats, and they headed into the living room.
Danny and Elle were the first to turn the corner, and the laughter that rang out was so loud, I think the concierge on the first floor heard them. Once Addison joined them, her screeches were at glass shattering decimals. Fuck, I bet Luke’s cuts were bleeding again, and he couldn’t feel it.
Once Luke’s parents entered the living room, his mother rushed over to him after shooting the laughing hyenas a dirty look.
“What the hell happened, baby?” She grabbed a tissue and dabbed his mouth.
After they simmered down their laughter, Elle and Addison looked at me. I gave a slight nod to their unspoken question.
“Oh! Oh! Can I tell them?” Elle whipped around and jumped with giddiness.
“Shut up, Elle.” I tried to shoot daggers across the room, to no avail.
“No way. This is too good not to share.”
My horrified humiliation was evident on my face, but Luke just shook his head, knowing there was no way to stop her now.
F*CKING AWKWARD HOLIDAYS: 25 Short Stories of Awkward Holiday Encounters Page 16