When he stepped out of the shower, ready to start his day, he was certain nothing could make matters worse for him and Zoey, but he was wrong. “Turn on the news,” Archer said by way of greeting after Rhys answered his cell phone.
“What’s going on?” he asked, wrapping a towel around his waist and heading back into his bedroom.
“Just turn on the news, Rhys,” Archer said, solemnly.
Rhys grabbed the remote off his nightstand and turned the television on. In an instant, he completely understood the heaviness in Archer’s voice. Splashed across the screen: Wall Street broker Scott Ross has died by suicide. “When did this happen?” Rhys demanded.
“Details are scarce at the moment, but looks like sometime last night,” Archer reported.
Rhys read the headline, trying to weed through all his thoughts. “How sure are they that this is a suicide?” Scott had felt remorse. Jake hadn’t. Rhys knew when pressed into a tight corner, people did terrible things.
“My thoughts went there, too, but Hunt is working the case. He told me this morning that it’s an open-and-shut case. Scott left a suicide note, cleaned up all his finances for his family; he was very methodical about it all.”
Only one thing mattered to Rhys. “Did he name Zoey in his note?”
“Not that I’m aware of. He only stated that some wrongs could never be forgiven and he was tired of living a lie.”
Rhys snorted. “Well, he wasn’t wrong.”
“Agreed,” Archer said. “I’ll reach out if anything further develops.”
“Appreciate it.” Rhys ended the call and headed straight for his closet. Only one person was on his mind now. How would Zoey react to this news? Just the thought had him quickly throwing on jeans and a t-shirt and making his way to his front door, grabbing his keys and wallet off the small table.
In quick time, he reached the parking garage and sped out in his sports car. Zoey’s place was far, and with traffic, it took him longer than he would have liked to arrive at the loft on the shipyard. Every minute, every second, feeling like a lifetime. A phone call to Zoey was faster but would be impersonal, and certainly not how Rhys wanted to break the news. He needed Zoey in his arms. After he found a parking spot, he sprinted through the building and knocked on her door, only belatedly realizing how early it was. A quick look at his watch revealed it was seven thirty. But when the door whisked open and he caught sight of Hazel’s sad eyes, he knew he hadn’t gotten here fast enough.
“Zoey?” he asked.
“She’s in here.” Hazel opened the door wider.
Rhys found Zoey sitting on the couch, her legs pulled up tight to her chest, her red-rimmed eyes locked on the news. He made it inside in three large strides, and the moment he got close, Zoey’s eyes landed on him. Something in his chest broke, yanking him forward until he dropped to his knees in front of her. “Don’t look at me that way. Do you hear me, Zoey?”
Her chin quivered. Tears welled in her sweet eyes. “I did this to him.”
“No,” he said firmly, taking her shaky hands in his. “This is not on you. Scott did this to himself.”
“If you need us, we’ll just be in my room.”
Rhys recognized Elise’s voice from behind him, but he never looked back. He couldn’t look away from the dark despair on Zoey’s face, the blame heavy in her features. A feeling he understood intimately, one he’d felt for a long time after Katherine died when he could do nothing to save her. But Zoey wasn’t Katherine, and Rhys was ready to battle this storm. “Talk to me,” he said, cupping her face.
She leaned into his hold, her eyes fluttering shut. “I just can’t stop thinking about that night you confronted him. He looked so remorseful.” Her sad eyes met his again and held. “When he apologized, it was clear he was haunted by what he’d done.”
“He should have been haunted,” Rhys reminded her gently, holding her face tightly, keeping her attention wholly on him. “That guilt was his to bear. And only his.”
“Maybe.” Her chin quivered. “Maybe not. I wanted justice, but I never wanted to destroy him.”
He wanted to remind her that Scott had destroyed her for a long time without any care, but that wouldn’t help. To be so cold wasn’t in her heart. And he cherished that about her. He joined her on the couch, gathering her in his arms, close to him. When he rested his chin on the top of her head, he said, “Feel what you feel right now, but tomorrow let that go. This isn’t on you, Zoey.”
“Then, why does it feel like it is,” she cried.
He locked his arms around her, wishing he could bear this for her. Hell, he wished he could take all of this away. Furthermore, he wished he could take away anything in the future that would hurt her. He dropped his lips to her head, and the sweet vanilla of her shampoo infused the air. Speaking from personal experience, he offered, “Life has many, many dark moments, and you can’t run from those, but you don’t need to face this alone. What do you need from me?”
“Just this,” she said, her voice small.
He tightened his arms further, hoping, praying, this would somehow ease her suffering. With the warmth of her body against him, washed with vulnerability and sadness, he had to shut his eyes against the familiarity. Against the moment when he was powerless to help someone in pain. He thought he could avoid this feeling forever. Would run if he ever felt it again.
He didn’t run.
He stayed.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he eventually said, breaking the long silence.
She paused, a heavy pause. When she spoke again, he couldn’t hear tears in her voice. “I’m thinking that this was not the outcome I wanted. I just wanted to feel better, you know? I didn’t want my actions to end in someone’s death.”
His stomach turned, and he locked his arms around her. “Your actions didn’t result in someone’s death. Scott’s actions did.” He leaned away to tip her chin up to him, meeting her despondent stare. “People make their choices. You made yours. Good things will come from that. Scott made his. His weren’t good choices; nothing good can come from that.”
Her eyes searched his. “You think Scott deserved this fate?”
“Yes.”
She held his stare for a beat. “No one deserves death.”
“But death happens regardless,” he countered. “It’s coming for all of us.” Rhys knew that lesson. He’d seen death rip apart Katherine until all the good in her was gone, replaced by anger that her life was cut short. So many dreams unmet. So many needs and wants unfulfilled. He brushed Zoey’s hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “You can let this consume you, or you can realize that none of this is in your control. Not what Scott and Jake did to you. Not their responses to it.” He had never crossed the line he was about to cross, but he crossed it easily now. “I’d like to show you something. Will you come somewhere with me?”
Her eyes searched his. He swore she nearly said, “I’ll go anywhere with you.” Instead, she said, “Okay, yeah.”
They wasted no time getting in his car, and they stayed silent on the long drive back into Manhattan, through morning traffic. When he pulled into the cemetery, he caught the moment when Zoey went statue-still. He drove up the hill and around the slight corner before he pulled over beside Katherine’s grave then got out. Zoey followed him, stopping next to him, as he stared down at her gravestone.
He hoped what he said next would have an impact. Helped even a little. “I loved Katherine. Loved her more than I thought I could love anyone. She was everything I wanted in a woman. She was caring, fun, and had such a zest for life.” His throat tightened, but he breathed deeply again, pushing back the emotion to get through this. “Until her cancer diagnosis.” Zoey’s warm fingers tangled with his, her other hand wrapping around his forearm, as he continued, “I never would have believed what happened after that. The way Katherine changed.”
“Changed, how?” Zoey asked gently.
Rhys kept his focus on the tombstone. It had a slight
purple tone, Katherine’s favorite color. “You always see inspirational stories about cancer. The way a person fights so bravely for their life. Katherine tried to fight for a while, but the cancer was aggressive. Chemo couldn’t even touch it. She got so sick.”
“I’m so sorry, Rhys,” Zoey said, tears in her voice.
He couldn’t look her way, couldn’t get through this if he did. “The plan had been to do surgery once the tumors shrunk, but the chemo wasn’t shrinking the tumors. They were getting bigger.” His throat tightened. His breathing became hard. He shut his eyes, relieving the look of rage that had crossed Katherine’s face. “The day the doctor told Katherine there was nothing they could do for her, she changed. The light in her went out.”
“She gave up?”
Rhys gave Zoey a quick look, finding warm compassion staring back at him. “Not only gave up, but anger stole the Katherine I knew and loved. She couldn’t see the good in anything. She lived for another two months, and she became a shell of the woman she was. She wouldn’t come outside. She wouldn’t talk to any of her friends. She sat in a dark room and stayed there.”
Zoey squeezed his fingers. “That must have been hard to watch.”
Rhys nodded, exhaled deeply, and looked at the tombstone. “I couldn’t reach her. I couldn’t help her. I could do nothing to save her. But worst of all, I couldn’t find my way back to her. When she died, she screamed in a way that will forever haunt me. There was no peace, no love, only rage.” He glanced sideways at Zoey. “I know what you’ve gone through is horrible. Inconceivable. But don’t do what Katherine did. Don’t let something consume you until all that you are, all that makes you, you, is gone. Promise me that.”
He wasn’t sure what showed on his face, but she quickly threw her arms around him, holding him tight. “I promise, Rhys,” she whispered. “I promise.”
“You’ll call me if you need me?” Rhys asked, standing at Zoey’s front door after they returned from the cemetery.
She was still processing everything he had told her. But the one thing that stayed with her was that Rhys made a whole lot of sense to her now. He’d seen someone die before their death. That had to change a person on every level. More importantly, Rhys was no longer a fantasy. Not anymore. The only thing she saw, even now, staring into the strength of his eyes, was a man to adore. A man she didn’t want to walk away from. “I’ll call, I promise,” she said.
She expected him to kiss her. He surprised her by gathering her in his arms, holding her tight, and dropping a firm kiss onto her forehead, the most tender thing he’d done yet. She knew by the locking of his arms that he didn’t want to let go. Part of her didn’t want him to either.
When he finally leaned away, a pillar of strength, as always, he said, “No matter the time, I’m here for you. All right?”
She gave a small smile, hoping he saw the honest gratitude at his sharing his story with her, something obviously incredibly painful. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”
He simply nodded and released her, although she could see it pained him to do so. As he headed back to his car, she watched him. Fate was a funny thing. Without Katherine’s death, Phoenix never would have happened. Without the assault, she wouldn’t have met Rhys. Without a doubt, both of their trauma and pain shaped them. She couldn’t help but wonder if all this was meant to be, and that made her head hurt more.
“He went home?”
Zoey glanced over her shoulder to find Hazel and Elise standing in the doorway, doing a not-so-great job at hiding. “Yeah,” Zoey said, turning around to face them. “I thought it was a good idea to have some time alone to process all that’s happened.”
“You want to be alone?” Hazel said, solemnly.
“Not alone, alone.” They moved out of the way, and Zoey stepped inside, sliding her arm through Hazel’s. “But more like, alone with you, the two greatest friends a girl could ask for.”
“Okay, phew.” Hazel smiled a little, giving Zoey’s arm a tug and leading her down the hallway. Once inside her bedroom, Zoey climbed in the middle of her queen-size platform bed while Hazel and Elise sank in on either side, the mattress bouncing beneath them. Boxes filled the room, no evidence that Zoey loved her life with Elise and Hazel. The flower-patterned duvet was crumpled from the night before, a reminder of the hurry in which Zoey had gotten out of bed after Elise told her what happened to Scott.
Silence settled in, a comfortable one. She could feel their curious stares on her and figured she’d answer the unsaid questions. “You’re wondering what I’m thinking, right?”
Hazel’s soft voice drifted over to her as she patted Zoey’s arm. “We don’t want to push you. Share if you want to, but we can also just cuddle. You know how I love to cuddle.”
“I do know that,” Zoey said, smiling over at Hazel. She gave the best hugs. “Honestly, I don’t even know where my head is at right now, other than I’m feeling sad. Sad any of this has happened. It’s weird, you know?” She turned her head toward Elise. “I’ve thought about Scott every day for the past year. His existence was there in my head all the time, and now he’s just…gone. I think I’m having trouble reconciling that.”
Elise gave a soft nod in understanding. “You’ve got a lot to process, but if you ask me, that guy got what was coming to him.”
“He sure as hell did,” Hazel agreed. When Zoey looked at her in surprise, Hazel shrugged. “I know I’m not usually one to wish harm on anyone, but we all answer to someone. Scott’s choices could only lead him down one path.”
Zoey leaned her head back against her pillow and closed her eyes, letting the quiet darkness fall over her. “Rhys said that same thing, and I know you’re all right, but when Rhys confronted them, Scott apologized to me. It felt sincere.”
“Yeah, but the thing is,” Elise countered. “That was an apology for you, not for him. Maybe he was trying to right a wrong to make you feel better. I imagine he lost all the good parts of his soul when he stood by and let what happened to you happen, and that’s what drove him to do what he did.”
The thought of anyone being in that much pain had Zoey fighting back tears, her throat squeezing up tight. “But isn’t that sad? How long does someone have to pay for something they’ve done wrong?”
Elise’s voice turned harsh. “Forever, Zoey, because that’s how long you have to deal with it too.”
With that statement, Elise had made things very clear. Zoey opened her eyes and glanced between her friends. “Yeah, but I don’t want to deal with this forever,” she acknowledged.
Hazel and Elise exchanged a worried look before Elise said firmly, “You’re not thinking of hurting yourself.”
“Of course not,” said Zoey, taking her friends’ hands and squeezing tightly. “I’ve always known I had to keep going, no matter what. But, I guess, after that picture came out, I was on autopilot, just trying to survive what had happened. I kind of just took one step in front of the other to keep moving forward, but then I met you two, and everything changed.”
“Because we love you,” Hazel said.
Elise smiled. “We do, so much.”
“And I love you both too.” Zoey smiled as well, the same lump rising in her throat again. “At the same time, I think that’s what is so confusing. You see, we had a plan. Get my type of justice against Jake and Scott at Phoenix. That’s what drove us for a while.”
Elise caught on. “But then things changed?”
“Everything changed,” Zoey agreed with a nod. “After my night at Phoenix, I thought I’d walk away and move home with the money I needed to get my life back on track. But ever since that night, every time I think about leaving, I get this lump in my throat. I know that’s because I don’t want to move away. I don’t want to leave either of you.”
“Then, don’t go,” Hazel implored.
Elise squeezed Zoey’s hand tightly. “If we’ve given you the impression that we want you to go, I’m sorry. We really want you to stay, but we thought you needed our suppor
t. That’s all.”
Zoey’s voice quivered. “I did need your support, but I don’t think it’s as simple as wanting to stay or leave. I’m not sure I have a choice in the matter.”
Elise pushed up, giving a fierce stare. “You have a choice in everything, Zoey.”
If only it were that easy. “To a point, I agree with you. I had the choice to walk through Phoenix’s doors. I had the choice to take Rhys up on his offer to spend more time with him. I even had the choice to cross over that line and let my heart get tangled up in this wild fantasy I’ve been living.”
Hazel’s brows drew together. “I’m waiting for the bad in all this. Rhys is a total catch.”
“Which is exactly the problem,” Zoey said. “He is a catch. I wasn’t supposed to feel like this. Because no matter how good things are right now, the truth remains, what happened with Jake and Scott is never going away. No matter what I do. No matter that there is so much good in my life at the moment.” She smiled between them. “I’ve got these two best friends who mean the world to me. I’ve got this amazing guy showing me this incredible life I never would have believed existed. I’m actually trusting people again. I’m feeling things I refused to let myself feel before. And yet, hanging over all that, is the constant reminder that, in a split second, everything can go wrong. Here, in New York City, I cannot escape what happened. I fear taking the subway. I’m terrified to accept a drink I don’t see poured in front of me. It feels like there is no escape.”
Elise’s expression said: Don’t escape. Fight against it. Of course, she never spoke those words aloud. Elise wouldn’t. That wasn’t her style. Instead, her friend gave her a knowing look. “Just trust in yourself and your judgment. You’ve got this. And no matter what happens, if you decide to stay or leave, we’ll be here for you.”
Watch Me (Phoenix Book 1) Page 12