Because you abandoned him again when he needed you most.
“Don’t make me tear this place apart looking for him, Karla, because I will.”
“Angie, I wasn’t even supposed to tell you as much as I did. Adam said you didn’t want to be involved in the aftercare. That Marc wouldn’t want you to see him like this.”
She swallowed hard. “It’s too damned late for that. Marc involved me when he invited me into his life last fall, letting me in as far as he could. How was I supposed to know why he couldn’t open himself up any further? I just thought he was being a stubborn Italian man.”
Angelina’s frustration melted into a simmering anger. “He’s not going to shut me out again. Adam asked me originally to be there for the aftercare. I had no idea it would take this long. Think how you would feel if that was Adam and someone was keeping you away from him.”
Karla started toward her, but Angelina took a step back. “Look, Angie, I had no idea what those two had cooked up before this scene started and never could have imagined anyone would willingly go through what Marc agreed to do, but he made the choice to take the scene far beyond the edge of safe and sane. He was risk-aware. This has been terribly hard on Adam, too. He loves Marc like a brother.”
“He has a strange way of showing it.”
Anger flashed in Karla’s eyes. She clenched her jaw before taking a deep breath. “You don’t want to go there, Angie. You haven’t seen how tormented Adam is about this. Last night, he leaped up from lying next to me in bed, jumped over me, and landed on the floor on the opposite side of the bed.” Her hand went to her belly and her voice cracked with emotion. “If he’d landed on me and the…baby.” Karla shuddered. “Now he says he won’t sleep with me starting tonight for fear of hurting us. I know this interrogation scene churned up something in him…”
For the first time, Angelina noticed the dark circles under Karla’s eyes. That Adam cared enough about Marc to have nightmares made her finally open her eyes and let her anger dissipate. This added stress couldn’t be good for Karla or her baby. Everyone had to be totally exhausted from the havoc this scene had unleashed in their small community. They were a family, and this nightmarish scene had affected each one in some way. Time to regroup.
“Karla, I’m sorry.” She blinked back tears. “I’m out of line.” She glanced away and noticed a bouquet of a dozen long-stemmed roses on the counter and a box from a jewelry store next to it. Angelina thought the garishly hot-pink color of the roses a strange choice, but didn’t say anything. The roses were just the thing she needed to defuse more of her anger. Karla’s birthday was today! “Oh, God! I completely forgot!”
Karla waved her hand away. “It’s not important. Adam always sends me flowers. That he remembered my birthday with all that’s going on now floored me.” Tears sparkled in her eyes. “He’s not as tough as you all seem to think.”
She walked over to her friend and hugged her from the side, avoiding her protruding belly. “Karla, I’m not angry at you. Or Adam. I know everyone is trying to do what Marc asked for in that damned video consent. Just tell me where he is.”
Karla waited so long to respond that Angelina stepped back. After a silent exchange, Karla’s gaze strayed toward the hallway.
Surely they didn’t still have him in the dungeon, although the hallway also led to the upstairs. She expected him to be in a comfortable bed now. “I’ll knock on every door upstairs and down until I find him.”
Her friend sighed and leaned her hip against the counter. “Adam took him up to the room at the opposite end of the hall from our bedroom. Doctor Mac ran IV fluids the first twenty-four hours to stabilize him. We couldn’t take him to a hospital or they’d have hauled half of us to jail on charges of torture, unlawful imprisonment, and abuse.”
No goddamned kidding.
“Marc’s mostly slept today, but Adam and Grant have kept watch over him in shifts twenty-four/seven, and Doctor Mac will check on him again after the clinic closes tonight. He’s never been alone.”
At least they’d gotten that part right. “Thanks—now go sit down before you drop. You look exhausted, too.”
“Angie—I’m so sorry I played any part in this, but I had no idea the scope of what they’d planned.”
Angelina nodded but couldn’t take time to discuss it further. Marc needed her. She rushed down the hallway to the stairwell and shot up them two at a time. She and Marc had played upstairs in this very bedroom once after watching an intense fireplay scene in one of the theme rooms downstairs.
Steeling herself for the battle she knew would be coming, Angelina knocked quietly on the door. She didn’t want to wake Marc if he still slept. His body needed all of the rest it could get after the ordeal it had been through.
The door opened about a foot, and Adam blocked her from entering or looking into the room.
“I need to see him.”
Rather than let her inside, Adam opened the door just wide enough to step through into the hallway, forcing her to take a couple of steps back. He closed the door behind him. She noticed he hadn’t shaved in days and didn’t look as if he’d been getting much sleep.
“Adam, if you think you can keep me out of there—”
“Quiet.”
Adam used to intimidate the hell out of her, but no more. She wouldn’t allow him to keep them separated. Marc needed her.
“Tell me how he is. Is he going to come out of this okay?”
Adam scrutinized her so intensely she almost took another step back but willed her body not to submit to him. He might be a Dom, but he wasn’t her Dom. No, he’d just broken her Dom and reduced him to an almost infantile state.
“Everything’s going as expected.”
Angelina’s hands flew up as she spoke, unable to keep her emotions under control, but she kept her voice at a harsh whisper. “How can you say that? Has he come out of it? Is the old Marc back yet?”
Adam pointed a finger at her as if she were a petulant child. “You listen to me…” Again she fought hard against the urge to back away.
Stand your ground; Marc needs you.
“…Marc chose to do this the way we did it, no holds barred, because he wanted to be able to come to you afterward without any barriers keeping him from committing to you. We only did what he asked us to do.”
Was Adam trying to convince her or himself?
I will not cry.
But she did and hated every tear that rolled down her face. Her nose clogged, and she had to force her words out of a constricted throat. “I never wanted him to do anything like that for me. I would never have asked such a thing.”
Mio Dio, what have I done to him?
Marc loved her in his way. She thought pushing him to prove it by letting her into his life completely would get him to move forward from where he’d gotten stuck. In the process, she’d nearly destroyed him.
“Adam, I need to make this right. Why won’t you let me see him?”
“I didn’t say you can’t see him, but you need to be aware of the situation before I let you go in there.”
Angelina nodded, a mixture of fear and anxiety overwhelming her. She wiped the tears off her face and stood taller. She needed to be strong for Marc, now more than ever.
“He’s only started coming out of it today. Grant and I have helped him process some of the triggers when they hit, but it’s probably going to get a lot more intense before he’s fully reintegrated.”
She nodded, wishing Adam would finish his spiel quickly so she could go and be with the man she loved more than her own life. That Marc had done this to himself to win her back broke her heart—and pissed her off.
“I never wanted to break him. I just wanted him to trust me.”
“You didn’t have to ask him, hon. He’d have gone through much worse if need be. He loves you that much.”
Her chin shook, but she gritted her teeth to maintain what little control she had left.
Adam looked away before seeming to com
e to a decision. He nailed her with his Dom stare. God, she hated when the Doms used such unfair tactics with submissives.
“This isn’t about you, Angelina. He might have gone into it for you initially, but what he achieved in that interrogation scene was nothing short of catharsis. He needed to remember those events his mind had blocked out for decades. His coping strategies—like running from close relationships with women or pushing people away before they could abandon him—served no purpose other than keeping him distant and alone.” Adam glanced away. “Whether the memories conjured up in the dungeon are real or imagined, they’re a part of his psyche now.” He seemed to have regrets about that, but added, “This aftercare phase is crucial to help reintegrate him into the adult Marc wants to be.”
“Is he still lost in his memories of childhood?”
“Sometimes, but that’s not unheard of this early into aftercare after such a long scene. He’ll be hit with triggers for days, maybe weeks. They will jump around to different points in his life at random, depending on what reminders or dreams he has.”
“It’s already been two days!”
Adam glared at her. “Keep your voice down and your emotions in check if you want to get past me into that room, girl. Deep breath. Now.”
“I want to be with him. I can help.”
“Don’t make me repeat myself.”
Angelina fought the urge to shove him aside and get to Marc, but didn’t need to have Adam kick her out. She took as deep a breath as her anger would allow.
“Better. Listen, it may be several more days before he reintegrates fully. He might not even know who you are some of the time.”
“He’ll know in his heart by the way I plan to love and nurture him.”
“I hope so.” How could she convince Adam Marc needed her? “Right now, he’s going back and forth between the period before he joined the Navy and when his first mother died. He talks to Gino a lot, too.”
Her hand flew to her mouth. Poor Marc. The need to hold him grew even stronger. She pressed her fingertips against her lips to keep them from shaking. Control yourself. She needed to prove to Adam she’d be strong for Marc. She took a deep, steadying breath and squared her shoulders.
Adam assessed her a moment before giving a slight nod. “Be strong for him. Remember, you’re his submissive. You hold the power in your dynamic, and it’s up to you how you choose to use that power.”
His words made her even more nervous. “What do you want me to do?” A few minutes ago, she was ready to batter down the door, if need be. Now she was terrified to go in there. She was so out of her element. If she did anything to make it any worse for Marc…
“I think a little TLC might be in order. Just take care of him.”
I can do this.
“Feed him, bathe him, hold him—hell, sing him lullabies, for all I care.”
Despite their separation, she wanted nothing more than to take care of her former Dom. This she could handle without a doubt.
“I’m sorry for charging in here like this, Adam.”
Adam smiled. “Hon, if you hadn’t been in full-on mama bear mode, I wouldn’t be about to let you pass through that doorway. He needs someone like you to fight for him right now. I think he’s tired of seeing me every time he wakes up.”
For the first time since she’d seen Marc in the dungeon, she smiled back as relief washed over her.
I can do this.
“Now, I’m going to leave you two alone. If you need anything, there’s a baby monitor on the nightstand. Just turn it on and call out. Grant’s sleeping down the hall, and we each have a receiver, so one or both of us will be here before you can blink.”
She nodded and looked toward the closed bedroom door.
“Can I order you some Chinese? It’s Karla’s birthday, and she needs a little aftercare, too, after all this. We’re staying in, though, in case Marc needs us.”
Angelina shook her head. The thought of food turned her stomach. “Go to Karla. I don’t think I helped her stress level any. I was so upset—” Angelina took his arm and indicated for him to head for the stairs. “Hurry. She’s in the kitchen.”
Without another word, Adam rushed down the stairs.
I’m sorry I took my anger out on you, Karla.
She’d make it up to Karla later. Right now, she had to focus her entire being on Marc. Angelina steeled herself and grabbed the door handle. Adam said days of aftercare could be expected, but none of this was normal to Angelina.
Deep breath, cara. Marc’s voice in her mind reassured her.
“Yes, Sir,” she whispered.
The door creaked as she opened it wider. Her gaze zeroed in on Marc immediately, curled in an almost fetal position on the bed. He had kicked off his covers and wore nothing but a T-shirt and boxer briefs. He hugged one of the pillows in the curve of his body. When she reached the bed, she slipped off her shoes, reached out, and tugged the pillow out of his grip with a bit of a struggle and a moan from him. She slipped between the covers to wrap him in her arms as tightly as she could with his arms and legs separating their bodies.
“I’ve got you, Marc.” She stroked his hair. “I’m going to take care of you.”
She prayed he wouldn’t be so far regressed that he wouldn’t remember her.
Marc’s body remained rigid for a long time until he placed his hand on her shoulder and slowly pushed her away.
Oh, no, Marc. You aren’t going to reject me again!
Once she was flat on her back and could go no farther, though, he moved closer to her and laid his head on her chest, wrapping his arm over her waist as he uncurled his legs. His hair smelled sour from stale sweat, but nothing mattered except feeling his weight on her, his arm holding her in his embrace—even if he didn’t know who she was. Some of her anxiety dissipated.
“Shhhh, I’ll protect you.”
* * *
“My Mama’s dead. You still have yours.”
Marco shook his head at Gino’s words. He didn’t understand. Maybe Gino didn’t think Marco deserved to call her Mama anymore after what he’d done. All his fault. If Marco had gotten her the glass of water, he could have saved her.
But Mama had upset him. He’d run away to hide from her, but his lair wasn’t comforting when he was alone. Cold, dark, cramped.
Trapped.
He couldn’t breathe.
“You have to come out now, Marco.”
Leaving the lair was even scarier than hiding there. He shook his head even harder. Seeing Mama again scared him even more. He couldn’t look at her without feeling shame.
“Give me your hand, Marco.”
Wait. That wasn’t Gino. How had Zia Natalia found his hideout? “Leave me alone.”
“Gino is in the kitchen with the ladies from the church. You need to be strong for him.”
Marco loved his brother. If Gino needed him…
He reached out to accept her hand.
“You know I will never let anything happen to you two, don’t you?”
Marco didn’t know anything anymore. His world had turned crazy.
“Would you like to come live with me?”
Zia Natalia only had a tiny apartment. “Where would we sleep?”
She laughed a little bit. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make a good home for you both. Don’t you worry.”
A few moments later, they walked into the kitchen, and Marco was overwhelmed by the grownups he barely knew all fussing over the table and counters filled with food as Mrs. Milanesi directed new arrivals as to where to put their dishes. He looked at her swollen ankle, still propped up on a chair, and guilt at causing her injury made him want to run and hide again.
He didn’t see Gino anywhere.
Zia Natalia gripped his hand harder, and he looked up to see what had upset her. She seemed scared. When he followed her gaze, he saw Papa. Where had Papa been all this time? He had left them a long time ago. If he’d been here, could he have saved Mama? He laughed with one of the p
retty ladies from church. Why wasn’t he sad about Mama dying like everyone else was?
“Shhhh, I’ll protect you.”
Mamma?
He recognized her voice and turned toward the hallway. He walked into the bedroom where she lay sleeping. Not dead. Gino had lied. Why would he do that? Marco crawled onto the bed and laid his head on her chest. He felt her heart beating against his cheek. Her hand stroked his hair. He felt safe again for the first time since Mama had taken to the bed and Papa had left them.
At last, Marco escaped in sleep, feeling safe at last.
A soft, cool hand touched his neck, waking him.
“Why is it you Doms think you can control everything?” she whispered.
Angelina? She’d come back to him?
“When are you going to see you’re human, just like the rest of us?”
Marc raised his head from her chest and stared into her eyes. “I don’t know that I ever controlled anything, pet. Maybe that’s what scares me the most about letting you in.”
The sadness in her eyes made him wish it could be otherwise, but even more frightening was the thought of letting her into his heart, only to lose her. Like Mama. Could he do that?
Too exhausted to hold up his head any longer, he rested it once more on her chest and hugged her tighter.
He slept.
* * *
“Gino, get the fuck out of here!”
Sometime in the middle of the night, Angelina had to duck when Marc’s fist sailed toward her face as he thrashed in his sleep.
“Marc, wake up! You’re dreaming!”
Doctor McKenzie had checked him over earlier and proclaimed Marc to be doing remarkably well. He’d advised her to watch for depression, though, warning that triggers would continue to bombard him for days. She didn’t want to have to call him back here this late if one of them got hurt. Besides, it was one thing hearing him talking in a little boy’s voice to his Aunt Natalia and Gino earlier, but whatever was unfolding in his head now was from an older Marc. Man, was he pissed!
Somebody's Angel (#5 in a Military Romance / BDSM Romance series) (Rescue Me) Page 46