by Banks, R. R.
I relish the taste of her, love the feeling of her juices upon my lips. I lick the warm, wet center of her harder and faster, drawing moans and groans of pleasure from her.
“Jesus, Caleb,” she cries. “Don't stop. Please, don't stop.”
I hadn't planned on stopping anyway. I take her clit into my mouth, sucking on it nice and hard at the same time I slipped two fingers back inside of her. I move my fingers in and out, slamming them nice and hard as I suck on her. Jessica cries out, calling my name as she grabs the back of my head and pushes me down onto her harder.
Jessica's body locks up for a moment and she sucks in her breath. A second later though, she explodes, crying out, her body shaking and trembling as another orgasm shakes her. This one seemingly stronger than the one before.
“Christ, Caleb,” she says through ragged breaths. “That was amazing.”
I give her a smile and push her up onto the bed. As I climb on top of her, Jessica wraps her legs around my waist. I lean down and kiss her hard. I kiss her neck as I unbutton her shirt. She sits up and practically rips it off of her, unhooking her bra and flinging to the side as I pull my shirt up over my head and toss it to the floor.
My need is too great and it's burning bright, so I don't bother with her skirt. I simply push it up around her waist as I lay her back down. She wraps her legs around me again as I drive my cock deep into her. Jessica gasps as I fill her up, her eyes growing a little wider. A moment later though, as our bodies adjust to each other, she gives me a salacious little smile.
“Fuck me, baby,” she purrs. “Give it to me, Caleb.”
Needing no further invitation, I start to pump my hips, sheathing myself deep inside of her hard and fast. She rakes her nails down my back, making me grimace and suck in a breath. Jessica just smiles at me.
“A little bit of pain makes the pleasure that much sweeter, doesn't it?” she coos.
I've never really been one for pain personally, but hey, whatever floats her boat. I grab her hands and pin them down above her head as I settle into a nice, steady rhythm. She bites her bottom lip and groans, her eyes rolling back as I drive myself into her hard and fast.
“You feel so good, baby,” she moans. “We should have done this years ago.”
My rhythm falters slightly, but I manage to cover it up and go on. Years ago, I was with Abby – and most definitely not balls deep inside of Jessica. Nor would I have been. But she makes me think of Abby again – and of seeing her face outside of the Wagon.
Honestly, it's all I can do to keep going – I can feel my cock starting to grow a bit soft as I lose a little steam. When I look down at Jessica, I see Abby's face – and not the face I'd fallen in love with all those years ago – the tear streaked face with the expression of pure hurt upon it.
I squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth, willing the images away. Abby was not my problem. Not anymore. I didn't owe her anymore than I owed anybody else. We'd had our time and that time had passed. Yeah, the way I vanished was pretty fucked up, but I was a kid. And I needed to get out of Sheridan Falls. If Abby loved me the way she said she did, she would have understood that.
“You okay, baby?”
I shake my head and look down at Jessica, who is looking back at me with an inscrutable expression on her face. Without realizing it, I'd let go of her hands and had stopped moving entirely. She looks at me as if she's not sure what's going on. To tell the truth, I have no idea what's going on. I clear my throat.
“Yeah, sorry,” I say. “I just – I don't know. Just sort of got distracted, I guess.”
“Should we stop?” she asks. “I mean, if you're –”
I shake my head again. “No, of course not. I'm having fun.”
A slow smile spreads across her face. “Good. Me too.”
She puts her hands on my chest and pushes me upward. She guides me so that I'm laying on my back, staring up at her. I reach up and cup her full breasts, running my thumbs around her stiff nipples. She shudders as I give them a light pinch and then smiles.
Jessica reaches down and takes my cock into her hand. She gives it a rough squeeze and strokes me nice and firmly. With her hand on my cock and a look of pure hunger in her eye, she manages to drive all other thought out of my head.
She gets me nice and hard again and then straddles me, guiding my stiff prick to the wet center of her. Jessica gasps as she puts me inside of her, sliding down my shaft inch by inch. I slide my hands up under her skirt, squeezing her ass as she slowly begins to rock her hips, sliding up and down on my cock.
Jessica looks down at me and plants her hands on my chest for leverage. Then she begins to move again. Harder and faster, slamming herself up and down on my cock. She's tight and feels incredible. I sit up slightly and take her nipple into my mouth, sucking and nibbling on it as I cup her tit with my other hand.
She puts her hands on my chest again and pushes me down roughly, a devious little smile playing upon her lips. Jessica is grinding on me, slamming herself up and down on my prick hard and fast. I lean my head back on the pillows, awash in the sensation of her.
“Fucking Christ, Jessica,” I moan.
I can feel the pressure inside of me building up, feel my balls growing tighter as she continues to fuck me. I know I'm not going to last very much longer. She reaches down behind her and gives my balls a little squeeze, smiling at me as if she knows.
Jessica quickens her pace even more, her bouncing up and down on me becoming almost violent. But damn, is it hot.
Like a wave rising up as it approaches the shore, I can feel it coming. The pressure is growing and my body starts to tense up. I grit my teeth, trying to hold back, not quite ready for this to end just yet. Jessica rakes her nails down my chest, that mixture of pleasure and pain shooting through my body again.
Her breathing is ragged, but she's smiling. “Let go, baby,” she says. “Come for me. I want to feel you explode inside of me.”
I try to hold back, but it's no use. As she drives herself down one last time, I feel my body shudder and a moment later, I blow my load deep inside of her. I cry out and dig my fingers into her ass as I fill her with my seed.
She collapses on top of me and we lay there, our bodies intertwined for several long moments as we catch our breath. Jessica finally rolls over and props her head up on her hand, staring at me without speaking for several long minutes.
“That was incredible,” she finally says.
I nod. “Yeah, it really was.”
“And to think, we waited all these years to do this,” she grins at me.
I shrug. “Bad timing all the way around, I guess.”
“Yeah. I guess,” she replies. “How long you in town for?”
I feel a jolt of nervous energy shoot through me. The last thing I want is for her to think that maybe I'm going to stick around. I have no intention of doing that. As soon as I can manage it without looking like a complete douchebag, I'm putting Sheridan Falls in my rearview once more. The last thing I want or need is for Jessica to think that maybe this is the beginning of something. That moment passed and that ship sailed a long time ago. Yeah, she's fun as hell in the sack, but I'm not looking for anything. Maybe, I should have made that clear up front.
“Look,” I say, “I don't want to come off sounding like a total asshole or anything –”
She laughs. “Usually, when somebody says that, it's because they're about to say something that makes them sound like a total asshole.”
I give her a grin and a shrug, not sure what to say to that. Jessica smiles and shakes her head as she climbs out of bed. She looks around and picks up her shirt, slipping it on.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
She gives me a small grin. “Going home.”
“You don't have to go home, Jess,” I say. “You can –”
“Look, no offense, Caleb,” she says. “You're a great guy, but I'm not really looking for something serious right now. Just got out of a relationship, blah, blah, blah. Know
what I mean? No need to make this all weird or anything.”
Not sure what to say, I just nod. Jessica finds her panties on the floor and slips them on, hiking up her skirt as she slips them around her waist and then letting it fall again, smoothing it out with her hands.
“Anyway, I was hoping that maybe, you know, we could get together and do this again before you left town,” she says. “I'm assuming you're leaving town anyway, right?”
I scratch my beard and nod. “Yeah, I'm not planning on sticking around long.”
“Cool,” she says and flashes me a smile. “Then let's talk about getting together for drinks and a little more of this before you go.”
She digs into her purse and takes out a business card, dropping it on the nightstand next to the bed. Then, she leans down and gives me a quick kiss on the lips before standing up and heading for the door.
“That's my number. Give me a ring,” she says and then turns back to me. “Oh, and thanks for tonight. I had a great time.”
“Yeah, me too.”
She opens the door and leaves, the door closing quietly behind her. I stare at it and then fall back onto my back, staring up at the ceiling and laughing to myself.
I just got used. Now, I know how some of those girls I hook up with and bail on must feel.
As I lay alone in my room, the quiet suddenly seems oppressive. I'm alone with nothing but the thoughts in my head – and those thoughts inevitably turn to Abby. Seeing her out on the street like that rattled me. More than I was comfortable admitting. Even to myself.
I didn't expect her to be in Sheridan Falls – I was under the impression that she was still in New York. Seeing her again after all this time – it brought up a lot of memories. A lot of feelings. And I wasn't really equipped to handle either at the moment.
I get out of bed and head into the bathroom. I'm going to take the hottest shower I can stand and try to push all of these thoughts out of my head. I need to get my head on straight and figure out what my next course of action is going to be.
Chapter Nineteen
Abby
The day of Rick's funeral is cold and gloomy. It seems rather appropriate, actually. I had serious reservations about going, but ultimately decided that even though we weren't the best of friends, I still owed it to Rick to pay my respects.
But the instant Caleb walks by with the other pallbearers, carrying Rick's casket, I regret that decision. Just the sight of him sends wave after wave of emotion washing over me. They're strong and powerful and threaten to pull me under. It's as if all those years of therapy and all the work I've done to get over and move past goddamn Caleb Tirico, are suddenly wiped away.
Once again, I feel like I'm a wreck. That same quivering puddle of goo I was when he disappeared from my life.
Brooke takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, as if she could intuit my thoughts. Maybe she can. She's my sister after all, and knows me better than anybody.
“You okay?” she whispers to me.
I give her a tight smile and a small nod. “Yeah, I'm okay.”
“You're not a good liar.”
I shrug. “If you want an honest answer, maybe you need to ask a different question.”
She gives me a small smile but doesn't press me on the matter. Not yet, anyway. I know that a full grilling is going to come later. But she's aware enough to know that this isn't the appropriate setting for the discussion I know she's dying to have.
The truth of the matter is that the instant I saw Caleb on the street, I felt something inside of me shift. Break loose. Something I thought I'd had under tight control. I thought I was going to pass out then and there, but somehow managed to keep myself upright. Small victories.
Brooke and I are standing at the rear of the crowd at Rick's grave site. The mood is understandably somber – a mood that matches my own perfectly. Caleb is standing with the other pallbearers just behind his parents who are seated next to the casket. The priest is delivering his sermon, which is supposed to be uplifting and inspirational, but I'm not really finding anything uplifting or inspirational about it.
All I can do is try to avoid fixating on Caleb. He looks so different than the boy I'd fallen in love with all those years ago. He's older, but that age has only served to make him more handsome. He's bigger than he used to be, has a dark, bushy beard, and his dark hair, once worn down to his shoulders, was now cropped close to his head.
He'd always been a big guy – he was a football star, after all. But now, he is massive. He has arms as thick as my thighs, broad shoulders, and a thick chest. He also has a hard edge to him now – one he didn't have before. There's a cynicism and sharpness in his face, not to mention a darkness in the air about him that's new. In a word, he looks – dangerous.
He looks so different and yet, somehow, the moment I saw him on the street – the instant our eyes locked – I knew. Knew it was him.
I heard through the grapevine that he'd joined the military shortly after leaving Sheridan Falls. At the time, I'd pressed for details but didn't get any. I knew Rick was still in contact with him, but he wasn't giving up any information. I did my best to pry it out of him – I yelled, screamed, and even cried. All to no avail. He just kept telling me that he was sorry and that it wasn't his story to share.
Back then, I so desperately needed to understand why Caleb had run out on me – on us – the way he had. Needed to understand if it was something I did and if so, what that something was. For the longest time, I wandered through my life in a self-loathing haze, sure I'd done something to drive Caleb away. I was a wreck and had so many questions and yet, no answers to those questions.
It was only after getting into therapy that I started to get my mind right. I sat with my therapist four days a week, doing intensive work. It wasn't until I went away to school and put some physical distance between me and Sheridan Falls that I started to feel even remotely better. More in control of myself and my life.
But now I know, it was all just a facade. That all of the work I'd done, all of the progress I'd made had been a sham. I knew because the moment I saw Caleb Tirico again, all of those walls I'd worked so hard to build came crashing back down again.
At least, for the most part.
I'm hanging on to my walls and defenses by my fingertips. And although I feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down completely, I'm managing to keep standing. Somehow. I feel like falling apart, but there is something inside of me still holding me together. So, at least I have that going for me.
I don't even realize my gaze is locked on to him until he looks up and our eyes meet. He holds my gaze for the longest time and I can see something in his face I didn't expect to see – uncertainty. He almost looks – scared.
What does he have to be scared about? It's not like I'm going to kill him or anything. Although, smacking him a few times across the face sounds incredibly appealing right now.
Caleb gives me a small, almost shy smile, and I feel the anger, dark and abiding, boiling up within me. It's taking everything in me to not run over there, get in his face, and demand some goddamn answers.
I feel Brooke squeeze my hand again. “Time and place, sis,” she says. “Time and place.”
She's right of course. I'm here to pay my respects to a friend. Not berate Caleb Tirico. I tear my eyes away from him and look down at the ground, trying to concentrate on the eulogy the priest is delivering. I'm finding it hard to focus though. Even though I'm not looking at him, my mind is still spinning with thoughts of him.
For the next hour, I listen as Rick's closest friends – everybody except Caleb, interestingly enough – stand up and deliver their own eulogies, say goodbye in their own words. I think it's a nice touch and I'm glad Rick's parents can hear how much he meant to everybody. It's cold comfort, I know, but at least they can know that their son was loved.
Eventually, the last of the speakers step back into the crowd and the service comes to an end. The crowd slowly disperses as they filter out of the c
emetery and out to the parking lot. I linger for a moment and watch as Caleb stands next to the casket, speaking with Rick's parents.
I'm too far away to hear what they're saying, but I can tell by the body language of the older couple that he's giving them some sense of relief. Some sense of comfort.
Brooke gives my hand a squeeze and nods toward the parking lot. “Come on,” she says. “Let's get out of here.”
I nod absently, hearing her voice, but not hearing what she was saying, my eyes are still focused on Caleb. For whatever reason, I can't seem to turn away. There is something in me that feels drawn to him. Compelled by him. It's stupid. It's ridiculous and dangerous, but I can't control the tide of emotions rising inside of me.
“Abby, babe,” my sister says. “Don't even think about it. Seriously, don't even think about it. We gotta go.”
I snap out of the daze I was in and look at her. “What?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “I said to not even think about it,” she says. “Don't even look at that son of a bitch. He's not worth your time, your tears, or your heartache. Haven't you learned that by now?”
I had learned it, yeah. It was a painful, years long lesson, but it was one I learned. Still though, seeing him standing there – I couldn't help but notice that he'd gotten even more handsome than he'd been back in the day. And judging by the way Rick's parents were holding on to his hands and speaking to him with smiles on their tear streaked faces, I had to believe he still had some shred of his humanity. Of the personality that had made me fall in love with him all those years ago.
“Seriously, Abby,” Brooke snaps. “Pull your head out. That guy is poison. You hear me? Absolute nuclear poison. Now, let's go before I kick your ass.”
I give my sister a small grin. She's young but feisty. And she always has my best interests at heart. She knows what I went through when Caleb left. She saw my daily struggles and the torture I put myself through. She'd been too young back then to really do anything to help me, but now, she's my chief protector. Or at least, she tries to be.