by D. L. Green
“Can we go to Hamburger Harry? It’s a new restaurant. I heard it’s good,” my sister Alexa said.
“I want to go to Tunnels, Slides, and Balls Galore,” I said.
“Yay!” my sister Mia yelled.
Alexa shook her head. “That place is for kids. I’m too old for Tunnels, Slides, and Balls Galore.”
“Tunnels, Slides, and Balls Galore has greasy food. Also, it’s loud and crowded,” Mom said.
“I know. Greasy food and loud crowds are awesome,” I said.
“Yay!” Mia yelled.
“Let’s try the new hamburger restaurant that Alexa heard about,” Mom said.
Mom drove us to Hamburger Harry. On the way there, she asked Alexa, “What’s so good about this restaurant?”
“I heard it’s good,” she replied.
“Is the food good?” Mom asked.
“I don’t know,” Alexa replied.
“Are the prices good?” Mom asked.
“I don’t know,” Alexa replied.
“Is the service good?” Mom asked.
“I don’t know. I just heard the restaurant is good,” Alexa replied.
We got to Hamburger Harry and went inside. Every wall in the restaurant was covered with TV screens.
“Yay!” Mia yelled.
“You just wanted to watch TV here, Alexa. You tried to trick me,” Mom said. “Everyone get back in the car.”
“So we’re not going out to eat?” Alexa asked.
“We are,” Mom said. Then she drove us to Tunnels, Slides, and Balls Galore.
“Yay!” Mia yelled.
“Yay!” I yelled.
“Boo!” Alexa yelled.
Mom put on earplugs and took some aspirin. Well, I think she wanted to at least.
Alexa crossed her arms and frowned.
Mia and I ate greasy pizza, salty french fries, and sugary shakes. We slid down slides, crawled through tunnels, threw balls, and shouted as loud as we could. We had a great time—even without TV or video games.
At school the next day, Mr. McNutty asked, “Did you all remember the big spelling bee today?”
Victoria Crow said, “I remembered.”
Of course she did. She was the smartest kid in third grade.
Everyone else nodded and said they remembered the big spelling bee.
I nodded and said I remembered, too. But I was really thinking, “Ack! Yikes! Argh!” Also, “Whoa! Eek! Doy!” And “Yowza!” I’d forgotten all about the big spelling bee.
Victoria said, “I’ve been studying hard for the spelling bee. I’m going to win it.”
Of course she would win it. She was the smartest kid in third grade.
I was not the smartest kid in third grade. I wasn’t even in the top ten.
I hadn’t been studying hard for the spelling bee. I hadn’t been studying for it at all. I would probably be the first person to lose.
Everyone lined up against the classroom walls. Then Mr. McNutty gave each of us a word to spell.
The first round was easy. We had to spell words like car, dog, and mat. My word was go. It would be hard to misspell go. Everyone spelled their words correctly.
The second round got harder. Mr. McNutty told Aaron Glass to spell the word glass. He spelled it “g-l-a-s.” He was the first one out.
Chandler Fitzgerald didn’t know how to spell happy. That made him cry.
Then Grace Chang got the word dust. She spelled it “d-o-s-t.”
“Sorry,” the teacher said. “It’s spelled ‘d-u-s-t.’”
Grace said with a scowl, “It’s not my fault. I’ve never dusted anything. Dusting could damage my long fingernails. Our maid always dusts for us. Can she come in and do the spelling bee for me?”
“No,” Mr. McNutty said. Then he made Grace dust his desk.
Grace made Emma G. and Emma J. help her.
The spelling words got harder and harder. Many more kids had to sit down.
I got very nervous. I shuffled my feet from side to side.
Mr. McNutty said, “Zeke, your word is spleen.”
I’d seen spleen in a word search I’d done this week. I spelled it right. Well, I didn’t spell it “r-i-g-h-t.” I spelled it “s-p-l-e-e-n.” That was the right way to spell it.
Well, that’s not the right way to spell it. It is spelled “i-t.”
You know what I mean.
The next round got really hard. A lot of kids misspelled words and had to sit down.
I got even more nervous. I shuffled my feet harder and faster.
“Zeke, spell python,” Mr. McNutty said.
I smiled. That was easy for me. I had read about pythons in my snake book.
I spelled python right.
Soon there were only a few people left in the spelling bee. Shockingly, I was one of them. I was so nervous I shuffled my feet even harder and faster.
“Zeke, do you need to go to the bathroom?” Mr. McNutty asked.
“No,” I said. I felt myself blushing. I stopped shuffling my feet.
“All right. Spell the word captain,” the teacher said.
“You mean like in Captain Underpants, the book I’ve been reading?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said.
“C-a-p-t-a-i-n,” I said.
“That’s correct,” the teacher said.
By then, the only kids still standing were Victoria Crow and me.
Mr. McNutty said, “Victoria, it’s your turn. Spell television.”
She frowned.
Watching TV came in handy sometimes. I knew how to spell television.
“Give it a try, Victoria,” our teacher said.
She did. She spelled, “t-e-l-e-v-i-t-i-o-n.”
“I’m sorry. That’s wrong,” Mr. McNutty said. “You’ll have to sit down.”
“But I’m the smartest kid in third grade,” Victoria said.
“You aren’t right now,” Mr. McNutty said.
Victoria sat down.
Then the teacher turned to me. He said, “Zeke Meeks, if you spell the next word correctly, you’ll win the class spelling bee. It’s a hard one. Ready?”
I nodded, though I didn’t think I’d ever be ready.
He said, “Spell asteroid.”
That wasn’t a hard one. I’d just seen that word in the Dwarf Planets book. I closed my eyes and pictured the word in the book. Then I said, “a-s-t-e-r-o-i-d.”
“Congratulations, Zeke. You won the spelling bee,” Mr. McNutty said.
Everyone clapped for me.
Hector yelled out, “Wahoo for Zeke!”
Chandler Fitzgerald cried even harder. “I wanted to win!” he sobbed.
Victoria asked, “How did you win, Zeke? You’re not the smartest kid in third grade. You’re not even in the top ten.”
I said, “I’ve been reading books and doing word searches and crossword puzzles. I guess that helped.”
Mr. McNutty gave me my prize: a gift certificate to Cheeseham’s Best Bookstore. Cheeseham’s Best Bookstore was also Cheeseham’s only bookstore.
“This is great!” I said. I wanted to get a book about lizards, another Captain Underpants book, and a new crossword puzzle book.
Then I remembered that TV-Turnoff Week would be over in two days. I could watch TV and play video games again. I wouldn’t need to read books.
But I thought I might want to anyway.
I gave my report the next day. I carried a large box to the front of the classroom and said, “I missed watching TV and playing video games this week.”
“Me too!” Chandler sobbed.
“Luckily, I found some stuff in my closet to keep me busy,” I said. I took my crossword puzzle book and word search book out of the box. I showed the class some of the puzzles I’d done.
Then I said, “I played with my yo-yo too. Let me show you some tricks.” I took the yo-yo out of the box. I showed the class a throw down and a breakaway.
Mr. McNutty said, “Good job, Zeke. Now finish up, so I can start the math lesson.�
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Math lesson? Yuck. I didn’t want to finish my report for that. “I’ll just do one more trick,” I said. I performed a very slow walk the dog.
Mr. McNutty started clapping.
I said, “I forgot about the reverse sleeper.” I did that trick.
“All right, Zeke. Sit down,” Mr. McNutty said. “Now everyone get out your math books.”
“I’m not done with my report. I did so much stuff this week,” I said. I took a five-dollar bill out of my box. “I earned five dollars for playing the most boring game in the world with my little sister.”
“Zeke, we need to start the math lesson,” Mr. McNutty said.
I took out a postcard from the art museum and said, “I haven’t talked about the art museum yet. I saw some cool paintings there.”
Next I took my books out of the box. “I finished Dwarf Planet, Captain Underpants, and a book about snakes. I just started reading Enter the Zombie this morning,” I said.
“That is enough, Zeke. Sit down,” the teacher said.
“Okay. Let me put everything back in the box.” I did — very, very slowly.
“Hurry up so we can get to our math lesson,” Mr. McNutty said.
“Okay,” I said. Then I tipped over the box, making everything spill out. “Oops,” I said, trying not to laugh.
“Ezekiel Meeks. Do I have to send you to the principal’s office?” the teacher asked.
“No,” I said. I quickly put everything back and returned to my seat.
Mr. McNutty said, “Finally! Now get out your math books.”
“Isn’t anyone going to clap for me?” I asked.
The class started clapping. They kept clapping and clapping and clapping. They must not have wanted to do math either.
They didn’t stop clapping until the bell rang for school to let out.
Mr. McNutty sighed. “You can go home now,” he said.
I smiled.
“Except for you, Zeke,” he said. “You’ll be staying after school today to do extra math problems.”
I guess I deserved that.
I stopped smiling and got out my math book.
I woke up early Saturday morning. I stayed in bed and read a few more chapters of Enter the Zombie. It was a really funny book.
Then I did another crossword puzzle. I couldn’t figure out one of the clues: a seven-letter word meaning “happy.” The first letter was C.
Do you know what the word is? If so, you’re probably smarter than me. But I’m still probably better at spelling than you.
I looked up the word happy in my dictionary. Aha! I found the answer.
Do you know what seven-letter word starts with a C and means “happy?” You can probably find it in your dictionary. Go ahead.
Think.
Ready?
The seven-letter word that starts with a C and means “happy” is . . .
. . . ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE READY?
Okay, the seven-letter word that starts with a C and means “happy” is pluck.
Did you already figure out it was pluck?
If you did, that would be really weird. Pluck starts with a P and has five letters and doesn’t even mean “happy.” I was kidding about the word being pluck.
Actually, the answer is content. I hope that makes you content.
Now where was I? Oh, yeah. I was telling you about looking through the dictionary on Saturday morning.
So after I found content in the dictionary, I gave the dictionary a little thank-you hug.
You probably think it’s dorky to give a dictionary a thank-you hug. You’re probably right.
I also started reading the dictionary.
You probably think that reading the dictionary is dorky, too. But it was fun. I saw the word feces in there. That’s another word for poop. And I learned what a pustule is. It’s a pimple full of puss. I also saw the word gruesome in the dictionary. Next to it was a picture of Grace Chang’s fingernails. Seeing that was not fun.
Now where was I again?
Oh, yeah. So I read part of the dictionary.
Then I wrote content in my crossword puzzle.
Then I heard a weird growling sound.
Yikes! Was there a monster in my room? Or a wild animal that had escaped from the zoo? Or an alien from outer space?
Then I realized what was making the weird growling sound: my stomach. I was hungry.
I looked at my clock. It was already ten o’clock. I had been awake for hours and hadn’t even eaten yet.
I left my room and walked toward the kitchen.
My sister Alexa was watching a TV show in the living room. She was also hugging and kissing the TV.
“You’re going to get in trouble for watching TV,” I said. She shook her head.
Oh, yeah. I’d forgotten all about that. “Can I watch a TV show now?” I asked.
“After this concert is over. Isn’t Foxy Duchess Stargirl an amazing singer?” Alexa asked. She pointed to the TV.
“She’s amazingly bad,” I said.
Foxy Duchess Stargirl was making growling sounds even weirder than the sounds from my stomach.
I did not like having the TV on right then.
“Princess Sing-Along is a much better singer than Foxy Duchess Stargirl,” Mia said. Then she screeched, “Wash your hands well before you eat, la la la. Unless you like dirt in your meat, la la la.”
I left the room. I walked into the kitchen and ate a big bowl of cereal. Then I went outside and played with my neighbors.
When I got back home, Mia was watching Princess Sing-Along on TV.
Mia and the princess screeched, “Do not scratch your sores, my dear, la la la, or nasty scabs will appear, la la la.”
I did not like having the TV on then either.
I went to my bedroom. I practiced yo-yo tricks and did a word search puzzle. Then I made a cool sword out of LEGOs. Hector and I could use the sword for the next show we performed.
Finally, I returned to the living room and watched two episodes of Wolfboy on TV. I mean, it’s not like I was never going to watch TV again.
The school librarian had been right. The Wolfboy TV show was a lot like the Enter the Zombie book she’d gotten for me. I clicked off the TV and read more of my Enter the Zombie book.
TV and video games were fun. But so were books, toys, games, and lots of other things!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
D. L. Green lives in California with her husband, three children, silly dog, and a big collection of rubber chickens. She loves to read, write, and joke around.
ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR
Josh Alves didn’t watch a lot of TV growing up. Instead, he spent his time reading, drawing, learning sleight-of-han d magic tricks, and how to juggle. Constantly doodling, Josh eventually grew up, married an awesome woman, and gets to draw with his three kids in his studio in Maine.
COULD YOU SURVIVE A WEEK WITHOUT TV?
(And other really important questions)
Write answers to these questions, or discuss them with your friends and classmates.
Could you survive a week without TV? What would you do? How much extra time would you have on your hands? Would you like it or HATE it?
Of all the things I did during TV-Turnoff Week, which was the most impressive? New yo-yo tricks? Hector's and my show? Winning the spelling bee or something else?
What sort of rules do your parents have for TV watching? Do you think they are good rules? If you could set the rules, what would they be?
It was totally awesome when I won the spelling bee. Have you ever done anything like that?
BIG WORDS
according to Zeke
TRY USING THEM IN SENTENCES JUST LIKE I DO
ADMITTED: Finally told what you REALLY did or how you REALLY feel about something. Admitting something can be really hard to do.
ANNOUNCEMENTS: Big, important news that can either be super great (a new Fight, Fight, Fight video game coming soon) or super terrible (math test on Friday).
AUDIENCE: The crowd of people who watch you do something amazing. Your audience could also be just your mom.
CONTEMPORARY: Hip, new, fresh, and happening today! A contemporary book about cool kids would HAVE to show them playing video games, watching Fight, Fight, Fight, and having fun at recess. (Hint: The Zeke Meeks books are very contemporary.)
CURTSEYED: Bowed or kneeled in a weird, stuffy way. Girls do it when they are acting like princesses.
DISGUSTING: Things that make you go “EW!” like love notes, most girls, and liver.
EXTREMELY: Super-duper, very much so.
GRUESOME: Something that causes horror or extreme fear! Think Grace Chang’s fingernails.
INVISIBLE: Something that you can’t see. I wish I could be invisible every time Grace Chang’s gruesome fingernails were near me.
MUSEUM: A place that seems boring at first, but when you start looking, you see that it is filled with collections and displays that are super cool. You tend to learn a lot at museums, but they are still fun.
RIDICULOUS: Very silly and just not right, like Waggles in girly clothes.
TEDIOUS: If something is tedious, it makes you tired because it is extremely boring or it takes a long time or probably both. Think TV-Turnoff Week. (See also tiresome.)
TIRESOME: If something is tiresome, it makes you tired because it is extremely boring or it takes a long time or probably both. Think TV-Turnoff Week. (See also tedious.)
Pour Water Sideways!
When you can't watch TV, you end up with tons of extra time. It is important to keep busy, though, or else your mom might make you play Princess Sing-Along games. Magic tricks are fun to do. Plus, you can eat up time by practicing AND performing them. This one will especially impress your mom and dad because it doubles as a science experiment.