“I will always be here to save you, Annie May, always, now and forever. I will love you every day of my life and beyond. Always.
“I know you will, Daniel, and I’ll be here to save you from psycho crazy ladies, one way or another too. Even if I have to look like I got into a fight with a lawn mower for the rest of my life.”
Both laughed, as Ruby came back in with knitting needles and patterns, noticing how the light hit the frog on Annie May’s ring as she sat down. It was like the frog was winking at her and Ruby knew her plan had finally worked, and the heartache of the frog and the princess had finally turned into the happiness of the prince and princess, living happily ever after.
The End
Part XIII
Being Desired
Historical Romance
About the Book
Carla Debenham wants the one thing an early 20th century woman can’t have; freedom. To gain a better life she marries Henry Debenham, but her life is soon even more of a nightmare. To escape that nightmare she has a one night stand; hoping a child, the one thing Henry wants from her, will free her from his attentions. That decision changes her life forever.
Henry’s death, a betrayal from an unsuspected source, and her pregnancy leave Carla with little choice but to marry the true father of her child. Though Samuel claims to love Carla she resents the fact that her freedom has once again been taken from her so quickly. The difficult birth of her child leaves her gravely ill and the consequences of that birth leave Carla and Samuel in a position to face their future in a totally new fashion. If Carla learns the truth, however, it could spell disaster and the betrayal of Carla’s trust could be more than their relationship can stand. Can Carla finally gain her freedom or does marriage bring with it a different kind of freedom, a freedom that only tragedy could make Carla understand?
Chapter 1
Carla Debenham placed a gentle, elegantly slim hand on her burgeoning stomach and tried to calm the child kicking her from within. The music pouring out of the gramophone did not have its normal soothing effect on the child and the kicking was becoming painful. The baby seemed to respond to its mother’s touch finally and settled down just below her ribs. Rolling on her divan slightly, to ease the burden of the child’s new position, Carla rested her head on the pillow there and thought about her life up to this point. The memories were not happy ones, but that was the life of a woman whose husband had married her only to produce heirs in 1900 Yorkshire. Happiness was not something she should expect.
Carla’s husband, Henry, chose Carla because she apparently looked like a “good brood mare.”Henry chose a bride from a social gathering of eligible young ladies of the manufacturing elite, the same social strata from which he came. He could have chosen a titled bride, a bride with land or a dowry, but he chose one that looked promising as a producer of children instead. She wasn’t the pale, blonde English rose he wanted, but she would do, despite being 18 years old; two years older than he expected, and dark-haired. She did have the requisite blues eyes Henry wanted, and that was close enough for him. Henry did not believe in love, only the power of capitalism, and the only emotion he ever showed; was anger, a smug gloating, or sometimes an awkward happiness that showed through when his business was doing exceedingly well. Otherwise he was dour, glum, and often brooding. His appearance also left much to be desired as he was portly with a florid face, unkempt hair, and often had a smell of unwashed body polluting the air around him.
Carla had accepted Henry’s offer of marriage because she needed stability. She was the fifth daughter of a steel magnate, but her father passed away, leaving her mother to care for nine young children. Carla, being the youngest, had watched as her family’s fortune’s plummeted and her elder siblings married to attain a better standing in the world. Her mother did not manage the company well; even with a solicitor and advisers there to help her, and Carla’s only choice was to also marry. As the daughter of a virtually bankrupt steel production family, Carla did not have many options in suitors. Henry was the only one that asked for her hand in marriage, and though the man was dour, twenty years older than her and unappealing in every way, Carla agreed to his offer in the hope of securing her future.
Henry made no bones about his need for children, not that he actually liked children, but they were heirs and he needed heirs. He had no time for a wife and would twice monthly perform his marital duties to ensure the production of an heir. The marriage had not produced a child 18 months after their wedding, and Henry, being a man who lacked knowledge about science, blamed Carla for their lack of children and soon began muttering about divorce.
Henry’s temper had also become blacker as the time passed without a child being produced. Carla could do nothing to please him, though she tried, and he drank more each night. He’d begun to come to Carla’s room at night and the things he’d do, alluding to advice he’d received from various sources, demeaned and humiliated Carla. Then he’d begun a campaign of beatings, thinking Carla was wilfully defying his wish for children.
Desperate and knowing the torment would stop if she produced a child, Carla knew she had to do something, anything, to get pregnant. Carla suspected the fault did not lie within her own body and started to look around for someone discreet, above reproach, and who Henry would not suspect had cuckolded him. Carla decided that the only man suitable for the job was her husband’s best friend, Samuel.
Samuel was the only man that Carla would ever have an opportunity to sleep with, she quickly figured out. He often stayed overnight at the house, after going out with Henry for the evening, he was known to be a rake with the ladies, and he’d often eyed her with a look that Carla did not quite understand but knew to be mixed with lust. She did not want to break her marriage vows, but desperation had set in and Samuel appeared to be the only available option.
Samuel had never made an untoward advance at Carla, but she suspected if the man was inebriated she stood a better chance at seducing him, for that is what she was going to have to do. Carla knew Samuel was a lifelong friend of Henry’s and knew that he would never make an advance towards her, so she waited until the men came back after a long night out. She could tell they were both very drunk by the loud, boisterous singing that Henry only allowed himself when he was drunk; otherwise he’d never partake in such an activity.
She heard the men going to their rooms and waited until she knew Henry was asleep. She then quietly crept to Henry’s room and listened at the door. She heard loud snores coming from the room and knew Henry was asleep. Samuel’s door also revealed snoring so she crept in quietly, removed her dressing gown, and climbed into bed with the man. She used some of the techniques Henry had insisted she do to him to arouse Samuel, performed the deed, and quietly left the room, hoping that was all it would take. Samuel, for his part, barely seemed conscious throughout the process and had made no mention of it since. She would, however, catch him looking at her in a knowing way sometimes and that worried her. She’d hoped he’d passed out once it was all done and forgotten the incident, but she was not certain of that at all. Samuel seemed too interested in what was happening with her and the baby for Carla’s comfort.
Carla was startled from her miserable trip down memory lane when a knock came at the door. Lulled by the music, the hand she used to soothe her baby, and her reverie, the sound startled Carla and she jumped to her feet, looking at the door in surprise. Telling herself she was silly she walked to the door to find her husband’s valet at the door.
“Yes, Wilson, what can I do for you?”
“Madam, your husband has taken ill and I believe we should call a doctor for him. He’s most pained.” Wilson spoke with a bland, disinterested tone that belied the seriousness of the matter. If her husband was calling for a doctor, he was truly ill.
“Oh? Well, yes, call for the doctor at once, Wilson. I’ll go to him now to see if I can comfort him in some way.” Carla may not care overmuch for her husband, but she respected his position as her husband. His w
ell-being was in her interest and that of her child’s; her existence depended on his, after all.
“I’ll send someone at once, madam. Do you need anything else from me in the meantime?” Wilson asked.
“No, that is all.” Carla gathered her skirts and walked down the hall to her husband’s room. The room reeked of old body odour, alcoholic sweat, and decay. The maids cleaned the room daily but somehow the smell persisted. Carla suspected it came from Henry himself and no amount of cleaning would get it out of the mattress, the walls, or the furniture. It was just there, a permanent reminder of Henry’s presence after all of these years.
Carla saw Henry on his hands and knees in his bed, bed-gown hiked up around his hips and a large red stain marring the pristine whiteness of the bed sheet beneath him. Henry was bleeding from somewhere but he refused to tell Carla where the blood came from. The doctor soon arrived, a short, bald, man filled with self-importance that quickly ushered Carla out of the room, telling her a woman in her delicate condition should not be in the sickroom.
Carla paced within her own bed chamber, wondering what exactly was happening. She heard a cry from the hall and quickly left the room to see her mother-in-law, Beatrice Debenham, on the floor sobbing as the doctor tried to get her up and regain her dignity. The little man seemed to have no idea how to speak to women and Carla marched over, hoping to comfort the woman who had coldly rejected her from the moment Carla met her. She did not care for Beatrice either, but felt it her duty to care for the woman the best she could.
Carla looked to the doctor for more information and the man seemed to shrink within himself under Carla’s stare.
“Well?” She finally asked.
“I’m afraid there was nothing I could do, Mrs. Debenham. Mr. Debenham should have called me much sooner, I may have been able to stop the bleeding but I was called much too late. He put it off far too long and the blood loss could not be stopped. I’m afraid your husband has expired, Mrs. Debenham.” The doctor quietly walked back into her husband’s bed chamber and shut the door.
Carla felt like joining Beatrice on the floor, her shock great and unexpected. She had no emotional attachment to Henry, she’d had no tender feelings towards him, but he had provided a home and comforts for her, about all a woman in her position could hope for. Carla herself did not believe in marital love, though she knew familial love existed. She just had no idea how a woman who sold herself to a man for the sake of a home and respectability could come to love a man, especially when that man had subjected the life Henry had subjected Carla to. Her shock was due to her new state; widowhood, and worry for her future and her child’s. Henry’s family could expel her from the home, cut off her support if he had not provided for her. She clutched her hand to her stomach, hoping that she could protect her child, somehow.
Reaching down, Carla tried to comfort the sobbing woman with a handkerchief crammed into her mouth; an attempt to hide her sobs Carla suspected, and she tried to lift her. Her attempts at comfort were rebuffed and met with venom.
“Don’t touch me, wretch! You have brought a curse upon this family, my poor Henry has died! In the prime of his life and now he’s dead. You caused this, I know you did! I heard your screams when Henry visited you at night but knew he was doing his duty. You couldn’t even submit and do it quietly. For now we will support you, at least until your child is born. Then you’ll have to go. I don’t know how you did this but you’ve caused my son to lose his life and I’ll see you on the street for it!” Beatrice was shouting by the time she finished and Carla had backed down the hall as her voice rose. Seeing she was at her door, she hurried through it, her horror at Beatrice’s words growing.
Carla knew she’d done nothing wrong, but now she had the added worry of being thrown out once her child was born, and knew Beatrice would take the child from her, as well. Carla locked her door and ran to her bed, afraid to take her eyes from the door in case Beatrice tried to come through it and spread more of her vile hate.
Carla paced the floor, wondering what her husband’s solicitor was going to tell her today. The man was currently ensconced in her husband’s office, going over a last minute reading of Henry’s will; two weeks after he’d been laid to rest. The family was quickly called in soon after and Carla’s fate was revealed.
“Mrs. Debenham, your husband has not renewed his will since he was 35 years old, meaning you are not mentioned in it. According to the law, you are entitled to one-third of his estate as your dower but that is all. I understand from the elder Mrs. Debenham, who has been left the entirety of the estate, that you are with child and she plans to hold the estate until your child reaches their majority, at which time she will transfer ownership to said child. The papers will be drawn up shortly. For now, the family will allow you to remain in the home until such a time as you are relieved of your current state. Then you will be required to leave this home for the country estate of Mr. Debenham, where you will remain unless you should remarry. Those are the wishes of Mrs. Debenham.”
Carla looked over at Beatrice and knew she’d been beaten, again. Only this time the abuse was not physical. She had to endure the woman’s presence because of Henry’s thoughtlessness, and would then be banished. Still, it was better than being put out on the street, she supposed. She stood to leave, excusing herself quietly, when Samuel called to her, asking for a moment of her time.
Looking at him expectantly, she followed him into the hall, not sure what to expect from the man. She watched the back of his head as she walked, noting once again that Samuel was handsome; tall, with silky straight dark-brown hair, with the same grey coloured eyes as Henry, and a strong chin that frequently displayed his stubborn streak. Carla wondered what he could want with her and was surprised when Samuel turned to her quickly and spoke to her quietly, but urgently.
“Carla, I know your babe is mine. Henry had mumps as a child and would have been made sterile. I told him that before he married you but he would not listen. He’s never listened to me but what can one do? This travesty of a marriage went on long enough and now you are free of it. I want you to marry me so that we can raise our child together, as a couple. I want to take you away from the misery of the last few years and make you smile again. I can remember the first time I saw you and the smile you wore. That smile soon disappeared and I have longed to return it to your sweet face, which I love so dearly. Please, say you’ll be mine!” Samuel spoke with a passion he must have hidden for a long time because Carla had not suspected how deeply his feelings ran.
Carla’s emotions had run from shock, to fear, to anger, to loneliness and were now back at shock again. To think Samuel had loved her all of this time and she’d not known! To think her plight was so apparent was embarrassing, and Carla longed to get away from the man. She also knew that as fraught as her current situation was, she was at last free of a husband. She had no man to direct her, to abuse her, and she wanted to revel in that freedom for however long she was allowed it. Propriety also dictated she could not marry so quickly. Society would be shocked if that were to occur.
“I can’t marry you now, Samuel! We’d be ostracized from society and I’ve only just lost my husband. Give me some time to think it over, please?” She implored, attempting to stall an answer.
“I will give you time dear lady. I will give you all I can, but I do not want to wait long. I want to be there to cradle my child when it is born, after all.” Samuel said with a smile.
Carla looked around, in case anyone had heard the tale, and stepped closer to Samuel. “No one must ever know this child is yours Samuel, no one, do you understand me? You would ruin my future and the future of this child. You must stop speaking of it, I implore you!”
Carla spoke quietly, but with a passion Samuel had never seen from her before. He agreed and quietly let her leave him to go to her room. Carla kept her back as straight as possible as she walked, hoping no one had heard the exchange who could repeat it. She’d be ruined if anyone found out.
A week later, Carla stared at her mother-in-law in absolute horror as the woman tore Carla’s clothes to shreds and shrieked at Carla that she was little more than a whore. The woman was so enraged she was shrieking words Carla had never heard before, but from the way Beatrice was using them, the words must be horrible. Finally, the woman collapsed on a divan and started to speak more quietly to Carla.
“Elizabeth Rogers has been to visit me. She’s told me of your trysts with Samuel under Henry’s nose, in his very home! She’s witnessed you leaving the man’s room in the middle of the night when she stayed as a houseguest, and she has letters you wrote her, detailing your affair with the man. I did not realize the two of you were that close but apparently you were. Here’s a note from your closest friend, apparently with more morals than you, to let Henry’s family know of your deceit.” Beatrice flung the note at Carla, who caught it without thinking, clenching the sealed letter in her hand without realizing it. “You scheming bitch, I always knew you were bad news. You will leave this house at once and take your ill-gotten child with you. That child is no part of this family and will have no part of Henry’s fortune. You will be cut off and I do not care if you’re dead in the street this time next week, now get out!” Beatrice flew at Carla then, aiming a blow at Carla’s head.
Carla ducked the woman’s fists and ran out the door, flinging herself down the stairs and out into the street without her coat, hat, or gloves. It was winter and the air was frigid. Her fright and shock combined to leave her staring at the front door with her mouth hanging open in confusion at what exactly had just happened. Slowly, the feeling of cold crept into her consciousness and Carla brought her arms up to her chest. The paper hit her in the face as she pulled her hands up and Carla looked down at it.
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